Grand Jury speculation thread

[The Dude]

I highly doubt that Chris would have the coordination to ride a motorcycle or scooter with much success. Riding a motorcycle or scooter isn't like driving a car. Above a certain speed, around 15-20mph, motorcycles and scooters basically balance themselves because the spinning wheels act like gyroscopic stabilizers, and the faster they spin the more stable the vehicle gets. Because of this they don't steer like a car or quad. On a bike you don't turn the handlebars right to steer right. To turn right you actually push the handlebars LEFT and then lean the bike right to shift the bike's weight and alter the gyroscopic forces. It's called counter-steering.

And while most modern motorscooters are automatic with a CVT transmission, most older scooters, some newer scooters, and most motorcycles have a manual or semi-automatic transmission where the gears must be shifted by the rider. Chris never learned to drive a manual, and he's likely just too stupid to ever learn. After Bob died they had to get rid of the BMW because it was a stick. And on top of all that, motorcycles and scooters have a much different control layout than cars. On a motorcycle the clutch is a lever on the left handlebar, the front brake is a lever on the right handlebar, the rear brake is on the right foot peg, and the gear shifter is on the left foot peg. On most scooters there is no clutch lever and the gear selector can either be a foot control or mounted on the handlebars somewhere, and some actually have linked brakes where the hand lever and foot lever work both front and rear brakes simultaneously, though some have brakes like motorcycles where the right hand lever works the front brakes only and the right foot control works the rear.

I think even the most simple, underpowered scooter would be far too complicated for Chris to operate. He's just too fucking dumb and uncoordinated.

 

[A-№1]

The first hearing was August 4th in General District

The second hearing on August 5th was the only one in J&DR that was public,

I thought August 4th was just the initial appearance, not the prelim. We might be able to get public records on it, but I can't see what they would reveal (apart from maybe explaining exactly how / why Heilberg got on the case).

Chris fucked it up by not answering the question about his plans, and instead made the demand to go get his toys.

I think bail would have been declined even if Chris had answered coherently. He literally had nowhere else to go and no means to make his court appointments on time. Then there's the matter of the weens…

I can't think of any way they could have released Chris on bail that wouldn't just cause further problems.

And while most modern motorscooters are automatic with a CVT transmission,

Probably not any of the $500 Chinese knockoffs weens could afford.

Chris never learned to drive a manual, and he's likely just too stupid to ever learn.

I'm assuming Chris would leave it in first and use the clutch as a "go forward - no go forward" lever (like a sort of anti-brake). I'm not sure he would ever even discover there are other gears. This would make him very, very slow, and rapidly destroy the engine, which would be typically Chris.

some actually have linked brakes where the hand lever and foot lever work both front and rear brakes simultaneously, though some have brakes like motorcycles where the right hand lever works the front brakes only and the right foot control works the rear.

I'm surprised you didn't mention braking balance. To those of you in the forums who don't know what I'm talking about, as a vehicle brakes it tends to lift the rear wheels off the pavement, lessening their traction, while pushing the front wheels down into the pavement increasing their traction. This is very important on two wheels where your stability comes from the gyroscopic effect of your spinning wheels and those wheels can move sideways to each other on different tracks. So while braking on two wheels you need to dynamically balance your front and rear braking force as you slow down and your gyroscopic stability and momentum decrease. If you don't maintain braking balance, like if you apply too much force on the front brakes (especially while turning), you can lock up the front wheel and cause what's known as a "low side" fall (slide, crash). If you apply too much force to the rear brakes (especially while turning), you can lock up the rear wheel, also resulting in a low side crash. However if you lock up and then release the rear brake, the rear wheel unlocks and regains traction, and you've just turned a potential low side crash into a far worse "high side" crash. If I haven't explained this clearly enough, youtube has plenty of examples of both low and high side crashes to see what I'm talking about. They aren't pretty.

Despite those youtube examples, balancing brakes is a skill that quickly becomes automatic for most riders, but probably not for Chris.

Scooters can get away with linked brakes because most of the weight is over the rear wheel, so rear wheel lift isn't as much of a problem, but motorcycles need to have independent front and rear brakes (by law even) to allow the balance between the rear and front brakes to be controlled while stopping. There are some combined braking systems for motorcycles, but they are complicated and generally part of some overall anti-lock braking system (and they still have to have independent controls in case the rider has to adjust the braking balance himself anyways).

tl;dr: Braking is where Chris is most likely to fuck himself up.

I think even the most simple, underpowered scooter would be far too complicated for Chris to operate. He's just too fucking dumb and uncoordinated.

But it would be amusing to watch him try, tooling down the street at 15 miles per hour, stuck in first gear with the engine and transmission both screaming at him in agony… until he reaches the first stop sign.

 

[anti SJW]

(has Chris even been on a bicycle)?

Of course not. Using a bicycle requires work. You have to move your legs to pedal. No way Chris would put the effort in.

 

[Pointless Sperg]

I think even the most simple, underpowered scooter would be far too complicated for Chris to operate. He's just too fucking dumb and uncoordinated.

I see Chris as more likely to get an electric scooter/bike. Those are much simpler to operate, and cheap crap Chinese ones are now pretty cheap.

 

[Hopkinsville Goblin]

He'd probably get killed riding one, either hit by a car or just fall over like a retard. Has he even ridden a bicycle since he was a kid?

A Vespa type scooter isn't much. I still think he'd eventually get killed. But if he tried to ride an actual motorcycle he'd probably die the first time.

I think he could manage a bicycle. He has owned at least two in his childhood and teenage years and on OKCupid said he always wears a helmet when riding a bike. In 2014 he said getting into the habit of drawing comics is like riding a bicycle.

 

[AnOminous]

1. Would he/Can he keep his balance (has Chris even been on a bicycle)?

He got one for Christmas one year, but later claimed to Jackie it was basically buried in the hoard.

[8:41 pm] Jacklyn Romy: hey, do you have a bicycle?
[8:41 pm] CWC: yes, but it is soo tucked away, I can't get to it.
[8:41 pm] Jacklyn Romy: where is it tucked away?
[8:41 pm] Jacklyn Romy: i'd love to see a video of you riding around outside on your bicycle.
[8:42 pm] CWC: in our workshop, or at least used to be a workshop; now it's another storage space my hoarding family filled to the brim. h
[8:42 pm] Jacklyn Romy: oh...
[8:42 pm] Jacklyn Romy: you cant dig it out at all?
[8:42 pm] CWC: yeah...
[8:42 pm] CWC: no, there is just TOO much stuff in the way inside the workshop, as well as OUTSIDE in front of the door to the workshop.

 

[Yksi_Toveri]

Maybe I'll start an Albanian Restaurant in VA and hire Chris to delivered boiled hamburgers on a Vespa. But only the boiled burgers, everything else will be professionally delivers in a hot pink 2016 Ford Fusion.

 

[Pappy Striderite]

In 2014 he said getting into the habit of drawing comics is like riding a bicycle.

so he can't do either.

 

[Hogar Grupal]

He got one for Christmas one year, but later claimed to Jackie it was basically buried in the hoard.

I completely forgot that photo of him on a bike. I don't think he's ever ridden, even his parents didn't take a photo of Chris riding on it.

 

[A-№1]

I see Chris as more likely to get an electric scooter/bike.

I see Chris as more of a rascal man, myself.

Those are much simpler to operate, and cheap crap Chinese ones are now pretty cheap.

They're free if your town has a scooter e-share program and you have minimal electronics skills.

I think he could manage a bicycle.

We only have proof he's fallen off a bike. We have no proof he's ever actually ridden one.

In 2014 he said getting into the habit of drawing comics is like riding a bicycle.

Chris repeats a lot of idioms he doesn't comprehend.

 

[Hogar Grupal]

We only have proof he's fallen off a bike. We have no proof he's ever actually ridden one.

Knowing Chris with his awful coordination, he lost his balance, tard raged, and refused to ever get on a bike again. Sad really. If Chris would regularly use a bike, he'd be more in shape.

 

[ToroidalBoat]

We only have proof he's fallen off a bike.

What kind of proof is it?

 

[A-№1]

If Chris would regularly use a bike, he'd be more in shape.

If Chris would get off his ass and do anything he'd be more in shape.

He could be taking advantage of the jail exercise room, but I suspect his only exercise is a daily waddle to the commissary. Sleeping all day and dreaming of cartoon characters doesn't burn many calories.

What kind of proof is it?

He has a scar on one leg from falling off a bike when he was a child.

 

[ToroidalBoat]

He has a scar on one leg from falling off a bike when he was a child.

I knew he tried ice skating or something like that and gave up after falling, but I wasn't aware he tried bike-riding too.

 

[Raiken]

Chris won't fall of a scooter by using the front break, the weight would hold his rear wheel in place.


BECAUSE HE'S FA-

 

[Pappy Striderite]

anyone that watches this wanna fuckin tell me chris could ride a bicycle [no training wheels]? https://youtu.be/xqdAA1PyvdU lol

 

[A-№1]

I wasn't aware he tried bike-riding too.

Bob and Barb bought him a bike, so of course they were going to try to make him learn to ride it, because that's what normal boys do, and they desperately wanted Chris to be normal. That's the bike he cut his leg falling off of. They bought him another, larger bike a few years later. I don't know if he ever rode that one either. There may also be a third, also unridden, bike "tucked away" in the hoard somewhere.

 

[ToroidalBoat]

bike

all I could find on the CWCki about a bike accident was this from Kacey Call 18:

There's this oval-shaped, badge-like scar that I got from a bicycle accident when I was like five to seven years old.

 

[Pointless Sperg]

Bob and Barb bought him a bike, so of course they were going to try to make him learn to ride it, because that's what normal boys do, and they desperately wanted Chris to be normal. That's the bike he cut his leg falling off of. They bought him another, larger bike a few years later. I don't know if he ever rode that one either. There may also be a third, also unridden, bike "tucked away" in the hoard somewhere.

It's normal to fall of your bike and get some scrapes when you're learning. Where Chris is different is that he couldn't tolerate the discomfort of it and immediately gave up. Plenty of autists ride bikes, but Borb let Chris' autistic aversion to uncomfortable change go unanswered and didn't press him to continue -- a pattern that's happened through his whole life.

 

[A-№1]

all I could find on the CWCki about a bike accident was this from Kacey Call 18:

I think there's a picture of the scar somewhere as well.

Regardless, that's not the sort of lie Chris would make, partly because he's admitting to a failure, but mostly because he's not clever enough to come up with a story that's banal enough to be believable.

It's normal to fall of your bike and get some scrapes when you're learning.

And Borb so desperately wanted Chris to be normal, which is why they got him a bike in the first place.

but Borb let Chris' autistic aversion to uncomfortable change go unanswered and didn't press him to continue

Because although Borb wanted Chris to be normal, they (especially Barb) are as bad at following through on anything as Chris is. Giving Chris a bicycle gave him the trappings of normal boyhood, but without making him put in the effort of riding a bike like an actual normal boy. It's the standard Chandler cargo cult approach to life.