How are you doing? - Kiwi Farms Wellness Check

Meiwaku said:
I took out my three worst habits that I did when I was feeling some type of way to feel better... so I am coping right now getting used to *not* doing that and doing something else instead. I wanted to add something else to my plate but I need to balance this out first.
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One of those habits wouldn't happen to be video games would it? Cause if it is I know exactly how you feel. The weird thing is video games aren't even fun to me anymore, but I notice I tend to play them when I know there's something more important that I'm trying to distract myself from.
 
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Yamamura Video Rental said:
One of those habits wouldn't happen to be video games would it? Cause if it is I know exactly how you feel. The weird thing is video games aren't even fun to me anymore, but I notice I tend to play them when I know there's something more important that I'm trying to distract myself from.
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Nah it's not. But this is great insight! Progressive Procrastination.
 
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Got home from a week-long vacation/family reunion yesterday. I'm back to work tomorrow and I'm already kind of dreading it. Being yelled at by a fat Columbian condom breaker who pretends he knows less English than he actually does is not exactly the kind of thing I wish I was expecting upon my return, but God willing we don't hit our busiest until the latter half of the week. I'm seriously ready for a new job.
 
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So I'm two weeks into a two and half week trip to Bulgaria and things have been fine but it's hot as FUCK and there's no A/C to be found so I'm roasting like a Thanksgiving turkey both inside AND outside all hours of the day. I came here to visit some family and they're fine I guess, but one really can't appreciate the perks and privilege of being an Amerimutt until you've left the comfor of your air conditioned world and suffered the heat without even a fan during a goddamn heatwave in at your elderly babushka's house in a rural mountain village that has more stray dogs and cats out than people at any given time. It doesn't help that there's dogs barking all night long and roosters sounding off in the middle of the fucking night. I did get a sweet weed hat for like 8 leva from a stall at the flea market though, so silver linings and all that.

The food has been excellent and our time at the Black Sea was pretty cool, and the other places I've seen and drove through have been a great mix of Soviet bloc and a more traditional style, and the graffiti is pretty cool too. Overall I'd give this trip a mid/10 and I'm not traveling in the summer ever again 💀
 
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still in that consistently rock-bottom place that i've been in for years. all of my confidence and energy vanished once i became chronically ill. i never had meaningful or deep relationships with other people, even my family, but now i can barely do the superficial, firm-handshake-eye-contact-big-smile relationships that i used to excel at.
the base survival instinct is the only thing keeping me out of bed, but i can't escape this looming sense of finality settling in. this is all there is to offer, take it or leave it.
 
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What counterintuitively keeps me going is that I have no idea how my life will end. Will I die in a car accident? From sickness or disease? Heart failure from banging hookers high on drugs? Overdosing under an overpass somewhere? Shot during a robbery? Old age? Annihilated by a bomb? Could I die protecting someone?
I really don't know, and it's fundamentally impossible for me to know. And that's interesting, like a final mystery that I can never learn until the time is right - but rushing to learn the mystery would ruin it. So in a sense I'm just biding my time until I learn the answer to that mystery, while trying my best to make sure that answer is an interesting one.

There's a tornado warning here right now and we're expected to get hail the size of golf balls. Hopefully that stays unrelated.
 
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I'm beginning to realize watching very informative longform videos you don't know the topic of while bored and restless is a bad idea
or, at least, sitting through them
especially after you realize the video is about manmade horrors just comprehensible enough to terrify but not understandable enough to protect oneself from
 
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Big Bobs Beepers said:
I broke it off with my GF recently, and while I know that I probably dodged a speeding bullet with the way things were starting to go, I'm still just trying to process it all. To make a really goddamn long and drawn out story short, we met at an art show that I was in, and it kinda just happened from there; It was fun while it lasted, but I refused to be a cuck for her

We loved each other a lot, but when her own art career started to get sidelined for this pseudo e-girl stuff she started to do on Twitter, I started to question a lot of shit. I tried to talk it out with her, but she was having none of it, saying that shit like posting pics of her in these really skimpy outfits that I only knew her to wear around the apartment is somehow empowering, and the Marilyn Monroe is a role model. But it all came to a head when she decided to post pics of her tits on Twitter, and telling a commenter that she was thinking about starting an OF. I ended up coming home later that night, gave her some cash to buy a train ticket back to her home state, and I said that if this is gonna be how she wants to do shit then I'm not gonna stick around. She got her shit and left, and that was it. We haven't spoken since, and it looks like I'm blocked on all her social media now

The worst part about it all is that she's very talented and smart, and I tried to help her do shit like start up her own graphic tee business like the one that I've got, but she squandered it all in pursuit of cheap e-fame. I don't know how someone who is 28 can act like this, but what happened happened, and now I just feel like I need to process it all. I feel like I made the right choice, but breakups are never that simple. I dunno, I'll come around from it one of these days, that just ain't now
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Sorry to hear that man, it's rough but you gotta do what you gotta do sometimes. The second you mentioned the skimpy outfits on twitter, I knew where it was gonna go. You did the right thing by breaking it off before it was too late,
 
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Betonhaus said:
What counterintuitively keeps me going is that I have no idea how my life will end. Will I die in a car accident? From sickness or disease? Heart failure from banging hookers high on drugs? Overdosing under an overpass somewhere? Shot during a robbery? Old age? Annihilated by a bomb? Could I die protecting someone?
I really don't know, and it's fundamentally impossible for me to know. And that's interesting, like a final mystery that I can never learn until the time is right - but rushing to learn the mystery would ruin it. So in a sense I'm just biding my time until I learn the answer to that mystery, while trying my best to make sure that answer is an interesting one.

There's a tornado warning here right now and we're expected to get hail the size of golf balls. Hopefully that stays unrelated.
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If there are an infinite amount of hypothetical universes where each one of us happens to die horribly, we all just hold out hope that the current universe we're in isn't one of those.
 
Yamamura Video Rental said:
If there are an infinite amount of hypothetical universes where each one of us happens to die horribly, we all just hold out hope that the current universe we're in isn't one of those.
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A horrible death would be interesting, providing it doesn't stretch on too long. Even then, if you know you're dying you can just give up and let it wash over you.
 
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I'm being hit with a few pretty large bills this week that are the consequence of letting things slide for too long. They really aren't that big and they should be resolved by the end of the month, but any unexpected bill is a huge pain in the ass and these have derailed some of my plans for August. I decided to sit down with a notepad and calculator and use the history on my banking app to figure out my income vs. expenses for the first time in a long while, and I was shocked by how much fat I could be trimming and how often I incur late fees because I don't keep track of things.

That said, I do need to buy a bitcrusher pedal.
 
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One of my neighbors is a 66 year old Woman. She sometimes wants jars opened or her phone fixed. It was her 67th birthday today. I guess she was drinking, because she just sent me a message "Hey it's my 67th birthday! Fancy an old girl? There's still life in me yet!"

ohmy.jpg
 
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Got released from the hospital.

My record against Death is now 2-0. Even if she gets me next time, I still win the series.

I feel phenomenal. Completely energized, my sight and hearing are at a level they haven't been in I don't know how long. That fucking blood clot was probably fucking my entire shit for years.

Having an unclogged heart really makes a fucking difference. Thankfully, I drove myself to the hospital very quickly, so there will be no significant heart damage. The doctors even said that I'll be able to run and lift weights in like a month or two.

The second best thing about the hospital stay, apart from the fact, that I'm still alive? The cost.

11$.

God, I love not living in America so fucking much, right now.
 
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MerriedxReldnahc said:
Filling out a job application and I'm struggling with what to put for "Reason for Leaving" one one of them, I don't think "Manager showed up high and threatened to strangle people and also I think the business is a money laundering operation" is very professional.
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Yea, maybe something like:
"Limited opportunities for advancement and training in areas I wished to pursue to further my career."
 
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