I think my difficulty comes from a combination of being naturally shy, and damage done by spending formative years on tumblr, where the radfem points of "men are trash" as well as "men should always be considered predatory" were inescapable. I've spent a lot of time trying to unlearn those messages, but the impact was significant (especially so that those messages are still being promoted today). It's still difficult for me to approach people IRL. But I'm in a much better place than I was a few years ago.
If you were asking me what I think the problem is for people starting relationships generally, I have no insight.
That's really interesting, I've heard this from quite a few people I know. If you haven't read it I would
highly suggest this blog post by Scott Alexander from a few years back. I think you'd find a lot of it impactful and very relevant to what you're experiencing.
That sounds frustrating, because I'm sure if you knew, you'd do whatever you could to fix it. I wish I had an answer to give you.
There has been a lot of stigma placed on male sexuality that has been imposed on people the past couple of decades. Particularly during a time when teenagers are going through puberty and trying to figure things out.
I myself had been dealing with this problem for years. Feeling like I'm a creep for having feelings for a woman or wanting to date one. Didn't help that I often compared myself unfavorably to other guys that seem to "have it together". Nor did it help that the internet phenomena of the nice guy/incel rose to prominence, making things even worse. Both of which I feel have at least been partially caused by the above mentioned mindset. Not excusing their behavior, but recent years have proven to me that these kind of people didn't just pop out from nowhere.
Truth of the matter is I feel, is that you should stop giving a shit about what other people think of you. At the end of the day, you're a guy, and you're attracted to women. Guys in general have attributes and quirks that are unique to them. You can't control or change that. So why not embrace it? Be the kind of man you want to be. Pretend if you have to, fake it till you make it.
Instead of worrying so much about how others perceive you, focus on improving yourself and doing something worthwhile. You may or may not find that special lady, but what matters is that you do something that gives you purpose, that keeps you alive. The internet does not represent the entirety of the world. I myself am working in a position filled with down to earth and very supportive people who appreciate what I do. Things certainly aren't perfect, but I'm better off than I was not too long ago.
I've stopped enjoying much of anything at all. Stuff like vidya or anime can only distract me for short periods of time. Even music which I've always loved listening to is starting to lose it's grasp on me. I'm running out of options now. I desperately want to find a boyfriend in real life, and my hope is that having someone to love and care about might bring back some amount of happiness. Sadly I have no way to find a boy at the moment. If I do manage to find a guy that I actually like and can carry the weight of fixing me then I think I might be able to be somewhat happy again. If it doesn't work out though, then I think my only options are alcoholism, asceticism, being institutionalized, and suicide.
I'm praying things work out before I reach the final option.
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As someone who has the same kind of problems and desires, let me say this:
You need to be able to fix yourself. Having a boyfriend won't fix whatever problems you currently have. Having friends and family for support as well as therapy work wonders, but you also got to have the desire to help yourself.
It's not easy, lord knows I still have trouble with it, but self love is an important skill to learn.
I wish you the best though. Don't kill yourself. You are valuable to someone.
. It was comfy for my introverted ass
