Hilarious/Funny Posts

  • 🐕 I am attempting to get the site runnning as fast as possible. If you are experiencing slow page load times, please report it.

Betonova

Dark Fungus of the deep woods
kiwifarms.net
Joined
Oct 17, 2016
This thread is for hilarious things people say around KiwiFarms, or users from there who reveal too much about themselves in a funny/weird way.
 
Last edited:
"I am a small white man who is insecure about my penis. A very large big black man sneaks into my wife's bedroom every night and gives her a good sexy time.

There's nothing I can do about it. I am hopeless, pathetic. I hear the moans omfg.

I hear the hardcore thrusts and meat pounding, and this is madness!! She loves it and squirts everywhere.

Afterwards I have to clean up the bedsheets, because they are so wet.

What should I do about big black cocks? I feel as if I'm cracking. All I have on my mind is BBC. When I eat, I think of black cock, when I go to collect my welfare benefits, black cock and when I sleep, I dream of black cock.

Last night I dreamt of being raped to death by three black cocks at once, feeling those giant monsters rip open my asshole felt like my destiny. When I awoke, my bed was soaking wet with cum, I had never cum that hard before!

What should I do?" {1}
 
"Disclamier : This is kind of an editorial about my experience with all of the CWC thing and I felt it would be interesting enough to post here, you are free to comment I love to hear what you think even if it is complete nonsense. I try not to do a "look at me I'm special" kind of thing but it's hard not to talk about personal opinions and feelings for this subject.

I needed to post this somewhere because it's the one thing I can't quite explain why I keep looking at it. Chris-chan is a unique internet phenomenon, we know so much more about them than most historical figures, the CWCki is just proof of that. But I started to reflect on all I know and I just feel confused on why I keep coming back and checking up on Chris and everything else, so I just want to dump all my thoughts on the subject to try to make sense why I feel so obsessed with her, and why others have taken an interest in him.

I've been obsessed with Chris-Chan officially for about a year or so, I heard the name Sonichu once or twice a few years ago through some skype chats with online friends but it never gave me much reason to look into it till recently. Back in '14 I started to really enjoy reading Troll pastas and when I told a friend I was reading Sonic.exe they sent me a link to Sonichu. That's when I believe I got sucked to the whole thing I read the comics only seeing the shit art and atrocious writing that I first didn't notice the horror and insanity that is Christian Weston Chandler.

I wanted to find out more and I did and I felt horrified but compelled to know more. This is what is bugging me I'm not usually a person that would read so much about a person like Chris and not feel shame for laughing at him, but I do anyways. I would have probably tried to be one of those white knights and shit but no I sit back and laugh at all of the things she does . Maybe it's because the best years of trolling are past us and well it's just sad the person they have become( not for her coming out as trans) but just the pathetic stuff Chris has done to just get by. I used to believe that I did not want to become like Chris but that's not It but it still is interesting that I just follow along and get shocked ....And then I started watching Dstecks review of sonichu it made me look at myself and think what have I done wasting my time reading on the whole thing, but I still didn't stop. I still can't make sense why I still go back to the CWCki and read up on Chris and just feel surprised at everything I read, But I do know why. I do it because it's the life of someone else, someone I don't know but I still enjoy reading about, it's the wacky world of Chris-chan's shenanigans and everyone can see it. I don't feel remorse or shame in reading it I just enjoy doing so, even if I know it's just wrong by my standard.

That is what I reflected when I thought to write this thread, I wanted to make sense of this whole thing. Therefore I would like to ask you some questions : Why do you find Chris-chan interesting? Why do you still go back and look up information about him? Why do we still care about what he does?"

{This is a funny quoted post because of that guy that said how obsessed he is it in a pointless thread, And the fact this was so fucking stupid.}
 
Last edited:
BrandoBaris quotes: (10/22/2016) from the chat last night.

"see i can't tell if you are serious now or not, with the bannings and deleted threads and such, theres a vocal minority that dun like me"
" Maybe its weird since this is the place where tumblr and reddit and chan converge"
" I just didn't expect people to be so tard-rage like"
"@OwO What's This?, you're the one with the super cute sexy furry animated avatar, they should be whiteknighting you"
" @Pepsi-Cola, I am comfortable, its like you think I've got some chris chan tier shit"
"Wow people think some of my quotes are funny enough to save, weird. I find it odd some of you consider me some sort of mortal enemy or something, its fucking weird"
" @PortsideDave, @Night Terror, I like to find out what makes people like you get up in the morning"
"@WireSponge, Oh no my precious kiwifarms image, oh whatever will i do, I'm being cyberbullied, I better call Crash Override Network"
" @OwO What's This?, I was just asking why you angry all the time and tard raging at me, did you think im upset or something"
" @WireSponge, I just wanted to know why, seems simple enough, just getting bored with the :great story: reponses"
" @Tempest, Probably, theres a big push amongst most mainstream white media to embrace multiracial romance"
"@Tempest, the question is, why is White Media pushing so aggressively for it, and yet Asian, Arabic, etc etc frown upon in, and yet we treat them as special minorities that get their own rules"
" @PortsideDave, if you convert to islam you can stone gays, otherwise you are a bigot for not respecting their culture and religion"
" Asian countries for Asia, Arabic countries for Arabians, White Countries for immigrants. No one sees that as a problem? Even in countries Whites came from originally?"
" @WireSponge, White culture is dead, we have no culture, whites hate themselves and their history and their culture"
" @TheAmazingAxolotl, I thought Jews were the master race"
"@PortsideDave, Yes and therefore the Jews are the Chosen of God, the Israelites. Therefore aren't they the Master Race?"
" @PortsideDave, Well I know Jews were involved, like Larry Silverstein, but I don't think Jerry Seinfeld had a hand in 9/11"
"Do you guys think I'm crazy for not believing Bin Laden flew a plane into the twin towers?"
" @Womacker, You do know US and Soviets fought a war over Afghanistan in the 1970's for the oil and gas piplines right? Remember the Muhjadeen?"
"Like Nazi Germany is Evil because they killed 6 million Jews, But the USA is good, but they dropped two atom bombs on Japan"
"The Atomic Bomb killed hundreds of thousands of civilians some instantly, and some slowly and painfully"
"The thing is, people see one side good, one side as evil, when really countries and governments try to survive and thrive through whatever means neccessary"
" @Internet War Criminal, You think a country that practiced peace and friendship and no-military wouldn't be taken over by an aggressor instantly?"
"@Womacker, The Jews and Muslims had been fighting in the British controlled Palestine for decades, it was inevitable. Arab countries wished to protect themselves from the projection of power from a US backed Jewish state. And as a Jewish state Israel relaiated"
"You think they drove tanks and soldiers up to the borders to say hi?"
"Israel was just declared a state, as a Jewish state with the backing of the US and probably most of the major banking and military corporations, of course the Arab world is going to throw a shitfit"
"@PortsideDave, Well they were Jewish founded companies, since they where often the merchants and borrowers back to the 1600's"
" @Internet War Criminal, You could just correct me if you want to fix shit"
" @Womacker, No that Israel might want to ensure their security in the region and expand their borders like any other state such as Germany and Russia"
" @Internet War Criminal,a re you going to sit there bitching or actually say something"
"@Internet War Criminal all bark"
" @Internet War Criminal, you couldve explained everything 5 times over with all the bitching you are doing"
" @Ol'_Slag, I am calm, does everyone get the mental image of a tard throwing his fedora out the window when people disagree?"
" @Internet War Criminal, you already have written ten paragraphs"
" @King n Yellow, fuck no, im a sped not an exceptional individual"
"@PortsideDave, No, no, no, I mean the US is just as bad as the Nazis, duh"
"@The 25th Cyberman, who is ADK is it a acronym"
" @Internet War Criminal, Yeah the Israeli Tanks and mIssiles and ammo just popped into existence"
"@Tranhuviya, Yeah, and the Factories and training and raw materials they just book learned and dug out of the ground they were sitting on"
" @Internet War Criminal, You keep on talking like everyone follows the rules all the time, you'd lose your shit on wikipedia"
" @Internet War Criminal, So Israel didn't have any shit and duct taped guns to their planes and still kicked everyone ass, guess it was divine intervention"
 
Last edited:
@yawning sneasel

I was depressed a while back and have been watching a lot of old Chris videos. I took some Xanax and NyQuil to help get over this cold I have been having. I was watching "THAT IS MY HOUSE" and then that one with the sound of Bob yawning and/or dying followed it when I fell asleep.

I had this dream and it was so vivid. Bob came into my room, but he wasn't moving any of his appendages. His eyes were wide open and his pupils were red. He was hovering like six inches off the ground and just staring straight forward. He had on a button up flannel, overalls and tight jeans showing of his manly bulge. I don't know why I did this, but I reached out and caressed his bulge and I could feel this turgid feeling and this throbbing. I gragged myfinger across it and this fleshy, throbbing, bulbous member ripped straight across the fly, leaving his zipper hanging in the cool Autumn breeze. I grabbed it ad manipulated it a bit and tried to bendit in my index finger and thumb, but the tensile strength was great. His seemly, feral uncircumsized member was pulsing and the blood running through the bent blue vein of his cock beat as though his heart was still alive. He looked down at me and said, "listen boy, get your black ass down in the gutter and stay there." This confused me because I am caucasian. From my closet though, a Nigerian man in a pickle suit emerged. He walked fluidly and was very human unlike Bob. As the Niggo walked forward Bob began to float backward and say "I got no black ass. I got no black ass. I got no black ass." I was confused, frightened and frankly, aroused.

As Bob floated backwards the Pickle suited Niggo removed a 19" cock from his suit and began to stroke it while looking at me. I finally up and asked "What is going on, Mr. Chandler?" Bob retorted "SPOOFING." I responded "What?" And Bob exclaimed "SPOOFING. S-P-O-O-F-I-N-G."

The Niggo smacked me and I rolled over. I sleep naked, so he saw his opportunity; there was easy access. He penetrated me and was relentless. I could feel my prostate being irritated by the bulbous nature of his cock as my asshole tore under the stain of his Zulu penis. I could feel tensing sensations and knew he was almost complete. My hips were squeezed as he ejaculated into my digestive tract. Bob's in the corner spontaniously orgasming, his cock shooting load after load of cum like a whip cream filled water pistol. The African Gherkin laid across me and nibbled on my ear and whispered "I am Batman". I say "huh?" as I hear a clang in the corner. It's Bob and he has an axe. "Get away from that Internet, I'm cuttin' it down" he says as he comes down across the cable running to mycomputer. I pass out.

I woke up and there was an axe laying next to my fractured cable line. To this day I wonder what really happened that night. I have tried every mix of xanax and NyQuil I can get my hands on. I have been to treatment 14 times for xanax addiction. I don't care though. I just need to just one more time get back to the time in my life when I was cucking Bob.
 
@yawning sneasel

When geese stand in front of the doors at stores at the mall. You try to go near them, and they hiss at you. What are you supposed to do? Slap it? Then all its friends are going to jump on you. If you try to walk away they think that you're a bitch and they chase you to your car. I almost got it by a car one time when a goose wouldn't let me near the entrance of the mall. I walked up and I thought he would move. He didn't. I tried to shoo him but he hissed at me and spit at me. I tried walking by him and he flapped his wing and snapped. I started to leave to go to another entrance and he started chasing me. I ran out into the mall parking lot and this asshole in a hummer almost hit me. Hestarted honking and the goose was hissing, I felt like I was gonna fucking cry. I ran back to my car and went to the mall down the street.

Who's afraid of geese i mean goddamn.
 
{Stupid Chris-obsessed ween quotes} (Random Thoughts&Questions is a goldmine for cringe and laughs alike.)

"If i had money to throw away id buy the nintendo switch, bust it to pieces, and then mail it to chris."
"Pieces of undigested corn that Chris picked out of his poop."
"You dont need to look like a woman to get jail raped. You just need an ass for someone to put a dick into. Imagine chris and his willingness to volunteer information telling someone that hes a transgender woman or go on about recycling. It probably took the inmates less then 5 minutes to start taking advantage of him and use him as a fuck toy."
"It just occurred to me that Light would kill Chris. After all, Chris has had some issues with the law and that alone would make him a target but on top of that Chris is lazy, which is punishable with death as far as Light is concerned. And I bet Chris would like to have a Death Note to get rid of all those dang trolls...except it would never work because he'd need to know and spell their names properly. And even assuming he knew their names, he would still be unable to remember their faces so it wouldn't work.*sigh*(:_("

"I want Bob clothes for prank. I dress up as Bob, go to house. They see me. “Bob” they say. “That you?” But it not, bob is dead. They get scared, think I am ghost or zombie. Call that show ghost hunters. Ghost hunters come and Chris fall in love with one of them! (lol Chris is a gay). And just in time for Halloween too! Good idea, no? I want Bob clothes. Give me Bob clothes for prank."


"New pics of 14 BLC, Didn't post as thread because John Goodman will lock it like he does with every other good thread. Basically just a bunch of trash, managed to get 2 pics before I saw a light turn on in the house so I scramed." @IslamicContent Literally
"Someone rich should send Chris and Barb a care package with groceries and supplies and money to pay their bills every week. He is not called OPL "Our Pet Lolcow" for nothing. Pets need taken care of and given fresh food and water and their poop cleaned up daily."
"Here's a good question. Why is it that 6 years ago someone would always be talking to Chris whether it be on email or on skype, but now in 2016 we have to wait 3 weeks at a time to even get a stupid Facebook post or video from Chris? Don't people call him anymore? Or email him? Surley he isn't just locking himself in his room and ignoring all calls and texts. He used to tell people EVERYTHING. He used to post a video everyday for his sweethearts. It seems that nowadays all he cares about is LBGT rights and money."
 
Last edited:
Pay up we already have our own
 
Back