Phil starts off the stream by going to talk to “John” Cabot.
Phil doesn’t react to a reference to the Mojave Desert, the setting of Fallout: New Vegas.
Phil says Lorenzo’s Artifact Gun doesn’t deal direct damage if he remembers correctly, he doesn’t.
Phil says both he and Curie are “over-encumbered”. Translation: He is encumbered and Curie can’t carry any more.
He drops the Chinese grenade launcher, one of the special weapons he got in the last few minutes of the last stream, didn’t even fire it once, great streamer.
“Nope, it’s level 31. Endurance is level 31.”
The name of the perk is Toughness, Phil. Endurance is its associated attribute. Read, comprehend, speak, in that order, please.
Phil chose Lead Belly, a strong candidate for the worst perk in the game. If you don’t remember what that is—and God help you if you do—Lead Belly reduces the amount of rads you take from eating irradiated food. Let me count the ways this perk sucks: 1) Food gives a negligible amount of rads. 2) You can heal all your rads cheaply (from doctors) and easily (from the piles of Rad-Away the game gives you.) 3) You can just, like, not eat irradiated food. You can cook a bunch of food and eat it without gaining any rads. In fact there’s somebody playing this game, right now, who has a whole bunch of un-irradiated food he could eat.
Phil looks at a waypoint on his map and says he’s pretty sure it’s in the Glowing Sea, it isn’t. How can I be so sure? The map shows the outline of the Glowing Sea and the waypoint isn’t in it.
Phil ran away panicky from raiders, calling a small group of them shooting at him “World War III”.
“Look what I did—OH MAI GAWD, WHOOOAAA. I uheeya know how I just did that. I did uh epic attack, ayoheeuh know I did it. Looga this, OHHHH! Dude, that’s right bumper, I haven’t used that at all, it does an epic execution, right bumper. I didn’t even know that existed. Look! Yeah, right bumper does like uh special attack. When did THAT get introduced?”
The tutorial.
“Look! Loogathah, it’s a special attack. When did I get that?”
The tutorial.
“I didn’t even know that existed. So it’s right bumper instead of right trigger, suey right bumper does a special attack animation that’s like a finisher. ‘It’s a heavy attack that does more damage but takes AP’? I didn’t even know that existed. I’ve been playing this for what, 25 hours? I didn’t even know that was in the game.”
It’s the literally the first thing the tutorial teaches you after “how to move” and "how to pick up a weapon".
Phil’s so poor and his gear is so bad that he’s dropping a modded piece of tier 3 left arm armor for a tier 1 piece that reduces damage taken while standing still. I’m not criticizing the decision per se, it’s more that it’s hilarious to me that he’s level 31 and still finds tier 1 armor that’s better than what he’s wearing.
Phil doesn’t recognize Pickman’s Gallery as another Lovecraft reference. Instead, he says it reminds him of Beakman’s World.
“I don’t even know what’s going on, I don’t remember this quest, so I don’t know what we’re doing here.”
You could, I ‘unno, read the quest.
Phil can’t understand how raiders got to where he is. That they did so exactly the same way he just did never occurs to him.
Phil has already forgotten that he just replaced his left arm armor, that happened not even 15 minutes ago.
Chat tells him to get the Lockpicking bobblehead he didn’t see, it truly amazes me how excited he is to find total crap. That bobblehead makes lockpicking easier, remember Phil picks every lock he finds and breaks a pin probably half the time and he still has 99+ bobby pins.
“The mission was easy because I’m a badass.”
And 20 levels higher than the mission was intended for, but sure, pretty bad ass the way you one-shot those basic enemies on Normal with one of the most powerful weapons in the game.
Phil is now mad that the mission marker is pointing to where to turn in the mission instead of where he wants to go.
“I can’t give it to Curie, I gave Curie a bunch of weapons, she doesn’t use them. Watch. Looga’all the shit she has. “I gave her uh action rifle [
sic], a flamer. She has all this shit, she refuses to use anything I gave her, so. It doesn’t matter what I give her, she ain’t gonna use it. She uses the baseball bat.”
I’m standing on the chair now and placing my head through the loop.
“You know, if I was doing weapon mods, I could prolly make some badass weapons.”
He’s gloating again over 1-shotting a basic raider, I can’t even fathom the sad life Phil must lead that this is something he’s genuinely proud of.
“[name redacted] says, ‘Companions only use guns when they have enough ammo...with a lot of ammo.’ I’ve done that. I’m tellin’ ya, like, I don’t know how to get her to use guns, I guess she’s just gonna keep using the bat. I dunno what else to do.”
There is no god, but I’m praying anyway as I’m about to knock over the chair.
“‘The best melee weapon is the minigun that has a shredder attached from a workbench, it’s like a blender.’ Holy shit, there’s a BLENDER in the game?”
Read, comprehend, speak, Phil. For the love of God, do it in that order.
Phil can’t remember John Cusack’s name.
“I don’t understand the point of the room, I’m not finding anything of use.”
Phil seriously put on the Sea Captain’s Hat for +2 Endurance, he was wearing the tier 3 helmet that gave him +10 damage and energy resistance, I’m in awe.
Phil finds a rooftop filled with trash, he thinks it’s a great find full of great stuff, calling it “a jackpot”, this is pain.
He’s still eating irradiated food while carrying pounds and pounds of cooked food he has yet to touch. He even eats the raw ingredients for the cooked food he has.
“I really need, uh, more carry weight at this point, I’m having issues with carry weight.”
He has 9 strength, he can carry 310 lbs. I remember
@Sparkletor 2.0 wrote a great post about some streamer playing The Outer Worlds who carried oodles and oodles of food he never ate and weapons he never used and so was constantly encumbered and dropping stuff only to immediately pick up more useless crap, Phil is literally that guy right now.
A keypad next to a door says you can open the door without the password if you have 5+ Perception and Luck, Phil does it and thinks it worked because he has the “Dumb Luck perk”. There is no such perk, and it wasn’t a perk anyway, he had enough Perception and Luck. Like, the keypad told him this, that’s how I knew about it.
Phil doesn’t recognize the name Kurt Barlow. I can’t really shit on him for this because it’s a little more obscure of a reference. I just want to show off that
I got it: Kurt Barlow is the vampire antagonist in Stephen King’s Salem’s Lot, great book by the way, from back when King’s editors could tell him no.
Phil just dropped 12 Mole Rat Chunks that he cooked, I really don’t know what he’s going for here. Is he really just cooking food because he sits at the cooking station and it shows up in green so he just mashes it like that pigeon that hits the button for a food cube?
Philip Paul Burnell, having dropped a bunch of food both cooked and uncooked in this very same building not even 10 minutes ago because he was encumbered, is giggling happily at having found a safe filled with a bunch of uncooked food that he is now loading up on. What was the name of that Outer Worlds streamer again?
“Now we have 5, right?”
Since my eyes work and I finished grade school, I can see that he’s looking at 6 bobbleheads on his Vault 81 stand. That’s not counting the Charisma bobblehead and the Sneak bobblehead that he has now, ironically, failed to see on two different occasions of scrolling through his entire inventory looking specifically for bobbleheads.
He noticed the Charisma bobblehead and went back and put it on the stand, still hasn’t noticed the Sneak one.
Phil was getting reamed by the Flamers at Saugus Ironworks but you know the drill, overleveled + Normal difficulty so he’s not dying, but now he’s aggroed a group of nearby Gunners because bad.
Phil was killed by a Gunner mini nuke, death 29. He’s doing that thing where he’s so mad about it he doesn’t speak for like a full minute while he calms down, then acts like everything’s fine.
Phil “may-LAY” Burnell is now taking potshots with his sniper rifle, he misses 4 out of 5 shots and when he hits his shots do next to no damage, I’m questioning my life choices.
“He takes no damage. Why is this Forged taking no damage at all?”
Because your shots aren’t hitting him, Phil.
More than 27 hours into the game, Phil has eaten a food item he cooked, only because he’s already eaten all his irradiated food.
The Gunner leader got bored with Phil hiding from her and being unable to hit her in return so she suicided off the interstate just to end the fight, RIP Gunner leader, you killed yourself so that I didn’t have to.
I’d like to point out that Curie has been using a flamer for the entire battle at the Ironworks, Phil is silent despite the flamer earlier being 1 of the 2 weapons he specifically named that she “refused” to use. And he did notice her using it because he said at one point that she’s “flaming the shit” out of an enemy.
I know I don’t even need to say it, but Phil again doesn’t recognize Garrus. Real Mass Effect fan over here.
Chat is now baby-stepping him where to find the Explosives bobblehead but he’s blind so it’s taking a while.
“I don’t remember this quest at all, it’s new isn’t it?”
no
Phil shits on the people of Finch Farm, who have just become his ally, for letting him take their stuff.
Phil pronounces mutfruit as “mutt-fruit”.
“Water has a flavor.”
No it doesn’t, like it’s a scientific fact that it doesn’t. If you drink water and taste anything, there’s something in it, intentionally or not.
“Lead Belly is good.”
no
Phil asks his chat which story he should pursue, Brotherhood or Railroad. Chat says Brotherhood.
Phil sees the USS Constitution.
“That’s a museum, right?”
no
“Those are the 3 factions of the game, right?”
There are 4 factions.
To be as fair as possible to Phil, he immediately recognized the voice of some guy from Star Trek Voyager, I myself didn’t because I don’t watch crap.
“I’m convinced, I’m gonna totally side with [Elder Maxson].”
“No, I didn’t say I’m siding with the Brotherhood.”
Sure sounded like it to me.
Phil finds a cat on the Prydwen and starts fawning over it as if he’s never seen a cat in this game before despite having done the exact same shtick the last time he saw a cat in the game and that he has completed a mission whose objective was to
find a motherfucking cat.
“Oh NO, I don’t wanna talk to people. Cahm ahn, boring.”
Phil calls power armor a crutch and says that’s why he’s not using it.
Phil does the Spaceballs salute and fucks it up horribly, like I wouldn't have known that's what he was doing if he hadn't said that it was.
“Why am I allowed to take all your stuff?”
I’m continually baffled that Phil fails to comprehend what it means to join a faction in this game.
He’s acking it up over Dr. Cade being “stupid” for allowing him to take items in his lab.
“He just let me take everything, this guy’s so dumb.”
You’re a Brotherhood Knight, Phil, why wouldn’t he let you have medical items?
“Buy ammo for Curie’s gun? I don’t even know what Curie’s gun is.”
I’m sending out my goodbye cruel world text messages to everybody.
“Whoa, she’s using the gun.”
I’m glad I have a knife nearby so that I've got a backup if my first attempt fails.
Phil is obsessed with the super mutant behemoth’s rectum, he talked about a literal asshole longer than he has talked about Elder Maxon, the Brotherhood in general, and his current mission combined.
We’re back to acking it up at one-shotting regular super mutants, enemies who are only about 22 levels too low to challenge him.
“By the way the chat is completely dead silent, I don’t know why you all are so quiet.”
If you’re very clever, oh my brothers and only friends, you can connect that statement to the previous one.
Phil was killed by a super mutant, death 30.
“OH MAI GAWD, what was I supposed to do? Literally I was fine, then I came out of my death animation [he means V.A.T.S.] and I’m instantly dead. I did nothing wrong, the game just decided to kill me.”
No Phil, a super mutant decided to kill you and proceeded to do so by hitting you with a missile.
“Gee thanks, now I gotta start over. You know what? Go fuck yourself. That’s bullshit. Stupid game, ack ack ack, so dumb. Like why did I die? Well, I had a good amount of health, I murdered a guy no prahblem, and then I come out of the animation and I’m instantly dead because you took too long in the animation. What did I do there, exactly?”
You didn’t pay attention to the guy with the missile launcher.
“So whatever they hit me with, it’s almost all of my health instantly. What is the fuck is that, that takes all my health like that?”
A missile.
Let it be known that Phil “power armor is a crutch” Burnell just cried and ranted for a solid minute about a single death.
Phil is now carrying around 2 missile launchers because he can’t decide which is better. I’m sure he will soon whine about being “over-encumbered”.
“Where’d they even come from, I already murdered the enemies on this floor. 3 more appealed, had then spawned.”
You did that before you died, Phil. That was 2 minutes ago so I guess you forgot.
“Great stream today.”
