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Getting my second covid shot tomorrow morning. Honestly I'm both incredibly excited and pretty anxious. I can't wait to start hanging out with my friends who've also been vaccinated, but I'm kind of fearing those side effects that are supposed to be a thing for a couple days after the fact.
 
I bought a house in my early-mid 20s, and had to have a co-signer, and I think my grandfather refusing to sign for the house I wanted and buying the one he pressured me to ruined the rest of my life. The house I wanted rose 40-50%, and the one I bought I lost money on due to having to update it and it rose significantly less so it will be difficult to ever sell and buy. My mortgage is even slightly more money.

I have to take a pay cut to only have a 3 hour daily commute, instead of under 30 minutes. I can't go to the beach, pool, ski resort, airport, or high end gyms on days where I work as the commute is much longer. I saw a gaming cafe open in my city and I thought it looked interesting, but I can't go to it unless I book a day off. It's much harder to go to social gatherings because I need to work hours to miss rush hour traffic and I live far farther from anyone I know, instead of being able to do something daily. It's much harder to get transit or a taxi to my house if need be, and much more expensive if I wanted to taxi to the airport.
 
I'm going to start a family. I don't know with who or when but I will. And it will be magnificent. I learned today that I have what it takes to be a father. I can feel it, deep down in my soul and I won't make the same mistakes that my father made.

All I want is someone to take an interest in me. I've got a lot to share. If you want to know more please reach out.
 
Getting my second covid shot tomorrow morning. Honestly I'm both incredibly excited and pretty anxious. I can't wait to start hanging out with my friends who've also been vaccinated, but I'm kind of fearing those side effects that are supposed to be a thing for a couple days after the fact.
Don't worry about it. You'll most likely just feel icky for a day or two.
 
Ugh. I hate my body so much. Got weighted today. 145 fucking pounds. Disgusting. I would eat healthier but somehow I'm allergic to just about every fucking fruit and vegetables in existence. So yea. And I have no motivation to get my ass up to do anything. Maybe if I eat less? I don't know man
 
Feeling very... melancholy? Just drained and generally kind of bummed out for no particular reason. Maybe it's because the weather went from sunny and in the 90s-100s to cloudy and gloomy all of a sudden. Also having trouble sleeping, yet again. No amount of OTC sleep aids or supplements are helping.
 
I'm feeling so incredibly unmotivated. I have a big exam in 8 months so I really need to get it together and grind my way through some books. Also why are the comment sections on lofi videos always filled with people talking about how sad they are? I legitimately don't get it.

Edit: I also had a dream where Obama was about to break into my house, but the dream ended before he did.
 
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but somehow I'm allergic to just about every fucking fruit and vegetables in existence
Most fruits aren't the best thing if you diet without exercising. Also, for real? Just about EVERY?

And I have no motivation to get my ass up to do anything.
No one says you should exercise. Walk, work around the house, beat the shit out of someone, etc. Exercises are good since muscle mass consumes energy, so you will have harder time getting fat again.

Maybe if I eat less?
Well, that requires more willpower than dieting+exercises. You just need to change some things in your diet and move a little more.
 
Stands to reason, because wine IS disgusting.

I'm not anti-booze or anything; but wine is the worst thing. Just the worst thing.
I can handle cava and other wannabe champagne booze, but vodka mixed with soda will forever be in my heart.
I would eat healthier but somehow I'm allergic to just about every fucking fruit and vegetables in existence. So yea. And I have no motivation to get my ass up to do anything. Maybe if I eat less?
Easier to just cut out all fruits. They are full of fructose, and sugar is sugar. The body treat it the exact same way as white sugar.
Sounds like you would thrive on the keto diet. You can't eat that many vegetables there, because most vegetables have carbs in them.
You can start to "walk" like Amberlynn.
Just had a nightmare that really hit home, not to mention it felt like a recurring one. Maybe because the dream itself was a based around a loop.
Please, tell more :thinking:


I'm fine, thought I had another delivery from DHL on my door today. It wasn't their express services, so they just hand it over to my local mail service, which deliver it to mail in store for me to pick up later. Because my mailbox is way too small.

Really hate to wait at home for packages, and currently eating breakfast (a can of tuna and preworkout) and then heading to the gym.
 
Please, tell more
To sum it up. Basically it was a world where there are monsters who slowly drain the life from everything, but if you dig too deep or have flashbacks to see what the state of the world really is, the monsters become stronger and more aggressive. The looping part is that I either was more people, or it was a looping event. So either you get eaten(?) or the fake reality basically resets itself until everybody can make it through noticing the flaws and the monsters.

There was some vague cut aways about how the world is predetermined anyway, so it needs to be reset.
 
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Been feeling pretty frustrated over a lot of things.

Work has been stressful, especially since yesterday they pulled my midday partner over to another department because the guy who's supposed to be in that department apparently keeps leaving hours early, leaving me all by myself on the floor. Thankfully, my supervisors are pretty forgiving so long as I'm actually working, but it bugs me that I couldn't do everything I was normally supposed to do because of something I can't control.

Also just been getting frustrated over the direction my country is going and feeling like there's nothing I can do about it. I want to have kids someday, but I'm scared that they too will get swept up under our current political zeitgeist. Thankfully, I live in Texas where people have been pushing back against that sort of thing, but I don't know how long that will last or what it will be like years down the line. My workplace practically bent the knee right after the whole George Floyd incident and corporate went almost full woke.

Also been trying to get over my fear of driving. I have my license and I just got my first actual car, but I found myself terrified to leave my apartment complex in it. I've only ever drove with my old man or a driving instructor.

What seems to keep me going however is spite. I saw an ad from I think the Wall Street Journal online through YouTube about how ride sharing will eliminate the need for cars or something like that, and at the end of the ad they ask, "Is it time to give up your car?"

Fuck you! I just got my car! I've spent years getting over my stupid fears and insecurities to become independent and now you're trying to pressure me into giving that up? I want to be able to have kids and take them to school! (Unless Texas schools go in that direction as well)

I recognize that worrying over the future doesn't help much. It's out of my control as well as what other people do and say. I'm just so exhausted.

Other than that, gotta keep trucking I guess. : /
 
Got accepted to grad school (again). Looking forward to finishing my degree in < 3 years! Sadly, the university is in California (going to the fucking lion’s den). I know us kiwis want Cali to vanish after the big one, but can we wait 3 years beforehand? K Thanks. 😊
Just got confirmation of housing in SoCal! As much as I love being a science-bean, I will continue rational reason-ism as long as I can be a STEM scientist... ☺️
 
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