The biggest problem I'm having with Stolitz (Stolas + Blitzo) as a couple that this show keeps shoving in my face every episode is that the way that this couple is handled is unfocused and juvenile. I'm utterly convinced Vivienne Medrano has never been in a relationship in her life. There's no chemistry or relatability between either of these two. Neither them ever do anything with each other or for each other at any point during the show besides maybe trying to find a lost daughter or going to a venue down in the lust circle (which is okay, but this is a one off).
She also doesn't understand how to make infidelity (which is already extremely hard to do. Like really fucking hard to do in terms of writing.) and darker shades of morality sympathetic. Because she's not equipped to handle this because, like I said, I don't think she's been in a relationship. Stolas already started out as a partially unsympathetic character because he fucked up his daughters life by sleeping with a commoner and he destroyed Stella's life through betrayal and infidelity. The only motive I could pine out from the earlier episodes was sexual nihility which is fucked up in of itself and I'm pretty sure Brandon Rogers did not approve of this at all given that he was supposed to be voicing a proxy to this. Why do I think this? The episode Circus fucking retconned this to hell and back. Now instead of this being nihlistic infidelity, it's because Stella is a bitch! Guys, don't you feel sympathy for Stolas now! His wife is an abusive fucking bitch! That's why he's being unfaithful!
I don't, but that's because you've turned something that's morally dark (which is fine given that the earlier episodes seemed to hint at the show being nihilistic slapstick comedy) and almost nihilistic and turned it into sloppy and jank writing. Stella has no depth at all. She's a bitch for no apparent reason other than I guess that's how she was born. You could make an argument that maybe this is because of a spoiled child born to a spoiled family because the Ars Goetia live like kings, but it doesn't, to me, make for a compelling character arc for our pal Stolas here. In fact, it makes everything way less compelling because it's, at best, a cliche, and at worst, one dimensional characterization. It's easy to write someone who is a psychopathic bitch which is what Stella is portrayed as. It's hard to make a sympathetic story where both sides of the fence aren't wrong in their reaction to the infidelity but what makes them wrong is the actions they take afterwards which is probably what Vivienne Medrano wanted to go for but lacked the ability to articulate this.
This is probably what she wanted to convey (assuming this wasn't molested by Brandon Rogers or the ESG or whatever); she wanted to convey a couple that came about through very sad and unfortunate circumstances where all parties involved are at least in some ways sympathetic. Stolas coveted a relationship with Blitzo because he came from a disadvantaged background. Stella is pissed because this is basically a betrayal. Octavia is collateral in all of this and she's stressed out by the fact that everything fall apart around her is outside of her control. This type of pairing is popular in stuff like Fanfiction.net and Deviantart and you can make this kind of couple work. The problem is the result we got was a wishy-washy loser (Blitzo) who can't make up his mind whether this relationship should be pursued. We got a annoying stalker who can't keep his dick in his pants for more than five minutes. (Stolas) We got a one dimensional bitch who hates Stolas and bullies him for no reason. (Stella)
Okay, this is all one dimensional and boring as hell and irritating because the show can't shut up about it. Dave, how do you fix this?
It's complicated, but this is my solution. I'd completely rewrite Stella so instead of being a sadistic psychopath as portrayed in the show, she'd instead be a stereotypical tradwife. Instead of telling Stolas he's terrible in bed and that he should just go kill himself, she'd be the most obnoxiously sugary sweet and submissive wife ever to exist who does everything around the house for him. Something that every man and incel thinks that women should be. Something's that basically molded by nobility to create the perfect wife for Stolas which he'd admit in my rewrite of the Circus. There would be a caveat, however, Stella is just an actor. She's just a hollow actor who's being the perfect housewife for Stolas so that he births another heir. I'd probably have a scene or two where paparazzies or cameras are surrounding them and recording them and when Stolas acts out of line, Stella would pinch him or kick his shin and under her breath growl "Smile for the cameras, my beloved. We're a happy family after all."
Everything about Stella is manufactured. Groomed by nobility essentially. Nothing about Stolas' relationship is real. It's all a facade put on by nobility purely for optics and their upcoming daughter Octavia. So Blitzo and Stolas meet up and the reason Stolas likes Blitzo so much is because he's real. Blitzo is going around insulting his tastes in books, telling him his wife's a whore, telling him his room looks pretentious as shit, and his outfit looks goofy. Stolas completely agrees with this to the point where he's applauding for him. Blitzo would be utterly confused and probably think it looks pathetic, but he needs the grimoire to operate his business. So everything you see transpiring in the circus happens and he steals the grimoire. Stolas might've had the grimoire stolen, but he liked it. It was the realest thing he's ever had in his life. His wife was just a manufactured plant, but Blitzo is a real and edgy kind of guy. Something Stolas really enjoys. Someone who breaks the monotony of his world.
But what about Blitzo, what do you do with him? I wouldn't rewrite the entirety of Ozzy's, but I would however add a scene where the two are talking. This is how the script would go:
Stolas: Sooo... what is life like down at the bottom?
Blitzo: Come on I've only bottomed you twice, Stolas.
Stolas: No, no, no, I mean what's it like living at the bottom of the totem pole.
Blitzo: Like you'd want to know you rich pompous asshole.
Stolas: No I mean it, I genuinely want to know what it's like living down there.
Blitzo: Miserable, anyhow...
Stolas: Miserable as in...?
Blitzo: Look it's a fucking miserable place with hookers and a shit ton of blow. Also you can't walk ten fucking feet without getting shot.
Stolas: Oh, you poor poor-
Blitzo: Thing, yeah I know, you think I'm a bum. I get it.
Stolas: A bum who is fun to talk to. A bum I happen to like.
Blitzo: *raises his eyebrows* What...?
Blitzo would probably be surprised that someone way above his league likes him. Someone who doesn't view him as transactional. So where does the relationship tension come in? They don't believe each other and how they view this weird relationship they've found. Blitzo doesn't believe Stolas because he's a higher class who probably thinks Blitzo's easy prey because of desperation. Stolas doesn't believe Blitzo when he says he doesn't want this because he believes Blitzo is a struggling lower class who is desperate for relief from the life of constant crime and living on knife's edge. Neither side is wrong here, but neither side is right and that conflict would play in this final scene rewrite of Ozzy's. Instead of the vanilla dialogue at the end, it would be this:
(And I'll be honest, I don't have a problem with it conceptually, it's just too on the nose, but also kind of too vauge. It's weird.)
(All of the dialogue talking cuddling and shit)
Blitzo: Stolas, don't pretend like you know where I come from, alright? My world's a shithole and yours is just a cushy mansion with everything you want. Don't act like this isn't purely transactional, alright? You just want me to fuck you.
Stolas: Blitz that's not true, I actually really like you and I want to do more with you. I think you're really fun to talk to and well... you're the realest person I've ever met in my life.
Blitzo: *has a surprised reaction. Did he seriously get his name right?* Stolas, how do I believe you? How do I know that you don't think of me as some bum that needs saving? How do I know this isn't some fucking game to you and I'm just some easy catch you pick up off the streets just to satisfy whatever fucked up kink you have in mind each day?
Stolas: Well I could take that grimoir back at any point if I wanted to, but it seems like you're doing well for yourself so I guess you could have it for the time being.
Blitzo: *says nothing, has a look of disbelief*
Stolas: *sighs* Look, I don't know what I could say to tell you how much I well... come to love you Blitz. I... *his voice begins cracking* I really did have fun with you tonight.
Octavia I don't really have an argument against her character so everything about her would stay the same.
But anyhow, this is my very long and autistic post about what I would do to fix this Stolitz bullshit in the show. Something I could probably get behind (heh) and something that would at least be somewhat enjoyable to watch. To me at least, I'm only one guy, but here I think this would make more sense than... whatever the hell they're supposed to be in the show.
