Heroic things you've done

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I tried to convince Augustus Sol Invictus to be Trump's running mate.

I think he thought I was joking. Alas he was 34.
 
Back in middle school i snapped after being bullied by everyone, picked up a broomstick and beat 5 boys until it broke on their backs.
 
My older brother accidentally left his wallet behind on a bus while we were at Disney, so I hauled ass until I was no longer able to keep up. (We eventually spoke to a dispatcher who called up the bus that left so he could retrieve it)
 
Does saving a mouse from my cat count? I let it go afterwards.
 

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One time I rescued baby chicks my family was raising from my old Great Dane, however one died but there's always gotta be sacrifices
 
Another story

When I worked in the Uni lab for the Psych department I was paired with 3 other people for one experiment for the Summer for my mentor or whatever. the other 2 people were fine BUT this one fucking IDIOT kept fucking shit up and being a real cunt whenever he messed up (literally blaming everyone else but himself). On top of that he would ALWAYS goof around in the lab and crack jokes and shit.

One day I noticed he was sitting by himself in the lab not really interacting with anyone and being really quiet. I slide over and asked "whats wrong"

For about 20 minutes he explained in excruciating detail how he feels that he isnt doing enough to live up to his dreams, that he thought that he could accomplish so much and that everyone was counting on him for his success blah blah blah.

I turned to him and with a smile and a genial face I explained

"[name], the problem isn't that your dreams are too big or too humble, the problem is you. Your mediocrity in everything you try is an innate trait of who you are and everyone can see that."

He stood up muttered thanks for the talk and never returned to lab, didn't even contact the professor that he was leaving for the day. He finished the experiment with us at the end of summer and dropped out of the Masters program.
 
Back in college I helped out any of the foreign students who were having trouble with math or history. I actually really tried to help them, except the Iranians. Those guys were arrogant and lazy, so I'd deliberately try to fuck them up. Seriously, fuck them.

Oh, and back when I was a high school senior, this goofy freshman had a locker right next to mine. One day he was panicking because he had a test on The Scarlet Letter and hadn't read it, so I helpfully let him know that the Scarlet Letter was A, and the A stood for Asshole. He was skeptical, but I convinced him.
 
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