General Crimes Thread

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Desu Vult said:
Well that's elementary school. I don't remember whats the age where kids should develop empathy and a sense of right or wrong and such.

What I do know is that when I was in middle school, I did the right thing and gifted a bunch of people cheap 5 buck locks, complete with a piece of dog chain, delivered right onto their doors. I also fortified the cheap shitty locks in my schoolhouse with superglue.
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More fun with padlocks:

See those hipsters/djentheads with the massive ear gauges? These things:
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You could, theoretically, sneak up behind them and lock a padlock through the hole. Then run away giggling.

EDIT: You could, also, in theory, have a chain attached to the padlock. And in theory you could lock the other end around a lamp-post. In theory.
 
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I've pirated several hundred gigs of comics, and download more every Wednesday. It's extra fun because the comic industry is suffering and I'm actively hurting their companies.
 
Deadpool said:
I've pirated several hundred gigs of comics, and download more every Wednesday. It's extra fun because the comic industry is suffering and I'm actively hurting their companies.
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Your penis should sue your for ruining any chance of entering a woman.
 
If I was ever caught in a BLM protest against my will, I’d blast nothing but K-Pop music in my car while watching protestors confuse themselves on whether or not to act peaceful or even be more angry.
 
Okay this is another good crime for getting money I call it the 'Welfare Department Bamboozle' and it's for more of the sophisticated white-collar type criminals. So basically you want to go and see a doctor and tell him you hurt your back, let him run a bunch of tests and then he won't find anything wrong with your back but he can't prove it doesn't hurt, so he'll write you out a note saying you have a hurt back. Then you take that note to the Welfare Department and tell them you can't work because your back is hurt. The trick to this crime is that your back was never hurt, and now you're getting welfare paychecks but you can also work your normal job or do other crimes to make more money if you want. If you're an especially skilled heister you might also be given back pills for your sore back, and instead of taking them you can sell them to drug addicts to make even more money. Overall a very good heist to try out if you want a bit of extra money.
 
It is not impossible that someone could commit various forms of fraud involving food stamps. However, food stamps are administered by the USDA and are a federal resource, and it would be unwise for anyone who has for example purchased canned or bottled beverages and dumped the contents out for the sole purpose of claiming a state cash deposit for the container to claim they have done so on a public internet forum.
 
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Every time I fly, when I land, I'll pen a little complaint to the airline that flew me. You know, I'll come up with something like, uh, "oh, they denied me a drink", "oh, the food wasn't vegetarian"-- whatever miscellaneous hogwash pot-pourri comes to my crazy brain-- and like clockwork, within a business day, they're reimbursing me with a fifty-dollar voucher, a hundred-dollar voucher. I can sell that on the secondary market.
I've actually taken a pilot's wings before. I mean he wasn't fired, as it were, but he was definitely forced into an early retirement! I'm actually locked into litigation right now, so I can't speak with too much more detail about what's going on.
 
I like to plant kudzu in the yards of people I meet. Its really not hard at all and because most people aren't looking for invasive species growing in their lawn it gets out of control before they even notice it. For added fun plant it next to their house if you can because it will grow up their walls.
 
Spunt said:
More fun with padlocks:

See those hipsters/djentheads with the massive ear gauges? These things:
View attachment 2092733
You could, theoretically, sneak up behind them and lock a padlock through the hole. Then run away giggling.

EDIT: You could, also, in theory, have a chain attached to the padlock. And in theory you could lock the other end around a lamp-post. In theory.
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That's probably someone's fetish.

I got fancy organic yams at pleb yams price because they didn't show up on the self checkout screen and I wasn't about to call over an employee to help me pay more for a fucking potato.
 
Dyn said:
Post crimes that you do that are fun or profitable and give other people advice on how to do crimes. Please only post about fun crimes that won't get Josh in trouble with the feds, avoid crimes like money laundering, credit fraud or incel terrorism (it's okay to do them just don't post about them here).

I like to pretend like I'm crossing the road near traffic lights and then if I see a car with a white woman in it I'll open her passenger door and grab her handbag and run away.

What about you guys?
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>Please only post about fun crimes that won't get Josh in trouble with the feds
So I'm free to post about me joining ISIS then?
 
Dyn said:
Okay this crime I just heard about and haven't tried yet but it looks really good, I call it the "@drfrog caper". What you do is you buy a box of blank CDs and stand on a sidewalk where a lot of white people are and wait for a really weak, socially awkward white person to try and get past you. When you've found your 'mark' (victim) you go right up in his face and glare at him and demand he buys one of your CDs. Make sure you pick out a really weak, frightened little guy with no backbone, that way you can ask for $20 or whatever ridiculous price you want because he'll be too scared to say no. Obviously though if he says 'no' then you just leave him alone and let him keep walking because it's broad daylight and nothing was going to happen to him.
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I do the opposite when i went to hollywood, just take the free demo cd and not pay anything. You get free shitty music and coasters for the table. I had to stop cos one of the costume faggots made a big deal when he remembered who i was.

Boy they really hate not getting tipped.

Un Platano said:
It is not impossible that someone could commit various forms of fraud involving food stamps. However, food stamps are administered by the USDA and are a federal resource, and it would be unwise for anyone who has for example purchased canned or bottled beverages and dumped the contents out for the sole purpose of claiming a state cash deposit for the container to claim they have done so on a public internet forum.
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Up until a few years ago, you buy ebt cards at a good 3:1, 2:1 ratio, buy sea food and steaks and have a great mean at a 3rd of the cost. Then the gubmint cut everyone's ebt amount when they found out at the pakis were raking in millions selling cigs and booze as ebt purchases.

You could also steal steak and sea food and sell those at 100% profit. But then you could go to jail or the grocery store shuts everything down

A big tide bottle used to be worth a dimebag or single rock.
 
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I used to move pounds of weed at a time for various independent farmers through 2015-2019. It was good money and I figured I was just helping my local agricultural community. Eventually, I stopped after a lot of the dealers I sold to started going down on non-marijuana related charges and I got spooked by the idea of drawing the wrong kind of attention. I do sort of miss it, but at least I still get some truly killer prices on lots of very nice things.
 
I ve never commited an act of money laundering
 
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