How are you doing? - Kiwi Farms Wellness Check

A gang of nigger teens flocked around me in the changing room at the gym, and tried to talk to me. Probably trying to diss me about why I'm using sunscreen, because the youngest tried to diss me for it yesterday. Yes, it's not hot outside. The UVA rays, the ones that literally destroy your skin at a DNA level is stabile the whole year.

Anyway, I'm refusing to say anything. Felt somewhat bad about it then and there, because never relax around blacks is ingrained to my very core. I was tired and just forced myself to the gym too.

I'm literally a survivor :christine:
 
Feeling a bit bummed out today thanks to recent dreams reminding me of something that gets me down.

I can't have children. It isn't that I'm infertile, but rather I have a genetic disease that I would pass onto a child 100 percent of the time (to varying degrees of severity). I'm only mildly disabled, but a child I gave birth to could be so badly disabled that he or she would be unable to walk, swallow, control bodily functions, and suffer from severe mental retardation. They could be born dead. Or they could have it mildly like I do, or just be carriers. But given that the odds are 25 percent carrier, 25 percent mildly disabled, 25 percent moderately disabled, and 25 percent severely disabled, it isn't something I'd risk for the potential child's sake. While I'm pro-choice, I would never get an abortion personally, so getting pregnant and aborting if things looked bad wouldn't be something I could handle mentally.

I wouldn't be a great mother for a badly disabled child, and I don't want to put a child through a life of suffering. There are a lot of people who will encourage you to have your stunning and brave miracle baby, but they are naive at best and pushing an agenda at worst. Just look at some of the posts in Tard Baby General. I couldn't do that to a kid. It would be selfish and cruel.

When I was a teenager, I was pretty alright with the idea of never starting a family. But now that I've entered young adulthood, that's starting to change. Babies suddenly seem sweet instead of just disgusting barf factories. I'm having dreams about having children, holding a baby in my arms. But it's never gonna happen. Feels bad man.
 
I can't have children. It isn't that I'm infertile, but rather I have a genetic disease that I would pass onto a child 100 percent of the time (to varying degrees of severity).
While I'm pro-choice, I would never get an abortion personally, so getting pregnant and aborting if things looked bad wouldn't be something I could handle mentally.
Sure you can, don't let dreams be dreams. You may regret it.
I wouldn't be a great mother for a badly disabled child
No one should set any disabled kids to life, the kid will know they're a freak their whole life and never be happy. Unless it is a potato downs thing.
 
Reminds me of how the other day I was working the closing shift, this lady in the breakroom and I had a chat and the topic of kids came up. She asked if I had any, I told her no but that I would like to someday.

She went on about how tough it is being a mom and openly said she wished she didn't have them. She said she knew what she was saying was awful and that she had no one to blame but herself.

Couldn't help but silently agree with her. It's one thing if you decide not to have kids, which is fine to me, but to bring children into the world and then openly express how you regret having them is just disgusting to me.
 
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Couldn't help but silently agree with her. It's one thing if you decide not to have kids, which is fine to me, but to bring children into the world and then openly express how you regret having them is just disgusting to me.
What if they became furries though?
 
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It's been 11 and half months since I've felt the feeling of hope or hopefulness.
Been there.
Talk to someone if they are not there think-
Are you burned out?
In your career?
In your life?
Sometimes it just takes realizing you might be depressed.
Love and respect you are not lone.
 
Not good kiwis, Not Fucking Good.

My mental health has always been shit (childhood depression and bipolar disorder as an adult) , I've considered suicide pretty much every day since I was 10, I'm incapable of having romantic relationships (because I'm deeply uninteresting so every guy bails once they get what they want from me (getting their dick wet), also because I'm constantly shifting between wanting a partner/friends and hating males (thanks for raping me dude, very nice) and trannies (thanks for the mysoginy dudes, very nice), which to a woman means social suicide), all I do is self isolate and cry about it, I hate myself so fucking much but I'm too cowardly to actually Kermit.
 
I've been taking a walk every day, whether I want to or not, and made a cat bro. There's a bench next to the library, and I sat down on it. This cat has usually been on this route and I'd seen her before, so I didn't really notice. But when I'd sat down on the bench and was doing whatever autistic phoneshit I was doing, I suddenly had this cat head butting and purring.

The main worry I had was the cat would try to follow me, even though she had a collar and a tag indicating an actual domestic cat, and she did try to follow me. I did not want to draw a cat inadvertently into a dangerous area, so I was considering actually finding the owner, but she apparently did have some kind of sense of territory and not to leave it.

I always worry about outdoor cats.
 
I've been taking a walk every day, whether I want to or not, and made a cat bro. There's a bench next to the library, and I sat down on it. This cat has usually been on this route and I'd seen her before, so I didn't really notice. But when I'd sat down on the bench and was doing whatever autistic phoneshit I was doing, I suddenly had this cat head butting and purring.

The main worry I had was the cat would try to follow me, even though she had a collar and a tag indicating an actual domestic cat, and she did try to follow me. I did not want to draw a cat inadvertently into a dangerous area, so I was considering actually finding the owner, but she apparently did have some kind of sense of territory and not to leave it.

I always worry about outdoor cats.
I live near a park and see outdoor cats all the time. There was one I was particularly fond of that would just sit and stare into a field of weeds whenever I'd go for a walk. I haven't seen it for awhile though, I hope it's okay.
 
I have a sad, kiwis. In the last two weeks my pet rat had three surgeries, one to remove a tumour and two to fix her wond because she kept biting the stitches out. We're now at the point where it's do or die, trying to let the wound heal while open, but she just keeps biting no matter what we do. Have a vet appointment Tuesday to see if started healing or if we have to put her down. She just bit herself so hard she's bleeding all over the place, and there's nothing I can do to help her. She's the sweetest rat I ever had and so smart, and I can't make her understand that she is killing herself.
 
Even though I feel somewhat numb and depressed, things are looking up. Like I didn’t think I would have the willpower to not drink alcohol for this long. It’s gonna be two weeks tomorrow.
 
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