Explained: Six Types Of Farts And What Each Of Them Can Tell You About Your Health - Source: Times Of India

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Oops! Know what your farts say about your health​

Farting is one of the most normal and natural things our body does. It is associated with how good or bad our digestive system is functioning and can reveal a lot about our health in general. The idea behind why farting is considered funny or embarrassing is still unclear, but one thing people must know is that it is important to pass unnecessary gas or it could lead to uncomfortable bloating and stomach pain. Moreover, your farts can indicate a lot of other things happening inside your body. That said, here are six types of farts to pay attention to and what they can tell you about your health.

Odorless farts​

Most farts are odorless and indicate that the digestive system is healthy.
Farts that have no smell only mean that too much air has accumulated in the body and is now ready to pass and exit. In fact, 99 percent of fart comprises odorless gasses, while the remaining 1 percent is typically sulfurous.

Very smelly farts​

If your farts have started to reek, smell like rotten eggs, there is something extremely wrong with your digestive system. It's either because of a food intolerance, high - fiber, high-sulfur foods, certain medications and antibiotics or could be more serious i.e. a bacterial infection in the digestive tract. Something as common as a constipation can also cause super-smelly farts.

Frequent and excessive farting​

As discussed, flatulence is a normal biological process. While some people pass wind just a few times a day, there are those who experience regular bouts of farting. Ideally, farting is said to be normal when you do it about 5 to 15 times a day. However, if it is more frequent and excessive, it could indicate something else.
In most cases frequent farting is an outcome of carbonated drinks. Soda, cola, booze, beer are the culprit to be precise. These cause more air to settle in the gastrointestinal tract, making one fart more often than usual. Normally, excessive flatulence can be caused by swallowing more air than usual or eating food that's difficult to digest. Recurring indigestion or irritable bowel syndrome (IBS) can also be some of the other causes of excessive farting.

Constipated and farting? What it means​

Frequent flatulence is also caused by constipation, a condition wherein a person has an uncomfortable or infrequent bowel movements.
When a person is constipated, the waste that should ideally pass sits for longer periods of time in the colon, causing excess gas to build up. This leads to frequent farting. Experts recommend eating fibre-rich foods, drinking water and moving around to improve digestion.

Farts with bloating and abdominal pain​

If you're experiencing bloating and constant abdominal pain accompanied by farting, then it could be a sign of food intolerance.
Bloating is usually a typical symptom of a food intolerance or allergy. These can cause excessive gas production and gas accumulation in the gastrointestinal tract, leading to frequent farting and abdominal cramping.

Period farts​

During menstruation, hormone levels can fluctuate dramatically, causing several digestive issues. High levels of estrogen in the body can often lead to gas and constipation. These can push your uterus to produce hormone-like chemicals called prostaglandins, which help in shedding the uterine lining. But when excess prostaglandins enter your bloodstream, it can make other muscles in the body contract, including the bowel. Hence leading to flatulence and irregular bowel habits.
 
If your farts have started to reek, smell like rotten eggs, there is something extremely wrong with your digestive system. It's either because of a food intolerance, high - fiber, high-sulfur foods, certain medications and antibiotics or could be more serious i.e. a bacterial infection in the digestive tract. Something as common as a constipation can also cause super-smelly farts.
so its not because of teh pound of Onions i eat every day?
 
You know, I was actually hoping to learn something with this article but doesn't everybody just know this via... y'know, experiencing it?
Are people this retarded they need scientists to tell you "big tooties and upset tummy means you ate something icky!"???
 
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You know, I was actually hoping to learn something with this article but doesn't everybody just know this via... y'know, experiencing it?
Are people this retarded they need scientists to tell you "big tooties and upset tummy means you ate something icky!"???
They have a lot of retardation on there. I came across this article a couple days ago and was like "where is the explanation for how this stuff even happens? WHICH FUCKING TOXINS ARE CREATED BY EATING BANANA PUDDING?!"
 
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My three year old just discovered fart bombing people, he thinks its the funniest thing in the world. Today he climbed up me, flipped over my arm and farted in my face mid flip, then just started cracking up. What a devious little fucker.
 
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snnnnniiiiiiffffffffffff...oh yes my dear....sssnnnnnnnnnnnniiiiiiiiffffffff....quite pungent indeed...is that....dare I say....sssssssnniff...eggs I smell?......sniff sniff....hmmm...yes...quite so my darling....sniff....quite pungent eggs yes very much so .....ssssssssssssssnnnnnnnnnnnnnnniiiiiiiffffff....ah yes...and also....a hint of....sniff....cheese.....quite wet my dear....sniff...but of yes...this will do nicely....sniff.....please my dear....another if you please....nice a big now....

BBBBBBRRRRRRRAAAAAAAPPPPPPPFFFFFFFFLLLLLLLLLPPPPPPPPPFFFFFF

Oh yes...very good!....very sloppy and wet my dear....hmmmmm...is that a drop of nugget I see on the rim?...hmmmm.....let me.....let me just have a little taste before the sniff my darling.......hmmmmm....hmm..yes....that is a delicate bit of chocolate my dear....ah yes....let me guess...curry for dinner?....oh quite right I am....aren't I?....ok....time for sniff.....sssssnnnnnnniiiiiiiiffffffff.....hmmm...hhhmmmmm I see...yes....yes indeed as well curry......hmmm....that fragrance is quite noticeable....yes.....onion and garlic chutney I take it my dear?.....hmmmmm....yes quite.....

BBBBBBRRRRRRRRPPPPPPFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFTTTTTTTTTTT

Oh I was not expecting that…that little gust my dear….you caught me off guard…yes…so gentle it was though…hmmmm…let me taste this little one…just one small sniff…..sniff…ah….ssssssnnnnnniiiiiffffffffffff…and yet…so strong…yes…the odor….sniff sniff…hmmm….is that….sniff….hmmm….I can almost taste it my dear…..yes….just…sniff….a little whiff more if you please…..ssssssnnnnnniiiiiffffffffff…ah yes I have it now….yes quite….hhhhmmmm…delectable my dear…..quite exquisite yes…..I dare say…sniff….the most pungent one yet my dear….ssssnnnnniiiifffffffffffffffffffffff….yes….
My sweet little whorish Nora,

I did as you told me, you dirty little girl, and pulled myself off twice when I read your letter. I am delighted to see that you do like being fucked arseways. Yes, now I can remember that night when I fucked you for so long backwards. It was the dirtiest fucking I ever gave you, darling. My prick was stuck up in you for hours, fucking in and out under your upturned rump. I felt your fat sweaty buttocks under my belly and saw your flushed face and mad eyes. At every fuck I gave you your shameless tongue come bursting out through your lips and if I gave you a bigger stronger fuck than usual fat dirty farts came spluttering out of your backside. You had an arse full of farts that night, darling, and I fucked them out of you, big fat fellows, long windy ones, quick little merry cracks and a lot of tiny little naughty farties ending in a long gush from your hole. It is wonderful to fuck a farting woman when every fuck drives one out of her. I think I would know Nora’s fart anywhere. I think I could pick hers out in a roomful of farting women. It is a rather girlish noise not like the wet windy fart which I imagine fat wives have. It is sudden and dry and dirty like what a bold girl would let off in fun in a school dormitory at night. I hope Nora will let off no end of her farts in my face so that I may know their smell also.

You say when I go back you will suck me off and you want me to lick your cunt, you little depraved blackguard. I hope you will surprise me some time when I am asleep dressed, steal over me with a whore’s glow in your slumbrous eyes, gently undo button after button in the fly of my trousers and gently take out your lover’s fat mickey, lap it up in your moist mouth and suck away at it till it gets fatter and stiffer and comes off in your mouth. Sometime too I shall surprise you asleep, lift up your skirts and open your hot drawers gently, then lie down gently by you and begin to lick lazily round your bush. You will begin to stir uneasily then I will lick the lips of my darling’s cunt. You will begin to groan and grunt and sigh and fart with lust in your sleep. Then I will lick up faster and faster like a ravenous dog until your cunt is a mass of slime and your body wriggling wildly.

Goodnight, my little farting Nora, my dirty little fuckbird! There is one lovely word, darling, you have underlined to make me pull myself off better. Write me more about that and yourself, sweetly, dirtier, dirtier.

- James Joyce
 
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