Fictional Characters Who Would've Visited Epstein Island

[HyperboreanRightsActivist]

1. Senator Armstrong: he wanted some americussy

2. Barack Saddam Obama: he had to "drone strike" some "teenage insurgents"

3. Senior Lexmechanic: he might go to prison, but you're headed for the morgue

Honorable Mention: Lizzo

 

[Lithuophile]

Sam Hyde

 

[Fascist Frederick]

Every male holocaust victim.

 

[ShooterOfCum]

The Avengers

 

[Muttley]

this gook

 

[JesusChristDenton]

Dr. Ivo "Eggman" Robotnik.

 

[BlaireWhitesBottom2]

ok but hear me out, i bet he threw a bitchin party when he wasnt all conspiring to do the worst things known to man

 

[Alex Yiik]

Epstein and all of his clients are all versions of Alex Yiik from different realities. The one constant to each reality is that there will always be an Alex who has an island referred to as his "mind dungeon." All of his trafficked victims are, of course, various incarnations of Vella Wilde.

 

[AnsemSoD1]

Suguru Kamoshida
Sugou Nobuyuki

 

[Coolio55]

The Scooby Doo Gang

 

[Waifu Days]

Lo Pan, Superman, every single Power Ranger

 

[AMERICA]

Beetlejuice.. he tried to marry a 16 year old and I'm pretty sure he's canonically a sex offender.

 

[Jason Wynn]

David Van Dreissen (Beavis and Butthead’s hippy teacher)

Comic Book Guy from The Simpsons

George Costanza from Seinfeld

 

[Homo Demens]

Dutch Van Der Linde: "Now I know this island ain't no Tahiti... but have some goddamn faith!"

 

[Valstrax]

General Blue, it would be canon accurate.

 

[Wood Logger]

Pretty much anyone from Zoolander

 

[Battlefield2142EU]

Batman. Bruce Wayne already groomed multiple boys into wearing short shorts.

 

[not william stenchever]

Caius Cosades, but only for the Skooma.

 

[innocent jogger]

Frank Reynolds (already admitted to it, but "just for the snorkeling")
Dennis Reynolds
Dee Reynolds
Mac (is like totally gay now because reasons)
Charlie (Too scared to leave Philly)
Chris Hansen's evil twin brother
Moonman
Pepe
Tyrone Watermelon (JK! No poor niggers allowed lmao)
The rogue agent from Anonymous that blew up those yellow vans on Fox News
The Loco Bandito
Link
Luigi
@Saddam Hussain Obama
Your mom
Caden Peck
You (jk you will die a virgin)
Me (just for the BBQ and snorkeling though, none of that diddling stuff)

 

[Waifu Days]

George Costanza from Seinfeld

George - "Jerry! Jerry! They're saying I was on the island!"
Jerry - "Epstein's island?"
George - "Does anyone get upset about being on any other island?"
Jerry - "Sure. There's Skull Island, Jurassic Park, the Island of Doctor Moreau."
Kramer - "Don't forget that wish granting island with the little guy" (Hand motion) "Freaky"