- Joined
- Apr 26, 2024
Inspired by everyone's favorite gospel singer JimiHendrix, I have decided to recap and critique Phil's Fallout 4 2024 run, in the same style and hopefully to the same entertainment value.
Fallout 4 is a game I love, warts and all, and I know entirely too much about it. I'll be slavishly copying JimiHendrix's format, though I can only aspire to be half as funny. I don't watch the stream live but the videos DSP uploads later, so I'll have nothing to say about whatever slop he pukes up on the prestream.
End of stream. Obviously, he’s not going to struggle on a Bethesda game on Normal, but man is he dragging this out.
Fallout 4 is a game I love, warts and all, and I know entirely too much about it. I'll be slavishly copying JimiHendrix's format, though I can only aspire to be half as funny. I don't watch the stream live but the videos DSP uploads later, so I'll have nothing to say about whatever slop he pukes up on the prestream.
Phil says he usually plays RPGs as a charisma/persuasion-based build. This is not true, to my knowledge. To the extent he tries any kind of build, he usually goes for what he thinks does the most damage.
Phil watches the opening cinematic—which imo is pretty badass—completely silent other than a “Wow, think about that” when he hears about a soldier going to battle having not yet seen his infant son.
What are Phil’s thoughts on the opening cinematic when it ends? “Thank you 672 for a $6.72 superchat.”
Huge Fallout fan Phil has no comment on it not being Ron Pearlman doing the opening narration.
Phil bitches about how his Wife *thumb at door* is downstairs playing the game right now and getting a better fps rate even though he has the better console. That’s right, Khet is playing the same game, right now, but not with Phil. I’d feel bad for him if he weren’t such an irredeemable piece of shit.
Phil maddogs chat until they tell him how to get the same 60 fps Khet is getting.
Phil isn’t playing on Hard because “every enemy is a bullet sponge” and it’s not fun and would make the playthrough boring. Now, I’m not Probably One of the Best Overall Gamers in the Country, in fact, you might say I’m not even good at games. Yet I’ve only ever played Fallout games on Very Hard because they’re so easy that it’s fucking boring to play them on Normal.
Now he is just going through his house interacting with everything.
Mass Effect megafan Phil doesn’t recognize Jack’s voice. As an aside, Phil made a male character immediately, just never even considered playing the female character. I genuinely think he is incapable of separating himself from his character, an inability to comprehend hypotheticals and counterfactuals typical of the unintelligent.
*belch* “What’s hilarious is people were like ‘Oh you’re going get through the intro segment in like 5 minutes’, well we’re twenty minutes in and we haven’t even left the first area yet, so….”
Phil thinks the freezer on top of the refrigerator is an oven? An oven on top of the fridge, what the fuck.
Phil wonders if his character was a soldier despite having just watched the opening cinematic depicting him as one.
His build is S6 P6 E6 C1 I1 A1 L7
Phil thinks NPCs will say any one word name you give your character. He’s doubly wrong since only your robot assistant Codsworth says your name, and he only says certain names because obviously they could only get the voice actor to record so many names.
Phil isn’t going to make himself again. Instead, he chooses an “old white man” with graying hair named “Spoon”, a name he will randomly shout out the rest of the stream.
“You can’t even talk to your wife. Geez, what kind of a game is this? Then again, I guess some assholes just don’t talk to their wives anyway in real life.”
Yeah, I’m watching one of those assholes right now.
Now he’s complaining the prologue isn’t long enough, he wants a whole day of pre-War life before the game starts.
Phil is ignoring the nuclear air raid siren and is running around the neighborhood to find out if the game kills him if he takes too long. To my knowledge, it does, but it would take like 5 minutes in real time of not going to the Vault.
Phil sees two women hugging and declares this is woke 2015. Sure Dave, they can’t be sisters or just two people holding each other because the fucking world’s about to end, only two lesbians would hug.
Phil left the tutorial zone and was insta-killed by The Bomb.
He did it again to see if The Bomb was triggered because he took too long or because he left the zone. Death 2.
Phil left the zone and died again. That’s 3 deaths when all he had to do was walk to a place.
Phil sees a soldier in power armor and is shocked, he had no idea power armor existed before the Great War. I remind you that half an hour ago he silently watched the opening cinematic which showed 2 soldiers in power armor.
Now he is talking to every neighbor in the Vault, just get in the pod, goddamn.
Phil has no reaction when his in-game wife gets her head blown off, because he “obviously knew that was going to happen and that’s why I’m desensitized.” It hits me like a gut-punch every time because I’m a human being that has feelings, being a weird alien like Phil seems miserable.
One of his idiots quoted a Mr. Freeze pun from Batman & Robin so now Phil is doing bad Arnold ice puns, including one that isn’t even from the movie.
Phil is bamboozled by the idea that you take your murdered wife’s wedding ring. Seriously, he outright says he is “really confused” and “it’s odd, is it not?” No, it fucking isn’t, you weird, weird man.
Now he is amazed that all the other life support pods failed and only he survived. Even if he doesn’t remember that the game explains why he’s the only survivor, I really don’t see what’s so odd about some machines crapping out while others don’t.
Phil reads the terminal of the mutinous security guards who tried to force the Vault Overseer to open the Vault and declares they successfully left. The terminal doesn’t say that, it only says they intended to try, and personally I think the game implies all the Vault-Tec employees died fighting each other over whether to open the door or not.
He can’t figure out how to unequip his gun so he is just keeping it in his hand even though he’s only using melee, he is not firing the pistol.
Phil plays the Red Menace terminal minigame, singing about how it’s Donkey Kong. He dies 11 seconds in.
He beat the first level and then died 14 seconds into the second level.
He gets the power armor power-up and declares, “It makes you slow so what’s the point.” No Phil, you’re running the wrong way on the treadmill, that’s why you’re slow, there’s arrows and everything.
19 seconds and he has Game Overed the minigame, he is silently frowning and choosing not to play again.
Quick beg as he splits the part.
Now he is dicking around with the color of the Pip-Boy display because its flashlight is too bright for him. I thought the point of a flashlight was to be bright, but then I don’t have a 15-year legacy as a content creator.
Phil says the display is blue but the flashlight isn’t (it is) so now he is looking through the menus trying to find where to change the flashlight color, kill me now.
Phil says it’s impossible that he went around the Vault in a loop, I don’t know why he thinks this is impossible.
After 78 minutes we have left the Vault
The first thing he does? Go drink irradiated water. “I got irradiated IMMEDIATELY.” That’s how radiation works, Phil.
Phil gives us a preview of his awful play when he tells us he will look for “healing items” and not armor since the armor “sucks” at this level.
He remarks the music is beautiful (it is) and hums something that totally doesn’t match the music that’s playing at all, like it’s not even close to the rhythm.
For the record, Phil save-scummed the lockpicking of the first lock in the game.
Phil wonders if the pipe pistol, a slapped-together piece of crap from the Wasteland, is better than his pre-War 10mm semi-automatic. Not to mention he’s still not firing the gun so why would it matter.
Phil is confused that his robotic servant is still at his house waiting for him after 200 years. He’s remarked on it twice. Like, Codsworth is a robot literally programmed to serve you and take care of your house? It’s not hard?
His chat says Codsworth couldn’t function after 200 years and Phil agrees, telling them to suspend disbelief. So Phil and his idiots are fine with a robot that is fully sentient and floats in the air on a self-generated flame, but its lasting a long time without maintenance is a bridge too far.
Phil is asked the key to the Fallout games’ success: “Being pretty immersive of a universe…tons of lore…interesting questing…good dialogue…actual options that can change the outcome…”
So basically things you don’t care about at all. When an interaction with an NPC isn’t a quest, it’s a waste of your time. When it doesn’t have a reward, it’s “worthless”. When you do get a reward, it’s worthless if it isn’t something you can use or better than what you have. Any lore you encounter you forget 30 seconds later or don’t even want to read. You constantly mock and goat laugh at in-game dialogue and mechanically make the same choices every time you play.
He’s going into every ruined house in the neighborhood and examining everything inside god just do something will you please play the game just play the goddamn game Phil.
“How do I see my map?” When you picked up the Pip-Boy, you displayed the map and said, “There’s the map,” how do you not know how to do this.
“I wish we could find a melee weapon because that’s the build I’m going for.” At the start of the Vault, your chat told you to pick up the baton you passed by, you yelled at them that you didn’t need a weapon you were just going to punch the enemies.
He’s now inside a house he has already been in because he’s lost in the fucking tutorial area, just like in Mass Effect 1.
Mouses over (or whatever it’s called on console, PC master race) the Cooking Station, doesn’t interact with it.
After 1 hour and 44 minutes, Phil has left the tutorial area.
Phil calls Dogmeat a mutt, he isn’t, literally one of his defining characteristics is that he’s a surviving purebred good boy.
Phil thinks you can’t melee in V.A.T.S., no, it’s because you still have the gun equipped you 72 IQ motherfucker.
I swear I did not make this up, Phil finds a terminal and sees entries that provide lore, he shuts off the terminal, “Nah I don’t care about that.”
Phil thinks he has Advanced Lock-Picking, he doesn’t since he hasn’t spent a Perk point on it.
He is not picking up any junk items, hope he isn’t planning on crafting later.
He tried to pick an Advanced safe and finally realized he doesn’t have Advanced Lock-Picking.
Phil says 95% of Fallout 4 is exploring, 10 seconds later he goes up on the roofs of two buildings and finds nothing. “What’s the point of being up here?”
He’s complaining his flashlight is too bright again.
Having played this game way too much, I’m wincing every time he sees duct tape and doesn't pick it up.
Phil meets Preston, who introduces himself. Less than a minute later, his character calls Preston by name. “Howdy nose name?” (How’d he know his name, I think he meant, but “howdy nose name” is what he mush-mouthed.)
Phil is mad his quest reward was another terminal minigame.
After hearing Preston explain how most of his people have died horribly and now they are trapped by raiders who want to murder them, Phil is confused as to why the other members of Preston’s group are freaking out.
Phil has broken 2 bobby pins on 2 novice locks and has been reduced to going “ubdebdubdebdub” trying to open them.
“What’s he [Preston] talking about? They never mentioned going to the roof.”
Yes they did, that’s where the power armor is.
Phil watches the opening cinematic—which imo is pretty badass—completely silent other than a “Wow, think about that” when he hears about a soldier going to battle having not yet seen his infant son.
What are Phil’s thoughts on the opening cinematic when it ends? “Thank you 672 for a $6.72 superchat.”
Huge Fallout fan Phil has no comment on it not being Ron Pearlman doing the opening narration.
Phil bitches about how his Wife *thumb at door* is downstairs playing the game right now and getting a better fps rate even though he has the better console. That’s right, Khet is playing the same game, right now, but not with Phil. I’d feel bad for him if he weren’t such an irredeemable piece of shit.
Phil maddogs chat until they tell him how to get the same 60 fps Khet is getting.
Phil isn’t playing on Hard because “every enemy is a bullet sponge” and it’s not fun and would make the playthrough boring. Now, I’m not Probably One of the Best Overall Gamers in the Country, in fact, you might say I’m not even good at games. Yet I’ve only ever played Fallout games on Very Hard because they’re so easy that it’s fucking boring to play them on Normal.
Now he is just going through his house interacting with everything.
Mass Effect megafan Phil doesn’t recognize Jack’s voice. As an aside, Phil made a male character immediately, just never even considered playing the female character. I genuinely think he is incapable of separating himself from his character, an inability to comprehend hypotheticals and counterfactuals typical of the unintelligent.
*belch* “What’s hilarious is people were like ‘Oh you’re going get through the intro segment in like 5 minutes’, well we’re twenty minutes in and we haven’t even left the first area yet, so….”
Phil thinks the freezer on top of the refrigerator is an oven? An oven on top of the fridge, what the fuck.
Phil wonders if his character was a soldier despite having just watched the opening cinematic depicting him as one.
His build is S6 P6 E6 C1 I1 A1 L7
Phil thinks NPCs will say any one word name you give your character. He’s doubly wrong since only your robot assistant Codsworth says your name, and he only says certain names because obviously they could only get the voice actor to record so many names.
Phil isn’t going to make himself again. Instead, he chooses an “old white man” with graying hair named “Spoon”, a name he will randomly shout out the rest of the stream.
“You can’t even talk to your wife. Geez, what kind of a game is this? Then again, I guess some assholes just don’t talk to their wives anyway in real life.”
Yeah, I’m watching one of those assholes right now.
Now he’s complaining the prologue isn’t long enough, he wants a whole day of pre-War life before the game starts.
Phil is ignoring the nuclear air raid siren and is running around the neighborhood to find out if the game kills him if he takes too long. To my knowledge, it does, but it would take like 5 minutes in real time of not going to the Vault.
Phil sees two women hugging and declares this is woke 2015. Sure Dave, they can’t be sisters or just two people holding each other because the fucking world’s about to end, only two lesbians would hug.
Phil left the tutorial zone and was insta-killed by The Bomb.
He did it again to see if The Bomb was triggered because he took too long or because he left the zone. Death 2.
Phil left the zone and died again. That’s 3 deaths when all he had to do was walk to a place.
Phil sees a soldier in power armor and is shocked, he had no idea power armor existed before the Great War. I remind you that half an hour ago he silently watched the opening cinematic which showed 2 soldiers in power armor.
Now he is talking to every neighbor in the Vault, just get in the pod, goddamn.
Phil has no reaction when his in-game wife gets her head blown off, because he “obviously knew that was going to happen and that’s why I’m desensitized.” It hits me like a gut-punch every time because I’m a human being that has feelings, being a weird alien like Phil seems miserable.
One of his idiots quoted a Mr. Freeze pun from Batman & Robin so now Phil is doing bad Arnold ice puns, including one that isn’t even from the movie.
Phil is bamboozled by the idea that you take your murdered wife’s wedding ring. Seriously, he outright says he is “really confused” and “it’s odd, is it not?” No, it fucking isn’t, you weird, weird man.
Now he is amazed that all the other life support pods failed and only he survived. Even if he doesn’t remember that the game explains why he’s the only survivor, I really don’t see what’s so odd about some machines crapping out while others don’t.
Phil reads the terminal of the mutinous security guards who tried to force the Vault Overseer to open the Vault and declares they successfully left. The terminal doesn’t say that, it only says they intended to try, and personally I think the game implies all the Vault-Tec employees died fighting each other over whether to open the door or not.
He can’t figure out how to unequip his gun so he is just keeping it in his hand even though he’s only using melee, he is not firing the pistol.
Phil plays the Red Menace terminal minigame, singing about how it’s Donkey Kong. He dies 11 seconds in.
He beat the first level and then died 14 seconds into the second level.
He gets the power armor power-up and declares, “It makes you slow so what’s the point.” No Phil, you’re running the wrong way on the treadmill, that’s why you’re slow, there’s arrows and everything.
19 seconds and he has Game Overed the minigame, he is silently frowning and choosing not to play again.
Quick beg as he splits the part.
Now he is dicking around with the color of the Pip-Boy display because its flashlight is too bright for him. I thought the point of a flashlight was to be bright, but then I don’t have a 15-year legacy as a content creator.
Phil says the display is blue but the flashlight isn’t (it is) so now he is looking through the menus trying to find where to change the flashlight color, kill me now.
Phil says it’s impossible that he went around the Vault in a loop, I don’t know why he thinks this is impossible.
After 78 minutes we have left the Vault
The first thing he does? Go drink irradiated water. “I got irradiated IMMEDIATELY.” That’s how radiation works, Phil.
Phil gives us a preview of his awful play when he tells us he will look for “healing items” and not armor since the armor “sucks” at this level.
He remarks the music is beautiful (it is) and hums something that totally doesn’t match the music that’s playing at all, like it’s not even close to the rhythm.
For the record, Phil save-scummed the lockpicking of the first lock in the game.
Phil wonders if the pipe pistol, a slapped-together piece of crap from the Wasteland, is better than his pre-War 10mm semi-automatic. Not to mention he’s still not firing the gun so why would it matter.
Phil is confused that his robotic servant is still at his house waiting for him after 200 years. He’s remarked on it twice. Like, Codsworth is a robot literally programmed to serve you and take care of your house? It’s not hard?
His chat says Codsworth couldn’t function after 200 years and Phil agrees, telling them to suspend disbelief. So Phil and his idiots are fine with a robot that is fully sentient and floats in the air on a self-generated flame, but its lasting a long time without maintenance is a bridge too far.
Phil is asked the key to the Fallout games’ success: “Being pretty immersive of a universe…tons of lore…interesting questing…good dialogue…actual options that can change the outcome…”
So basically things you don’t care about at all. When an interaction with an NPC isn’t a quest, it’s a waste of your time. When it doesn’t have a reward, it’s “worthless”. When you do get a reward, it’s worthless if it isn’t something you can use or better than what you have. Any lore you encounter you forget 30 seconds later or don’t even want to read. You constantly mock and goat laugh at in-game dialogue and mechanically make the same choices every time you play.
He’s going into every ruined house in the neighborhood and examining everything inside god just do something will you please play the game just play the goddamn game Phil.
“How do I see my map?” When you picked up the Pip-Boy, you displayed the map and said, “There’s the map,” how do you not know how to do this.
“I wish we could find a melee weapon because that’s the build I’m going for.” At the start of the Vault, your chat told you to pick up the baton you passed by, you yelled at them that you didn’t need a weapon you were just going to punch the enemies.
He’s now inside a house he has already been in because he’s lost in the fucking tutorial area, just like in Mass Effect 1.
Mouses over (or whatever it’s called on console, PC master race) the Cooking Station, doesn’t interact with it.
After 1 hour and 44 minutes, Phil has left the tutorial area.
Phil calls Dogmeat a mutt, he isn’t, literally one of his defining characteristics is that he’s a surviving purebred good boy.
Phil thinks you can’t melee in V.A.T.S., no, it’s because you still have the gun equipped you 72 IQ motherfucker.
I swear I did not make this up, Phil finds a terminal and sees entries that provide lore, he shuts off the terminal, “Nah I don’t care about that.”
Phil thinks he has Advanced Lock-Picking, he doesn’t since he hasn’t spent a Perk point on it.
He is not picking up any junk items, hope he isn’t planning on crafting later.
He tried to pick an Advanced safe and finally realized he doesn’t have Advanced Lock-Picking.
Phil says 95% of Fallout 4 is exploring, 10 seconds later he goes up on the roofs of two buildings and finds nothing. “What’s the point of being up here?”
He’s complaining his flashlight is too bright again.
Having played this game way too much, I’m wincing every time he sees duct tape and doesn't pick it up.
Phil meets Preston, who introduces himself. Less than a minute later, his character calls Preston by name. “Howdy nose name?” (How’d he know his name, I think he meant, but “howdy nose name” is what he mush-mouthed.)
Phil is mad his quest reward was another terminal minigame.
After hearing Preston explain how most of his people have died horribly and now they are trapped by raiders who want to murder them, Phil is confused as to why the other members of Preston’s group are freaking out.
Phil has broken 2 bobby pins on 2 novice locks and has been reduced to going “ubdebdubdebdub” trying to open them.
“What’s he [Preston] talking about? They never mentioned going to the roof.”
Yes they did, that’s where the power armor is.
End of stream. Obviously, he’s not going to struggle on a Bethesda game on Normal, but man is he dragging this out.
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