Does intervening when a child is bullied do more harm than good?

[The Valeyard]

This thread was prompted by an argument I saw on Facebook.

The original poster had witnessed a child being bullied at the local shopping centre and stepped in to stop the fight.

Everyone in the comments was patting him on the back for his good deed, except for one commenter who argued that as a result of the intervention, the bullying will be worse next time and that the boy needs to be given the tools to stand up for himself or he will always be a victim.

Now, the other commenters were parents with a "it takes a village to raise a child" mentality so they were having none of it, but I think that there is some truth in the argument that was presented.

 

[PsychoNerd054]

As they say, don't touch the poop.

 

[AnOminous]

I think it depends both on what the "bullying" actually is and, almost more importantly, why it is occurring.

A lot of "bullying" is just how people learn socialization and, like it or not, patterns of dominance are part of socialization. It's just how shit works. A lot of people end up being told what to do, and another group ends up in charge, and "bullying" is part of how that happens.

In modern societies, you often have options to opt out of that whole scene. Yay modernity!

But much of what is called "bullying" is just normal socialization. Chill the fuck out and deal with it.

 

[Neil]

No.
Generally, kids who bully are spineless fucks who pick on people they deem weaker then them.
When they can face actual consequences whether from the school or their parents (even the authorities, if they're old enough) for being jackasses, they eventually back off.

 

[Doug_Hitzel]

He needs to train to become a ninja in order to defeat the enemies of his clan.
What is a ninja?

• A ninja is one who can use everything around him to trick his enemies. He and fast and he is friendly to his environment.
• A ninja is honest and good. His mind, body and spirit are one. He has self-control. He has discipline.
• A ninja loves nature, uh, 'cause he is part of nature. A ninja never fights a battle if he cannot win.

Also, shurikens are pretty sweet.

 

[AnOminous]

He needs to train to become a ninja in order to defeat the enemies of his clan.
What is a ninja?

• A ninja is one who can use everything around him to trick his enemies. He and fast and he is friendly to his environment.
• A ninja is honest and good. His mind, body and spirit are one. He has self-control. He has discipline.
• A ninja loves nature, uh, 'cause he is part of nature. A ninja never fights a battle if he cannot win.

Also, shurikens are pretty sweet.

Katanas are better because ninjas destroy all evil with them. Are you evil, you fucker?

Well, get ready for my katana!

 

[Doug_Hitzel]

Katanas are better because ninjas destroy all evil with them. Are you evil, you fucker?

Well, get ready for my katana!

Let this be our final battle.

 

[Daughter of Cernunnos]

You should join in on the bullying.

 

[Doug_Hitzel]

You should join in on the bullying.

I accept your challenge.

 

[Sylvie Paula Paula]

It really depends. If it was a one-time thing (or if it happens like two or three times), then you shouldn't intervene.
If it's persistent, and happens over the course of months or even years - even if the victim stands up for themselves somehow - then someone should step in.

 

[Coconut Gun]

If calling a kid in a wheelchair a fag for not being able to walk is wrong, I don't wanna be right.

 

[m0rnutz]

Was bullied for five to six years, and I wish someone would have stepped in sometimes to help.

Yeah, it made me get tougher you could say, but I spent the latter three of those years being a nihilistic edgelord who came across as an emotionless sociopath.

It basically comes down to the intensity of the situation, the duration, and if the victim is capable physically or emotionally mature enough to diffuse the problem.

In other words once is fine, but twice or more and the kid needs to learn fucking taekwondo.

 

[heathercho]

Kids today are different from kids 10 years ago, 15 years ago etc.
They're dirty, dumbed down and usually fat. They're also more petty and pathetic than kids of the past, so their bullying tactics are world salad vomits of what they've seen/read online or "spicy memes" they think are funny.
Plus they all think that they're going to be a Youtube star.

I think kids need uniform bullying to keep them inline. I think that used to be called "discipline".

 

[Cheeseman]

it might not be a matter of kids these days. dirty dumbed down fat people existed before bullying in social media. the ability to have a more widespread influence is easier now. memes used to be simple and telling someone to kys was shocking but counter culture is a thing and now and its a joke. being gay or tranny was cause to be vilified by everyone someone knew for how long? but now we have what tumblr became and being a cishet man is passively wrong to a growing group of people

 

[ES 148]

If you do this in England you'll get mugged by the bully's dad for 'ruining the banter' tbh

 

[Broken Pussy]

I think it’s important to teach children that their sense of self should not be dependent on what other people think of them. Placing so much emphasis on the harmfulness of bullying contradicts that, because it attaches a sense of real harm to attacks on self-worth. And if people are telling you how harmful bullying is to you, then it follows that you’re going to think that you’re meant to take their insults to heart, which is why they shouldn’t be allowed to insult you. The truth is that you’ll never have any control over what people think of you, and learning that as a child will save you a lot of trouble as an adult.

That said, if the bullying is physical, adults should absolutely step in. No one should be allowed to physically harm a child, even other children.

 

[The Valeyard]

No.
Generally, kids who bully are spineless fucks who pick on people they deem weaker then them.
When they can face actual consequences whether from the school or their parents (even the authorities, if they're old enough) for being jackasses, they eventually back off.

If a kid is already being picked on because they are perceived as "weak", then isn't rushing to their aid at the first sign of trouble going to reinforce that? And, if the bullying intensifies, the victim is going to harbour resentment towards the person who stepped in to defend them for making their situation worse, and will be unlikely to ask for help in the future.

 

[Autopsy]

Consider a few scenarios (of many):

1. Wimpy soyboy tinyman being bullied by moderately larger notsoyboy
In this case, help may be necessary, but it's important to actually find out why the "bullying" is happening. It's rarely as simple as it seems, and conflict is natural in young men's development; figure out if it's sustained and targeted or just the 'victim' acting like a little shit and getting hit. There's a tendency to manipulate power structures understood within a few remarkably common personality disorders, so it's important to remember that crybullying is a real and present danger.

2. Wimpy notsoyboy lawful good being bullied by chaotic neutral shithead
Fear of repercussions can actually lead to bullying; perceived favoritism of bully, 'good upbringing' telling victim not to fight back, and sustained worries about consequences are all problems that can only be addressed by parents. If one person has no authority to answer to or punishments to fear (due to having a fucked up home life, possibly?) it's only natural they'd have a leg up on hoity-toit kids imbued with a fear of God and belt. Teachers exacerbate this with the standard "IF YOU CONTINUE THIS WE'RE CALLING BOTH YOUR PARENTS!!" when in this circumstance that's the end of the world for one kid and a slap on the wrist for the other.

 

[Wanda]

This isn’t a black and white situation where people can say it’ll for sure make a kid weaker/tougher. We don’t know the context of the fight, either.

But if it’s an ongoing situation, sometimes parents and teachers have to step in, not only for the bullied kid’s sake, but also because pervasive patterns of disruption and violence can indicate serious mental issues on the other kid’s side.

 

[The Fool]

If it's bullying among males, yeah that's a pretty complicated situation and needs to be handled case-by-case.

But if it's between women then you just need to separate them like cats because they just want to murder each other. After you put them in cages you can position them so they can see each other and eventually they get used to each other's scent and become less aggressive. The scariest part is when you let them out because they'll each start grooming each other or they could go back to trying to slice each other's faces open.