I talked to my old manager, he told me I'm doing a fine job as far as he can tell, and it's mostly our management that's doing a poor job of managing our teams. He said I shouldn't be afraid to tell my manager when she's wrong, and I'm not the only one who's getting stressed because of all the chaos from the poor management. He's also going to tell the management group that they need to do a better job. I feel a lot better about things. He's a good dude.
Still going to keep looking at new jobs though, just to be safe.
Could be worse. At a previous job I've had, I'd advised them that the only way to resolve the issues the company is experiencing is to purchase a small company that has experience in the industry and replace all members of upper management with that company's employees, even the cleaning lady.
Everything is hell. Everything. Everything. Everything.
I'm lonely. Horribly lonely. I've genuinely and completely failed at finding work, relationships, friendships, all of it. Women are a total mystery to me by this point. I must be the bottom-rung of society after all if people everyone agrees are losers are finding genuine loving relationships better than I. I feel cut off from the people I do call friends and it still hurts becoming lower-priority to people as they find otheers they find more special to them. I have no clue how to find places to learn to socialize at, nor am I the type for bars or whatever it is. Work's hell on earth to find and the amount of rejections has broken me mentally. I'll never truly be independent and able to explore life, myself, and to make something of it. I miss my cat horribly, moving in with relatives has led to nearly the same conditions, drama, worthlessness as home and at least home had her. And it all spirals together so bad. Not one positive thing has happened to me in a long time, much less one that is permanent so I can build off of it. All the normal stuff, the stuff life is literally made of, people take for granted are complete mysteries or impossible hurdles for me.
In truth, I think I'm back to my old vow that I made when I found my cat in 2016 to keep on trucking in life however miserably till she passes away, and I can then finally end it myself, knowing she lived well and saw me to the end of hers. I had a bad feeling way back my life was merely just given one hell of an extension when rescuing her from death's door, but making her happy at least made me feel like I did one thing truly good and right in this god-forsaken abortion of a life that I call my own.
The good thing about being alive is that circumstances can change. Keep reaching out. Church, doctor, new activities. Keep trying. I'm here for you, man.
I finally got around to deleting my Twitter today, and I'm glad - looking at the trending tab every time I went on there was a headache given there's really no function on the site to turn it off, plus with those rumors Elon is going to make it pay to use sometime in the future. I only really used Twitter to find memes for a while, and since I really don't use it anymore, I figure it'd be better to cut my losses and just stop using the site.
It took some balls before Musk took over, but today it's a fucking freebie. You see a tweet from a bot, open the replies, see PUSSY IN BIO or other completely irrelevant posts from other bots, and then you scroll down to the actual people replying and wonder 'what fucking lowlife wanna spend their time engaging with this?'. Delete it, move on. Youll quickly realize it actually didn't add shit to your life.
Everything is hell. Everything. Everything. Everything.
I'm lonely. Horribly lonely. I've genuinely and completely failed at finding work, relationships, friendships, all of it. Women are a total mystery to me by this point. I must be the bottom-rung of society after all if people everyone agrees are losers are finding genuine loving relationships better than I. I feel cut off from the people I do call friends and it still hurts becoming lower-priority to people as they find otheers they find more special to them. I have no clue how to find places to learn to socialize at, nor am I the type for bars or whatever it is. Work's hell on earth to find and the amount of rejections has broken me mentally. I'll never truly be independent and able to explore life, myself, and to make something of it. I miss my cat horribly, moving in with relatives has led to nearly the same conditions, drama, worthlessness as home and at least home had her. And it all spirals together so bad. Not one positive thing has happened to me in a long time, much less one that is permanent so I can build off of it. All the normal stuff, the stuff life is literally made of, people take for granted are complete mysteries or impossible hurdles for me.
In truth, I think I'm back to my old vow that I made when I found my cat in 2016 to keep on trucking in life however miserably till she passes away, and I can then finally end it myself, knowing she lived well and saw me to the end of hers. I had a bad feeling way back my life was merely just given one hell of an extension when rescuing her from death's door, but making her happy at least made me feel like I did one thing truly good and right in this god-forsaken abortion of a life that I call my own.
Good thing is that if you're at the literal bottom and wanna game-end yourself, you got no excuses. Join a sports club, volunteer somewhere, empty the bank and do a one-way to Japan. If you can't imagine doing any of that, you're not at the bottom yet and you might as well try crawling up. If you've truly considered suicide your life is already over. Your potential is void and the card will say 0 at the end of it all, but you're not dead. So even if you find purpose in having a dog, that's a net positive, treating that dog to a decent life. Find some facebook dog walking groups, talk to the unfuckable old women/men, don't expect shit.
During covid I went to a shrimp subreddit and some unstable tumblr girl was like "Omg my micro aquarium with 30 shrimp gave my life purpose. Who'll feed them if I'm gone?". Shit, treading water to the next game is a good enough reason to keep going. What's the alternative? Death? Nothingness? If you're too much of a pussy to drain your bank account for a one-way trip, you're not depressed enough. I'm in the same position more or less. My coworker described our wage as "Not enough to live off of, not little enough to starve". My only goal in life is to buy a car and get an office job, but then what? A cozier life with the same off-time emptiness. Meanwhile people at my current job got hobbies, families and shit to do. It's a skill to practice but ultimately it comes down to dependency.
Just today I read a thread on leddit titled 'what kept you from ending it all' and it's 95% dependency on others. No matter how menial. My biggest plan for a last shot is to buy an expensive fightstick, join all the groups, buy all the current games and dlc passes and just go all-in on that community, which is surprisingly thriving here. I won't get pussy, I won't get good, but if I sit at work thursday, knowing I'm getting in a car and driving to locals friday, maybe even having some duties, that shit is something.
Everything is hell. Everything. Everything. Everything.
I'm lonely. Horribly lonely. I've genuinely and completely failed at finding work, relationships, friendships, all of it. Women are a total mystery to me by this point. I must be the bottom-rung of society after all if people everyone agrees are losers are finding genuine loving relationships better than I. I feel cut off from the people I do call friends and it still hurts becoming lower-priority to people as they find otheers they find more special to them. I have no clue how to find places to learn to socialize at, nor am I the type for bars or whatever it is. Work's hell on earth to find and the amount of rejections has broken me mentally. I'll never truly be independent and able to explore life, myself, and to make something of it. I miss my cat horribly, moving in with relatives has led to nearly the same conditions, drama, worthlessness as home and at least home had her. And it all spirals together so bad. Not one positive thing has happened to me in a long time, much less one that is permanent so I can build off of it. All the normal stuff, the stuff life is literally made of, people take for granted are complete mysteries or impossible hurdles for me.
In truth, I think I'm back to my old vow that I made when I found my cat in 2016 to keep on trucking in life however miserably till she passes away, and I can then finally end it myself, knowing she lived well and saw me to the end of hers. I had a bad feeling way back my life was merely just given one hell of an extension when rescuing her from death's door, but making her happy at least made me feel like I did one thing truly good and right in this god-forsaken abortion of a life that I call my own.
I can really empathize with your situation. I've been there and experienced that genuine lack of friends, family and just generally purpose that's followed by an unending sense of despair and hopelessness for the future. All I can say is that you have to find your meaning in life and your reason to continue living. No one else will do it and it won't make everything magically better overnight, but it will make all that's happening to you more bearable and give you that extra push to keep living. Also, don't kill yourself when your cat passes away. Life can change in the blink of an eye. You never know what will happen, but you have to be there in order to experience it. It'll be a disservice to your adorable furball that you love to end yourself when she's gone. Just as importantly, it will be a disservice to you and all the people that will love you in the future.
Everything is hell. Everything. Everything. Everything.
I'm lonely. Horribly lonely. I've genuinely and completely failed at finding work, relationships, friendships, all of it. Women are a total mystery to me by this point. I must be the bottom-rung of society after all if people everyone agrees are losers are finding genuine loving relationships better than I. I feel cut off from the people I do call friends and it still hurts becoming lower-priority to people as they find otheers they find more special to them. I have no clue how to find places to learn to socialize at, nor am I the type for bars or whatever it is. Work's hell on earth to find and the amount of rejections has broken me mentally. I'll never truly be independent and able to explore life, myself, and to make something of it. I miss my cat horribly, moving in with relatives has led to nearly the same conditions, drama, worthlessness as home and at least home had her. And it all spirals together so bad. Not one positive thing has happened to me in a long time, much less one that is permanent so I can build off of it. All the normal stuff, the stuff life is literally made of, people take for granted are complete mysteries or impossible hurdles for me.
In truth, I think I'm back to my old vow that I made when I found my cat in 2016 to keep on trucking in life however miserably till she passes away, and I can then finally end it myself, knowing she lived well and saw me to the end of hers. I had a bad feeling way back my life was merely just given one hell of an extension when rescuing her from death's door, but making her happy at least made me feel like I did one thing truly good and right in this god-forsaken abortion of a life that I call my own.
Everything is hell. Everything. Everything. Everything.
I'm lonely. Horribly lonely. I've genuinely and completely failed at finding work, relationships, friendships, all of it. Women are a total mystery to me by this point. I must be the bottom-rung of society after all if people everyone agrees are losers are finding genuine loving relationships better than I. I feel cut off from the people I do call friends and it still hurts becoming lower-priority to people as they find otheers they find more special to them. I have no clue how to find places to learn to socialize at, nor am I the type for bars or whatever it is. Work's hell on earth to find and the amount of rejections has broken me mentally. I'll never truly be independent and able to explore life, myself, and to make something of it. I miss my cat horribly, moving in with relatives has led to nearly the same conditions, drama, worthlessness as home and at least home had her. And it all spirals together so bad. Not one positive thing has happened to me in a long time, much less one that is permanent so I can build off of it. All the normal stuff, the stuff life is literally made of, people take for granted are complete mysteries or impossible hurdles for me.
In truth, I think I'm back to my old vow that I made when I found my cat in 2016 to keep on trucking in life however miserably till she passes away, and I can then finally end it myself, knowing she lived well and saw me to the end of hers. I had a bad feeling way back my life was merely just given one hell of an extension when rescuing her from death's door, but making her happy at least made me feel like I did one thing truly good and right in this god-forsaken abortion of a life that I call my own.
One suggestion, if you haven't already, review the medical guidelines like color blindness, etc. Also if you've ever been medicated for ADHD or anything then you may want to talk to an Aviation Medical Examiner for a consultation BEFORE doing the FAA medical information form. This is obviously USA / FAA specific but I assume other countries are similar.
One suggestion, if you haven't already, review the medical guidelines like color blindness, etc. Also if you've ever been medicated for ADHD or anything then you may want to talk to an Aviation Medical Examiner for a consultation BEFORE doing the FAA medical information form.
Oh yeah, already had the full medical/psych testing. They determined I'm not planning to pull a Sky king and my eyes and ears are good. I do need to wear corrective glasses at all times for astigmatism. Nothing too crazy, but my left eye is kinda shit, and I need x2.50 correction. I can still see fine without them, but I'll get a headache from squinting too much at the small gauges if I'm not using glasses. And never been diagnosed with ADHD. Thanks for the tips! I'll fly high!
Had a weird dream where I was back to being a teen and was trying to explain to my friends the hellworld that is the 2020s but they couldn't even understand the things that are happening now.
Everything is hell. Everything. Everything. Everything.
I'm lonely. Horribly lonely. I've genuinely and completely failed at finding work, relationships, friendships, all of it. Women are a total mystery to me by this point. I must be the bottom-rung of society after all if people everyone agrees are losers are finding genuine loving relationships better than I. I feel cut off from the people I do call friends and it still hurts becoming lower-priority to people as they find otheers they find more special to them. I have no clue how to find places to learn to socialize at, nor am I the type for bars or whatever it is. Work's hell on earth to find and the amount of rejections has broken me mentally. I'll never truly be independent and able to explore life, myself, and to make something of it. I miss my cat horribly, moving in with relatives has led to nearly the same conditions, drama, worthlessness as home and at least home had her. And it all spirals together so bad. Not one positive thing has happened to me in a long time, much less one that is permanent so I can build off of it. All the normal stuff, the stuff life is literally made of, people take for granted are complete mysteries or impossible hurdles for me.
In truth, I think I'm back to my old vow that I made when I found my cat in 2016 to keep on trucking in life however miserably till she passes away, and I can then finally end it myself, knowing she lived well and saw me to the end of hers. I had a bad feeling way back my life was merely just given one hell of an extension when rescuing her from death's door, but making her happy at least made me feel like I did one thing truly good and right in this god-forsaken abortion of a life that I call my own.
Imagine this forum in 20 years, going back and seeing tons of profiles with the "deceased" tag. Cows when they die, move to better pastures and are categorized as inactive, but we, forum users get "deceased" since we cannot shitpost, we are no longer alive.
Everything is hell. Everything. Everything. Everything.
I'm lonely. Horribly lonely. I've genuinely and completely failed at finding work, relationships, friendships, all of it. Women are a total mystery to me by this point. I must be the bottom-rung of society after all if people everyone agrees are losers are finding genuine loving relationships better than I. I feel cut off from the people I do call friends and it still hurts becoming lower-priority to people as they find otheers they find more special to them. I have no clue how to find places to learn to socialize at, nor am I the type for bars or whatever it is. Work's hell on earth to find and the amount of rejections has broken me mentally. I'll never truly be independent and able to explore life, myself, and to make something of it. I miss my cat horribly, moving in with relatives has led to nearly the same conditions, drama, worthlessness as home and at least home had her. And it all spirals together so bad. Not one positive thing has happened to me in a long time, much less one that is permanent so I can build off of it. All the normal stuff, the stuff life is literally made of, people take for granted are complete mysteries or impossible hurdles for me.
In truth, I think I'm back to my old vow that I made when I found my cat in 2016 to keep on trucking in life however miserably till she passes away, and I can then finally end it myself, knowing she lived well and saw me to the end of hers. I had a bad feeling way back my life was merely just given one hell of an extension when rescuing her from death's door, but making her happy at least made me feel like I did one thing truly good and right in this god-forsaken abortion of a life that I call my own.
In all honesty, you need to explore some hobbies. Autism abounds and there are communities for so many different things that meet IRL. I think once you pick a hobby and join your local community of other autists about it, things will start to come together, just my two cents.
I know you are very depressed right now and can't see a way out of it, but I'd just start with absolutely forcing yourself to do *something* that gets your mind off of all this, even for a short time. That might also seem impossible, but life can be worth living.
Now this is going to shock everyone here, but Blobby is a retard. I know, I know I hear the screams of protest already, "Blobby, how can this be?" but no it is true. I stayed up way too late last night when I knew I had to be up at 3am for a shift. Then that shift got doubled. I got that job on purpose because I knew I would get a lot of exercise doing it and to be honest, I love doing it. But I walked about 12 miles at work and there is a lot of heavy lifting at this job. I felt like death when I got to the end of the shift because I had really only slept about an hour. Go retard me.
Now this is going to shock everyone here, but Blobby is a retard. I know, I know I hear the screams of protest already, "Blobby, how can this be?" but no it is true. I stayed up way too late last night when I knew I had to be up at 3am for a shift. Then that shift got doubled. I got that job on purpose because I knew I would get a lot of exercise doing it and to be honest, I love doing it. But I walked about 12 miles at work and there is a lot of heavy lifting at this job. I felt like death when I got to the end of the shift because I had really only slept about an hour. Go retard me.
I’m back to square one again with trying to establish good routine for things like dental and mental health. I still function as a normal adult but feel like if I don’t develop a strong routine, I’m gonna fall apart in the future. I believe I’ll be fine as long as I keep working to improve myself though.
Still though, I don’t know who sent me a valentine gram for this year and it’s been eating at me. I like mysteries but forgot they can take forever to solve.
I am very nervous about my meeting with my boss. When she tells me I'm doing a terrible job, I basically have to tell her she's not doing her job, which is the whole reason I'm not able to do what she expects. I'm very nervous about how it's going to go over.
I wish I could figure out how to be less nervous about these things, I need to be more aggressive so I don't end up feeling like I'm on the defensive all the time.
