Funny tips from Game Guides

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R00T

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Oct 16, 2020
I'm sure some of us are bad gamers and resort to using guides. i know i have at times. i also know from watching some youtube videos that guides can be absolutely hilarious at times. case in point:

pictured above: angry gaming scottish man uses the ign guide word for word to beat dark souls.

so have you ever encountered any silly tips or tricks for beating a video game you'd like to share?

I found these looking at the minesweeper strategy page at the bottom, and after reading about hard theory about mine placement and probability of hitting a mine these just seemed exceptionally silly:
  • Do not use Questionmarks.
  • Press 'F2' to start new games. Keep one finger on this button, it is faster than using the mouse.
  • Avoid moving the mouse without a reason. New players often waste time moving the mouse everywhere their eyes look.
  • Ignore the clock. Looking at the clock during a game wastes time, and will make you nervous if you are going fast.
  • Many players listen to music while they play. This distracts them and lets them play on autopilot without nerves.
  • Play in a warm room or heat your hands in hot water before you play. This increases blood flow and reaction time.
  • Take short exercise breaks to increase blood flow and stimulate your brain.
  • After a long playing session, it can help to change the version you are playing. This helps focus your eyes.
  • If you accidentally click down on a mine, slide onto a different square before releasing the mouse button.
  • Use the 1.5 Click.
i hope you're all warming your hands prior to gaming kiwis.
 
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In one of the OG printed guides for Fallout 1 or 2 the UK edition had a joke printed in it saying "Always, Always aim for the groin" when explaining precise shots, under neath the image it said "Why? Because why NOT!".
 
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I remember some guide about an old game mentioning some pointless item with the quote "Thou hast wasted my fucking time". Sadly I can't find from where it is anymore.
 
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PROTIP.jpg


I'm sure we all remember this classic. They were pros writing this, after all.
 
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Mayor Cody Travers said:
View attachment 5086884

I'm sure we all remember this classic. They were pros writing this, after all.
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People generally don't seem to realize game journos in general were never that great. People just accepted what they said because they were too young to see that and because they didn't yet actively malign their audience. Examples like yours were everywhere in games magazines. A lot of gems out there.
 
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Not so much a tip, but I recall a strategy guide for Crash 3 had a short section where the guy writing the guy decided to "take a break" and have his "nephew" write out a section for a bonus area.

All he did was write the section in italics and write in a way that suggests he's a little kid.

It's little things like that that give some strategy guides character.
 
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Overcast said:
Not so much a tip, but I recall a strategy guide for Crash 3 had a short section where the guy writing the guy decided to "take a break" and have his "nephew" write out a section for a bonus area.

All he did was write the section in italics and write in a way that suggests he's a little kid.

It's little things like that that give some strategy guides character.
Click to expand...
i was gonna say that's cute, but then i finished reading. that's creepy.
 
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Does anyone remember the infamously bad Final Fantasy 7 guide? I think it was printed in Game Informer. But I might be wrong. I had two copies of the issue and lost both two moves ago.

But it was full of incomprehensible information. Only the chocobo guide and the final weapon guide were correct. There was later a retraction apologizing for the guide saying there were a lot of translation issues. I'm not sure if they were using the Japanese version or a proto translation and that's why. But I remember having a lot of problems finding the Alexander materia. So I checked the guide and just couldn't parse what they wanted me to do. I didn't have home internet at the time so getting online help was spotty at best.

If you find it it's worth a read for a laugh.

Editing to mention the part about the WEAPONS:

While it did let you know that you shouldn't use Knights of the Round on Ruby because he would always counterattack with Ultima, when it came to Emerald the guide failed to mention how to mitigate the damage done by aire tam storm. So it turned out he was way harder than he should be since aire tam storm's damage is increased by the amount of materia you have equipped. So just using bare essentials makes for less death. I think the guide may have mentioned the underwater materia that removed the timer but not how to get it.

Ruby is way worse anyway because of whirl sand permanently removing live party members (always enter with two characters dead), the constant status effects if you don't have enough ribbons to go around and the ultima counter that makes it implausible to mime spam Knights of the Round on him.

Really these are the only two challenging battles in the game unless you are purposely trying to handicap yourself.
 
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Phalanges Mycologist said:
In one of the OG printed guides for Fallout 1 or 2 the UK edition had a joke printed in it saying "Always, Always aim for the groin" when explaining precise shots, under neath the image it said "Why? Because why NOT!".
Click to expand...
UK gamershit had a unique flavor in general
 
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