But it's just weird because what practical value does it really have other than jewelry or decoration and who's going to give a shit about that if they're starving?
You can't fuck it, eat it, get high off it, get drunk off it nor is it very practical as a weapon, I mean I guess you can technically eat it, but it won't keep you alive.
It's nothing less than insane to me to think of 2011 being a decade ago, 2012 being close to it and 2013 being the better part of a decade ago.
Especially in the case of 2013, which in many ways feels like yesterday to me, what the fuck happened?
Barter isn't a sustainable system of exchange beyond a certain distance/quantity, never mind the headaches involved with matching value between two different goods. Yes in a true SHTF type of situation PM's probably won't do you any good, but I don't think most people expect it to get to mad max levels. Hyperinflation is scary, it can leave a lot of people hungry and destitute, it can cause the collapse of businesses small and large, any number of economic catastrophe's could follow hyperinflation. The important take away from the history of hyperinflation is that it can't reign eternal, eventually the circus comes to a close, and a new tent is pitched in its place.
The market can't operate without a true system of exchange, in Weimar when their currency hyperinflated they turned to PM's as well as foreign currencies (which were also backed by PM's). Your assertion that gold has no inherent value is true enough, its not used in many industrial or commercial use case's outside of jewelry; however you're ignoring the extensive history Gold and Silver have had as currencies, and the powerful effect that has on their current and future value.
Simply put the market demands a medium through which to transfer value, if not gold then what? You say that in the 21st century most would not value PM's so what would they value? Crypto? LOL, don't get me wrong I own some crypto myself, and I think it's a neat thing, but it's a long way from being a viable currency; right now crypto simply exists as a speculative asset, perhaps the largest speculative asset the public has ever had easy access to. Crypto also has it's own version of the fed propping it up, and (if you take bitcoin maxi's at their word) much of bitcoins price action is predicated on the idea that its encryption system's are unbreakable. "there will only every be 22 million bitcoins" appeals to finitude fall flat, at least for me, when they're made towards a digital asset. Not to mention that bitcoin necessitates both electricity, and internet access; there are a lot of things predicating the value of bitcoin, none of which are guarantee's.
If you're really concerned about tangible asset's having some sort of functional value you can invest in any number of other things such as land, machinery, perhaps even illicit substances as you proposed. That being said your best bet would probably be silver, constitutional coinage is easily recognizable, and widely known to contain silver; in a true SHTF situation I would expect that to be one of the first medium's of exchange to reemerge. Gold is not a medium of exchange during a hyperinflationary period, its for wealth preservation once a new currency is established(maybe you could buy some land or real-estate during hyperinflation).