Fortunately/ Unfortunately

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Unfortunately, their tiny incel dicks won't sate your whore ass and they care too much about bitching about women who don't put out.
 
Fortunately, male ogres and female ogres basically look the same, so the gay ones and the straight ones got together and agreed to smash the shit out of each other's buttholes, giving you time to escape the forest
 
Unfortunately, you found a farm haunted by angry confederate ghost farmers who won't let you pass through them.
 
Fortunately you find a staircase to a Subway that takes you under the farm and on to your real destination Broadway!
 
fortunately, you open a small business selling alcohol
 
Unfortunately, your business happens to be in a weird Mormon fundamentalist city in Utah
 
Fortunately, President DJ, despite having admitted to never having a drink in his life, does something nice for a change and mercifully vetoes the law.
 
Unfortunately, due to a clerical error, non-stop drinking is actually mandatory and your doctor diagnoses you with fatty liver disease
 
Unfortunately it's still considered a sin to overdose on Christ's blood.
 
Fortunately, scotch is considered Christ's cerebrospinal fluid, and as such is A-Okay to overdose on, virtually guaranteeing entry to heaven.
 
Fortunately: Chris regards you with the same love and affection that he has for all his OCs.
 
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