H
HG 400
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THE ART OF BLARTING
Hello spergs, Dynastia here. You all might remember me as 'that bearded faggot who pretended to be a woman to seduce an autistic sociopath', or 'that guy who earned over 9,000 trophy points until the unjust administration took them all away'. I'm here to talk about the art of blarting, or blatarting, if you will.
Well-recieved blarting can be a great way to lightheartedly banter with other kiwispergs and form a comfortable base for more personal friendships to evolve. However, a poorly executed blarting is liable to offend the recipient, alienate people, and can potentially damage your reputation and earn you a bann for 'creeping'. How does one go about blarting in comfort and ease, without the risk of a horrible backfire? Read on, and you'll be blarting like a pro in no time.
CHAPTER 1 ; PICKING YOUR TARGET
Perhaps the most important part of blarting is knowing who to blart, and who not to blart. As a general rule, it's generally fine to blart people who already have an established history of lighthearted blarting. Another rule to remember is that the creepiness of a blart decreases as the objective absurdity of a real-world sexual liaison increases. To show some examples.
Example 1 - Foulmouth considers blarting Strewth.
Strewth is an extremely attractive heterosexual Englishman, and Foulmouth is a brutish, alcoholic, latently-homosexual Australian. Because of Foulmouth's predilection towards the dong, and his nation's reputation for prison-romance, this would be an extremely ill-advised blarting, as the suitability of a real-world sexual encounter is extremely high.
Recommended Course of Action ; DO NOT BLART
Example 2 - Mauvman Shuffleboard considers blarting Dee
Dee is happily married and both have a reputation of engaging in lighthearted blarting. However, Mauv is luciously bearded, and lives relatively nearby. While the chance of a real-world liaison is low, it's not inconceivable, and therefore any blarting should be carried out carefully.
Recommended Course of Action ; BLART WITH CAUTION
Example 3 - Anyone considers blarting Applecat
Applecat is the prettiest ween, and absolutely nobody on the kiwiforums even comes close to having a chance with her. The idea of her stooping low enough to consider you and your wretched, pathetic coffee-stained limp-donged autism-riddled body is so laughable it makes OPL's lovequest requirements seem reasonable.
Recommended Course of Action ; BLART FREELY
(stay tuned for Chapter 2 ; Appropriate Mediums of Blart)
Hello spergs, Dynastia here. You all might remember me as 'that bearded faggot who pretended to be a woman to seduce an autistic sociopath', or 'that guy who earned over 9,000 trophy points until the unjust administration took them all away'. I'm here to talk about the art of blarting, or blatarting, if you will.
Well-recieved blarting can be a great way to lightheartedly banter with other kiwispergs and form a comfortable base for more personal friendships to evolve. However, a poorly executed blarting is liable to offend the recipient, alienate people, and can potentially damage your reputation and earn you a bann for 'creeping'. How does one go about blarting in comfort and ease, without the risk of a horrible backfire? Read on, and you'll be blarting like a pro in no time.
CHAPTER 1 ; PICKING YOUR TARGET
Perhaps the most important part of blarting is knowing who to blart, and who not to blart. As a general rule, it's generally fine to blart people who already have an established history of lighthearted blarting. Another rule to remember is that the creepiness of a blart decreases as the objective absurdity of a real-world sexual liaison increases. To show some examples.
Example 1 - Foulmouth considers blarting Strewth.
Strewth is an extremely attractive heterosexual Englishman, and Foulmouth is a brutish, alcoholic, latently-homosexual Australian. Because of Foulmouth's predilection towards the dong, and his nation's reputation for prison-romance, this would be an extremely ill-advised blarting, as the suitability of a real-world sexual encounter is extremely high.
Recommended Course of Action ; DO NOT BLART
Example 2 - Mauvman Shuffleboard considers blarting Dee
Dee is happily married and both have a reputation of engaging in lighthearted blarting. However, Mauv is luciously bearded, and lives relatively nearby. While the chance of a real-world liaison is low, it's not inconceivable, and therefore any blarting should be carried out carefully.
Recommended Course of Action ; BLART WITH CAUTION
Example 3 - Anyone considers blarting Applecat
Applecat is the prettiest ween, and absolutely nobody on the kiwiforums even comes close to having a chance with her. The idea of her stooping low enough to consider you and your wretched, pathetic coffee-stained limp-donged autism-riddled body is so laughable it makes OPL's lovequest requirements seem reasonable.
Recommended Course of Action ; BLART FREELY
(stay tuned for Chapter 2 ; Appropriate Mediums of Blart)
