So, I have to admit, FACT ZONE is quickly becoming my favorite segment, surpassing most of the games he's played in the comedy potential. For those new to FACT ZONE, here's a quick recap of some of the "final solutions" Jace has proposed so far (none of this is embellished whatsoever)
-Jace becomes the "Master of the United States"; like the president, but with more power.
-America is renamed "Deagle Nation"
-All cops are illegal because Jace doesn't like cops. All laws and customs are enforced by masked street vigilantes.
-Jace brings all his friends into office, and soon the government is comprised entirely of retarded 16-year-old stoners
-Deagle Nation begins printing money to fix the economy. All citizens get "like 2 grand" for free.
-Deagle Nation stops all trading with China because China "is crappy".
-All drugs are legal, Wal-Mart sells heroin
-All guns are legal, anyone can buy a tank or a B-2 bomber
-Gays will be sent to FEMA-operated Catholic rehabilitation camps to "un-gay" them by herding them into shower tents and sprinkling them with holy water.
-Spiking your gay friend's "gay Malibu shit" drink with holy water can cure his gay, "like roofies but for the soul"
-Deagle Nation closes off the border to Mexico entirely, border guards shooting anyone who tries to cross it on sight.
-Muslims are not actually American citizens
-No gays are allowed, but bisexual women are allowed "because that's hot".
-Math and history are not taught in school anymore. Science is not given priority.
-It was basically kinda almost the Jew's fault because they let Hitler infringe on their 2nd amendment
-Jace believes the Pentagon plane attack was somehow averted by the passengers because they had the 2nd amendment. This means two things: Jace believes you can somehow bring guns on planes, and that the Pentagon attack was averted. (Spoiler: it wasn't. The plane that crash-landed as a result of passengers revolting was aimed for the White House, not the Pentagon.)
All of this is really fun to write about because it's like one of those really bad late-90's dystopian cyberpunk movies come to life except he literally believes it would all be a really good idea and it would totally work. He is so fucking far out of his intellectual depth at this point and he has no idea whatsoever. He just keeps digging his own hole deeper and deeper and suggesting dumber and dumber shit because he wants to appear "intellectual".
I gotta say, I really want to write a short story about his beliefs though.
Premise: In the year 2015, Master Jace's policies culminates in a dystopian hellscape of drug-addicted, uneducated, gun-toting criminals only kept in check by crazed vigilante Batman cosplayers roaming the streets with automatic assault rifles. Money becomes worthless due to inflation and society quickly reverts to bartering systems, trading different drugs, "weapon mods", Call of Duty games, and skateboards as currency. The government is completely innefectual, infested with hellish corruption, and it collapses almost immediately without police to keep anything in line. Jace is left with only the option of martial law, which he jumps at the chance to use. The end of trade with China causes an economic domino-effect that severely damages China's economy as well as our own. Millions of jobs are lost around the world as a result of the interconnected global economy. Within a few years, Jace essentially becomes a military warlord/despot leading a loose-knit clan of street gangs and modern-day barbarians, some of whom band together and form their own semblance of independence as new American states. Women and gay's rights slowly erode until women are kept merely as slaves and gays used as beasts of burden. The justice system collapses entirely with death being the only punishment for anything. I slowly begin to realize that I am writing Fallout fanfiction and Jace has become Caesar, but nonetheless still thinks he is President Kimball in his deluded mind.
One of my favorite quirks that have arisen from this is that he ocasionally will completely make up big words and phrases to sound smarter. "Angle of opinion" and "Dinero of Liberty" are some of my favorites. The best part of all of this is that I legitimately believe FACT ZONE was his own idea. Nobody actually asked or even wanted him to do this, he just decided he was going to be Alex Jones one day. It's beautiful.
