We start with some rando saying, "The prototype has passed every test sir, it's working."
Then we get the gross close up of the mouth of a guy, who we will find out is called Lumic saying, "I hardly think 'working' is the correct word. That would apply only to machines."
Me: Uh no... I have to work all the time, and last time I checked, I'm not a machine.
Other dude: "Sorry, I should say, It's alive."
Me: Ok episode, I get it... You want to be Frankenstein, while reinventing a decades old monster for a new generation, but you're also lazy AF. Right on.
Mouth Dr. Frankenstein envies his creation, and then orders it to murder his other subordinate because that guy has a conscience.
We finally cut to our 'heroes', in mid-conversation:
DOCTOR: And that weird munchkin lady with the big eyes? Do you remember? the way she looked at you! And then she opens her mouth and fire comes out!
ROSE: I thought I was going to get frazzled!
DOCTOR: Yeah. One minute she's standing there, and the next minute roar!
MICKEY: Yeah. where was that, then? What happened?
That story sounds boring as shit, no wonder it wasn't good enough to be an actual episode... But wow, what a dick move retelling it and laughing about it in front of Mickey, who clearly wasn't there to experience it first hand. Also while they were re-telling that story, 10 was apparently making Mickey hold a random TARDIS part for no reason. Guess we aren't going to leave this (alleged) sex pest with anything even remotely resembling dignity. (Good thing he's a black, and RTD is kind of a racist... Maybe he'll still end up with his own Nubian princess right at the end when 10 has to regenerate, no matter how little sense it makes, and how little he's never actually met Marfa on screen.) Anyway, something bad happens and the TARDIS ends up in a spot of bother...
ROSE: Well, we've landed. We've got to be somewhere.
DOCTOR: We fell out of the vortex, through the void, into nothingness. We're in some sort of no place. The silent realm. The lost dimension.
(Mickey opens the door.)
MICKEY: Otherwise known as London.
(Spoiler: they're actually in a parallel London, but that still made me laugh.)
There are Zeppelins floating around here, which are cool, and Rose's dad is still alive in adverts, which is neat I guess.
Rose's mom in this universe is still just a slightly older Rose, and thus still nearly identical to her... only she actually managed to bag a wealthy man. She's still every bit the piece of chav trash that both Jackie Prime and Rose Prime are though, only *her* Rose is just a tiny dog. I don't even know what to say to that.
Ok, this Jackie is a little bit worse than Jackie Prime. She complains that her 40th birthday is being celebrated and not her 39th, even though she is in fact turning 40. I'll say it again, this is just a slightly older Rose.
This Pete is actually pretty cool... He's just super cucked by his wife.
The creepy guy from the beginning of the episode copies stuff from this Jackie's mind. These are just supposed to be wireless headphones right? Why would anybody buy them if they had a "steal your memories" function? I know that's the point, but much more so than in 2006, wireless headphones are actually a thing now, and not just in a parallel universe. He steals a lot of info from fake Jackie with these.
Offscreen, and with admittedly some prompting, but also a lot of warnings, Rose runs off into this new universe, and 10 is pissed at Mickey for some reason.
DOCTOR: I told you to keep an eye on her.
MICKEY: She's all right.
DOCTOR: She goes wandering off. Parallel world, it's like a gingerbread house. All those temptations calling out.
MICKEY: Oh, so it's just Rose, then? Nothing out there to tempt me?
Mickey actually has a point here, even if the payoff is stupid. Why the fuck is this Mickey's fault? Rose is her own woman, right? If 10 cares, why wasn't he paying attention?
Also, Rose is fucking stupid.
A bunch of clean and well-dressed (and surprisingly well-groomed) hobos get rounded up by some men in trucks. I wonder what's going to happen to them.
The TARDIS isn't dead, it's only *mostly* dead. Right on.
Rose gets pissy that she doesn't exist in this parallel universe that has literally nothing to do with her. Why?
I'd almost understand her desire to meet a man who is pretty clearly *not* her father, even though he looks and acts a lot like him, if she hadn't just almost literally destroyed her own universe trying to do the exact same thing to her actual father only a few episodes ago.
Her pissiness spreads to Mickey, and 10 can't follow both of them when they both decide to split up. I wonder who he will choose to follow. Yeah he goes with Rose.
Rose's *not* dad seems to be a con man, selling "pop" (do British people really call it "pop"? I know some stupid Americans do, I didn't realize you britbongs did too) and pretending like it's a health drink. Ok.
There's apparently a curfew, but it only applies to poor people. I wish that wasn't as topical as it is after fucking covid, but they didn't stop Mickey for it so whatever.
Mickey's grandmother apparently used to slap him, and Rose thinks that's absolutely hilarious. I'm not surprised by any part of that last sentence.
These ear pod things are stupid on a fundamental level, particularly if everybody who wears them is forced to freeze in place as the new update is beamed into their brains. What if they're doing something that really couldn't be stopped, like flying a plane... or open heart surgery...? It's bad enough that now 16 years later now my *computer* will pull this shit because Windows is trash, but I digress.
Oh hey, it's Mickey's gran, who Rose told us died in the prime universe a few moments ago. I wonder how this is going to end. (Stay tuned for part 2)
Lol his name is literally Ricky in this universe. I remembered that, but it's still funny to hear somebody call him that. And hey he just got kidnapped by his "friends". Lol.
The pre-Obama *black* "president" of alternate universe Great Britain is telling Lumic that he doesn't have permission to use his tech on himself to preserve his own life. Such a shame that the alternate universe britbongs of 16ish years ago didn't have Trump as president. He'd have given Lumic the 'Right to try' and probably prevented the majority of what's about to happen.
Oh hey, it's the surprisingly clean and well-dressed (and well-groomed) hobos. Now they all follow orders and walk into spinning metal death machine as "The Lion Sleeps Tonight" plays. Symbolism? (probably not.)
Mickey and the people who kidnapped him somehow stumble upon the *real* Ricky, and I suddenly realize the folly of calling Mickey "Ricky" any time he acted like a bitch, because the real Ricky is clearly way more badass than Mickey actually is. They immediately point their guns at Mickey because Ricky calls him a fake, even though they had previously spent hours with him.
10 and Rose decide to crash Jackie's 40th 39th birthday party this makes *total* sense, but alt-Pete uses his catchphrase "It's her 39'th birthday, trust me on this," and everybody, myself included, laughed. Right on.
It's amazing how even parallel universe and rich, Jackie Tyler still comes off as a burnt out chav.
We have Cybermen now... I guess... I don't like it, especially because these are the default Cybermen on this show for at least the next few years, but they'll fix it eventually so whatever.
I don't get why Ricky's posse immediately believe that Mickey is the imposter (as opposed to even slightly wondering if the real Ricky was the fake), but it's funny that they do... and they definitely gave Mickey the full once over. He probably got touched by them worse than Noel Clarke did to all of those women. Allegedly.
I do like that Ricky is actually something of a badass. If he didn't spend his life from childhood (we saw it in Fathers Day) simping for Rose, maybe Mickey could have been a badass too.
The scene between Rose and alt-Pete where he admits that he and alt-Jackie are pretty much broken up is almost sweet... but they ruined it by having him pull the "why am I telling you all of this?" bullshit again.
alt-Pete, you're telling her all of that because your wife is a terrible person and you hate her. She hates you too, and you're having a hard time dealing with it. You do *not* instinctively on some level know that this girl is your alternate universe daughter or something like that. That would just be retarded. (To be fair, they haven't pulled that shit again *yet* but give it time.)
These new Cybermen are terrible, but I like how they're filming them. So far, we've only seen their feet and it's a pretty striking visual.
Rose talking to her alt-mom really just makes me hate them both more. Rose basically tries to say "yeah maybe you don't love him, but at least he's rich," and alt-Jackie says "Who the hell do you think you are? You're just the help, and you're fired." and I mean... alt- Jackie isn't wrong. Rose has no fucking clue what she's even talking about. For all she knows, alt-Pete is a serial philanderer, and alt-Jackie has every reason to be divorcing him. There's nothing in this episode that even disproves that. There's nothing that proves it either, but that's my point.
This isn't Rose's world, she doesn't know nearly enough to be sticking her nose into this. Yet she still does. Fuck you Rose Tyler.
Looks like Lumic didn't want the right to try after all? He hasn't become a Cybus Cyberman yet.
The (pre-Obama black) president of the alternate universe UK literally just said "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry" (for what's been done to you) and 10 was there to see it. Correct me if I'm wrong, but I don't think 10 has said that yet, so I'm gonna say this is where one of his most famous catch phrases originated from. I didn't realize that until I rewatched this episode just now.
Rose gives Ricky some affection for pretty much the first time ever, and it's the wrong one so he has no fucking clue who she is. I love it. Then Mickey pops out and he's like "that's not me" lmfao.
Uh oh, everybody just got captured by the Cybermen, and they're chanting "DELETE". I wonder what's going to happen next...
Tune in next time to find out?