Facebook Update 2013-05-19

[OR 345]

Something THAT big crushed against his chest? I can only imagine it shows.

 

[snowkitten91]

"Tucked in my bosom" is probably the most revolting thing I have ever seen him say or write.

Eew, sweat and grease can't definitely be good for those poor Apple devices.

 

[BigAltheGreat921]

A cracked iPod; and everyone will know that you are a clumsy fuck.

Aren't Apple products supposed to be...indestructible?

Of course not. Apple wants you to buy a new iPhone every year.

Meh. I'm holding onto my iPhone 5 no matter what. 8-)

 

[JULAY]

It's part of the image he's trying to build for himself, guys. He's trying to reconstruct himself into a hip, young tomgirl because he either doesn't want to accept the reality that he's a middle-aged man whose aging rather rapidly or that he's basically oblivious to that fact and still thinks he's a teenager who can do stupid shit like breaking iPods and play it off as "Trust me, it's the in thing to do. "

In the end, I believe he's moved into the adolescent mindset stage of his autism and is trying to rebel and remake himself into something he's not but thinks is cool.

Hey now, 31 is hardly middle aged.

 

[CatParty]

It's part of the image he's trying to build for himself, guys. He's trying to reconstruct himself into a hip, young tomgirl because he either doesn't want to accept the reality that he's a middle-aged man whose aging rather rapidly or that he's basically oblivious to that fact and still thinks he's a teenager who can do stupid shit like breaking iPods and play it off as "Trust me, it's the in thing to do. "

In the end, I believe he's moved into the adolescent mindset stage of his autism and is trying to rebel and remake himself into something he's not but thinks is cool.

Hey now, 31 is hardly middle aged.

When you're as unhealthy as him, it's well past.

 

[JULAY]

It's part of the image he's trying to build for himself, guys. He's trying to reconstruct himself into a hip, young tomgirl because he either doesn't want to accept the reality that he's a middle-aged man whose aging rather rapidly or that he's basically oblivious to that fact and still thinks he's a teenager who can do stupid shit like breaking iPods and play it off as "Trust me, it's the in thing to do. "

In the end, I believe he's moved into the adolescent mindset stage of his autism and is trying to rebel and remake himself into something he's not but thinks is cool.

Hey now, 31 is hardly middle aged.

When you're as unhealthy as him, it's well past.

That's a good point. I'd be shocked if he made it to 50 at the rate that he's porking up. He's got to weigh at least 300 lbs by now... and on a one way train to cardiac arrest.

 

[NobleGreyHorse]

So the iPhone is for "calls, business, and internet." What fucking "business"?

 

[Bgheff]

Naturally Anna compliments him on being totally creative.

Anna is hipster enough that she might do something like this herself, I am not surprised she likes it.

So the iPhone is for "calls, business, and internet." What fucking "business"?

In case someone calls to give him money for Sonichu of course.

 

[snowkitten91]

Um, Sonichu? (Does he still think that either Sega or Nintendo would ever want to take Chris Chan's magnum opus to turn it into some sort of franchise?)

 

[BillRiley]

So, duct tape is the new "Crayola fuckin' Model Magic" now? What's next? A duct tape Sonichu medallion?

 

[Henry Bemis]

So the iPhone is for "calls, business, and internet." What fucking "business"?

In case someone calls to give him money for Sonichu of course.

Good luck with that. He doesn't answer calls from strangers, period.

 

[Anon]

So, duct tape is the new "Crayola fuckin' Model Magic" now? What's next? A duct tape Sonichu medallion?

Can't wait for him to shove it up his ass.

 

[Trombonista]

Guys (and girls), you're missing the most important thing: Chris actually read a newspaper article.

 

[CatParty]

I wonder if he knows how many gay guys are Apple fanatics.

 

[NobleGreyHorse]

Yeah, I was actually kind of surprised at the Facebook outburst about how there were too many articles on gay marriage in the newspaper. Maybe he's taken up reading the newspapers other people leave behind at McDonald's? Or maybe Bob had a multi-year subscription to the Washington Post that hasn't expired yet?

Given his taste for cutesy and self-derived abbreviations like the recent "q-sand," it also surprised me that he referred to it as "the Post," not "WaPo."

 

[Hyperion]

WaPo is an actual abbreviation, so Chris automatically has to do it wrong.

 

[Batman VS Tony Danza]

The problem with that is the disconnect. He's just quoting porn and what he's read on wikipedia. It's gross, yeah, but the thing that makes that statement absolutely grotesque is that it's real.

He actually tucks that mangled, duck-tape crucified device between his massive sweaty tits and pressed against his chest with a muscle bra. He'll walk around and pull that thing out in public from between his massive breasts in front of other human beings,that are unwittingly forced to behold him retrieving broken phone wrapped in silver bondage, perhaps seductively winking to any woman he notices caught aghast by the scene.

If Chris actually pulls it from between his tits then there's a high chance he will get straight up laughed at if a group of young adults are nearby. He blends in enough where shit like that can be considered more funny than awkward (to strangers)

I don't think he'll do it more than once or twice though. He'll just get lazy and start shoving it in his purse.

 

[pickleniggo]

Spoiler

All of the new photos of his "iDea Book Case," which consists of his iPhone, his iPod, some holes for accessories, some bubble wrap, and duct tape.

This is the most ghetto shit I've seen in a long while. Chris, you're supposed to protect your belongings before they get crushed, you giant ass. Also why even bother keeping the cracked iPod if you have a new one? Goddamn.

 

[Henry Bemis]

Google searches seem to indicate "iDea" does not exist as a word elsewhere. So, unless someone says otherwise (or just feels like ruining it), this is the most original name he's come up with in a while.

 

[Male]

Finally, something to add to that Invention page.