DSP's Hair Mega-Hyper-Ultra Thread - Patchy goatee talk included

Big Brown Schlub said:
Khet: Phil, when are you gonna take us to the honeymoon in Japan?
Phil: We have Japan at home.
Japan at home:
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A clip I saw used in an unrelated video made realize that DSP's current goatee is yet another instance of him copying CM Punk. He wants to be this man so badly.
 

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Benchod said:
A clip I saw used in an unrelated video made realize that DSP's current goatee is yet another instance of him copying CM Punk. He wants to be this man so badly.
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One of his prized possessions is a framed and autographed photo or plaque of CM Punk, and he was trying to skinwalk as him since the days of the Connecticut condo.
 
Crossposting from the main thread so as to not make it even more homosexual
Son of Big Boss said:
So what haircut would you guys suggest for the Pigroach? Every time he gets an haircut people here clown on him but they never suggest better haircuts for his age.
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To be honest, there's not much hope for him. Other men can hide their Oddly Shaped Head by growing their hair long. But Phil is balding.

The Keemstar hat / dyed beard combo could work, but Phil can't grow proper facial hair. And everyone would clown on him for blatantly copying the Gnome.

Phil's idol Bill Murray is an example of how you can effectively hide balding and a potato face. With a big 80s / early 90s coif. But that requires way more maintenance than Kat is willing to do. And Phil's greasy slick hair won't respond well to conditioner and blow-drying.

Realistically, Phil's punt option is to embrace being a slob, let the stubble grow and have dishevelled SpoonyOne bird hair.
 
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Nate Dingus said:
Realistically, Phil's punt option is to embrace being a slob, let the stubble grow and have dishevelled SpoonyOne bird hair.
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Can't look like a slob, he's a successful business man that has a loving mo-wife and family (Jasper the cat).

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Realistically the best option would be the beanie, he can easily monitize it until its part of the streamer uniform.
But knowing Phil he'll do some dumb shit that always lowers the bar of what I expect him to do.
 
Baldness is a terrible thing for any man and something I wouldn't wish on my worst enemies, but I've never seen a man bald as badly as Phil has. Is he doing some extreme comb-overs to try and cover his bald spots or is he just uniquely gifted with terrible genes?
 
Corpun said:
Baldness is a terrible thing for any man and something I wouldn't wish on my worst enemies, but I've never seen a man bald as badly as Phil has. Is he doing some extreme comb-overs to try and cover his bald spots or is he just uniquely gifted with terrible genes?
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Yes to both. He is probably a very late Stage 4 to mid Stage 5 on the Norwood scale so the small bit of his remaining hairline needs to cover a huge amount of surface area.

The reason it looks so awful is that in most men the hairline recedes further, and more uniformly, before widespread loss on the scalp. It is easier to pass that off as a naturally set-back hairline or plausibly hide it by growing one's hair out a bit than Phil's scalp-centric balding pattern.
 
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