Fortunately/ Unfortunately

[Trans Fat 41g]

Fortunately, the FBI are not after us!

 

[FierceBrosnan]

Unfortunately: The KGB are after you, comrade.

 

[Randy Lahey]

Fortunately, the agents after you are the ones from Rocky and Bullwinkle.

 

[Red Hood]

Unfortunately Harvey Weinstein left you 10 voicemails.

 

[TheClorax]

Fortunately, they’re only 2 seconds long.

 

[FierceBrosnan]

Unfortunately, you cannot cash in on the #MeToo movement due to being a white male.

 

[0 0]

Fortunately, there is a solution to that.

 

[Tanti-Fanti]

Unfortunately that involves becoming black.

 

[Pickle Dick]

Fortunately, you will have better intelligence than other blacks

 

[polonium]

Unfortunately, so do most farm animals

 

[Red Hood]

Fortunately, we're all bound for the glue factory.

 

[Gorgar]

Unfortunately, we love to eat glue and shoving it up in and out our asses.

 

[TheClorax]

Fortunately, it’s toxic, so it’ll kill you.

 

[8777BB5]

Unfortunately you wind up in heaven where you have to deal with Jimmy Swaggart and Osama Bin Laden singing country music all day

 

[Pina Colada]

Fortunately, you'll also get those 72 virgins!

 

[polonium]

Unfortunately, you have been assigned 72 incels by mistake

 

[Randy Lahey]

Fortunately, they are all too awkward to look in your direction even when they’re dead.

 

[TheClorax]

Unfortunately, you are a fan of Rick and Morty.

 

[Professor Poopypants]

Fortunately, you somehow avoided all the szechuan sauce nonsense

 

[TheClorax]

Unfortunately, you couldn’t avoid Pickle Rick.