Dove Reviews - Won't Somebody Please Think Of The Children?

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Free idea - I can't do it, I'd neck myself within a month: Start up an SJW review site on the exact template of Dove Reviews. They're the new fundamentalist authoritarians, and there are a lot of people who would happily read reviews that tell them not to watch a film because there might be 'problematic' content.

Rate whether it passes the Bechdel Test, if a man ever explains something to a woman, which minorities aren't represented, which actors have been canceled, and so on. Hell, if you don't want to do your own research, half an hour on Twitter will get you all the hot takes on why Nothing Is Ever Good Enough you'd need to synthesize into a Dove-style review.

The only problem is there'd be no difference between doing it sincerely vs. doing it as a parody. But as long as there's companies that haven't realised get woke = go broke, and you're giving idpol obsessives a place to hate, you could make at least a little ad revenue, get free movies, etc.
 
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Next Task said:
Free idea - I can't do it, I'd neck myself within a month: Start up an SJW review site on the exact template of Dove Reviews. They're the new fundamentalist authoritarians, and there are a lot of people who would happily read reviews that tell them not to watch a film because there might be 'problematic' content.
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Sounds like Bechdel Test Movie List and Does The Dog Die combined.
 
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Gingervitis said:
Frozen
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Figured they'd have issue with the whole she brought things to life aspect of it....


Frozen 2
Nudity: Olaf jokes that he doesn’t wear clothes because he finds it restricting.
Other: Frightening scenes in the enchanted forest; a character freezes and another one fades away.
Faith: One mention of prayer.
Integrity: Anna and Elsa protect and save each other; their mother saves their father; Anna sings about doing the next right thing.
Sex: Anna and Kristoff hug and kiss; Anna and Elsa hug.
Language: Crazy-1; poop-1; butt-1.
Violence: Sword fighting; characters get tossed and trapped by the mist/wind/fire/water; Olaf’s body comes apart but goes back together and his twig arm is pulled off; earth giants throw boulders at Anna.
Drugs:

Always love looking up X-Men on these type of sites:

X-Men

Sex: Kissing.
Language: S-1; SOB-1; H-5; D-3; G/OMG-1; Slang for testicles-1; Slang for male genitalia-1
Violence: Boy is struck with a rifle; explosions; gun shooting; threats of destruction; martial arts-type fighting - mostly comic book style, with the heroes eventually defeating the baddies; several people are killed; a man sucks a bird into his mouth with his long mutant tongue and eats it; a character puts claws through a girl when he wakes up from a nightmare and she is at his bedside to check on him; a man falls into water and rocks far below; a bullet almost goes into man's forehead but is stopped; an oficer is killed; a woman is stabbed but survives; a mutant hits a woman and a mutant is struck by lightning.
Drugs: Adult smokes a cigar a couple of times; adult drinks a beer; a shot is given to man's arm.

Nudity: The villain's female sidekick looks like a blue lizard, her body seems nude, only covered in scaly paint; shirtless man.

Other: Evolution is mentioned as fact; God is mentioned as a "teacher" and a man says not to fear God; a crude gesture in which Logan holds up his metal middle finger (claw?); a boy's parents is taken to a gas chamber during World War ll.
 
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GenociderSyo said:
Nudity: Olaf jokes that he doesn’t wear clothes because he finds it restricting.
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GenociderSyo said:
Sex: Anna and Elsa hug.
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They're sisters. Something's wrong if you think sisters hugging each other is gonna lead to sex.
 
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GenociderSyo said:
Other: Evolution is mentioned as fact; God is mentioned as a "teacher" and a man says not to fear God; a crude gesture in which Logan holds up his metal middle finger (claw?); a boy's parents is taken to a gas chamber during World War ll.
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You know, I would have thought they'd be all over the "God" part, all things considered. But I guess not.

Dove sure likes them their double standards.
 
Piga Dgrifm said:
They're sisters. Something's wrong if you think sisters hugging each other is gonna lead to sex.
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I take it true fundies don't touch each other in public, ever. Unless it's their parents father. No matter how you slice it fundies have a fucked up world view if they unironically think two sisters hugging each other in public will lead to both of them becoming raging whores, probably with each other even.
 
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GenociderSyo said:
God is mentioned as a "teacher" and a man says not to fear God;
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That would be the villain, Dove. You generally take their statements with a grain of salt.
Reminds me of someone who got upset about Harry Potter teaching bad things because of the villain's "there's no good or evil, only power" line.
 
Piga Dgrifm said:
They're sisters. Something's wrong if you think sisters hugging each other is gonna lead to sex.
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The sort of evangelical that uses Dove Reviews is so heavily repressed that a single dent would make them explode. Why do you think that their pastors keep ending up doing coke off of a giglo's asshole? The higher the height, the greater the fall.

SamTheEagle said:
That would be the villain, Dove. You generally take their statements with a grain of salt.
Reminds me of someone who got upset about Harry Potter teaching bad things because of the villain's "there's no good or evil, only power" line.
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You forget that this sort of evangelical also adheres strongly to the belief that depicting something is the same as endorsing it: this is why the Satanic Panic ultimately happened, because they saw all this pop culture using occult imagery, which obviously meant they were all practicing Satanists. A fair number take it a step further and believe that by using occult symbolism you're literally inviting demons into your life and giving them power over you.
They see the only right way to tell a story is as a simple morality play, where evil is obviously evil and has no motive beyond being evil and is righteously punished by God before the story ends. Any sense of moral complexity only serves to tempt people into Satan's service.
 
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Boy, I wonder why the new Scooby Doo movie wasn't approved for all ages?
scoob description.PNG

And here's why they rated Onward the same thing:
onward description.PNG

For Trolls (which was actually approved, but I still found it funny):

trolls description.PNG
 
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Piga Dgrifm said:
View attachment 1694296

Uhhhh.... wow

Do these people never hug their kids because they think it's the same as incestuous sex?
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Yeah, I'd say so. Because that'll guarantee your kids will grow up to be well adjusted, normal adults that can form normal relationships with others.

Edit: lol they like new Mulan and give it a high integrity rating, but can't recommended it because violence and filthy Chinese heathens.
 
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Necro, but I found something interesting on their website concerning the Hunger Games films: they only gave a green light to Mockingjay, which I find weird because if you're going to condemn the first two films, then why not just condemn the whole series?

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From their review of mockingjay part one:

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People who liked the books will enjoy the Mockingjay film, but they can't watch the first two according to you because they're "too violent". Hmm...
 
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Abyssal Bulwark said:
Necro, but I found something interesting on their website concerning the Hunger Games films: they only gave a green light to Mockingjay, which I find weird because if you're going to condemn the first two films, then why not just condemn the whole series?

View attachment 2819623

From their review of mockingjay part one:

View attachment 2819630

People who liked the books will enjoy the Mockingjay film, but they can't watch the first two according to you because they're "too violent". Hmm...
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IIRC the first Hunger Games film actually wasn’t violent enough - they covered up most of the gory bits with really annoying shaky cam to ensure the film retained its 12A age rating. I remember seeing it in the cinema as a teenager and thinking it would’ve been a better film if they’d just gotten rid of the shaky cam during violent scenes and let it be rated 15 but then they wouldn’t get as many views from their target demographic I suppose.
 
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