How are you doing? - Kiwi Farms Wellness Check

I think the most mindbreaking thing for me is realising that you only get so many chances at life. You will just not make it after a certain point.

I wanted to have a wife and child but there's no way to meet anyone, my body is seriously deteriorating at this point, I can't bring myself to eat and my other hand goes into cramps all the time now.

Every developed country on earth is facing a doomsday scenario with zero births. I alternate between ruminating about this and ripping my hair out or turning my brain all the way off and engaging my hobbies like a manchild.

No reason to go outside, everyone looks at you like you're trash though people online are even worse. I've been here for two seconds and I've posted tone deaf rude shit too already. My hand hurts.
My grandpa with all his health issues, specially a fucked up heart, got remarried at 68 and had child at 70. Not the ideal but he did it anyway, my aunt is younger than me. One day a friend of mine said "we are only out of time when we are dead" and yeah, most of the time it's like that.
And to be honest, don't care about people outside. Most of them aren't even looking at you, and the ones that do probably aren't going to see you ever again, so why bother about what they think? Is it going to change anything?
 
Finally bit the bullet and filed my taxes and...
Well, I don't owe anything, but I still feel like I filed something incorrect as it says I get nearly two grand back
Pretty common in the US. If you just worked a part year but they were expecting a full year your employer will deduct at your expected tax rate but if you don't make a full year amount then you don't get any money taxed at the higher tax bracket(s). Other countries may vary.
 
I've been doing pretty well lately, but standing in line in front of me at the grocery store today were a morbidly obese couple who insisted on subjecting us normal people to PDA. I really have no sympathy left for disgusting fatbodies and really think we need to get back to shaming the fuck out of people publicly. That said, my day was ruined and my disappointment was immeasurable.
 
I think I will finally decide to learn how to cook. I am still waiting for answers on the resumé applications to arrive, and I must help at home in other ways. My rationale is that if I can help by cooking, I can help in other ways and spare my aging grandmother from spending time on the kitchen and just do things by my own.

Other than that, just keep going here and here. Wishing everyone a great time, even if things are difficult. Keep your heads up, even if the odds are against yourselves!
 
I've fucked my back at work, like really fucked. Sore as hell, I just hope it's okay tomorrow. I've had to take time off before because of my back and it's just horrible.

Anyway, I'm going out with my co-worker for her birthday in April. I'm going to just straight up ask her what she thinks our relationship is/could be. Might be blunt but I'd rather just get it out into the open than just fuck around flirting.

It's not like I'm full on head over heels in love or anything like that so I don't think I'll be too bummed out if she just wants to be friends but I do think we'd make a good couple. The only problem I have is how it'd work with work. I don't want things to be weird either way. To be honest I'm wanting a new job so that might push me over the edge in any case lol.

Edit. I feel like a massive faggot posting this shit, I'm nearly 30 and I'm acting like a kid lol.

While I think you might be a thousand or so steps ahead of where is reasonable to be, I also think that feeling or even acting "like a kid" is a wonderful thing.

Obviously, we should be smart and not trade dignity for [whatever other thing], but having "childlike" wonder or hope or excitement is what keeps you (the general you) from turning to dry bones.

The free association in my head gives you this gift:

**this is from 1977! And lol he's wearing a tail. :O Ignore that part. Also ignore the heroin part bc it's (sort of) about the will to life beyond that. Just grab the refrain. :-)

15 years later still absolutely unhinged



If you want a more familiar version;


...

As for me, still insane at work - an hour-and-a-half's sleep last night and stuff yet to do tonight. But it feels really good to be on-game.

Actually got out to a couple of events last weekend and that's something I am thrilled to enjoy again.

But have some lurking anxiety-producing things to tend to in my practical life, and I'm newly very concerned about one of my kids, who is struggling. Working to get/ stay dragonslayer/ tcb on those fronts. Wilting is not an option.
 
If you want a more familiar version
Now you know I have to post the quote, but I’ll post the positive one in spirit of the thread
But, that's gonna change - I'm going to change. This is the last of that sort of thing. Now I'm cleaning up and I'm moving on, going straight and choosing life. I'm looking forward to it already. I'm gonna be just like you. The job, the family, the fucking big television. The washing machine, the car, the compact disc and electric tin opener, good health, low cholesterol, dental insurance, mortgage, starter home, leisure wear, luggage, three piece suite, DIY, game shows, junk food, children, walks in the park, nine to five, good at golf, washing the car, choice of sweaters, family Christmas, indexed pension, tax exemption, clearing gutters, getting by, looking ahead, the day you die."
 
I didn't get the job. Apparently that org is "too complex" for my experience. On the other hand, it sounds like the same type of position is being planned to open up right in the org I'm in, and the person leaving that position that I would be filling recommended me for the job, which is really nice.

Also I tried Hinge, at the recommendation of many people. It's all blubber, tattoos, and lunatics.
 
Woke up three hours before my alarm and can't get to sleep again, fuck me. Of course, it's on the only day of the week i wanted to be somewhat fresh. Slept like shit all week and even if science disagrees i know it is because of the current moon phase.
Going to my cousin's house for lunch, dinner and binge drinking today. I will have my very first oyster today, it's weird how i come from this big restaurant family and never had one before in my life, i mentioned as much to my cousin and he went out of his way to get some for today. Heard horror stories from multiple people from their first experiences with oysters but i am not sweating it, wrote in another thread how i already had Casu Marzu and other, more unconventional food before and quite enjoyed it (except anything tripe. Fuck tripe). I am bringing two bottles of Vernaccia di San Gimignano, i wanted to bring some Vermentino but of course the only store in my area that has the one i enjoy has shut down as i learned yesterday.
Cancelled my plans for monday as the non-italian part of my family just can't be like normal people and want to do an Easter Monday breakfast at my uncle's house instead of, say, lunch or dinner and i can't be fucked to get up early again, his house is two hours away by train plus ~30 mins of walking because he lives so far out in the sticks not even a bus line is operating there. Could always get picked up by a relative but i just can't be arsed to do another social gathering, this normie shit is eating me alive.
I think I will finally decide to learn how to cook
I hope you learn to enjoy it, it's a great skill to learn and can be very fun. Also really not hard to get into, you can get nice results with not too much effort.
I didn't get the job. Apparently that org is "too complex" for my experience. On the other hand, it sounds like the same type of position is being planned to open up right in the org I'm in, and the person leaving that position that I would be filling recommended me for the job, which is really nice.

Also I tried Hinge, at the recommendation of many people. It's all blubber, tattoos, and lunatics.
Bummer, both the job and Hinge thing.
 
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