How are you doing? - Kiwi Farms Wellness Check

[Otterly]

This physical reaction has been constant for 8 days.

Yeah you need to see the doc. Something a bit not right there. Hopefully it’s not physical, and sometimes you can have a bit of a breakdown and your body knocks you on your arse because your brain isnt listening to it.
Your ‘self’ or whatever you call it is telling you there’s something wrong and has made you stop and take note. Get all the physical checks, hopefully they’re ok, and then have a think about what’s going on and what you can change?

 

[Pat Niggerson]

Yeah you need to see the doc. Something a bit not right there. Hopefully it’s not physical, and sometimes you can have a bit of a breakdown and your body knocks you on your arse because your brain isnt listening to it.
Your ‘self’ or whatever you call it is telling you there’s something wrong and has made you stop and take note. Get all the physical checks, hopefully they’re ok, and then have a think about what’s going on and what you can change?

That is the current course of action, yeah. It's also caused crying spells, but that only really happens when I reflect on interpersonal regrets. Between you and me I'm hoping it is physical so I can address it that way. Regardless of the outcome, this has terrified me into trying to change. When what was a mundane day turns into finding out the best way to max out cards into assets to leave my siblings, it gets scary.

 

[Getmeout]

I had a thought last night. I thought about what @PetiteFeet said about doing whatever you want and whatever makes you happy, and I kinda realized... Ya, that just makes sense, doesn't it? I mean, self-sacrifice is always a good thing, sacrificing what makes you happy to make others happy is virtuous... But what's the point when it DOESN'T make others happy? What's the point when, in fact, it makes the people around you unhappy cause you're grumpy and pissy all the time worrying about conforming to what you think a 20 yr old woman should be.

I feel like us humans innately want what's best for us, whilst we crave what's bad for us. Want is different than crave, to crave is when you don't actually want it but you have this weird compulsive need for it. I think I want happiness, but crave social validation. My want contradicts with the craving, cause my happiness consists of a lot of things looked down on by society. Nothing immoral, just things considered "Childish", "Cringey", and/or "Autistic".

But life is so short, and that short amount of time could be spent happy if I just pursued my wants without shame. The fear comes in again, that if I do so, I'll have no one to be near and no one will like me. But it's like Petite said, "Any friend willing to break it off with you cause you like MLP or whatever is not a friend worth keeping".

I think... Today... I'm gonna bake a cake, mess with my Littlest Pet Shops, and ramble about object shows with friends. It makes me happy and I think a happy Getmeout is a lot easier to be around than a repressed pissy one.

Aside from this long screed, I woke up with a headache today. I suspect it's from me eating near nothing yesterday, so I'll eat a bit more today.

 

[AspieNextDoor]

I feel bad. Without powerleveling too much I've been friends with someone living in a third-world country, and since they (the person) have a very shitty financial situation I've been sending them money from time to time. Our relationship was strained over time but we updated each other on our lives and kept contact.

Recently they asked for money again, their child (which i know for sure is real, dont get any ideas) got very sick and they needed money for tests, so I tried to help. The problem was that my PayPal stopped working some time ago, and since it was the only way I could reliably send them money I couldn't do anything. I've contacted customer support, went to my bank, messaged my bank, called the bank hotline but I pretty much got back to square one again.

So I explained the situation and told them I can't help, and I've also updated them on my life because I've been going through some rough shit recently too. We've been on the rocks for some time now so I also said that I don't know if I want to keep talking to them. They said (some parts ommited) "Thanks for nothing, you give me hope only to snatch it away like this. I don't want to get involved in your life [because you dont want to], I reached out out of desperation. But thanks for nothing again. Take care, it was my fault for writing to you."

I got upset, I said that if they are going to insult me for trying to help them then we should finally cease all contact, because I cant send them any money anymore anyway. And then blocked them everywhere.

I don't know what to think about this. It was very important for them so they have a right to be upset, but, I don't know, maybe I overreacted. Maybe I could've done more. I'm a very emotional person so caring over them and their shitty life had a huge emotional toll on me, and that was the main reason I wanted to interact with them as little as possible for a long time. I've cried over them more times than I want to admit. I know I couldn't do anything to help but I still feel like a bad person. They aren't an asshole or anything, I genuinely feel sorry for them and the kid and I wish them the best. Shit sucks man.