Help With Better Employment Opportunities.

ObservingTheMadness

ObservingTheMadness

kiwifarms.net
Joined
Feb 1, 2022
Hey everyone, this is my first thread on Kiwi Farms.

I am just asking about what I can do for better employment opportunities. For those unaware, I have worked as a security guard for about 10 years. Yet, anyone whom has worked in security will tell you it is not glamourous. Nor does it pay much.

Does anyone know of any jobs I can do that pays more or any certifications that enable me to work better jobs right away? Writing grants does seem rewarding, but its hard to get my foot in the door. I have also been unable to find anyone willing to hire me as a proofreader.

Any help is appreciated.
 
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Work retail like probably a third of Kiwis do. That's real work.

Also, that's bullshit you work security. Nobody here's smart enough for that.
 
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Sign on with your state's corrections department, work your way up to the officer rank that sits right below that of a supervisor (unless your state allows the same overtime for Sergeants/Lieutenants), put in 6 day weeks with overtime (time and a half + hazard pay) and pull in over 100k each year with 10k+ tax returns. Since most units are out in the country, there is usually an officer housing on the grounds so you save rent, especially in Texas (we have the largest prison system in the world with over 100 units statewide but I think most states do BOQ housing...mine was 25 bucks a month for an actual small house) Save your money. Do this for 10 years working your ass off and retire at age 32, never having to work another day in your life. That's what I did. If you're a wimp or you don't wanna fight or wrangle with convicted felons try getting into another department of the criminal justice system, like I.T. or driving. The overtime won't be as great, and you may have to do some schooling, but stock corrections work doesn't require anything but a HS diploma in most states and it can be a fucking fun job. Also most are so understaffed they have a sign on bonus for new hires. I think Texas is up to offering close to $5,000 for new hires at certain units, at least they were when I retired.
 
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If you want non-cracked out bum related work look for temp jobs. They usually don't pay anything great and you have to be ready to get let go at a moments notice, but you can build a resume with shit that sounds more professional than it is really quickly that way. "Administrative assistant" for example. Know what that actually means? "Answers emails and pretends to work"

Also look up tutorials on quickbooks and then slide that in there. It's a thing everybody is constantly asking for
 
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Promiscuous Retard said:
Work retail like probably a third of Kiwis do. That's real work.

Also, that's bullshit you work security. Nobody here's smart enough for that.
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Security is laughably easy work most of the time, and typically boring as shit with shit pay.
 
You spent ten fucking years in a job where you basically sleep standing up, and the hardest part of your day is knowing how to use a key.

Therefore I’ll assume your very lazy, and at least a little retarded.

City Bus driver, they’ll train you, you get a pension, and where I live it’s $33/hr after five years, just be prepared to smell like pee and probably be spit on daily.

Done.
 
Draw a game sprite for Shigeru Miyamoto, say your dad committed sudoku and you're an incel, and maybe he'll give you an intern position.
 
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If you want you could probably go get your LVN/LPN or medical assistant certification, but that requires you to not be a fucking retard and be willing to spend a year training. Lots of the people in those classes are like 35+ and the pay’s better for men than women though women will usually have a few more opportunities.
 
Lie on your resume. Just be sure not to lie too much to the point where you can get called out for your BS. You worked in Security? Well now you worked management in a now defunct security firm protecting a diverse set of assets from retail stores to multimillion dollar freight in goods and HAZMAT.
 
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MG-34 said:
Lie on your resume. Just be sure not to lie too much to the point where you can get called out for your BS. You worked in Security? Well now you worked management in a now defunct security firm protecting a diverse set of assets from retail stores to multimillion dollar freight in goods and HAZMAT.
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This man has the right idea. Crack open a thesaurus and get to work. Work in a factory? No, you oversee a production line, handling every step from raw materials to finished products. Receptionist? Administrative professional. Also milk those hobbies. Read a lot - detail oriented, play vidya - typing/computer skills, play music - improvisational skills.
 
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MG-34 said:
Lie on your resume. Just be sure not to lie too much to the point where you can get called out for your BS. You worked in Security? Well now you worked management in a now defunct security firm protecting a diverse set of assets from retail stores to multimillion dollar freight in goods and HAZMAT.
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Careful with the HAZMAT claim. Employers might ask for proof of a cert.
 
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JethroTullamore said:
You spent ten fucking years in a job where you basically sleep standing up, and the hardest part of your day is knowing how to use a key.

Therefore I’ll assume your very lazy, and at least a little retarded.

City Bus driver, they’ll train you, you get a pension, and where I live it’s $33/hr after five years, just be prepared to smell like pee and probably be spit on daily.

Done.
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Oh trust me. Security officers do more than stand around. We ensure the safety of the clients and serve as a deterent to crime. Problem is the client pays very little for our services.
 
Learn to drive a forklift. It’s pretty easy and the pay can get up to $30/hr if you get into the right areas and know how to maintain one. Warehouse work is pretty physical but not too demanding overall as long as you remember to know to ask for help. you can always try being a traveling merchandiser it is an unskilled position where you get paid to go around the country building and remodeling retail stores. Hotels and car rentals are paid for and you are paid travel time so you get paid for more than forty hours a week it’s easy work too just lonely.
 
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LordShadrach said:
Oh trust me. Security officers do more than stand around. We ensure the safety of the clients and serve as a deterent to crime. Problem is the client pays very little for our services.
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A cardboard cutout on a roomba could do your job, you aren’t important.

Now go out and get a better job you lazy piece of shit.
 
JethroTullamore said:
A cardboard cutout on a roomba could do your job, you aren’t important.

Now go out and get a better job you lazy piece of shit.
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What are the steps for that exactly? That’s the issue. Sorry to necromancer your thread, pimp, but you have to understand most people on here are also autistic, probably me too.
 
HumbleServantOfRizzler said:
What are the steps for that exactly? That’s the issue. Sorry to necromancer your thread, pimp, but you have to understand most people on here are also autistic, probably me too.
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We are all autistic together, we can all do better together, the first step is to learn how to ERP.
Fortunately for YOU, I can help with that, I just so happen to have a class on the subject offered for a one time nominal fee of *$19.95 American Dollery-doo's.
*Prices offered subject to change at a moment's notice depending on how horny I am.
 
I feel you dude, heres what i found with my time in tech.
Getting into a better position can be difficult and there are many ways to do it. I've known a good amount of people getting good job with CompTIA Certs/OSCP/TCM and others. Honestly the only certs that are almost guaranteed jobs are ones from the Sans Institute (and those are hella expensive).

I've known people who got jobs through personal projects. And I've known people who've gotten better jobs through college.
Its really a crapshoot. nothing really guarantees a job. I've known people who got certs/went to school/made projects who cant get a better job.

Its partly having qualifications and who you know. So the best advice i can give is to network and if you cant go to school get certs.
 
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