I rarely drink, but back when I was a teenager, this retard who lived in a halfway house would buy all the kids at our work alcohol. He would buy us 40s and like alize and stuff like that. We would sometimes go to the halfway house he lived at and get drunk, and I mean pretty fucked up.
One night after, we went to Denny's and this waitress was loopy as fuck. She sat down with us and she grabbed my friend's dick and like she tried jerking him off from under his gymshorts leg. He probably would have let her but his girlfriend was there so he pushed her away. We saw the cook in the back and he looked like Ron Jeremy, so we kept yelling Ron because we were drunk, obnoxious teenagers. He came out an humored us and even brought the food out and asked us to settle down. We kept shouting "RON" and "RON JERMEMY" and he came back and was like "that's ENOUGH" and the waitress shooed him to the back. We kept doing it and he went outside around the building and started smoking a cigarette by the window, looking at my friend. We were giggling at him like retarded, drunk teenagers not imtimidated by his act, so he came in and came up to our table and was like "I AM THE MANAGER AND THE COOK. NO ONE IS GOING TO CALL THE POLICE TO HELP YOU IF I DECIDE TO KICK YOUR ASS" while pointing at my friend. Things got kinda tense but we were still chuckling. He turned to go towards the back and as he got half way there my friend was like "RON JEREMY" and I was almost on the floor crying laughing so hard. The guy picked up a bus tote and threw it at our table and stomped to the back. My friend screamed out "RON JEREMY" one last time and we didn't see him again. We just left money for the bill and the tip on the counter.
So we go to leave and the dude was in the back, tossing trash in the dumpster. He sees us going to my car and he was like "hey I want to talk to you kids, hold up" and as he threw the last bag, the knot came loose and all this garbage juice and shit just emptied out on his head and chest. We just got in the care and left, there was no topping that.