How are you doing? - Kiwi Farms Wellness Check

[KiwiFuzz]

I'm having a dark night of the soul.

There are so many detestable people out there. It's hard to hate them all at once. I mean, I manage, I have a lot of practice, but god it's making it hard to sleep.

A couple days ago someone jumped off a freeway overpass onto the interstate. From the people who saw the aftermath, it was apparently spectacularly gory. It's too bad it wasn't anyone I know and detest.

I feel like maybe I need to get back on the antidepressants, even though they make me very apathetic about everything.

 

[JustSomeDong]

Knocked my phone into the toilet when I was grabbing my towel coming out of the shower. Stubbed my toe. Decided it would be fun to smash my ring finger in the patio door when I let my dogs out. Its just after 9am, now.

Anyone got some ambien? I wanna go back to bed and try again tomorrow...

At least my phone is waterproof and was easy to clean...

 

[AnOminous]

View attachment 3743687
This is the way.
You two were ment to find each other.

I only have the most recent kitty (yet another semi-feral monster) because the dog met her outside on a walk and they immediately became best friends and winter was coming so it was either adopt this creature or explain to the dog why his best friend was just going to have to freeze to death outside.

 

[Billy Bob Dick]

I only have the most recent kitty (yet another semi-feral monster) because the dog met her outside on a walk and they immediately became best friends and winter was coming so it was either adopt this creature or explain to the dog why his best friend was just going to have to freeze to death outside.

I have cats. Cats are the only thing that matters in life.

 

[seri0us]

 

[Nick Obre]

I have cats. Cats are the only thing that matters in life.

Nice Toxo Bro

 

[Crysocyan]

Watched an old 90s horror anime that I found in my local library this evening. Came in this bizarre discbook case, along with a Halloween-themed wordsearch that I should do.

The DVD menus were awesome, and the movie was pretty good. It was the one about the pop singer, and reminded me of Serial Experiments: Lain but not boring.

I've got a frozen pizza in the oven, and I'm probably going to try and sleep earlier tonight.

 

[Cytotoxic Positivity]

This weekend it was 2 years that my close buddy died just yards away from my door in an ambulance under some fucked up circumstances. His wife and kid (age 10) are now moving. It's for the best for them, but rough thinking I won't see them every day.
Just an overall shitty time. Good people die but assholes live forever.

 

[Some Badger]

I had a really, really rough day at work today, full of juggling work tasks like a regular circus act and arguing with coworkers over the phone. I got chewed out by my boss in the one of the most passive aggressive 20 minutes of my life, got chewed out again by my boomer housemate and his weird boomer texting style for forgetting to wipe the counters before I left for work, and I had to stay late to put out a couple extra fires on top of the ones I was already dealing with.

However, I stopped by Taco Bell on the way home, got some comfort food, cracked open a few beers when I got home and laughed my ass off to episode 2 of Chainsaw Man, and I'm honestly feeling way better now.

 

[Coffee Druid]

Jeez, why do I have to have anxiety over the dumbest things. I'm usually okay, but when it strikes its like a lead ball in my stomach and I can't stop worrying about it even when I use logic to tell myself why it's nbd. Every time I mess up a little at work, even if people might not notice, and even if it's not a big deal and has no effect on things, I feel like I'm going to be in big trouble.

One of the things that makes it worse is I have no one to really vent about it to. I don't want to stress vomit on the few friends I do have. I should probably get therapy and all. I sound like a wuss, but I just wish someone could rub my back and tell me it'll be okay.

This year in October and November I'm also working a side gig most weekends but I hate it. It's a paycheck (barely, after gas and food and things) and I feel obligated to help do it. But once it's over I'll be relieved and not do it again next year.

 

[Crysocyan]

I reluctantly booked out the first dozen episodes of Death Note from my library; it's also good. It's like Parasyte minus the meaningless girlfriend drama and overpowered protagonist. The Christian symbolism feels a bit overplayed, probably because of Evangelion.

Going to start reading One Piece, just so that I have something to talk about with one of my friends.

I've been quite paranoid and guilt-ridden. So I've been trying to follow the advice of Luther, which has been working wonderfully.

Whenever the devil harasses you, seek the company of men or drink more, or joke and talk nonsense, or do some other merry thing. Sometimes we must drink more, sport, recreate ourselves, and even sin a little to spite the devil, so that we leave him no place for troubling our consciences with trifles. We are conquered if we try too conscientiously not to sin at all. So when the devil says to you: do not drink, answer him: I will drink, and right freely, just because you tell me not to.

 

[lmamp]

Todays marks 6 months since my dad died from cancer and I miss him so much and it hurts so bad. I just really wish he could hug me. It's all I can think about. I get like this at every milestone, but still. That's where I'm at right now.

 

[*Grunts Softly*]

I'm not good, I need a powerful vasodilator.

Spoiler: medical record

It's been more than 3 years since I'm basically bedridden because my brain is fucked up beyond repair because this one time I took Vyvanse (7 fantastic years with this medication) and Concerta (first time) the same day before going to work. It wasn't supposed to matter much but my faggot brain couldn't handle it. Now I can't do daily chores because I'm close to fainting after ~20 minutes of continuous normal activity and I have terrible physical symptoms like you wouldn't believe. Actual constant suffering, from the moment I wake up to the moment I go to sleep.

Tried various ADs, APs and many other medications with my psychiatrist with no success. He has no clue. I've seen two neurologists and went through 3 MRIs but they found nothing wrong with my brain. When I drink some wine (which is a vasodilator) and I get to a certain toxicity level in my blood, I have a lot more energy. It doesn't last much more than an hour or two but it's better than nothing. Anyway, my psychiatrist can't prescribe vasodilators, so now I have to find a way to obtain some on my own. I don't know which ones and how to get them. Any suggestions besides killing myself ? Please don't ignore or laugh at this like I'm some fat lying retard, I need your help and I've been banned everywhere else online so this is pretty much it. A gentle soul on KF will help me or I will have to pray for a miracle.

 

[EyeBP]

Finally had enough and job or not I am leaving my country. I'll gamble on a job hunt once I get out. I feel confident. Bailing ftw but not going to lie taking a giant leap of faith in this economy with a family to support is terrifying but our alternative choice is being financially fucked forever and never leaving so it is time to just go for it.

 

[A Grey Cat]

The electricity in my apartment got red tagged by the utility company. Normally I don't pay for that but something is seriously wrong. Had to spend the night in the dark with nothing to do bit sleep. Phone is running on fumes right now as I write this. I don't get paid till tomorrow but when I do I'm gonna slip the owner whatever it takes to get the lights back on if it's not back by the time I get home from work.

 

[JustSomeDong]

The electricity in my apartment got red tagged by the utility company. Normally I don't pay for that but something is seriously wrong. Had to spend the night in the dark with nothing to do bit sleep. Phone is running on fumes right now as I write this. I don't get paid till tomorrow but when I do I'm gonna slip the owner whatever it takes to get the lights back on if it's not back by the time I get home from work.

I highly recommend a cheap powerbank for just this type of situation. Preferably a solar one. I picked a couple up on prime day last year for about 20 bucks a pop, and they've paid for themselves several times over.

 

[A Grey Cat]

I highly recommend a cheap powerbank for just this type of situation. Preferably a solar one. I picked a couple up on prime day last year for about 20 bucks a pop, and they've paid for themselves several times over.

Thanks for the tip I'll be sure to look into it if need be. I mean I work hard I pay my dues on time more or less. All o ask is a decent place to live.

 

[NoonmanR]

Not well at all. I feel dead inside, about as close to an island as any man can get in this world, being unable or unwilling to relate to anyone irl, and online relationships feel pointless. Oh well, guess there's nothing that can be done about it other than to just, push on and hope this feeling subsides. Same as every other time.

 

[JustSomeDong]

Thanks for the tip I'll be sure to look into it if need be. I mean I work hard I pay my dues on time more or less. All o ask is a decent place to live.

I feel ya. For the first couple years after I bought this place, we'd get power outages 3-5 times a year. A transformer kept blowing, and they'd replace it, and it'd blow, and they'd replace it, repeat ad infinitum for 2 years. They finally redid some other shit with the transformer, and fixed it 2 years ago. I was running my life off the USB ports on my my car jump packs for a while, then I got the solar banks, which are much more travel friendly, in addition to being a good backup for storms and such. I'm saving up, and will probably invest in a big solar kit from bluesun or bluetti, and those beefy bastards can run about $2k.

 

[Orange Tabby]

Hitting a bunch of shitty milestones this year all at once. Parent death, babies, and birthdays. Close to the holidays. I’m due for a mental breakdown come January probably.