How are you doing? - Kiwi Farms Wellness Check

Visiting my old piece of shit hick town and the place its going thru an economic boom of sorts, fucking hate that this shithole finally gets decent right after I decided to leave

It still sucks but its light-years less shit than it used to be

Unfortunately this has also attracted a bunch of even worse hicks than before so the social aspect has actually declined, its basically rednecks with money now
 
i have been living in fear as i am trying my hardest to not care about what others think online, i have been trying my hardest to be optimistic but i am scared that eventually everything about me will be uncovered and nobody will like me
i haven't been able to eat or sleep properly for the last 2 weeks, save me from this mess (:_(
 
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Got this "friend" I pushed away, is dating a woman I was interested in (not the cause of pushing him away). Got this other, mutual friend who hasn't learned yet I pushed the other dude away, crude guy, sees me and likes to yak about the other friend probably fucking the woman.

It's a really petty thing (if I wanted the woman I should have gone and asked her out, never explicitly told any of them I had an interest in her, had valid reasons to think we wouldn't have gotten along), but it still bums me out listening to this shit pretending to be normal while dying inside.


I got bummed out about it and that friend had brought beer, I don't drink anymore but most of these dudes drink normally (want a beer if they go visit somebody) so I drank what he left and felt distressed and got high on some THC. I only have four days left, now, to study for this class and if I fail it I've got to retake it and I'm not even 100% sure I'm doing okay in the others, though I think it'll be okay. I realized at some point in the past few weeks that my problems are mostly emotional, because when I get clarity I still have the same opinions on everything being shitty, but I'm not real worked up about it, it's like happy acceptance, but I can't get to that clarity without CBD only rarely works, and the THC is a need (either it or alcohol) to shut off my brain for a while every now and then. And I realize now that my job is not bad - I could have a good career in it - so i'm not as bothered about that, but I feel like life in general is just going to get worse the older I get, the harder it gets to make new social relationships and the more monotonous and joyless life becomes, without anything to look forwards to except a hypothetical family that seems more and more implausible. I used up the first third of my life expectancy already and now I've been in something like a month of doing what feels like nothing but work and get high (when I can't stand working anymore). That was also done to me by myself (started projects too late, didn't pay enough attention in class).

I don't feel comfortable talking to that friend about this stuff (we're not that close) and I do talk about some of it to my parents, but I can't impose the full weight of a day's negativity from me on them all the time.
 
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How I am feeling right now.... hmmm

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Managed to do a 5+ hour workout today. While I was out- why are so many people insane with their cars lately? Running red lights, two idiots in less than 10 seconds almost caused an accident... is it the vax?
 
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Managed to do a 5+ hour workout today. While I was out- why are so many people insane with their cars lately? Running red lights, two idiots in less than 10 seconds almost caused an accident... is it the vax?
Once you pass the road test and get the license rules don't matter anymore. I see some absolutely bonkers behavior from drivers on a daily basis. Nobody's heard of leaving 15-30 min early to compensate for unexpected delays, apparently, and god help you if you happen to be occupying a lane they really REALLY want to be in RIGHT NOW.
 
My in-laws wanted to come over for dinner next week but they sadly caught the coof.
They're doing alright but are staying away until they're testing negative again.
My week just got a little bit better. ;)
 
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I'm lonely.

I'm planning on going to college if the world doesn't shut down again, but I'm scared. I don't know how to interact with people. I can be superficially nice or stay quiet depending on what the circumstances call for, but I simply don't connect with people anymore. Making it worse, everyone is so much taller than me and I feel like a child around my peers.

Thankfully my main reason for going to college is to get a qualification and start working, not the social life. Still, sucks to be lonely. I know it's on me to improve myself though, I don't feel as if I'm owed friends or lovers.
 
I'm lonely.

I'm planning on going to college if the world doesn't shut down again, but I'm scared. I don't know how to interact with people. I can be superficially nice or stay quiet depending on what the circumstances call for, but I simply don't connect with people anymore. Making it worse, everyone is so much taller than me and I feel like a child around my peers.

Thankfully my main reason for going to college is to get a qualification and start working, not the social life. Still, sucks to be lonely. I know it's on me to improve myself though, I don't feel as if I'm owed friends or lovers.
What does improving yourself mean, in this context?

In my experience it looks like the big ways you win friends are tons of flattery, positivity, and jokes, but the really bland kind (nothing offbeat). The first two don't have to be sincere.

Feeling like a child (if you don't just mean on account of being short) is a big thing, especially when half the time you feel like a grumpy 70-year-old man and the other half of the time you feel 12.
 
Depressed/angry, the world is coming to the end and yet my family is totally alseep to it, now my dad wants me to speak to some stupid Aspergers/Autism Young Adults group. Tried that multiple times hated it everytime. I don't give a shit about wasting my time on making friends, Lord knows how much longer I/most people will be alive. TPTB are trying to start a Nuclear war with Russia and destroy the global supply/food system. This fall is going to terrible, I expect to go hungry then as the shelves are stripped bare. Im so tired of everything.
 
Depressed/angry, the world is coming to the end and yet my family is totally alseep to it, now my dad wants me to speak to some stupid Aspergers/Autism Young Adults group. Tried that multiple times hated it everytime. I don't give a shit about wasting my time on making friends, Lord knows how much longer I/most people will be alive. TPTB are trying to start a Nuclear war with Russia and destroy the global supply/food system. This fall is going to terrible, I expect to go hungry then as the shelves are stripped bare. Im so tired of everything.
Are you close enough to the troubles for that to be a realistic scenario?
 
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