/horror/ general megathread - Let's talk about movies and shit.

[lurkin]

Has anyone seen any natural horror films? As in the ones based on animals?

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_natural_horror_films

I am surprised there is no polar bear horror film. Oddly, there are some black bear horror films. Ironic considering black bears are the most docile of the North American bears.

Eaten alive: Tobe Hooper.

 

[Chunky Salsa]

cum zombies

If a zombie horned turned up, quirked up and ready to rape. I am killing myself with ZERO hesitation.

 

[Big Miss Steak]

Monsters Unleashed, the Universal Horror ride at Epic Universe is really really cool

Hopefully this isn't too off-topic, but it's tangentially related to horror. I've been planning to go, but I hear the park is punishingly hot even by FL standards. Did you go recently and what is your opinion on that? Opinion on the overall monster area?

 

[XYZpdq Jr.]

Hopefully this isn't too off-topic, but it's tangentially related to horror. I've been planning to go, but I hear the park is punishingly hot even by FL standards. Did you go recently and what is your opinion on that? Opinion on the overall monster area?

it is FUCKING NUTSO HOT
I live in Orlando-ish. I biked to work every day for about four miles a stretch of road not twenty miles away in temps getting up to the mid-to-upper 90s, even walked it occasionally
Uni is amazingly mind-blowingly horribly fucking awful at 90 degrees
it's mostly do-able if you go from a/c-ish shop to a/c-ish shop but it's fucking rough, and I've been wearing loose shorts (sometimes swim trunks) and medium-to-light short sleeved shirts
Uni has the usual problems of slopping a hundred miles of cement in the middle of the sunny swamp and a voodoo curse or something on top of that, but what makes it so much worse is the guys who design for them are just unwilling to accept that they're building in Florida
the queues are often meh-temperature but totally dead on airflow, or they're outside in ungodly heat
we did Simpsons the other day and it was still the same "who the fuck designed this" hellscape queue that it was with Back To The Future, no new fans , no new cover, nothing to solve the total "oh you're having a medical issue. well tough shit, no switchbacks for a while, but we got a lot of sun for you!" parts
similarly Nintendo is mostly fun looking but all that bright plastic reflects everything so it's bright and warm af by 10am
we tried Island Of Burk and it was another giant open area with no shade so we noped out on it since neither of us really care about How To Train Your Dragon and the intense heat put a kibosh on some of the "dump the wife somewhere and go on a coaster" plans

the monster area is fun, I might try the werewolf coaster tomorrow
the street characters seem cool, saw The Invisible Man fucking around a little
the sit-down food is good, all the food we've had at EU has been great
the Monsters Unleashed ride is really great, if you like old Uni-style horror monsters it's almost a ticket-seller on its own, if you like Mario or Potter or one of the other IPs it's probably worth a trip during not-the-summer
it's not quite a thrill ride, sort of a dark ride but instead of a cart on a track it's a cart held by a robot industrial arm and THAT goes on the track, then the robot arm swings you from one side to another or flips you onto your back and stuff

there's a fancy-ish pizza joint that's done up like the silent A Trip To The Moon But It's Pizza that's nice too, not exactly horror but movie nerds might dig it going so hard that the staff has the science wizard elf caps like it

horrorwise there's also the rotting corpse of The Cat In The Hat ride
it really looks like some creepypasta shit, they made latex rubber animatronics of the Seuss illustrations version of the Cat and the Fish and all, and after all this time they're grody and wrinkled like some junji itoh level shit

Edit
Apparently they have their own weather separate from NOAA who says it really is that fucking hot

 

[Aib Ld]

Hopefully this isn't too off-topic, but it's tangentially related to horror. I've been planning to go, but I hear the park is punishingly hot even by FL standards. Did you go recently and what is your opinion on that? Opinion on the overall monster area?

If you don't mind me also adding as a yearly visitor. Florida is hot. The memes of Florida being a swamp is not joking.
It isn't blazing hot, its dry hot. For comparison: Islands of Adventure and Universal Studios have shade every once in a while. Epic Universe (the park I presume you're talking about) does not and you're going to feel that heat all the time. I can't tell if it was because it is a newly built park and waiting for the trees to grow/waiting for fans, but get yourself a lot of water for Epic Universe. And I mean, a lot. Most of the rides like Stardust Crusaders and How to Train Your Dragon rollercoaster are all revealed in the heat, so don't dehydrate yourself.
Expect Monsters Unchained to be weird in your ride, I have no idea if they worked out all the kinks in it since I was last on it, but it is very animatronic heavy. Expect one or two to be down or barely working. If you love horror, you're going to love the Dark Universe section in the park. Give the bar a visit too and the windmill also sets itself on fire during the evening to night per couple of minutes.

 

[XYZpdq Jr.]

its dry hot.

u wot m8, humidity is like 50% today

but yeah I dunno what the platonic ideal of Monsters Unleashed is supposed to be but I didn't notice anything that screamed Disco Yeti or Hagrid's unicorn who's recovering from a stroke, and tbh a semi wobbling robot is better than just damn screens everywhere
after we're done I'll see what cams online look like vs what we got

sort of related, the postscript to Bela Drac dropped

 

[Big Miss Steak]

it is FUCKING NUTSO HOT

I'm a lifelong Floridian and I've done Islands of Adventure and Universal Studios in the summer and it was miserable unless you had a fast pass. Thanks for the confirmation that Epic is degrees of magnitude worse.

If you don't mind me also adding as a yearly visitor. Florida is hot. The memes of Florida being a swamp is not joking.

As mentioned above I am a lifelong Floridian so I get the heat, but it's a whole different level when you're walking through a concrete island in the middle of summer.

I legitimately got Disney rash on my lower legs in June at Epcot, standing in line for the Frozen ride for an hour in the direct sunlight (my friend swore it was worth it, it wasn't). The pavers are grey/black and there isn't a spec of shade apart from one umbrella. Like I said, I am accustomed to the heat and I swear I am not fat. But standing there in the direct sunlight just getting blasted legitimately made capillaries in my legs rupture. I think just standing in place vs walking around has a lot to do with it. Looks like the monster area at Epcot also has a lot of dark surfaces.

u wot m8, humidity is like 50% today

We're in a recordbreaking drought, 50% is dry af for us rn. We should be at 85%.

 

[XYZpdq Jr.]

I'm a lifelong Floridian and I've done Islands of Adventure and Universal Studios in the summer and it was miserable unless you had a fast pass. Thanks for the confirmation that Epic is degrees of magnitude worse.


As mentioned above I am a lifelong Floridian so I get the heat, but it's a whole different level when you're walking through a concrete island in the middle of summer.

I legitimately got Disney rash on my lower legs in June at Epcot, standing in line for the Frozen ride for an hour in the direct sunlight (my friend swore it was worth it, it wasn't). The pavers are grey/black and there isn't a spec of shade apart from one umbrella. Like I said, I am accustomed to the heat and I swear I am not fat. But standing there in the direct sunlight just getting blasted legitimately made capillaries in my legs rupture. I think just standing in place vs walking around has a lot to do with it. Looks like the monster area at Epcot also has a lot of dark surfaces.

View attachment 8938056


We're in a recordbreaking drought, 50% is dry af for us rn. We should be at 85%.

"dry for us" means you can't swim through the air. I meant in general
But yeah Frozen The Ride eats, Maelstrom was way better. My wife became a REAL Disney Parks nerd when she became eternally buttmad her fav ride is gone

 

[Party Hat Wurmple]

Teaser for the resident evil movie is out, I fear this corroborates the leaked script from a little while ago

https://youtu.be/SJPu1spHqfk?si=ka5WIYOjy7NPCHX8

Oh it gets worse. I'm going to cross-content post from the Resident Evil thread. Zach Cregger does an interview about this trailer, posted in the spoiler below. He does a full trailer breakdown.

Spoiler: Cross-post

So what happened is, is that Zach Cregger didn't care about Resident Evil at all and was going to make this movie whether he had the IP or not. He was very clear about this.

Here is his response video.

Now here is where we get his cope and attempts to shove a square peg in a round hole. This is just not Resident Evil. The stuff with the camera shots starts off okay, but the video devolves as we move on. Here are some of my favorite moments:

Spoiler: Sperging

>He just straight up says at one point that the fat guy in the sewer is a Blood Meridian ripoff and has nothing to do with Resident Evil.

>There is no Nemesis/tyrants. So whatever that thing is, it isn't a tyrant.

>That monster in the door? Yes, Zach. That is in the games. Except it's the wrong game. That's from Evil Within.

>Searching the drawers is a classic Resident Evil staple.

>This is in the early few minutes of Raccoon City. Shit just happened.

>"I'm not clear on the timeline of Raccoon City and when it starts to when it gets nuked. But this is when it just starts." Don't you think that's important to know?

>Oh yeah...this random houseplant? That's a *checks notes* Green Herb from Resident Evil 4. We copied the pot from 4. (Pots look completely different) And that's one of the many Easter eggs.....

>There's not many zombies in this movie.

>"I feel like we have so many opportunities with the T Virus to do more things with crazy mutations..."...No Zach, you don't. The T Virus doesn't work that way. What does work that way is the G VIRUS. Which conveniently occurs during Raccoon City exclusively. Which also conveniently lurks in the SEWERS of Raccoon City. Where you are currently setting what appears to be the CLIMAX OF YOUR MOVIE.
GOD DAMNIT ZACH ALL YOU HAD TO WAS SLAP A PINK EYEBALL ON THE FUCKING FAT GUY AND WE COULD LIVE WITH IT. FUCK MAN.

>"The scariest part of the games was 8 where you're getting chased by the giant baby". Oh, you mean the dreamlike sequence that's not the T Virus and has nothing to do with Raccoon City?

Fuck me, man. I hated this faggot for Barbarian. He redeemed himself with Weapons. I'm back to hating him again. Just admit you only played 4, 7, and 8 and had half the movie done before you got the IP and I will let it go.....

I hope this buries Zach Cregger. Many of you heard my rants on Barbarian. I fucking hated him for that movie and I hate that movie. I'm probably going to hate this movie. Weapons was a fluke. Fuck him for this.

 

[Party Hat Wurmple]

The question is: should I care if he's just shoehorning another script and idea into this project and there's only tenuous connections to the game series... if the movie is just good? I think the obvious answer is no, but I am not that upset as a fan of the games if they don't take another abortive run at doing a 1:something adaptation and we just get something half decent.

I do because, fuck it. I'll say it-

WEAPONS ISN'T THAT GOOD.

Neither was Barbarian.

But what ultimately happens in Weapons?

Spoiler: Spoilers

Some old fucking lady LARPING as Pennywise takes some kids.

Is it really that deep? No. Is it really that mysterious? No. Is it really that compelling? Not really. A second viewing really doesn't do it any favors.

The reality is Zach Cregger is a good director but a SHITTY fucking writer. He has good ideas but can't execute on any of them. They're not that well thought out. Or in the case of Barbarian, woke at best. They're one-shot pony movies. You can't rewatch them. They're not digestible. Zach Cregger is kind of a hack.

 

[Big Miss Steak]

Barbarian was a blast. Weapons was mid. I will give Resident Evil a chance but I won't hold my breath. I will say that I think telling an original(ish) story within the RE universe rather than trying to portray any of the videogame characters on film is the right move.

 

[Party Hat Wurmple]

Barbarian was a blast.

My issue was everyone glazing it but it's the same crap as Ghostbusters 2016. Women are all great and heckin' victims and all men are either rapists, murderers, or grossly incompetent.

Just because Barbarian gave this idea a fancy fresh coat of paint didn't stop it from being Woke Slop where the main message was "The Real Barbarian Was Man All Along".

 

[Big Miss Steak]

My issue was everyone glazing it but it's the same crap as Ghostbusters 2016. Women are all great and heckin' victims and all men are either rapists, murderers, or grossly incompetent.

Just because Barbarian gave this idea a fancy fresh coat of paint didn't stop it from being Woke Slop where the main message was "The Real Barbarian Was Man All Along".

Now tbf it's been a while since I've seen it, but there are four male characters of note that I recall: Justin Long, Bill Skarsgard, the homeless guy, and the creepy old man. I think there is only one real female character, Tessa.

Bill is a joke, rugpull character who you think will be the villain because the main character moronically agrees to stay with him, but he ends up being a normal, kind guy that's brutally killed by the monster lady. There's no political message there, it's just a twist. Justin Long is a rapist piece of shit and it's played for laughs. The joke is how horrible he is. This is also so we don't feel bad when terrible things happen to him. The homeless guy is kind and helpful and offers Tessa information on the monster lady. The creepy old man is the true villain of the film; the archetype of the slimy guy keeping women captive for his pleasure is not only seen often in film, but in this instance he is clearly inspired by real-life cases such as Josef Fritzl, Ariel Castro, John Jamelske, and Gary M. Heidnik.

There is a recurring, humorous theme of the woman ignoring red flags and trusting people she shouldn't, but if you interpret that as "all women are good and all men are bad" then you have an IQ problem.

 

[XYZpdq Jr.]

spoopy pork belly in blood-like sauce with various root veggies
not bad by any means but you can tell white people were involved in this pork, no snap on that fat
Second ride of Monsters Unleashed is it's still really great, a couple of scent cannons were going today that weren't the other day, I think a lighting effect or two more was on because the horror drapes covering the horror walls stood out a bit more.
Still REALLY a great ride. I haven't seen anything new from the mouse since 3 Caballeros replaced River Of Time but I saw them sliding down to Uni's screens but Uni is stepping up their robot game big-time. Light years beyond Hagrid Coaster's stuff

 

[Calandrino]

Shocking Dark is the real Resident Evil movie.



It captured the 90s FMV video game cutscene aesthetic in 1989. Prophetic.

 

[Party Hat Wurmple]

Bill Skarsgard

I very much disagree.

He wasn't ultimately a bad guy, but the movie paints him as a bad guy the entire time he's on screen.

Justin Long

Just because it's painted as a joke doesn't change the obvious messaging. The guy acts like Chris Hemsworth in Ghostbusters 2016. It was played for laughs there too, and everyone said it was sexist and hated it.

Does it suddenly become not sexist because it's Justin Long?

The homeless guy

Fair enough, but I really do write this guy off as a narrative vessel for exposition.

The old man

The actor is Richard Barke. I don't agree with the notion of him being the true villain.

There is a recurring, humorous theme of the woman ignoring red flags and trusting people she shouldn't, but if you interpret that as "all women are good and all men are bad"

Yes I agree with your statement. However, the way the movie presents itself with these three characters of Bill Skarsgard, Justin Long, and Richard Barke, tells me that we are meant to view them as an aggregation of one concept.

The movie is a metaphor for diddling. Heck, it's complete with "and the cops don't listen to the girl just because" moment. If you were to ask Cregger I imagine he would say, all the men were supposed to represent different aspects of diddling and the monster is the rippling consequences of that diddling. Or something along those lines. So yes, to the scope of the movie, the women are all victims, and all men are evil because they're the representation of diddling. The real Barbarian was MAN all along. Why else it would it have that title?

I understand people like the presentation, but I can't really get past that messaging of "Women good, man bad" because thats ultimately how the movie presents it, in my opinion.

I've had this discussion a lot with people who review movies and I encourage people to go back and give it a second watch. So, to that end I can't say it's necessarily a bad movie because there is a lot to talk about. But much like Weapons, I think cracks begin to show on repeated watches. I also believe Zach Cregger is very good at filmmaking because he's able to pull the wool over everyone's eyes for what I ultimately think are very weak stories.

 

[The Nothingness]

Apparently there is an upcoming movie called Passenger that is getting a lot of buzz because of how "scary" the teaser, which was leaked, was. I only first heard about it from a reaction video (since the leaked trailer looks to have been removed) and the teaser is nothing more than jumpscares. Here is the official synopsis on IMDB.

This reads like a It Follows/Smile knockoff.

I had the actual trailer as a preview before Hokum (I'll give my thoughts on that later). My suspicious about it being a derivative of the previously mentioned movies looks to be true.

 

[Your Starter for 10]

I guess I'm only going to be able to watch about 25% of horror movies that come out from now on, because I'm never going to watch one with a nigger protagonist. I guess it actually helps, because you immediately know they're going to be shit instead of getting your hopes up.

 

[XYZpdq Jr.]

I had the actual trailer as a preview before Hokum (I'll give my thoughts on that later). My suspicious about it being a derivative of the previously mentioned movies looks to be true.

probably won't be as good as that made-for-tv about the Shat as a priest on an airplane when a demon gets out in the back

 

[Your Starter for 10]

I finally finished Something Very Bad is Going to Happen (the Netflix show). It was pretty good, although really dropped the ball at the end, I thought. The only major woke-ism shoe-horned in there is there's an atrocious nigger mutt as one of the sister-in-laws (to be), and she's an utterly terrible actress to boot; I wouldn't say she ruins every scene she's in, but she is so noticeably bad relative to the others that it's irritating. BUT - she's really the only truly irritating part of the show.

The main girl is pretty good, and she doesn't make a whole lot of utterly retarded decisions like most protagonists (or, I guess she kind of does in the last couple episodes, but they are at least supported by character traits and the situation, not just your usual retard shit). Ted Levine is great as always, but given very little to do. Jennifer Jason Leigh is good despite how depressed I get every time I see her. The two standouts are the brother- and sister-in-law to be who are really great and have enough material to show it. The guy the main chick is marrying does OK, I guess...I'm not sure it's him or the character, but it's not quite believable that the main chick is marrying him; and despite being kind of the center of the story, he's not actually in it enough to ruin anything.

There's only like three other recurring characters and they all do really great.

First four episodes are really great where it keeps swerving and you're trying to figure out just what kind of horror is going on, just really well done. Some of the explanations for why it's not what you think it is kind of stretch credibility, but it's also a dark comedy, so it's forgivable - hell, the fact that the writers even fucking considered explaining a lot of stuff puts it head and shoulders above virtually everything else from the past few years. However, once all that settles down, and it lays everything out, it takes far too long to get to the wedding and aftermath. Would've been a MUCH better, possibly even great show if it had cut two episodes out.

The last 15-20 minutes does kind of ruin a lot, as it rips away the catharsis that had been built up from the end of the wedding. The show had set up very specific rules for the curse, but then either decides to ignore them or add a whole bunch of other rules for no reason after the final "I do." And while I'm fine with her becoming The Witness at the end, there was no setup for it, and it seemed to just kind of yank away the stakes at the last minute. Honestly, I'm still not really sure what happened or how it worked or who all actually died, as it just kind of got extremely random. Would've been a lot better without the tacked on "I do," where the family just had to suffer waiting to see if they died or not. The old witness could've been like "Oh yeah, I forgot to tell you that you become The Witness now, lol, ack." and we would've wound up in the same place, just without all the bending/breaking of the rules the show had set up.

Anyway, good show. A few likeable characters, a lot of entertaining characters, very little shoe-horning, some decent mysteries and revelations. No nudity, a little gore, but it's just profuse bleeding from the eyes and ears and shit. A bit of body horror. Ten years ago this wouldn't have even moved my needle, but relative to everything else recent, it's fucking fantastic. 2.5/5