Opinion Highway To Hell - A deranged rant about F-150s written by a furry

The line between America's automobile obsession and its descent into fascistic individualism is getting easier and easier to draw.​

DAN SHEEHAN
MAY 21, 2024

America loves a car. Whether it’s the family taking a road trip down route 66, the blue-collar worker throwing lumber into his pickup, or the glamorous movie star letting her hair down in a convertible, the iconography of the American dream has always been inexorably linked to automobile ownership. For Americans, the car has offered the promise of a life lived on your own terms. All you need is a full tank of gas, a turn of the ignition, and a highway. In concept, it’s a romantic. In execution, it’s this.

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While not actually invented in America, the once prohibitively expensive mode of transportation found itself revolutionized by our country’s industrial age. Henry Ford invented the assembly line, reduced the cost of cars by half, and the rest is history. And now over a hundred years later, the entirety of American infrastructure is built with cars in mind. Whole cities’ public transit systems have been long since gutted and replaced with highway after endless highway. As Joni (and also Adam) said, they’ve paved paradise to put up a parking lot and in the decades since that song was released, they’ve paved the parking lot to put up a multi-level parking structure. The car, with the help of money changing hands between lobbyists, politicians, and the auto industry, has become the apex predator of American infrastructure rather than simply the thing that lets you get where you’re going.

Now this isn’t the only time in which we’ve allowed our quality of life to be degraded for a product. American capitalism functions as such that if a thing has endless earnings potential, our country will happily contort itself into whatever shape is necessary to facilitate maximum profit for shareholders (see: cigarettes, firearms, Taylor Swift). But there is something special about the way in which cars in particular have dug their hooks into us. What sets the car apart from other profit driven American obsessions is that the car is no longer a simple consumer choice. The car is not just a thing you own, it’s a part of who you are. In short: we’ve let cars drive us insane. And it’s getting worse.

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Don’t believe me? Go take a little drive on your busiest highway at 5:30. Try cutting off a guy in a white pickup. If you survive the experience, we can discuss why conservatives think that making cities more walkable is a conspiracy to trap them in a labyrinth. Hell, consider the decades long playful rivalry between Ford and Chevy owners that seems to only exist because adult men born before 1970 were incapable of maintaining a social life that wasn’t at least partially truck based.

The ultimate test to prove what cars have done to the American psyche only requires that you walk out your front door. Take a photo with your phone. Now highlight in red the places in which it would be fully legal for a car to strike and kill you. Now highlight in yellow the places in which a car could strike and kill you and you would have to make a legal case that it was not your fault. Now highlight in green places where you believe you are safe from cars. Now remember how normal this feels.

Now this isn’t to say that cars don’t exist in other places. I am told that they do by sources I would trust with my life. But only America boasts this particular unholy collision of runaway individualism, automotive lobbyist influence, and a preoccupation with size that would make Freud weep. (RIP buddy, you would have loved the Dodge Ram). In America, infringing on a person’s right to hit you with a car is worse than hitting them with a car and if you say otherwise someone will try to hit you with a car.

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The more toxic aspects of driving are not new. Road rage and traffic jams have existed for as long as cars themselves. And in fact, for a period in the early 2010s, American road accident deaths were in decline! It was only in the late 2010s that the number began to rise again. Right around when things started getting…not great! I’m not necessarily saying that America’s rough decade has led to an increase in motor vehicle fatalities. But we spend much of our time operating a machine that weighs thousands of pounds and moves at great speeds. Small changes in the cars or the people behind the wheel can have massive consequences. With the government asleep at the legislative wheel, failing for years now to do anything that might upset America’s top earners, companies have felt free to do things like increasing the size of their cars, the brightness of their headlights, and the shoddiness of their cars’ construction. Those dips in quality matter and government inaction on them has had visible consequences.

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I’m not qualified to tell you what’s going on in Russia but it seems to be improving?

In addition to the increase in mechanical issues with cars, their popularity has found itself in a post-pandemic slump. Over the initial Covid-19 lockdowns, many urban areas reclaimed portions of their streets for outdoor dining in hopes of keeping restaurants afloat during a difficult time. With more room to move around, reduced noise levels, and a boost in overall safety, many Americans found that they liked this sudden prioritization of pedestrians over drivers. This, coupled with the fact that the automotive and oil industries are major contributors to climate change, has set American car culture up for a long-overdue reckoning.

Major cities across the country have implemented everything from safer bike lanes to revitalized public transit programs. A recent study showed that only 68% of 19-year-olds have their driver’s license, down a shocking 22% from a survey taken in 1980. A subreddit simply called “Fuck Cars” has over 440,000 subscribers (A drop in the bucket when it comes to the country’s population, but a cohort of casual anti-car evangelists larger than the population of St. Louis shouldn’t be ignored). For the first time since their invention, popular opinion seems as though it may turn against our obsession with the car.

But this is America in 2024, where any suggestion of improvement is immediately doused in hot bile by those that take such suggestions as declarations of war. While one would think “it’s nice to have more space outside” would be a benign opinion to hold, it’s become yet another lightning rod for our ongoing culture war. For the opposition, cars are no longer just a way of getting from A to B, or even the freedom machines of American lore, but metallic avatars of their own American exceptionalism. The car is the point.

Gone are the days of cheeky bumper stickers that say things like “HOW’S MY DRIVING? 1-800-EAT-SHIT”. These drivers are in your face. They buy the biggest cars they can and drive them as aggressively as possible. They specially augment their exhaust to belch more coal into the air than is necessary.

Simply put, they’re assholes. And companies are marketing directly to them.

Enter: Big American Cars. I give this new class of metallic hulk the proper noun treatment not because America has never produced big cars before, but because their bigness and American-ness have never been more important to this subset of consumers. A Big American Car is not simply a car, it is a signifier of one’s political beliefs. Sure, all products are signifiers in some way, either by displaying your socioeconomic standing or aesthetic preference, but Big American Cars might as well come with a voting guide. They’ve become synonymous with a pattern of behavior that their drivers view as a form of patriotism, but anyone who’s driven alongside them will be able to more appropriately identify as a sort of automotive gluttony. It’s a declaration of sovereignty from empathy, a reminder to any who may cross their path that they do so at their own peril.

The prime example is the Ford F-150.

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If you showed this to a catholic in the 1400s and told them it was the devil they would believe you.

The Ford F-150 is an eldritch nightmare you can lease. It is an unholy creature born of a country that has lost itself, doomed to endlessly mimic false memories that it believes are from its glory days. It gargles the world’s blood and pisses black clouds of death. It is too tall to see anyone who may be in its way, which doesn’t matter because it would never slow down anyway. It sports a pristine truck bed that threatens to haul something somewhere, someday. Its size would only befit some sort of Bunyanesque carpenter but the man who half-falls out of its driver seat sells insurance. It is the physical manifestation of the American delusion that we are superior and the crushing American truth that we might just be evil. The air around it warps and crisps as though reality itself wishes to reject this abomination. If future paleontologists are so unlucky as to unearth one, they will think it was a species that hunted our own to extinction and, on some level, they will be right. A recent study showed that the majority of those who drive one use it mostly to get groceries.

Cars like the Ford F-150 are functionally Gundams for their owners, allowing them to play the great American video game that is highway driving with the biggest and most expensive possible skin. The Yin to the F-150’s Yang is the Tesla Cybertruck, a coward’s idea of progress hawked by a man with less vision than the predictive text models he keeps inserting into his fanboys’ brains. These are not cars, they are statements. They are designed to be seen more than they are to be driven and you can tell because the people who drive them talk about them so frequently, you’d think they were being paid (rather than having shelled out most of their life savings for the privilege).

If it sounds like I’m trying to draw a line between vocal defenders of car culture and fascism, it’s because I am. The Big American Car has become a standard bearer for state power and the status quo. The only goal of something as big as a Ford F-150 can be to intimidate. It’s a vanity object created for the sole purpose of indulging the delusions of those who are eager to align themselves with power. It is a promise of freedom for members of a political alignment that had to stop calling everyone “cucks” because they realized their entire ideology revolved around watching more powerful men enjoy the things they themselves desire.

And of course, any disruption to the delusion is met with great hostility. The Big American Car is good. It’s an American creation for American men. How dare you say that you could line six children up in front of it and the driver would have no hope of seeing them? How dare you insinuate that the twin suns it calls headlights might not be safe for highways?

Just look at any video in which a pedestrian or biker is nearly struck by a car. The replies below will be filled with people discussing with absolute glee how much the person deserved to be hit. In fact, there is nearly nothing we will root for in a battle against a car.

A pedestrian? No way, crosswalks are basically just suggestions at this point.

A biker? Had it coming! Those guys think they’re so much better than us!

A child? Oh, the humanity! Where were the parents when their child needed them to stop the driver of a three-thousand-pound mass of screaming metal from texting?

Even dogs, the seemingly sole exception to Americans’ ever-shrinking empathy, garner no sympathy. That’s why you need a leash! How irresponsible of you!

There is never a moment in which these people entertain the idea that other people have the right to survive jaywalking. There is no amount of blood they will not justify for the machine that represents their freedom. Because when boiled down, that’s what the car is to them: the dream of having complete and total access to the world at all times, at any cost. These drivers’ obsession doesn’t come from any genuine love for driving, but from a desperate need for that dream. The only change that dream could possibly sustain is a restoration of its idealized past. With such a restoration being impossible, they are left barreling headlong towards its future in hopes that they can survive the collision. If they can’t, they may be forced to reckon with the fear that lurks beneath all their bluster: that if the car’s promise of freedom is a lie, other core tenets of the American dream might be as well.

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The car isn’t going anywhere. The dirt’s been paved, the highways expanded. We will not, in this lifetime at least, be free of the automotive prison our great-grandfathers built for us. But it doesn’t mean we have to allow things to get worse. We don’t have to accept a further erosion in the quality of our cars or a continued swelling of their size.

We can care about the quality of the places we live and the safety of the people who live there. We can advocate for a better use of our space that refuses to put cars before the people who drive them. We can show a little humanity behind the wheel and bare our teeth in front of it. We can stop buying the fucking pickups.

And to you, the car guy, I can only wish you luck. Yours is a thin, permeable fantasy. The monstrosity you park in your driveway might feel like power, but someday you will realize that it is not. In one horrible moment, you will realize that if you cannot live in the absence of something, if you continually offer it more of your land, safety, and money like blood at an altar; you are not free.

And when that moment comes you will look at the thing that cost you 47,000 dollars and you will see the devil.

Wow, welcome back to Brain Worms. I think I disassociated a little bit writing this one. Turns out it only takes about seven years in Los Angeles to put the anti-automotive devil in you.
Thanks for reading. As always, this newsletter is free. If you like what you see and want to help a writer out in a tough job market, feel free to grab a paid subscription. I’ll put it to good use.


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The comments are equally crazy:
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The author appears to be a furry:
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Office workers buying pick up trucks are the same breed as negros in the hood buying Cadillacs. It's funniest when the lease on the truck/caddie costs more than their monthly rent.
 
He does:
A subreddit simply called “Fuck Cars” has over 440,000 subscribers (A drop in the bucket when it comes to the country’s population, but a cohort of casual anti-car evangelists larger than the population of St. Louis shouldn’t be ignored). For the first time since their invention, popular opinion seems as though it may turn against our obsession with the car.
 
  • Informative
Reactions: Falcos_Commisar
Whether it’s the family taking a road trip down route 66, the blue-collar worker throwing lumber into his pickup, or the glamorous movie star letting her hair down in a convertible, the iconography of the American dream has always been inexorably linked to automobile ownership.
The author is just mad because it can’t realize any of these fantasies because it’s terminally online all the time.

And when that moment comes you will look at the thing that cost you 47,000 dollars and you will see the devil.
This fucker here is trying to shame car owners about how much new trucks cost when full on fursuits apparently cost thousands and can’t even be used to take its faggoty furry ass to a meaningful job.

The only goal of something as big as a Ford F-150 can be to intimidate.
Or, you know, you need to move or tow large and heavy things around. Not that a furfag would know anything about moving something heavier than their own fat asses. Sorry not sorry.
 
Enter: Big American Cars. I give this new class of metallic hulk the proper noun treatment not because America has never produced big cars before, but because their bigness and American-ness have never been more important to this subset of consumers. A Big American Car is not simply a car, it is a signifier of one’s political beliefs. Sure, all products are signifiers in some way, either by displaying your socioeconomic standing or aesthetic preference, but Big American Cars might as well come with a voting guide. They’ve become synonymous with a pattern of behavior that their drivers view as a form of patriotism, but anyone who’s driven alongside them will be able to more appropriately identify as a sort of automotive gluttony. It’s a declaration of sovereignty from empathy, a reminder to any who may cross their path that they do so at their own peril.

I don't know about all that. Some people just gotta have big cars. The people next door have a gigantic SUV and they put cones in the parking space so no one can park there. The city says this isn't legal as you do not own the street outside your home and cannot block parking spaces you aren't using. The police have more important things to do around here then write tickets for illegal traffic cones. So it isn't really being taken care of. Some people use chairs. It's so annoying.

A pedestrian? No way, crosswalks are basically just suggestions at this point.

This is so true. I can't tell you how many times some fucktard almost hit me when I had the right to cross. And the timers on the lights are too short for many of the roads. Imagine running across eight lanes to catch a bus and hoping that 15 seconds is enough. I swear those aren't full seconds. We also have a few broken lights here that still haven't been fixed. So you can't see the walk/don't walk sign or it's not in synch with the traffic lights at all and you have no idea when to cross.

One of the most nefarious pushes that I've seen in my lifetime is the movements pushing "walkability" and "sustainability" and "automobile-free roads" in city design. They want to cram people in duplexes and apartments and take away property ownership while also taking away their freedom of movement by going away from individually owned modes of transportation.

There's literally nothing wrong with duplexes and apartments. And you can own them. My family owned a duplex for 70 years and it was a decent amount of yard space too. My family had a rowhome with a huge yard. Do you think all of those duplexes and rowhomes are rentals? That's mainly a problem with Blackrock and other investors snapping up sales and taking away your ability to buy homes at fair prices. But many people do own them. I didn't even know the apartment across the street was owned by the lady who lived in the downstairs unit.

Walkability is very important in cities. Legs are free and cut down on pollution. Not everyone drives or can afford a car. People need to get places. Cars are overtaking cities that used to be more walkable. I'm not saying ban cars because that's retarded. But the traffic is insane and walkability is an issue. Not everyone wants to live in the boonies and drive 20 minutes to buy bread.
 
She's a nigger on a one way ride


There's an issue with eradicating things that you don't like that work perfectly fine: you're pretending that you're smarter than the entirety of humanity up to the point that a wild hair climbed up your ass.

You can introduce new tech and if it's better it will catch on. You cannot however restrict ppls lives based on your inflated ego. Or tell ppl that their way of life is harming the environment or other ppl far more than it actually is to advance an agenda.

Find me one person that hates the ICE that isn't a climate shill or otherwise environmentalist. It's not even a trope anymore it's just a sickness of the mind.
 
Just look at any video in which a pedestrian or biker is nearly struck by a car. The replies below will be filled with people discussing with absolute glee how much the person deserved to be hit. In fact, there is nearly nothing we will root for in a battle against a car.

A pedestrian? No way, crosswalks are basically just suggestions at this point.

A biker? Had it coming! Those guys think they’re so much better than us!
Have you tried getting your nose out of your phone and taking 5 seconds to look both ways? Of course you haven't, you halfwitted bugman.
 
One of the most nefarious pushes that I've seen in my lifetime is the movements pushing "walkability" and "sustainability" and "automobile-free roads" in city design. They want to cram people in duplexes and apartments and take away property ownership while also taking away their freedom of movement by going away from individually owned modes of transportation. Let alone fuel or energy rationing or limiting flights in the name of fighting global warming. Over my dead body will I allow some cabal of dickheads in suits to have absolute control of rent prices in every city in America while forcing me to live packed like a sardine next to a Venezuelan family of 18 in some ratty apartment while I wait for the bus so I can go to the grocery store hoping that rent prices aren't jacked up so high next year that I can't afford food.

My sister-in-law constantly spouts garbage very much like this from various sources, and it takes every ounce of my restraint to not start ranting like a lunatic at her even though nobody really takes what she's saying all that seriously aside from pretending to listen politely. My cause of death will likely be an aneurysm at a holiday gathering listening to her talk about some insane leftist cause from the latest podcast she heard.
I mean I get the idea that American cities are too spread out and should be more walkable. That seems fine and dandy making things more pedestrian friendly. What scares me is they have some bitter I hate lifted trucks, I hate guns I hate this so ban it mentality. I just want a walkable cities and normal sized pick-ups again like the 1980s. Why does everyone have to be some insane control freak communist?
 
Until walkabke cities shills admit that people will always prefer to develop away from black people at the expense of a commute, they'll never understand why some people are turned off by dense housing even if they don't particularly want a yard
 
I agree that trucks are too big. I want a small 80s sized Toyota or B2000, but thanks to CAFE standards those aren’t able to exist anymore.
PEOPLE FLIP OUT WHEN I AM AN ASSHOLE TO THEM, THIS IS LITERALLY FASCISM I AM SHAKING SO HARD RN I CAN'T BREEVE
TIL you are a perfect driver who has never made a single mistake.
One of the most nefarious pushes that I've seen in my lifetime is the movements pushing "walkability" and "sustainability" and "automobile-free roads" in city design.
So you don’t enjoy being able to walk places? I guess humans were wrong about how we built cities up until the late 1800s.

Strange how the older, walkable parts of cities are the most desirable isn’t it?
There is no aspect of being white, straight and blue collar that these buttfuck worshippers won't attempt to frame as being somehow 'bad'.
No matter how much you want to be you are not oppressed.
 
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I agree that trucks are too big. I want a small 80s sized Toyota or B2000, but thanks to CAFE standards those aren’t able to exist anymore.

TIL you are a perfect driver who has never made a single mistake.

So you don’t enjoy being able to walk places? I guess humans were wrong about how we built cities up until the late 1800s.

Strange how the older, walkable parts of cities are the most desirable isn’t it?

No matter how much you want to be you are not oppressed.
Cutting off someone is not a mistake you pinko dweeb
 
  • Autistic
Reactions: JethroTullamore
into fascistic individualism
Oh, come on.

The Ford F-150 is an eldritch nightmare you can lease. It is an unholy creature born of a country that has lost itself, doomed to endlessly mimic false memories that it believes are from its glory days. It gargles the world’s blood and pisses black clouds of death. It is too tall to see anyone who may be in its way, which doesn’t matter because it would never slow down anyway.
Due to regulation it is almost impossible make small pick ups these days. Yet I somehow doubt less regulation is what this guy is calling for.
 
  • Agree
Reactions: TowinKarz
Most of the time no, but sometimes it can be. You’re probably the road rage type he’s talking about.
Cutting someone off is incredibly dangerous. It's a dick move, or gross negligence. Spare me your silliness, the roads would be a lot safer if excuses weren't made for the people who do it
 
Cutting someone off is incredibly dangerous. It's a dick move, or gross negligence. Spare me your silliness, the roads would be a lot safer if excuses weren't made for the people who do it
Sometimes people are negligent, but that doesn’t mean it can’t be a mistake.

You can kill someone by mistake and still go to jail for it. Calm down.
 
A Ford Ranger and a Chevy Colorado and the new Tacoma and Nissan Frontier are about as small as you can go with a body on frame "true truck" these days and still hit the cafe numbers.

That said, all of those trucks are enough "truck" for 90% of the truck buying populace.
Yeah - the only smaller trucks (Maverick, Ridgeline, Santa Cruz) are just CUVs with a bed. Nothing wrong with that, but you're giving up some capability and apparently if they get rear-ended (even at moderate speeds), they're likely to be totaled out when the unibody bends right where the bed starts because that open space lacks the rigidity of an actual roof.

Recently picked up a new Colorado and even accounting for the fact that I mostly drove fast hatchbacks and sports cars prior, this thing is huge. It's as tall as I am and easily at least as big as 90's-era full size trucks. That said, if it makes people like the author seethe this hard, I'll take it as an added benefit - fuck those dipshits with a shrimp fork.
 
How dare you insinuate that the twin suns it calls headlights might not be safe for highways?
This is the only salient point in the entire screed and it applies to literally all cars these days.

Some of us spend the entire late fall winter and early spring dealing with staring at a oncoming milky way of full power stars coming out of the inky blackness thanks to the combination of extremely bright LEDs and everyone leaving their damn lights on "auto" which turn the brights on seemingly whenever there isn't a light source the power of a floodlight pointed directly at the front of their car.

Spoiler: it's even worse if you drive a car and not a truck or SUV with some ground clearance.
 
Sometimes people are negligent, but that doesn’t mean it can’t be a mistake.

You can kill someone by mistake and still go to jail for it. Calm down.
Yes thank you for making my point. Some mistakes are so damaging their being a mistake is irrelevant
 
fascistic individualism
Don't fascists like to say "Everything inside the state, nothing outside the state, nothing against the state"? Or am I misremembering something, somewhere?
 
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