Gambling thread - 99.6% of gamblers quit right before hitting it big

[Ughubughughughughughghlug]

I went in a casino today for the first time. I was shocked to stumble across one far from any Indian reservation and apparently it operates off some asinine loopholes in the law. I bought a mint julep, played $2 into the lowest denomination machine I could find (confused by the absolute mess that these modern electronic machines are) and somehow hit it big and cashed out with just enough money to pay back what I chucked in and my drink (so it was basically a free drink and few rounds of play).

The place felt evil. Big dark room with old people sitting around zombie-like in front of flashing nonsense. Intentionally disorienting and felt like Pennywise would jump out. The machines and general layout (you have to hunt for the low denomination machine) are so confusing, I think, not just to hypnotize with lights and noise but also to try to obfuscate how the game works and how to work it properly so as to sucker people into playing mindlessly. There was no sense of fun until it paid out (I intended to spend a few dollars at a forty cent machine) and then the delight and surprise at winning felt intense and memorable. I wondered if the slot machines were made to pay out to newcomers, and if so how, but then I realized that no gaming commission would tolerate anything of that sort.

Both the machines themselves and the atmosphere they're in seem completely malevolent.

What's real scary, though, is that slot machine did far more for me in just a few button presses than the last TWO vending machines I used (both of which ate my money and then fucked me over).

 

[wtfNeedSignUp]

For those that fancy table games- if you're going to count cards, don't be retarded/obvious about it. Don't do advantage teams. The risk is not worth it.

What does happen if you're caught? I doubt you are still beaten up like the old days. The cost of one lawsuit is probably 100x the amount of money the casino would lose.

 

[Spud]

What does happen if you're caught?

You just get banned from the casino, however if you're using a device however you are looking at jail time. The underground ones will beat you though.

 

[Dojima's Dragon]

Is op a gamba goon moron?

 

[XYZpdq Jr.]

I blow a buck and a half a few times a week on the coin pusher across the street from my job.
Nice enough fun while on "don't need to clock out because I'm just going across the street" but if it was Galaga or some 2d fighter I'd dump as much into it, too
I come out not-too-bad for losses for street gambling, my spare change keeps me rolling, and one time I even got a $5 bill that was put in the stack as a jackpot, but tbh it's when I get the jingle jangle that I really feel ALL I DO IS WIN WIN WIN NO MATTER WHAT

 

[std::string]

No one who understands betting or gambling actually gambles. The games are for rubes. Same with sports betting or lottery tickets. Cue the people saying "dude get good" or "dude you're too poor to gamble bro" or "I win every week on UFC or NFL".

Took me about a month to get suspended from FanDuel.

If someone's betting on sports all the time it means they're a good, profitable customer and you never want to be a good, profitable customer for the house.

 

[TETRABAX]

There is nothing wrong with gambling if you do it right. Set aside a certain amount of money that you are willing to lose. You can only lose 100% of that money but you could gain an infinite amount of profit if your luck is good. It's even better if you are getting free drinks

 

[space man]

What does happen if you're caught? I doubt you are still beaten up like the old days. The cost of one lawsuit is probably 100x the amount of money the casino would lose.

Apologies for the delay, kind fren. You will usually have security suddenly appear and escort you to a private area to discuss your bad behavior and then usually 86 you. An 86 is an old term for a ban, referring to 8 miles out and 6 feet down in the old days. However, depending on how the jurisdiction roles where you fucked up at.. you may find yourself 86ed from multiple casinos and/or make that regulator's "black book" meaning banned in the entire jurisdiction. That also depends if you're choosing to do this at a property under state or tribal regulation.

They have stopped beating people up, but they may literally throw you outside and use your head to open the doors with if you fight too much. Hope this helps!

Seriously though, please do not gamble. It is not meant to be a way to make money. In lieu of setting your money on fire, why not donate to the farms? Or make our glorious leader read from the Book of Enoch with superberries or whatever.

 

[XYZpdq Jr.]

gas station near my job got rid of their quarter push machine ;_;