Wasn't sure how i wanted to approach this, or if i should at all, but my behaviour as of late has been very off and i think i owe it to my community to let you know whats going on. I'm just hoping tomorrow i get told its all gonna be ok.
I had a very severe seizure at the start of the year that left me unable to talk for a few days, and had me unable to read or write. It was somthing i forced my way through and got back to a place i felt the damage was under the radar but even then i was told there was somthing wrong and that i probably had brain damage. But i ignored it. Because hey, i could still make content and it didnt physically feel different. I didnt want to be "That person who has brain damage"
Then, on Canada day, I was trying to help someone back to their home when they drunkenly grabbed my hair and smashed my head into the pavement repeatedly. I remember chunks of the night but i spent most of that week trying to recover.
Truthfully, my goodbye karaoke was prerecorded because before that i thought i would just be too distracted crying about having to go on hiatus. i have proof of this via conversations and wips sent to various friends - it ironically ended up being the only reason i could do that stream at all as it released i was very damaged as it was the day after the incident.
My stammer came back really bad after that, my ability to read and write is degrading again and I'm losing my focus more and more. I foolishly thought nobody would notice during debut at my new project so i kept this from the staff and my friends, so they only found out about everything after i fucked everything up.
After the event ended, Family and coworkers insisted i get my head checked properly- and the doctors have fast tracked me to getting a scan after looking at my bloodwork.
I feel fine. I probably will be fine. But, its really hard right now to make content. Focus and talking and everything is a daily fight. I know I'm improving, i just gotta see what extent the damage is and if any of this is any degree able to be helped.
Worst case? i just degrade more over time and i go from intelligble to sounding like porky pig. Best case? The damage is already done and can be helped in whatever amount so i dont progress downward.
TLDR; Not dying, But i have some degree of brain damage that i will learn more about soon and its got me stressed the fuck out
Also im muting the replies here because im not putting this out here to get messages of support or w/e i would rather nobody actually talk to me about this becuase its emberrasing as shit. But Midas before everything as always, was for real shit, so im giving you my real shit.
