Dumbest way you have injured yourself - Broken bones, flesh wounds and whatever

[Starscream's Loyalty]

When I was 10, I tried cantering while riding on a horse, and my dumbass flipped out of the saddle and onto my stomach. Cracked a rib and bruised my chest.

It's funny looking back though.

 

[Burd Turglar]

I was cutting open boxes with a utility knife, did the dumb-but-common thing if cutting towards myself while the blade was locked out. I got it caught on a snag, yanked too hard, and suddenly I was bleeding from my areola. It shouldn't have been possible because A) I have freakishly gangly proportions and should've been able to see my long arm coming towards me and B) the way I was holding the box and cutting, it should've went towards more like my side or my hip.

Well, on the bright side, at least you still have your nipple.

 

[Shidoen]

I was visiting family in Germany and when we were riding bikes I clamped both brakes and my face flew right into the ground where my lip got stuck between both front teeth. No teeth were broken but I needed stitches.

 

[Kiwi Lime Pie]

In 2021, we had to deal with a wasps nest at our own house, even worse, it was underground and hard to get rid of. It didn't die off until November. So if it's a good reason to build a better deck, than yes.

Underground wasps are nasty buggers. Sauce: as a kid, my neighbor's sister got stung by a bunch of them when she stepped backwards into their nest - none of us knowing they were there until she was stung repeatedly. From what I recall, another neighbor had some sort of chemical to mix with boiling water that was poured down the nest hole to kill them when the wasps were sleeping for the night.
---
As a teen, I injured myself when I was called inside from the back yard. When I went to open the back door, I missed the handle and put my right hand and wrist through the glass window. Thankfully, the emergency room said that my cuts and scratches were surface wounds and didn't cut deep enough to require stitches or more urgent attention.

Because the scratches looked similarly enough to the wounds associated with slitting one's wrist, I got razzed a bit in class the next day.

 

[Kurt Eichenwald]

I called a fat black woman a sheboon irl and she stampeded towards me and then she tripped while I fell face toward.

And then you fell face first into her cleavage and she called you hentai ass cracka san as she slapped you right?

 

[Shidoen]

And then you fell face first into her cleavage and she called you hentai ass cracka san as she slapped you right?

No my face went into the floorboard but at least she waddled away only so far that the police managed to wrangle her.

 

[AFAB]

Was at a guest's house for a barbeque, and I stepped outside to get a drink. I left via the front door, but I didn't want to knock on the door and deal with the owner's dogs barking the moment I start knocking, so I decided to get back inside through the back patio. There was dog shit on the floor of the patio, so I figured I could get inside and avoid stepping in shit along the way by running into the house and leaping inside. I wound up running into the glass sliding door and broke my nose as well as cut the inside of my mouth.

I'm kinda surprised that I didn't end up with a concussion or worse.

 

[Burd Turglar]

I've truly enjoyed all the stories of clumsy retardation in this thread. I'm just bumping it because I'm about to attempt to remove the packing from my wound and I'll update if it was a success or if it was premature. That's what she said.

 

[SailingtheSaltySeas]

Back when fruit ninja was still kinda popular, me and my younger brother tried doing it in real life. The back of my left hand and wrist got some pretty neat scars out of the deal at least.

 

[Almighty Space Duck]

When I was a kid my dad had just had a new lawn planted, one evening he gave me a pitchfork and told me to go stab holes all over the new lawn to aerate it. I was happily stabbing away at the ground until I sent one of the prongs straight through my trainer. By some miracle I didn't stab my foot or toes but I did feel the cold of the metal on the front of my big toe where the prong had gone through the trainer and slashed my sock open.

There was another time when we were on holiday where I slipped walking out of the pool and managed to bite through my bottom lip when I face planted the floor. I thought I had just split my lip open a bit (because of the blood) and only saw the damage when we got back to the hotel. My dad told me that he and my stepmum didn't say anything to me when it happened because they didn't want me to cause a scene and freak out when we were using the pool at another hotel.
I was relegated to eating soup and the occasional omelette for the rest of that holiday.

I also have tons of small scars on my fingertips from the sharp as fuck knives that I would have to wash up at the pub I worked at as a teen. I always seemed to guess wrong which end I was picking up when I would drop them into the sink and have to retrieve them.

 

[Ass to Ass]

I tried to take three plates at once off of my barbell. The middle one (10 pounds) immediately fell out from between the idiot sandwich and gave my big toe a severe sprain that took a few weeks to heal.

 

[not william stenchever]

When I was a teenager I got into an argument with my brother while we were working on a barbed wire fence and I tried to throw a six inch long piece of barbed wire at him and somehow managed to have it come back at me and pierce my upper arm with one of the barbs. I am glad in retrospect that I didn't harm him with the pointy wire and that I was up to date on my Tetanus shots.

 

[Womble of Wimbledon]

I tried climbing a fence by using a wheelie bin as leverage. Of course the fucking thing wheeled out from under me and I fractured my ankle, ended up on crutches for a few weeks.

 

[Burd Turglar]

I tried climbing a fence by using a wheelie bin as leverage. Of course the fucking thing wheeled out from under me and I fractured my ankle, ended up on crutches for a few weeks.

I did almost the exact same thing except I was drunk and running through yards in order to get away from a chick I didn't want to fuck and when the bin kicked out, turns out it was a security fence with a jagged top and I ripped my pants, favorite shirt and to this day have a giant scar on my stomach.

Slight update too, packing is out, limp is almost non existent and I'm hoping to take part in a planned camping trip in a little over a week. Hooray for being a klutz but with a hint of dumb luck.

 

[Spamtaro]

back when i smoked commie cabbage, i had a glass pipe on a hemp necklace. i eventually got tired of the necklace bit and went to rip it off, completely underestimating the strength of the hemp vs the cheap glass it was attached to. the pipe came apart and sliced the inside of my palm up really bad, down to the bone in some places.
i was lazy and retarded if you haven't gathered, so i didn't bother going to the hospital for like a day or two. turns out they can't give you stitches after the wound has been open for for than 8 hours or something due to the risk of infection, so they just cleaned the wounds really well and sent me home with vicodin.
i thankfully didn't lose function in my hand but there was nerve damage that took a long time to heal. i never told my ex what actually happened due to the embarrassment of being a retarded gorilla nigger and just said i fell off my bike and my hand landed in broken glass.

 

[Staffy]

When I was a teenager I like roasting small random stuff like, unused lego, piece of wood, etc. Until they turn into ash or fully blacken.

I tried this to a lithium button battery and a fragment of a plastic toy, and the battery underneath the toy exploded, and the melted toy landed exactly on the top of my foot, leading to a nasty burn.

 

[Enwardo]

I got a Buck knife for my 11th or 12th birthday and about a week later my dad told me to to go and cut up some cardboard boxes so that they would fit in the trash can. My knife got stuck and in my attempt to get it out I stabbed myself nearly dead center in the back of my hand. I, being trained in all the first aid that you could teach to a bunch of disinterested cub scouts, applied pressure to the gushing wound and held it above my head and walked to my front door and asked my sister to bring me some paper towels. I didn’t consider that I would be covered in blood and how horrifying that might look to a 9 year old girl and she screamed like she was the one that got stabbed. The ER doc said it was a miracle that I didn’t nick a major artery or clip the tendons in my hand.

 

[Monolith]

I was pushing around a cart in middle school PE like a scooter, lost my balance, fell over it, and slashed my leg on the corner badly enough to leave a scar.

 

[Grub]

I punctured the palm of my hand with a motorized lawn aerator. One of these things.



I have no idea what I was thinking. I reached my hand down to try and get something unstuck from the tines and next thing I knew one of those big spikes was impaled in the palm of my hand and was dragging my arm inside. I still have no clue how I managed to get my hand out. I managed to somehow force the spike to stop moving long enough to get my hand out. I had to literally push the spike deeper into my hand in order to free myself. I needed a bunch of stitches but otherwise somehow managed to avoid seriously injuring myself but I could see all the inner flesh and meat inside my hand. It was fucking terrifying though. The feeling of being sucked into a machine is fucking horrifying.

 

[Haloperidol]

Woke up with my right arm completely numb, picked it up with my good arm and let it dangle above my face. Let go and fully punched myself in the eye with the dead weight of my own fist.