Agreed.
I grew up watching 4, so he's top of the list for me. I've only watched a bit of the new series, I like Capaldi and the 13th as actors but the writing, no. Nine comes pretty close to Four though. They restarted on a high note.
Sitting through 1 & 2 is miserable. I'm amazed there's other people who've done it and can barely remember any of either Doctor.
I don't know if it's just the unusually somber expression on 4's face, or if they did some trickery to the photo. His eyes look really close together to me though. I'm not going to nitpick too hard though, because this is still one of my favorite versions of the Classic Who theme.
-Sarah Jane makes the joke that, "at least Albert didn't wear it," and the irony of the last episode I watched being "Tooth and Claw" is not lost on me. Yes, this was the right story to watch before School Reunion I think.
I haven't seen much of 2 but Troughton had a lot of the clownishness that became the hallmark of the character, while Hartnell was gruff and stern enough he really doesn't seem much like any other Doctor. Even the fairly nasty Doctors like Colin Baker had a puckishness to them.
Tom Baker and Ian Marter (Harry Sullivan) had worked on a movie script in the 70s called Doctor Who meets Scratchman. They wanted to cast fucking Twiggy! as Sarah Jane. The whole things sounds extremely retarded. Tom Baker and another writer novelised it a couple of years ago.
Edit: James Hill was earmarked as director: his filmography would suggest he gave zero fucks and would shoot anything from Born Free to Worzel Gummidge.
Like I said, I’m going in blind for this one. I’ve never seen this story before. I'm hoping I don’t end up using “The Mind of Evil” to describe the bloke who wrote this.
Before I start talking about the episode proper, I'd like to say a little bit about the colourisation process for Part One. If you don't know, The Mind of Evil existed entirely in black and white for quite some time (this was the case with a few stories from the Pertwee era which, while not missing in the sense Hartnell/Troughton stories are, had colour copies of episodes wiped). Eventually, Parts Two to Six were re-colourised using a process called chroma dot recovery, but this couldn't be done with Part One because it didn't have chroma dot information. Instead, visual artist (and Doctor Who megafan) Stuart Humphryes re-colourised Part One by hand practically frame by frame. It's an incredible achievement. If you've never come across Stuart before, check out his YouTube channel Babelcolour. He has some really cool stuff on there (including re-colourisations of snippets of 60s Doctor Who episodes).
Now that's out of the way, onto the story itself.
A shot of Bessie driving along is always a good way to start a story.
Eh? Have I blundered into an episode of Porridge?
The soundtrack’s a real mess here. I can’t hear any of the dialogue over the prisoners yelling.
E from The Incredibles makes a special guest appearance:
Professor Kettering? Wasn’t there a Professor Kettlewell in Robot? I suppose there’s only so many names for nutty professors.
“We no longer execute our hardened criminals and killers.” Bloody liberals.
Pertwee had the best facial expressions:
The 113th case. Gee, I wonder if anything’s going to go wrong.
Oh, something went wrong. Imagine my shock.
The prison guard leafing through the dead guy’s wallet is a nice touch.
The character Chin Lee is played by Pik-Sen Lim who's now probably best known for her role as the Killer Cleaner in Johnny English Reborn (alongside Owen from Torchwood funnily enough). I say this because when the character returned for a recent UNIT audio drama, Big Finish's comments section (myself included) descended into hysterics that the Killer Cleaner from Johnny English would be menacing UNIT, only for Barnaby Edwards to point out that ackshually she was reprising a role she'd played on Doctor Who years before. She's done loads of other stuff, including being the narrator for Dark Souls, and she was married to Don Houghton, the writer of this episode (RIP). Their daughter also showed up in an episode of The Sarah Jane Adventures, so the whole family's worked on Doctor Who. Awwww. I also had no idea that back in the day she was such a, as Mike Yates puts it, "Dolly":
The guy who was killed by the Keller Machine was terrified of rats eh?
That’s not good scene blocking. You don’t want the person talking obscured by a bunch of cables:
So far Chin Lee is coming across as a real Karen. She’s had two “Can I speak to your manager?” scenes in a row.
This Doctor’s on fiiiiiiiiiiiire! This Doctor’s on fiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiire!!! :
Doctor: “Well some time ago Jo, I witnessed a terrible catastrophe. Tapes containing records of my past adventures just disappeared in flames. This machine picked that memory out of my mind and used it to turn the last episode black and white.”
Sergeant Benton re-enacts Masters’s death scene from The Silurians (same director for both stories, so that’s probably why):
Brigadier: “When you’ve quite finished grinning like a Cheshire Cat, Captain Yates!”
I love the grumpy Brigadier.
The Master’s empty mask is horrifying:
The Master has a house Negro? Not racist at all.
I keep hearing Fu Peng’s name as Poo Peng and can’t stop giggling.
The Doctor fraternised with Chairman Mao? I’m sure that won’t age badly.
Doctor: “With the peace conference going on, it’s not the most tactful time to be trundling rockets about is it?”
You read my mind.
Brigadier: “Well he somehow managed to lose a Chinese girl in broad daylight.”
Whoa, that comment’s a bit near the knuckle for several reasons.
More crap faux American accents.
Attack of the Plastic Dragon:
Fu Peng keeps calling the Doctor Sensei. Maybe the Doctor gave him pointers on Venusian aikido.
Huh. The milk float from “The Stolen Earth” made an earlier guest appearance too:
That is a craptastic matte painting. They’re not supposed to make it look like you’re standing in front of an actual painting:
Chin Lee: “Prison reform is high on our list of priorities in Peking.”
You can tell the Brigadier’s thinking “Fuckin’ commies” in response to that.
Doctor: “Who else would make a deliberate attempt to plunge this world into war, using equipment and techniques not even developed on Earth?”
Well Richard Nixon was President when this episode aired...
The cast of Prison Break had it wrong the whole time. Apparently a bit of thuggery is all it takes to topple a prison, not some tomfoolery with tattoos and whatnot.
The prison governor is “monitoring the situation”.
You go Jo! She pretty much singlehandedly foiled a prison riot. Most people think of Jo as a ditzy bimbo, but I think that rivals Leela’s antics for the most badass thing a companion’s ever done, male or female.
I do wonder how the Master keeps getting away with these alises while not bothering to disguise his appearance in the earthbound stories. This was only his second appearance, but you’d think UNIT would’ve put the word out that he was running around causing trouble. I know he can use hypnosis and the like, but still.
Delgado is comfortably the best Master. He can switch from urbane and charming to threatening and scheming effortlessly. Such a shame we lost him too soon (although we might not still have the Master as a recurring villain if he’d survived to make “The Final Game” as originally intended).
Are you my mummy? (yes, I know NuWho made this same joke):
The Master: “Right Doctor, now I’m ready for you.”
You could argue there’s a certain homoerotic tension going on between the Doctor and the Master. Like all these diabolic schemes are actually a cry for attention, but I won’t go there...
I heard the Doctor made a number of modifications to Bessie, such that she’d perform beyond the capabilities of a normal car of her type, but apparently that doesn’t extend to the horn - it’s pathetic.
The Doctor’s really come down since Spearhead from Space. In that story he verbally eviscerated the chump security guard asking him for his security pass, but in this story, he puts his tail between his legs and allows the man on the gate to bully him into submission. And he’s heard his companion’s in trouble. Where’s the urgency man?
Some of the musical stings in this episode have been recycled from Spearhead from Space. It’s not the same unless it’s played over a country bumpkin digging up lumpy glow rocks.
The Doctor: “If you so much as harm one hair on her head...”
Don’t say that Doctor. Captain Hook exploited the loophole in that phrase in Return to Neverland.
The Master’s handcuffed the Doctor to a chair and is now patting him down. Definitely something homoerotic going on.
The Doctor literally just said:
The Keller machine’s supposed to be threatening, but it looks like a kettle.
Oh for goodness sake, I said no Dalek or Cyberman stories this time round, but now they’ve both appeared (albeit as hallucinations). Will I never be free?
The Master looks genuinely concerned the Doctor might be dead. N’awwww. He does have two hearts.
Ooh, just spotted a “What are you doing here?” That phrase has a bit of a history in Doctor Who.
The gate guards are literally just sitting around the whole time. I know the prisoners have the prison locked down, but you’d have thought they’d have locked all the guards up. Why are the gate guards allowed to roam free?
Jo once again more or less singlehandedly takes out a prisoner. She’s kicking ass this story!
Cos we’ve got a little old convoy Rocking through the night:
Whoa, Kevin James guest starred in this episode? He was only 6 when it aired!:
Doctor: “I’m more used to playing three dimensional chess.”
Don’t say that Doctor, I can already hear Scott Adams furiously masturbating.
The Doctor’s literally going to lasso the Keller machine. Yee-haw!
Oh come on Doctor, surely you of all people should know the ring toss game is rigged.
This is a spectacular shootout.
Even if it’s a bit of a cheat, having the cliffhanger be a gun going off (assuming it’s the one pointed at the Doctor), but then showing it’s actually the Brigadier doing the shooting is pretty clever.
Doctor: “Thank you Brigadier. But for once in your life do you think you could arrive before the nick of time?”
Brigadier: "I'm glad to see you two Doctor."
I miss dialogue exchanges like this with modern UNIT.
Doctor: “Well apart from losing the Master and the missile, you’re doing very well Brigadier.”
The Doctor’s got an acid tongue on him this story.
The Keller machine’s occupant is a bargain basement Dalek:
Is that a Keller machine on your lap or are you just happy to see me?:
Oh no, Simple Simon died. That’s actually rather unfortunate. The Master’s a douche.
Oh well done Doctor. You just managed to give the Master back his freedom. Was a fake dematerilaisation circuit too much of an ask? I’m sure you could’ve found some scrap metal lying around that would have sufficed.
Doctor: “So we won’t be seeing you for quite some time?”
Master: “Not for quite some time.”
*Shows up literally the next story*
That wasn't quite as good as I was hoping. I was lead to believe this was an overlooked classic, but I thought it was fairly average. The biggest problem is it feels like two different stories crudely mashed together. I still don't understand why the Master was running his plan to steal the thunderbolt missile to destroy the peace conference in tandem with his plan to use the Keller machine to... also destroy the peace conference. It seems to me he should have picked one or the other, and the latter is much more interesting.
The first three or so episodes of this story are great. There's a sense of international espionage and covert disruption, with the delegates for the conference slowly being picked off by unknown forces, but in the latter half it devolves into a runaround at the prison which is boring by comparison. The story also seems to forget the first half ever happened and there's a weird disconnect going on as a result. It's got all the ingredients of a Pertwee-era classic (the UNIT regulars, the Master, Jo, Bessie, you name it, it's here), but it's nowhere near a classic. I wouldn't say avoid this like the plague, but I also wouldn't say it's one you desperately need to see if you haven't already.
Next up is The Brain of Morbius, just in time for Halloween.
Also, @Overly Serious, I read through Second Dalek Empire while I was on holiday recently and I loved it. I can't believe I've never come across it before.
I haven't seen The Mind of Evil in forever. Is this the one with "Tom Tit"? Probably not - I feel sure you would have made a joke about it. For some reason though I think of this episode as the one with both that and the Loch Ness monster.
The character Chin Lee is played by Pik-Sen Lim who's now probably best known for her role as the Killer Cleaner in Johnny English Reborn (alongside Owen from Torchwood funnily enough). I say this because when the character returned for a recent UNIT audio drama, Big Finish's comments section (myself included) descended into hysterics that the Killer Cleaner from Johnny English would be menacing UNIT, only for Barnaby Edwards to point out that ackshually she was reprising a role she'd played on Doctor Who years before. She's done loads of other stuff, including being the narrator for Dark Souls, and she was married to Don Houghton, the writer of this episode (RIP). Their daughter also showed up in an episode of The Sarah Jane Adventures, so the whole family's worked on Doctor Who. Awwww. I also had no idea that back in the day she was such a, as Mike Yates puts it, "Dolly":
Hmmmmm.... now I'm going to say a couple of things on this - just my opinion. Now I can't actually give it to him because it really was just one episode and it wouldn't be fair but Derek Jacobi concentrated such menace into his scene that he really deserves a mention here. "Killed by an insect... how inappropriate".
I could probably also get the hackles up of any Classic Who fan by mentioning Missy but despite some execrable plotting she was really very good. I have always liked Michelle Gomez ever since I first saw her as the batshit crazy HR woman in Green Wing.
Similarly, the Simm master had some great moments and I think the problems were mainly a few pieces of terrible plotting. I'm thinking especially The End of Time which I liked for the backstory to his madness and loathed for the terrible terrible evil plan they saddled him with. But he was well-matched against Ten and we finally got a "Two Masters" out of them.
Also, @Overly Serious, I read through Second Dalek Empire while I was on holiday recently and I loved it. I can't believe I've never come across it before. In fact, I enjoyed it so much, I made a Lego model of Yttral (easily my favourite character from the comic):
I adored Missy and liked her better than Simm’s Master. Simm himself wasn’t a bad actor, it was the writing and the plots that ruined the character. Especially in TEoT when he turns into some skeleton cannibal monster. Not to mention the whole story with the drums. Though yet again TEoT was a huge mess and cemented the sour taste the Tenth Doctor era left in my mouth.
I haven't seen The Mind of Evil in forever. Is this the one with "Tom Tit"? Probably not - I feel sure you would have made a joke about it. For some reason though I think of this episode as the one with both that and the Loch Ness monster.
Hmmmmm.... now I'm going to say a couple of things on this - just my opinion. Now I can't actually give it to him because it really was just one episode and it wouldn't be fair but Derek Jacobi concentrated such menace into his scene that he really deserves a mention here. "Killed by an insect... how inappropriate".
Jacobi's amazin. If you want to hear more of him, definitely check out The War Master series from Big Finish, in particular the second boxset Master of Callous.
I could probably also get the hackles up of any Classic Who fan by mentioning Missy but despite some execrable plotting she was really very good. I have always liked Michelle Gomez ever since I first saw her as the batshit crazy HR woman in Green Wing.
Similarly, the Simm master had some great moments and I think the problems were mainly a few pieces of terrible plotting. I'm thinking especially The End of Time which I liked for the backstory to his madness and loathed for the terrible terrible evil plan they saddled him with. But he was well-matched against Ten and we finally got a "Two Masters" out of them.
I didn't like Simm during the David Tennant era (this was down to Russell T Davies rather than Simm himself), but he was great in "World Enough and Time" and "The Doctor Falls". I'm looking forward to hearing more from him in Masterful when it comes out.
If I were picking my favourite Doctor it would be a three-way tie between Two, One and Eleven. If we're counting Big Finish productions, though - Six probably wins it by a hair.
Bleh guys, sorry this took so long. I got through about 2/3 of this review or whatever you want to call it, and KF site issues deleted literally half of it and I had to mostly start again. Needless to say this pissed me off... enough that I didn't feel like redoing it again until I did, but here we go, it's School Reunion!
-We start the episode off by getting some much needed Head!
Anthony Head that is. Get your minds out of the gutter, people.
-I'm not sure I fully buy Headmaster Head's logic that this little girl being an orphan and living in a children's home means that "no one will miss her," but he turns into what appears to be some kind of bat monster and eats her anyway. Right on. (It probably would have made a later scene more impactful if they didn't lead with showing that the faculty of this school are 100% evil, but what do I know?)
-Ok, 10 is a teacher at this school now. He somehow deduces that something's up just from asking this one nerdy kid named Milo (who I swear is not a character in the rest of this episode after this scene, even though you'd think he would be), like 2 basic physics questions. Then 10 goes off on this rant asking Milo several more complex questions, including how to travel faster than light speed, which I'm assuming the kid gets all correct from how 10 reacts. Right on.
-Ahahaha Rose you dumb bitch got stuck as a lunch lady. But interestingly enough 10 still refers to Ricky as "your boyfriend," to lunch lady Rose, when he says that Mickey is the one who tipped them off to something being off at this school. Whatever, we all know their relationship is a sham at this point.
...And it turns out that the boss lunch lady is a nasty cunt as well. Sorry/NotSorry Rose, I don't feel bad for you.
-The AnthonyHead-master specifically approved of those chips *FRENCH FUCKING FRIES, FUCK YOU BRIT BONGS* Why don't you like them 10?
-This creepy fucking teacher (Who will from now on be referred to as "Creepy Fucking Teacher",) comes into the lunchroom and tells a little girl that she's going to be joining his "top class." FIND AN ADULT.
creepy fucking teacher also mentions that "Milo failed him." The last time we saw Milo, he was literally explaining faster than light travel to a time lord. If that's a failure, then I'd hate to see a success to this guy.
-I like the keeping with continuity that Mickey is becoming something of a hacker now. (Even if his hacking career started out with the top UK computer systems having the beyond shit password of "buffalo".)
-Mickey: I was right to call you home.
Rose: I thought maybe you called me home just, well, just to call me home.
Mickey: Do you think I'd just invent an emergency?
Rose: You could've done.
Mickey: That's the last thing I'd do...
Me: Uh oh Rose, it looks like Ricky is trying to escape.
Ricky: ...Because every time I see you an emergency just gets in the way.
Me: Oh. Nevermind.
-Lol, literally as Ricky was saying that emergencies always get in the way, an emergency got in the way and she hangs up on him. Rose had the right idea calling whatever the Britbong equivalent of 911 is, but she was somehow too stupid to still do it after cunty lunch lady boss told her not to, right after a scream and puff of smoke clearly showed that someone is dead now. It's fine, this is sadly 100% in character for Rose.
-Creepy Fucking Teacher: "Oh children, the things you will see..."
Me: He's about to show them his dick isn't he? FIND AN ADULT.
Oh, I guess he's just making them type a stream of random nonsense on computers while evil music plays. That's evil too I guess.
-Alright, finally! Here's the woman of the hour. Sarah Jane doesn't get nearly enough credit for being a badass in my book.
@TheImportantFart recently compared Jo Grant to Leela as two of the most badass Doctor's companions, and sure they're both great, but hear me out... The last time I saw Sarah Jane, she fired a rifle (this is in itself is badass thing for a companion of the Doctor to do) at some explosives and literally stopped a "god" from coming to earth after 4 went to him and sufficiently distracted said "god" so that he could no longer prevent that explosion from taking out his rocket.. Sarah Jane was about 50% responsible for saving the world from Sutekh.
I'm glad to see she's still doing her thing, and trying to stop this clearly evil fucker from doing *something* to children. TBH though, I still think this episode would have been better if we didn't know 100% that the Anthony Headmaster, and the rest of the faculty were evil from the start. But don't tell anyone I told you that, because it sort of undermines much of my last point, lol.
-Oh 10 apparently gave the teacher he replaced to be here at this school a winning lottery ticket. That's neat I guess.
-This scene where 10 sees Sarah Jane again, and she doesn't recognize him at the time, but he is downright smitten with her is too damn cute. I would have been ok if 10 replaced the bottle blonde idiot with Sarah Jane permanently after this episode, but clearly that wasn't meant to be.
-This fat kid who I guess wasn't allowed to eat the school's chips *FUCK YOU BRITBONGS, THEY'RE FRENCH FRIES* because he's a fatass and on a diet, 100% legitimately sees a creepy bat monster in a computer lab that he has no reason to be in at the time. Creepy bat monster morphs into Creepy Fucking Teacher, and tells the fat fuck to "run along". I'm not ok with this. I have a lot of questions that won't be answered by this episode, but the fat fuck kid does in fact run along.
-Rose says that when she was a kid she used to think that all of the teachers slept at school. Why am I not surprised that you thought that, you retard?
-I usually like it when a Doctor has a group of companions, instead of just one, and I especially like it here when 10 doesn't offhand know what to call a group of 2 companions. But it pisses me off when 13 calls her mostly shitty group "fam" that is really just terrible. But then again so is the show as a whole right now.
-This scene where Sarah Jane sees the TARDIS again for the first time in like 30 years is shot like a horror film for some reason. If you watch it that way though, it's fucking hilarious, and I kind of love it for that.
-Over the years, I've heard several Rose fans say that the upcoming dynamic between Rose and Sarah Jane (where Rose is frankly a total bitch to Sarah Jane from the very beginning, and for most of this episode, and yeah Sarah Jane does eventually respond in kind) is Sarah Jane's fault. That's bullshit, and I'm about to get into why...
-10 and Sarah Janes's touching reunion is cut short by a scream (this was obviously Mickey's scream) Side note, I love that Sarah Jane "couldn't believe" that 10 was the Doctor, until she heard somebody scream, then she believed it immediately. So they both drop what they were doing to go help him. Rose also *supposedly* cared enough to drop whatever it was that she was doing to run towards her "boyfriend" 'scream, and they all bump into eachother in a school hallway.
-There is no context for this, this is the look on Rose Tyler's face literally immediately after seeing a woman whom she does not know standing next to the Doctor.
Jesus fucking Christ Rose, why are you so fucking jealous that a woman in her 60's, without any context as far as you know, triggers your *staring daggers* bitch face? You don't even know she's a former companion yet, and you already look like you want to kill her.
-Rose (clearly already pissed off for no reason): Who is she?
Me: A much better companion than you'll ever be, you stupid whore.
Sarah Jane: Hi. Nice to meet you.
-Sarah Jane is far more polite than this evil cunt staring daggers at her from the first 5 seconds deserved... but I've seen Sarah Jane tease 4 multiple times when they were traveling together (and he always teased back). Sarah Jane is still Sarah Jane, and that's why it isn't surprising at all that she teases her best friend (who to my knowledge she was never shown having romantic inklings for) for taking on a younger "assistant."
-The queen bitch of the universe takes offense to being called "his assistant," and Sarah Jane is *still* far more polite to Rose than Rose is being to her. Since Rose is by her own words 'not an assistant', Sarah Jane (rightly? prematurely?) assumes that they're romantically together. She says, "Look at you tiger," - To 10. Let me translate from Britbong, she's basically telling her best friend "right on" for getting with a blonde bimbo several hundred years younger than he is.
-So it turns out that Ricky was screaming because he opened a door and a ton of the fakest-looking, (but apparently still real in this story,) vacuum packed rats of all time fell on him. FFS, though they're all bright yellow.
-10 is far more dickish to Mickey than he needed to be over this. I'm not gonna lie, if I opened a door and a bunch of vacuum sealed rats fell on me, I'd probably act less manly than usual as well... Again though, these rats look fake as hell because they're all bright yellow, but dialogue makes me think that they are indeed supposed to be real in the context of this episode.
-Rose tries to act smarter than she actually is by questioning why there are even rats here at all, and Sarah Jane suggests that maybe they are there for dissection, and she's a bit sarcastic, mocking a clearly out school Rose Tyler about "not reaching that bit yet".
-Was dissecting rats ever a thing in Britbongistan? I'll admit that in the land of freedom, I've never heard of explicitly dissecting rats, but less than 5 years before this episode aired, I had to dissect a fetal pig in a Biology class. Rose calling Sarah Jane 'old' because "no one dissects rats in school anymore" rang hollow to me, and it rings hollow to me now. Fuck you Rose Tyler.
-Rose: I don't mean to be rude or anything, but who exactly are you?
Me: Well you're already starting off with a lie.
Sarah Jane: Sarah Jane Smith. I used to travel with the Doctor.
Rose: Oh. Well, he's never mentioned you.
Me: Oh. Well, fuck you Rose. You know, I haven't ever heard any of the several Doctors past 10 himself ever mention *you*. Also did I mention? Go fuck yourself.
-I don't like that 10 is made to look bad for not mentioning Sarah Jane. How many companions has he had at this point? It's funny that Mickey of all people tries to take a relationship high ground over him though. Shut up Ricky.
-No 10. Just because these particular alien bat monsters happen to live in the school does not make young Rose any less retarded for thinking that her teachers lived in the school. Bad Doctor.
-I'm hardly an expert on Classic Who, but to my knowledge K9 first joined the show *after* Sarah Jane left. I guess the fact that Sarah Jane has a broken K9 is a reference to this failed spinoff.
but eh.
-Ricky is trying to hold the fact that the Doctor has has had previous companions before Rose against her. That's pretty shitty even for him, but Rose wouldn't even care this much if she wasn't jealous whore to begin with. I kind of hate them both equally in this scene.
-There is some weight to this next scene. "Why didn't you ever come back for me?" Sarah Jane asks. "You didn't need me," 10 responds. TBH, Sarah Jane isn't wrong. But the show really shouldn't have asked that question, because it doesn't have a decent answer, and it makes the Doctor look like a total asshole for not coming back. (Which I suppose he was. Right on.)
-I'm easy to please sometimes, but I'm glad they got John Leeson back for the voice of K-9.
-Did 10 just stick his finger into that shit that made a lunch lady scream in pain before dying in a puff of smoke because some of it got poured on her? Ok. *They explain later why it killed her, and doesn't harm anyone else, but it's fucking stupid.
-It's hilarious that Ricky is making fun of K-9, I remember the ending of this episode already where he said that he doesn't want to be the tin dog. But he totally fucking is.
-Lmfao, the very next scene Ricky realizes that he's the current gen tin dog. Don't worry Ricky, you still get out ok in the end. Marfa is honestly pretty hot, all things considered. A major upgrade (for you) over Rose Tyler at any rate.
-Rose is being indignant that the Doctor has had companions before her. It's true you stupid evil bitch, you aren't special. Like at all. 10 didn't mention Sarah Jane to you? 11 Never mentioned you to Amy Pond, or even Clara. Neither did 12. And if the show doesn't die before it, then I bet Doctor 14 will have totally forgotten you as well.
-It's funny that 10 is actually treating Ricky like the tin dog now.
-I like this scene where the (Head)Master and 10 talk it out in the school pool, but damn. No school I ever went to had a pool. Is this different in Britbongistan?
-God.. Ricky is such a whiny bitch. (Have you noticed by now, when I feel bad for him I call him Mickey, but when I think he's being a whiny bitch I call him Ricky? LOL.)
-Oh boy... This is the scene that @TheImportantFart tried to warn me about, but I unfortunately already remembered all too well @_@
Sarah Jane: Rose, can I give you a bit of advice?
Rose: I've got a feeling you're about to.
Sarah Jane: I know how intense a relationship with the Doctor can be, and I don't want you to feel I'm intruding.
Rose: I don't feel threatened by you, if that's what you mean.
Me: You totally fucking do though Rose, you fucking liar. You haven't even tried to hide it so far, and you still aren't.
Sarah Jane: Right. Good. Because I'm not interested in picking up where we left off.
Rose: No? With the big sad eyes and the robot dog? What else were you doing last night?
Me: FUCK. YOU. ROSE. You couldn't even go one line without making it obvious that yes, you do in fact feel threatened. I say it again, Fuck you Rose.
Sarah Jane: I was just saying how hard it was adjusting to life back on Earth.
Rose: The thing is, when you two met they'd only just got rid of rationing. No wonder all that space stuff was a bit too much for you.
Sarah Jane: I had no problem with space stuff. I saw things you wouldn't believe.
Rose: Try me.
Me: And here we fucking go. I have obviously recently seen everything Rose is about to mention, this is obviously not necessarily the case for Sarah Jane. I will still try to be as fair as I can be.
Sarah Jane: Mummies.
Me: err.. you mean service robots.
Rose: I've met ghosts.
Me: err... those were Charles Dickens aliens, not ghosts.
Sarah Jane: Robots. Lots of robots.
Me: True.
Rose: Slitheen, in Downing Street.
Me: You shouldn't be proud of that.
Sarah Jane: Daleks!
Me: Yes.
Rose: Met the Emperor.
Me: and Sarah Jane met Davros. At the literal 'Genesis of the Daleks.'
Sarah Jane: Anti-matter monsters.
Me: I didn't see that one.
Rose: Gas masked zombies.
Me: Are you my mummy? Ok, I'll give you props. You were significantly better than you usually are in that two-parter.
Sarah Jane: Real living dinosaurs.
Me: Probably true, if it was the Silurians or something, but tbh I didn't see it.
Rose: Real living werewolf.
Me: Wasn't that technically an alien?
Sarah Jane: The Loch Ness Monster!
Me: No, to be fair that was an alien as well.
Rose: Seriously? Listen to us. It's like me and my mate Shireen. The only time we fell out was over a man, and we're arguing over the Doctor. With you, did he do that thing where he'd explain something at like, ninety miles per hour, and you'd go, what? and he'd look at you like you'd just dribbled on your shirt?
Sarah Jane: All the time. Does he still stroke bits of the Tardis?
Rose: Yeah! Yeah, he does. I'm like, do you two want to be alone?
Me: Ok I really hate this. Rose and Sarah Jane should not be bonding over how shitty of a boyfriend the Doctor is (especially considering how the rest of *this* series ends). and I can't even say this unspoilered anymore because it's so obviously ridiculous... But isn't Ricky supposed to be Rose's boyfriend right now? Regardless, maybe I'm wrong, but I've never seen any evidence that 4 (or even 3) and Sarah Jane had any romantic feelings for eachother at all. They were clearly best friends, kind of like 10 and Donna would later be.
-Creepy pedo (bat) teacher is going into overdrive making children type nonsense on a computer as more evil music plays.
-Lol, don't make the fat kid run. It's equal parts funny and sad, and I even feel a little bad for laughing, not that I'll stop or anything. Is he the only kid in the school who didn't eat the French Fries? It sure seems like it. Wow that escalated quickly.
-K-9: System restarting. All primary drives functioning.
Ricky: You're working! Okay, no time to explain. we need to get inside the school. Do you have like, I don't know, a lock picking device?
K-9: We are in a car.
Ricky: Maybe a drill attachment?
K-9: We are in a car.
Ricky: Fat lot of good you are.
K-9: We are in a car.
Mickey: Wait a second. We're in a car.
Me: I laughed a *lot* harder at this exchange than I probably should have.
-LMFAO the fact that Rose is slightly less stupid than she usually is because she ate some of the French Fries with the "makes you smarter" oil on them is an actual plot point that provokes an "oh my god" from her because she realizes that she can do some intermediate multiplication in her head. Thankyou episode, I love you.
-The alien's plot in this episode is stupid. "They're not just using the children's brains to break the code, they're using their souls." No, go home episode, you're drunk.
-Hi, I'm Mickey Smith, and this is a school, and I'm going to hit it with a car!
-Why is fat kid so surprised that all of his teachers are bat creatures now? He literally saw creepy fucking teacher turn into a bat (or rather the reverse) earlier this episode.
-Well Ricky, I guess that tin dog who just saved all your asses with his laser nose isn't so useless after all, now is he?
-Neither is Mickey it seems, he literally pulled out one plug and all the kids want to leave now. Right on.
-Wait... So the "makes you smarter" oil actually comes from the bat monsters, but they've changed their bodies so much that their own oil is now poison to them? Well that's just stupid. But I guess that makes it easy.
-The School explodes-
Fat kid: Yes!
Ugly braces girl: Hey Fat kid, did you have something to do with it?
Fat kid: Yeah, I did.
Ugly braces girl: Oh my God. Fat kid blew up the school! It was Fat kid!
Kids: Fat kid! Fat kid! Fat kid! Fat kid!
Me: Somebody's getting to second base tonight.
-Oh wow, Sarah Jane is even more sad about that tin dog she never met before this episode dying than she was about leaving 4. Weird.
-Sarah Jane: You've redecorated.
10: Do you like it?
Sarah Jane: Oh, I, I do. Yeah. I preferred it as it was, but er, yeah. It'll do.
Me: 2, 11, and even 10 himself all did it better-
Rose: I love it.
Me: Fuck you Rose. Lol and Rose is back to being an idiot again because the french fries wore off.
-Rose and Sarah Jane seem to have some kind of understanding now, but it wasn't earned. Not by this episode anyway. I think Rose just stopped being a cunt because she realized that Sarah Jane wasn't a threat anymore.
-Case in point, 10 offers to let Sarah Jane come with them and Sarah Jane says that she can't do this anymore, and it was time that she found a life of her own. It's hella sad that at 60 you haven't done that already Sarah Jane, but I know some people like the Sarah Jane Adventures (I've seen like 2 episodes over a decade ago), so I guess it works out for you in the end. It was sweet of 10 to offer to let Sarah Jane come with them at any rate.
-LMFAO Mickey just said "can I come?" and the timing of when he said it made it sound like he was asking to go with Sarah Jane, and how quick he was to say he wanted nothing more to do with this crazy old white lady made me snort up my drink. And I wasn't even drinking anything at the time XD.
-I love how easily 10 is convinced to let Mickey travel with them (and it isn't even like this came out of nowhere, 9 was about to let Mickey travel with them at one point last series, but Mickey showed his inner Ricky and whimped out) more telling is how clearly PISSED Rose is over it. Seriously though, because I don't think I said it nearly enough this episode. FUCK. YOU. ROSE. TYLER.
-Single manly tear when 10 said goodbye to 'his' Sarah Jane, and no more because that's all that the man code will allow. And aww 10 got her a new dog.
-Oh dear. Next up, it's the series 2 Moffat episode with the historical French whore named after a bad hairdo that everyone else loves, but I only remember as being meh.
Fortunately(?) for me, I was drunk earlier this week and promised @Buster O'Keefe that I would "review" (or whatever the hell it is that I do) "Paradise Towers" next and that's exactly what I plan to do.
I have absolutely no clue what I'm getting into this time, other than it's 7 (who I have generally mixed feelings about) and Mel (who I, along with most people, think is kind of terrible.) This will be fun! Also, it won't take nearly as long as this one did, I swear... Err, I hope. lol.
Bleh guys, sorry this took so long. I got through about 2/3 of this review or whatever you want to call it, and KF site issues deleted literally half of it and I had to mostly start again. Needless to say this pissed me off... enough that I didn't feel like redoing it again until I did, but here we go, it's School Reunion!
Ugh! I had that happen to me once on a different forum. Ever since it I write big posts in a text editor and paste it in afterwards. But what you posted doesn't seem to have suffered for it, just so you know!
-I'm not sure I fully buy Headmaster Head's logic that this little girl being an orphan and living in a children's home means that "no one will miss her," but he turns into what appears to be some kind of bat monster and eats her anyway. Right on. (It probably would have made a later scene more impactful if they didn't lead with showing that the faculty of this school are 100% evil, but what do I know?)
Honestly, I cut shows a bit more leeway on things like this. They're shape-changing aliens who are days away from completing their master plan. I think they're less concerned with puling off the perfect crime than not doing anything completely fucking obvious. Lot easier to put off the council bureaucracy than start the next Madeline McGann probe.
-This scene where Sarah Jane sees the TARDIS again for the first time in like 30 years is shot like a horror film for some reason. If you watch it that way though, it's fucking hilarious, and I kind of love it for that. https://youtube.com/watch?v=RAszjUxMZkE
That was a great moment. And superbly acted. She really was great.
But unlike you, I recall really enjoying the catty bitching that followed as well. You dislike Rose because she's a bitch. I enjoy watching her for that reason. She's just so petty it's hilarious. I also enjoyed Mickey's please at watching the Doctor's discomfort for a change.
I also have to say, in contradiction to a lot of Who fandom, I really just put the blame on the Mickeys and the Rorys for the situations they put themselves in.
That pretty much is the expression you see when you're dating someone younger than you and then you meet a female friend your own age and you're just so clearly connecting much better because of it and she's feeling threatened.
-Was dissecting rats ever a thing in Britbongistan? I'll admit that in the land of freedom, I've never heard of explicitly dissecting rats, but less than 5 years before this episode aired, I had to dissect a fetal pig in a Biology class. Rose calling Sarah Jane 'old' because "no one dissects rats in school anymore" rang hollow to me, and it rings hollow to me now. Fuck you Rose Tyler.
It was frogs for us. And also we dissected eyeballs (schools bought them as a batch from local slaughter-houses, I think). Come to think of it, there was an oesophagus as well but they only had one of those. Think it was a sheep's but was a while ago.
Anyway, I don't know if they still do it - they've probably stopped like Rose said, but it would definitely have been a thing when Sarah-Jane was at school and yes, I'm pretty certain other schools used mice and / or rats.
-Lmfao, the very next scene Ricky realizes that he's the current gen tin dog. Don't worry Ricky, you still get out ok in the end. Marfa is honestly pretty hot, all things considered. A major upgrade (for you) over Rose Tyler at any rate.
Argh! Don't get me started on the way they paired off Mickey and Martha. Last time we saw her she was marrying a brave and intelligent guy who she'd fallen in love with in the alternate future that never was. It was a nice resolution for her. Then suddenly she's ripped out of that and seen in shoot-outs with Mickey against Sontarans for some unfathomable and forced reason. Yeah, I totally agree it was a major upgrade for Mickey. Bit of a come down for Martha, though.
-I like this scene where the (Head)Master and 10 talk it out in the school pool, but damn. No school I ever went to had a pool. Is this different in Britbongistan?
Yeah - lot of schools have either a swimming pool or an arrangement with a local swimming baths or other school to use one. Again, least it used to be. And not just posh schools. It was pretty common. British schools used to have an ethos of teaching kids skills like swimming and general athleticism.
-The School explodes-
Fat kid: Yes!
Ugly braces girl: Hey Fat kid, did you have something to do with it?
Fat kid: Yeah, I did.
Ugly braces girl: Oh my God. Fat kid blew up the school! It was Fat kid!
Kids: Fat kid! Fat kid! Fat kid! Fat kid!
Me: Somebody's getting to second base tonight.
Maybe I have a higher expectation of children but I honestly think most kids would be more horrified if one of their classmates blew up the school. Whatever jokes are made, most kids enjoy being around each other and understand school serves a purpose. We all had that one kid at school who would try to set fire to a classroom or sexually assault a female teacher and none of us really wanted to be friends with him. We knew they were a psycho. This bit felt really forced to me when I watched the episode. Look forward to your years in remand homes when the authorities ask who did it and all the kids point at you.
-LMFAO Mickey just said "can I come?" and the timing of when he said it made it sound like he was asking to go with Sarah Jane, and how quick he was to say he wanted nothing more to do with this crazy old white lady made me snort up my drink. And I wasn't even drinking anything at the time XD.
-I love how easily 10 is convinced to let Mickey travel with them (and it isn't even like this came out of nowhere, 9 was about to let Mickey travel with them at one point last series, but Mickey showed his inner Ricky and whimped out) more telling is how clearly PISSED Rose is over it. Seriously though, because I don't think I said it nearly enough this episode. FUCK. YOU. ROSE. TYLER.
Fortunately(?) for me, I was drunk earlier this week and promised @Buster O'Keefe that I would "review" (or whatever the hell it is that I do) "Paradise Towers" next and that's exactly what I plan to do.
I have absolutely no clue what I'm getting into this time, other than it's 7 (who I have generally mixed feelings about) and Mel (who I, along with most people, think is kind of terrible.) This will be fun! Also, it won't take nearly as long as this one did, I swear... Err, I hope. lol.
Oh Celestials, you didn't did you? What were you thinking? @Buster O'Keefe has played you good here. Prepare for torment!
I don't recall whether this comes before or after The Happiness Patrol but I think both are from the era where two show-runners decided they could use Doctor Who to bring down the Thatcher government. I'm sure Fart will know.
Fortunately(?) for me, I was drunk earlier this week and promised @Buster O'Keefe that I would "review" (or whatever the hell it is that I do) "Paradise Towers" next and that's exactly what I plan to do.
Oh Celestials, you didn't did you? What were you thinking? @Buster O'Keefe has played you good here. Prepare for torment!
I don't recall whether this comes before or after The Happiness Patrol but I think both are from the era where two show-runners decided they could use Doctor Who to bring down the Thatcher government. I'm sure Fart will know.
It's before The Happiness Patrol which is a full-on anti-Thatcher diatribe with all the subtlety of a pink TARDIS. Paradise Towers isn't so bad in that regard, but it leans heavily on themes of disposed youth and urban decay which were common anti-Thatcher talking points.
I don't want to tread on @UnKillFill's toes or spoil anything, so all I'll say is that the most horrifying thing in the story is Mel in swimwear. Bring lots of booze and eye bleach.
Was dissecting rats ever a thing in Britbongistan? I'll admit that in the land of freedom, I've never heard of explicitly dissecting rats, but less than 5 years before this episode aired, I had to dissect a fetal pig in a Biology class. Rose calling Sarah Jane 'old' because "no one dissects rats in school anymore" rang hollow to me, and it rings hollow to me now. Fuck you Rose Tyler.
Uh, I dissected hearts and that was a few years after this aired... Maybe Rose went to a really shit school where they banned the chavs from using pointy objects.
It was always weird that they made Sarah Jane seem like a burned ex then had her squabble with Rose when she's a 60 year old woman, all just for the sake of them turning around and taking the piss out of the Doctor together. I thought that was cheap when they did it in the same breadth as dropping fat mystery crumbs about Classic Who (in a time you couldn't search 'IS IT CANON'). It didn't reveal more about themselves, it made Sarah Jane look surprisingly petty imo. I could excuse the Doctor never talking about past companions but did he really leave her miles away from home in the wrong fucking town?
Fortunately(?) for me, I was drunk earlier this week and promised @Buster O'Keefe that I would "review" (or whatever the hell it is that I do) "Paradise Towers" next and that's exactly what I plan to do.
I have absolutely no clue what I'm getting into this time, other than it's 7 (who I have generally mixed feelings about) and Mel (who I, along with most people, think is kind of terrible.) This will be fun! Also, it won't take nearly as long as this one did, I swear... Err, I hope. lol.
Paradise Towers is all about urban decay, high rise public housing, and youth alienation. Also makes me laugh because the youth gangs call themselves "kangs"
Yeah, that's the end of The Hand of Fear: The Doctor gets summoned to Gallifrey and Sarah Jane can't come because the Time Lords are racist cunts or something, so he drops her off in 'South Croydon'. Only after the Tardis dematerialises does Sarah realise he fucked the coordinates as usual, but she has a laugh to herself about it.
I barely remember this: I take it this scene does not compare well with Peri's bikini scene in Planet of Fire? (Saying that, Langford looked pretty.well put together in Dancing on Ice, which she did at age fifty.)
This Doctor’s on fiiiiiiiiiiiire!
