The movie opens with...the last video in the YouTube series where Riley, the leader of the ghost hunter crew, is locked in the room with creatures howling outside. Holy fucking shit, we broke Chris' first criticism of horror movies about building up tension not even a second after the opening credits end. Fuck me. So, this video has a companion video prior where Riley, discussed a dream she had of the events of what would later be her final video verbatim. This dream terrified her and it's why she wanted to end Paranormal Paranoids, her Ghost Hunting YouTube series. We don't even get the full video, we get a condensed version with just the jump scares. Get used to that, this is whole movie is nothing but jump scares.
They show this video against a mockumentary, blatantly ripping off Lake Mungo. It says the Paranormal Paranoids disappeared in 2008 and the missing kids vanished near Shelby Oaks which was the site of their last ghost hunting video. (Now, in real life, promotional material says that Shelby Oaks was where they were going but nobody knew what Shelby Oaks was. It was a town, a school, a hospital, nobody was exactly sure where they were going. I'm guessing this was an early idea that was at least interesting that got scrapped.) The cops say Shelby Oaks was a town and they figured the only thing there was the amusement park. We get a bunch of cameos from Youtubers discussing the missing kids and their influence on YouTube, including Jess who started the ARG in the first place.
After the mockumentary is over, we get introduced to Riley's sister Mia who never gave up hope she was still out there. She does a quick bit for the mockumentary about how Riley saw things as kids and claimed something was watching her. Also, Mia is infertile and can't have kids but they keep a crib in their bedroom upstairs because reasons and keep it in frame at all time in case the audience forgets she has an empty egg carton. Her marriage is strained because of this. A knock comes on the door while they were setting up the next shot, and it's some random guy who blows his brains out in the trailer. The blood gets all over Mia's face and no, she never washes it off for like an entire day. She finds a tape in the guy's hands and watches it.
So to kill any tension and mystery, it's the second camera the kids had that day they went missing. It shows suicide guy killing all of the kids one by one and then grabbing Riley before fading out. She shows this to her husband and he wants to go to the cops. Mia in her infinite wisdom, REFUSES TO GIVE THIS TO POLICE because in her twisted mind, cops would stop looking for Riley and close the case. Even though she just saw footage of this now dead man, killing everyone else and has ZERO REASON to not assume he didn't kill Riley too.
Mia takes a few days away to go find who suicide guy is. More crib in case you forgot she's infertile. Also, spoopy dogs are outside. She finds out from a prison warden, the guy was named Wilson Miles. He gives her a timeline of when he was in and out of prison. Mia goes home to her husband and explains when she was a kid, she slept with Riley one night and saw a crack in the window and a spoopy demon thing looking at her. Riley stopped seeing it when she was 13. Mia is convinced this demon stopped possessing Riley and possessed Wilson Miles while he was in prison during that interim. Yeah, she solves the whole mystery in about 10ish minutes. The rest of the movie kinda spins it's wheels. Anyway, she explains this all to her husband and how her plan is to......Wait, what is her plan? Oh she doesn't have one. Even if she's right, this whole endeavor is ultimately pointless. This is all to find a chick who's been missing for 12 years and now she has clear confirmation she's probably dead but she's on a wild goose chase to find a demon. Anyway her husband tells her that she's nuts and leaves.
Mia is far too girlbossy to listen to her sensible husband though, and defeated and out of clues she drops her papers in a box. Conveniently next to a demonology book that Riley used to have. What a coincidence!!! She flips through it and finds out about demonic symbols. These are not the XX symbols from the ARG. These are new symbols. Why we couldn't just use the ARG ones is beyond me. She finds it's tied to a parasitic Incubus that has Hell Hounds for minions. Yes, it has minions. Said random book also has pictures that match exactly what happened to Riley as a child with her hauntings! Complete with modern windows and paneling! Isn't that convenient?!?!?! Isn't that clever?! Are you entertained yet?! Oh, by the way, the only reason the Incubus has Hellhound minions is because in the ARG, dogs were the loudest animal and he couldn't just handwave them away like Chris did to the other animal noises in that final video. There's no other reason, but get used to them because they'll be every jump scare from this point forward.
Anyway, Mia goes to explore the abandoned prison from the Paranormal Paranoids prison episode. Except it's not. It's clearly not the same prison, we just pretend it is. She comes across Mile's cell and finds his...dust imprint from 12+ years ago staring at a picture of Shelby Oaks Ferris wheel. She's chased out by some dogs and the Incubus. The effects look like shit by the way. It's all the cheapest CGI. Resident Evil 1 on the PlayStation has better looking dog villains.
With....whatever revelation she has. I don't know, it's not very clear, she heads to Shelby Oaks. She gets there, goes to the Ferris Wheel, gets led by some more bad CGI dogs to a dilapidated house. An old lady invites her and Mia accepts because she's never seen a horror movie before and can clearly see handprints clinging to the doorframe. The old lady is named Norma. Mia asks about Rachel but she says she doesn't know anything. This whole house is COVERED in black mold btw, and there's like no food despite Miles and Norma being very fat. This is important later. Mia picks up a knife while Norma isn't looking and puts on her bag. This is also important later.
Norma gets distracted while Mia rummages through things. She notices Miles is actually Norma's son. She finds a random photo album (because of course she does), that contain multiple photos of Riley. Her being kidnapped, her being forcibly married to Miles, her being pregnant, her...digging what I assume is her own grave,...her sitting around, idk, some of them are of Miles digging graves while Riley's standing next to him...because? There's also several of her chained down, bloody beaten, and photos of her miscarriage. So um....Who developed these? These are photographs. Miles has been in jail and there's nothing in this house and it's far too dirty for a dark room. I don't see any Polaroids. Who developed these photos?!?! Why take photos of these things at all?! Oh it's so you can inevitably be caught because movie. Why did Chris make them some weird cultists? Idk, probably because his dad was a Jehovah's Witness and this was some super deep commentary like "Fuck you Dad!"
Anyway, Mia texts her husband that she turned on phone location and to call the police because she isn't an idiot. Mia then confronts Norma and she reveals Riley is indeed alive. She offers to take her to her and opens a spoopy hidden basement in the floorboards. Mia, brandishes the knife and goes down into the spoopy basement with the creepy now witch-like old lady. Mia chooses not to text her husband she is going into a creepy hidden basement where she already knows someone has been trapped and kept captive for at least some amount of time, because she is an idiot. She finds Riley, puts down the knife (fucking brilliant), and frees her and Norma kinda just lets them go with the Incubus behind her. Riley won't leave though and runs upstairs. Mia follows and hears a baby crying in the attic. They barge in and Norma and the Incubus are finishing a ritual to make the baby the anti-christ or something, it's not very clear. We rip off Silent Hill blatantly and old lady Norma cuts her wrists to feed baby blood. She dies from blood loss but not before tossing Riley around with magical demon powers that now exist. Riley and the baby are saved.
We cut to Riley in the hospital and the baby recovering. The mockumentary is going again celebrating how Riley has miraculously survived in a house with no food where she was raped multiple times and just wasn't able to have a baby for like 10 years or they just patiently waited for 10 years for some unknown reason. Anyway, after all that they've been through, Mia's husband takes her hand to show they've reconciled and now have a baby take care of and Mia just kind of bats him away. What a fucking cunt. Anyway, they all go home. Mia splits from her husband, fucking cunt. She's happy to finally use that crib for something other than storage space, in case the audience forgot. She leaves Riley alone in the room with her while wraps up the mockumentary. Meanwhile Riley tries to kill Incubus antichrist demon baby, Mia catches her, they wrestle, Mia throws Riley OUT THE FUCKING WINDOW. Then Riley gets eaten by the poorly CGI dog minions. Twelve years you spent looking for this bitch and you fucking throw her out a god damn window. Mia realized this is what the Incubus wanted it and it never wanted Riley it wanted her.
What a fucking pile of dog shit. Throughout this are sprinkled the cheapest of cheapest jump scares. Small second long clips of the YouTube videos. Mia being an unlikeable cunt. Shots of the crib filled with boxes because remember, she's infertile. Some of the worst CGI ever, and the entire final half looks like it was done with some AI enhancer. However, I think the movie's worst sin is that it's so fucking boring. We spend so much time just doing shots that mean NOTHING. If it's not nothing, it's jump scares that are terrible. Why did I talk about the knife? Because it's ultimately fucking pointless. Was the ARG worth it? No ultimately pointless and had nothing to do with anything.
The real kicker? You can't criticize this piece of dog shit because Stuckmann will use his YouTube influence to fuck you for it. He spent the better part of the past few years gaslighting his audience into not criticizing bad movies because he knew this pile of shit ruins his career. Career in movies? I wouldn't let him direct elementary school plays. As a reviewer? He clearly fucking learned nothing. I am thoroughly convinced that Stuckmann had originally nothing to do with Paranormal Paranoids. He signed on later, bought the finale and that's it. The whole script takes a reverse uno mid film. It just abandons the concept. Seriously, fuck Stuckmann. He's guilty of making every mistake he ever criticized everyone for.
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