Fictional Characters who would deserve their own threads? - Just like the other thread.

[AN/ALR56]

Paris of Troy:he killed dozens of thousands and erased his family and his entire country for a single woman by kidnapping her and causing a decade long war.

Dumbledore: he raised and groomed a child into a horrible life until he was old enough to be slaughtered by Voldemort and allow him to be killed.

Emhyr var ehmreis(Witcher saga): wants to fuck his own daughter

Mycroft Holmes: most intelligent man in the world, just wants to stay at the diogenes club and be a victorian diogenes misanthrope, he'd have a thread here but he would be a comfycow type character with a large following, heck, people would watch him on MATI sperging about people with autistic obsessive deductions.

Professor Moriarty, he'd be a Patrick Tomlinson type character.

Marc Anthony (HBO's Rome) literally rekieta in roman times.

 

[glass_houses]

if laios from dungeon meshi had internet access he would go complete furry gooner.

I don't know if Laios has a sex drive, or at least knows what to do with one. He'd absolutely be a monsterboo though, running massive forums or subreddits dedicated to various aspects of monsters and monster cuisine.

Laios is an autist, and problems with relationships and physical contact are part and parcel of it.

 

[Neurotypical Mantis]

I don't know if Laios has a sex drive, or at least knows what to do with one. He'd absolutely be a monsterboo though, running massive forums or subreddits dedicated to various aspects of monsters and monster cuisine.

Laios is an autist, and problems with relationships and physical contact are part and parcel of it.

there's a (seemingly official) figure of him with his dick out. you can interchange between flaccid and erect.
no, i am not making this up. yes, there are pictures of it. i am uncertain if it's worth actually adding to this post.

 

[Atatata]

there's a (seemingly official) figure of him with his dick out. you can interchange between flaccid and erect.
no, i am not making this up. yes, there are pictures of it. i am uncertain if it's worth actually adding to this post.

Any figure that has male nudity and is not from porn is definitely not official, it's Chinese.

 

[urr13 account]

Norman Bates. He dresses up like a woman and pretends to be his own mother. Classic lolcow behavior.

 

[Toji Suzuhara]

The Pale King from Hollow Knight. Created a personality cult around him so that all of his subjects saw him as a god, tried to make a massive megaproject in the middle of nowhere and got all of the workers killed, experimented on his unborn children using a magical substance in an attempt to fight a mental plague created by an eldritch deity, one survived and was trained with the goal of imprisioning the deity inside of it but fucked up and let it escape, locked down his own capital city and let all of its inhabitants starve, fled like a pussy once things got bad and then (probably) killed himself. And he also cheated on his wife

 

[Tablet County]

Melkor/Morgoth - dipshit who tried to contravene the music of Iluvatar for no reason. Publicly shamed by Eru pointing out the obvious that Morgoth was his creation so any song he made was simply part of his design. Proceeded to throw a several millenia long hissy fit out of spite.​

Sauron/Annatar/Mairon/Gorthaur - control freak autist that thought that defying the will of an omnipotent being would end well. Beguiled elves and men in the form of a twink. Got own-zoned by a hairy midget, his gardener, and a crack addict. Still has a better motivation than Morgoth.​

 

[Stratorroz]

Patrick Star, specifically the version from modern SpongeBob:
>Creates a beverage using his neighbor's bodily fluids
>Eats literal shit
>Two instances of him wanting to be an animal: first a horse and then a dog
>Destroyed a restaurant because he heard a bell ringing
>Is part of a club that consists of retards like him

That's not even scratching the surface, I didn't take his new spinoff series into account.

 

[glass_houses]

That's not even scratching the surface, I didn't take his new spinoff series into account.

Wait, you mean that they actually animated Bikini Bottom Massacre?

 

[Neurotypical Mantis]

Any figure that has male nudity and is not from porn is definitely not official, it's Chinese.

i checked and it does seemingly have chinese text, it just seems way too high quality for chinkland

 

[7.62x38mmR]

Come to think of it the entire main cast of Steins;Gate would probably fit in pretty well. We have :
- A giga-autistic self-proclaimed "mad scientist" that spends his days being a sperg in a "lab" that is basically a decrepit apartment, being a nuisance to society and also canonically leading to fucking WWIII
- A just-turned-18 teenage physics and neuroscience genius that spends her days listening to Mozart and sperging out on 4chan (on top of making a reddit reference by loudly saying "Upvote !" instead of thanks in the english dub seriously wtf i will never forgive this its so fucking cursed holy shit)
- A fat weeb that somehow canonically ends up being the only one with a kid but is also a massive fucking hentai and doujin addict and probably should not be allowed within 500 meters of a school
- A slightly retarded girl that... well that's about it. Mayuri's all right

 

[Miriam Margoyles]

Would Iago qualify as a lolcow? While he's undoubtedly a shrewd manipulator, I think he'd be a typical seething /pol/tard closet case who hates women and niggers because he's transparently obsessed with big black cock and the idea of miscegenation and, if he was honest with himself, probably just wants to get bent over and railed in his boypussy by his cool black friend, Othello.



Pic unrelated.

 

[Maurice Maine]

Come to think of it the entire main cast of Steins;Gate would probably fit in pretty well. We have :
- A giga-autistic self-proclaimed "mad scientist" that spends his days being a sperg in a "lab" that is basically a decrepit apartment, being a nuisance to society and also canonically leading to fucking WWIII
- A just-turned-18 teenage physics and neuroscience genius that spends her days listening to Mozart and sperging out on 4chan (on top of making a reddit reference by loudly saying "Upvote !" instead of thanks in the english dub seriously wtf i will never forgive this its so fucking cursed holy shit)
- A fat weeb that somehow canonically ends up being the only one with a kid but is also a massive fucking hentai and doujin addict and probably should not be allowed within 500 meters of a school
- A slightly retarded girl that... well that's about it. Mayuri's all right

Okabe Rintarou was actually based on a real 2chan anon who lurked their equivalent of the conspiracy board in the early 00s. Here's the original greentext that was the basis for the character:

Every time I'd see some international political news (usually war-related) in my college cafeteria, I would somberly utter,
"So that's what the world has chosen...".
Then I would pretend to make a call on my cell phone, spouting off lines like, "It's me. It seems as though xxx (some president's name) is going to take us on..."
Then I would say, "Yes, I understand. It is his decision to make in the end. La jodasoh steana (made-up words of farewell)." in the most gravest of tones, and finish my meal with a lonely air about myself.
I'd always intimidate the people around me like this.

 

[7.62x38mmR]

Okabe Rintarou was actually based on a real 2chan anon who lurked their equivalent of the conspiracy board in the early 00s. Here's the original greentext that was the basis for the character:

actually kinda glad 4chan autists exist cause that's one hell of a fun character

 

[Maurice Maine]

actually kinda glad 4chan autists exist cause that's one hell of a fun character

Most of S;G's concepts were straight up looted from schizo 00s textfiles tier rants. John Titor, ECHLEON (proven true by Snowden, btw), CERN's LHC and a myriad of references to japanese pop culture though those are more localized to the Visual Novel.

 

[Tari]

(The Hex)
[Careercow] Lionel Snill

• Made one good game and has been chasing that high ever since
• Goes after modders harder than Nintendo does
• Narcissist
• Overworks his employees to the point that they intentionally sabotage a game out of spite
• Stole all of their pensions and ran to the middle of a desert
• Made a self-fellating walking simulator
• Sold all of his IPs to GameFuna (Which is canonically run by the Literal Devil)

 

[Ring of Basilius]

Eval Ramman/Balthamel/Aran'gar (from the Wheel of Time book series) - Gambling addict, sex pest, killed by a talking tree minutes after his first appearance (wherein he shows up wearing the pictured BDSM gimp outfit), his forcibly reincarnated body is transed by Satan for his failure, he then becomes an even BIGGER sex pest

 

[BigKant]

Some characters from Borderlands could be:
-Handsome Jack, he did kill a lot of people by derailing the train at the begining of 2. Turned a friend/teammate into a robot and killed an entire village. Sent merceneries to kill his grandmother (we are told that she abused him as a child). Kept his daughter locked up in a bunker since childhood, forced her to manipulate the protagonists from 1 and 2 and used her to charge a vault key. If you have not played TPS then you should know that he gets a vault symbol branded on his face while blinding his right eye, the one branding him was Lilith (one of the 4 protags of the 1st game).
-Tyreen and Troy Calypso. Both of them are annoying e-celeb cult leaders of crazed psychopaths. Troy is honest to god parasite and feeds off his sister, since she is a siren. Tyreen also kills her father and becomes an abomination.

 

[A Distant Northern Land]

Every character from Arrested Development except Maeby.

This one is realistic since they actually were on tv and in magazines and the SoCal social scene. It would start with

[Careercow] George Bluth Sr. / Oscar Bluth / Father B - Embezzled millions. Converted to Judaism in prison. Invented the cornballer. Has a “surrogate” follow his family around

Then we’d get a subforum once people started following the family, Lucille gets her own thread and Michael and GOB, then Buster gets a horror cow thread. Hell Barry Zuckercorn gets his own thread. However, Tobias would ellipse them all.

[Lolcow] Dr. Tobias Fünke / Mrs. Featherbottom / The Blue Man / Anustart - Self-proclaimed analrapist. Nevernude. Wrote LGBT book of the year “The Man Inside Me”

With a happenings post for when he gets caught on To Catch a Predator yelling “Daddy needs to get his rocks off”

 

[HyperboreanRightsActivist]

I could see some onionfag blowhard like @VAIDS Victim or @Crimson Fucker hopping on a sock account and making a thread on Tooru, causing Null to die a hilarious rube goldberg death in an unmarked Serbian alleyway.