How are you doing? - Kiwi Farms Wellness Check

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Don't enjoy sharing my art online anymore. Was always a slap in the face to get shadowbanned as "probable spam" while seemingly every other post regardless of quality got hundreds of likes and people wanting to be around them. While I get blocked and ostracized for simply participating in an art collab the host said was open to everyone. Felt like I was losing my god damn mind.

Deleting twitter and just making the 3D models I wanted anyway helped. But god damn if it doesn't make me feel like dragging my feet to get anything finished.
 
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Imperial Commandos said:
Don't enjoy sharing my art online anymore. (...)

Deleting twitter and just making the 3D models I wanted anyway helped. But god damn if it doesn't make me feel like dragging my feet to get anything finished.
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Normie Faggots are gonna act like normie faggots no matter what you do. Try not to get too discouraged, you only need one or two good compatriots who actually understand what you're trying to make and appreciate your work, or at least that's how it was for me. You gotta put both people and their shitty behaviors and opinions through a sieve, right?

Of course, I have the problem where even when I get an opinion I can't get 'smart' opinions that actually matter much... You just gotta take what you can get. It's all just a numbers game, you just keep shooting until you hit something you want.


On my own front, working on more primitive models of my little collection before I focus on the fidelity problem. I have no idea how I'm gonna make proper high-polies out of my little prototypes lmao. Normal mapping is looking to be quite the adventure.
 
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Lukie said:
Shame - I'm trying to make it a supportive place for creativity. If you decide to make some renders which wouldn't make it obvious come join. 👍
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As soon as I finish my hyper-specific and autistic project I'll make some KF themed models and get back to you, I promise. :feels:
 
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Core Theorist said:
Normie Faggots are gonna act like normie faggots no matter what you do. Try not to get too discouraged, you only need one or two good compatriots who actually understand what you're trying to make and appreciate your work, or at least that's how it was for me. You gotta put both people and their shitty behaviors and opinions through a sieve, right?

Of course, I have the problem where even when I get an opinion I can't get 'smart' opinions that actually matter much... You just gotta take what you can get. It's all just a numbers game, you just keep shooting until you hit something you want.


On my own front, working on more primitive models of my little collection before I focus on the fidelity problem. I have no idea how I'm gonna make proper high-polies out of my little prototypes lmao. Normal mapping is looking to be quite the adventure.
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People never attacked my work. But it was definitely like I was on another wavelength from them. Where all they cared about was petty cliques enforcing leftist tone policing bullshit and nothing else while pretending to be a welcoming community.

Normal people do respect my work, but by hell or high water they would refuse to work with me for no reason and then turn right around and announce their collab with some other literal who with a high follower count. When I hadn't even said a mean word to these assholes. Do I not have enough social clout or something when I do show my work to prove I'm not making things up when I ask? Its not like I'm asking them to put their life on hold and they do state they are also looking for artists to collab with.

High poly models aren't that bad. Though making the Normals work the way you want them to can be tedious depending on the model.
 
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I ended up talking to my ex last week about some of my feelings about our break up. There was a lot I didn't say when we broke up because I wanted to keep the peace (we work together and are good friends). It sounds really gay but it was playing on my mind because I found some stuff that just pissed me off like seeing her on a dating app after she said she didn't a relationship with anyone.

We didn't have an argument but we did talk and things make more sense now. I won't go into details but the break up really was 50% because of her health stuff and 50% her wanting to move in a different direction with her life in a way that would be hard to have a proper relationship work. The dating app thing really pissed me off because I felt like it was a pointless lie but has to do with some drama going on with her friend's husband. You might think I'm being naive but she's a shit liar (It's why I knew something was wrong in the 1st place), plus a lot of stuff makes more sense now.

Really feel much better after that conversation. I know the relationship is over and I feel like I can move on now that I know I wasn't lied too by someone I really value as a friend. We really could've avoided all this by having better commutation lol. This is the last of my gay ass relationship blog I promise.
 
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Went outside, and as soon as I got home a fucking junkie tried to talk to me. Gross! This was the first time actually interacting with them on my own and their voice immediately made my skin crawl... They're not a feral yet but it still fucked me up.
 
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I got shitfaced and took a nap and woke up in DPH spider hell. I have never done deliriants I have only seen pictures before. It took like 10 minutes for the giant fucking nests of spiders in all the corners to go away. I am not supposed to be drinking on these meds
 
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Imperial Commandos said:
Don't enjoy sharing my art online anymore. Was always a slap in the face to get shadowbanned as "probable spam" while seemingly every other post regardless of quality got hundreds of likes and people wanting to be around them. While I get blocked and ostracized for simply participating in an art collab the host said was open to everyone. Felt like I was losing my god damn mind.

Deleting twitter and just making the 3D models I wanted anyway helped. But god damn if it doesn't make me feel like dragging my feet to get anything finished.
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Twitter has always been shit really,I thought Elon will at least improve it but instead he turn it into a wannabe 4chan clone.
Honestly just post that stuff somewhere else,it aint fucking worth the hassle posting it on twitter.
 
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I had a 4 hr safety workshop zoom call today at work. A solid 30 minutes was used to explain what was going to happen, 30 minutes to explain all the files that were to be grabbed, 20 minutes for breaks (two 10 minute breaks), and 30 minutes for video clips.

And during this time, I got interrupted 3 different times to answer questions and/or fix a problem that anybody else could have fixed. Hell, they would've passed 3 different managers on the way to the office where I was at.
 
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Finally gave in and added 4 months of employment to a one-month position I was kicked out of for no reason, even when I confronted and asked my boss, who is now a convicted pedophilic murder-rapist, so good luck calling him for verification. It won't change shit and I've never been asked about job gaps, but yknow why not. Everyone is lying. Nobody is checking shit. If the timelines added up better, I'd add more months. I write what I feel like are perfect applications but they're shot down immediately due to lack of.. previous employment? I've worked the last 2 years, I figured that'd at least help me get a foot in but guess not.

I'm still struggling finding purpose in what I play. I've realized that I can't feel like I'm into something without also having a game I enjoy of the same. "Man I love animals and nature but I hate the current zoo games. Guess I should call quits on it all together".
Imperial Commandos said:
Don't enjoy sharing my art online anymore. Was always a slap in the face to get shadowbanned as "probable spam" while seemingly every other post regardless of quality got hundreds of likes and people wanting to be around them. While I get blocked and ostracized for simply participating in an art collab the host said was open to everyone. Felt like I was losing my god damn mind.

Deleting twitter and just making the 3D models I wanted anyway helped. But god damn if it doesn't make me feel like dragging my feet to get anything finished.
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Second Life was a good creative space at one point. You ask yourself "tf is art and 3D even good for to the average person?" whereas in Second Life you can at least automate monetization of it. At one point I hung out with a bunch of youths who each made music or 3D models and you could utilize it in-game. Was a good space to be creative when it otherwise is just something you do alone in your room. One faggot basically traced on top of existing game assets, renamed them and sold them. Makes thousands a week from it still.
 
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Señora Airi said:
How can you just drop this line and bot expand upon it?
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I mean not much to it. A girl disappeared, no cctv footage of any kind, tons of rumors, tons of podcasts (primarily because fuck all happens in my country). I get the job, I work there, he's autistic and insecure but had some kind of charisma in way of "putting a loser in a position of leadership and he actually tries his best at it". No Bateman vibes. A month goes, I get let go, I ask him why and he referred to the fact we used Trello for assignments, and my personal board was empty? Cause I worked in the shared one since I was never given any actual duties, onboarding, mentor, or tasks. So he went "Uhh, anyway-".

I get my current job, suddenly media takes off with new cctv footage and a story of how he tried assaulting another young girl but she got away. And then despite all this, he was simply caught having kidnapped a girl from her newspaper route and someone complained about the noise and they caught him. Turns out the retard had sold the car on the initial cctv footage and then bought the same model in the same color (a car he once transported me 800 meters in. Guess I wasn't hot enough :( ).

Most of my coworkers have lived in the area their entire lives so most knew him indirectly. His family and friends IMMEDIATELY turned on him on socials, probably given the pedo angle, and stories came out about how odd he acted. Like he'd go to a party and turn to his friends and go "So yall remember I was here right? Like if someone asked haha. I was here. Right?". During the court processing he wrote fanfics akin to what he actually did. They found entire ass PoV rape novels in his temporary holding. And not because he wanted to come across as insane, cause he didn't, and they failed to diagnose him insane. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Murder_of_Emilie_Meng
 
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VIPPER? said:
It sounds like there's a lot to it and while he wouldn't be a lolcow as such, there's some good and worthwhile sleuthing to do here
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Oh nah believe me, the pondering has been done. The fat women who think they know crime from their true crime documentaries have been through it all. Half the people they interviewed at the court hearing were literally just women there for the fascination of it. If anything he was oddly boring about it. Kidnap, rape, torture a girl. Fail it once more, get caught doing it a third time.

I remember the first podcast spending 50 minutes talking about a woman who swore she heard yelling and knocking from her neighbor's basement, living an hour from the outskirts of the radius of action or whatever. There was so little to go on so people ran out of shit to discuss real quick. He wasn't even caught because of a previous slip-up either. People have been comparing him to Peter Madsen, the guy who built a submarine only to cut up a swedish journalist in it. THAT is a classic lunatic case; asking his employees what they thought about gore/snuff and all the typical lead-up.

This guy just acted alone.
 
What the hell kind of third world hellhole do you live in that this person hasn't been jailed after being not only caught but convicted in court?
 
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