How are you doing? - Kiwi Farms Wellness Check

ATI Escapee said:
So my therapist, whom I have been seeing for about 4 or 5 sessions, told me that I have so much trauma she no longer believes she is qualified to treat me and will help me find someone more qualified to do so. I guess I have won therapy.

But hey I am glad to be pointed in the right direction. Lol.
Click to expand...
Shit, can you give any details about this trauma without PLing too much?
 
The Fraggle Queen said:
Not feeling great. Discovered that some people I considered friends only actually tolerated me because I’m married to Mr. Fraggle and they’re his friends, so I spent half of today miserable whilst also trying to look after a cranky, crying baby. It’s left me feeling pretty isolated and anxious, like I feel like aside from my husband, I don’t have anyone any more.
Click to expand...
I know the feeling, Fraggie. I know it's not easy, and I admit I'm not doing it at all currently, but people like you and I, we gotta get out there and make some friends, or at least strengthen whatever friendships we do still have.

Wish you luck, lady
 
  • Like
  • Feels
Reactions: Yamamura, JosephStalin, Judas Connor Moon and 2 others
Woke up today to more bad news. That now makes seven days in a row of something bad happening that I have to take several hours to solve or fix. I think I'm in the death spiral of poverty but I've decided if it comes down to losing my place, I will just end it once and for all. I have no family or friends, I spend most of my time in isolation and my circumstances aren't made for dating anyways. My quality of life is barely exisistent and I rely on social supports for basic necessities.

I left the job I had over human rights violations that if I had the resources, I probably could've sued and won but that's not an option for people like me and that's why I'm hired for such jobs. So now I think about how I should've let myself be violated.

I also had several therapists tell me my trauma was out of their wheelhouse. I'm pretty sure they're only trained on the most common experiences like job loss or grief or minor depression because very few have had any insight to legitimate traumatizing events. It's become more harmful to me to go in and repeat my story and then be told it's beyond them. If it's beyond them, what the hell am I doing?

But by now my mental health is directly affected by my life circumstances and no one cares about that.
 
  • Feels
Reactions: Formica Sample, Reluctant MC, Judas Connor Moon and 3 others
Hollywood Hitler said:
Shit, can you give any details about this trauma without PLing too much?
Click to expand...




Oh man.

Well if you really want to know.... I will try to summarize. I was raised by autistic parent that had delusions, in isolation, in a heavily religious almost cult like setting. Actually it probably counts as a cult. My education was done through the church. I now know I have a nuerological disease, but my whole life I was exorsised of demons and blamed for being sinful.



The lack of socialization heavily affected my social skills and I am still working on that. Sexually abused with no knowledge of sexuality whatsoever, so no words to ask for help or understand. The family I was allowed to associate with is crazy. Think a flavor of Christian McPoyles from IASIP. And being molested by one. As I am older I now think my uncle was molesting my male cousin who then took it on me.



But hey I am doing much much better, it is in the past and I am living my best life. I just cannot seem to move forward any more. I was taken to religious therapists as a child and diagnosed with bipolar and schizophrenia, neither of which are true. As an adult I am doing well enough. But there is still a lot of misunderstandings about the world I am trying to get help for now. We will see.
 
  • Feels
Reactions: Certified_Autist, Formica Sample, Reluctant MC and 9 others
ATI Escapee said:
Oh man.

Well if you really want to know.... I will try to summarize. I was raised by autistic parent that had delusions, in isolation, in a heavily religious almost cult like setting. Actually it probably counts as a cult. My education was done through the church. I now know I have a nuerological disease, but my whole life I was exorsised of demons and blamed for being sinful.



The lack of socialization heavily affected my social skills and I am still working on that. Sexually abused with no knowledge of sexuality whatsoever, so no words to ask for help or understand. The family I was allowed to associate with is crazy. Think a flavor of Christian McPoyles from IASIP. And being molested by one. As I am older I now think my uncle was molesting my male cousin who then took it on me.



But hey I am doing much much better, it is in the past and I am living my best life. I just cannot seem to move forward any more. I was taken to religious therapists as a child and diagnosed with bipolar and schizophrenia, neither of which are true. As an adult I am doing well enough. But there is still a lot of misunderstandings about the world I am trying to get help for now. We will see.
Click to expand...
That's crazy dude. If you made that into a movie it'd probably win all the Oscars because all Oscar winning movies are depressing, sad, twisted, but have redemption at the end.
 
  • Feels
Reactions: JosephStalin, Marika and Judas Connor Moon
Right now I’m pretty much in the best mental state I’ve been in a while. This time last year I was working at a not so great company doing work I didn’t enjoy and wasn’t good at. I was working a job doing something entirely different from my degree/major I graduated college with and way out of my comfort/skill zone. On top of that I was getting high every night after work and was in a bad place mentally. Eventually I resigned the job after some bad performance reviews and fell into the cannabis hard.

Went a couple months binging TBH. After a while I decided it was time to look for a new job so I quit using and started talking to more recruiters and interviewing a ton. I gained some self confidence through the process and eventually got a great offer doing exactly what I studied to do. Passed the drug test and everything.

So yeah, now I’m at a new really good job and I’ve been absolutely sober for almost a long time. Feels nice. I was never a recluse, but very introverted, and lately I’m starting to feel pretty laid back and more comfortable and open around more people. I guess that’s what happens when you start working in a big office and you’re constantly surrounded by different personalities and have to communicate a lot with people. I just feel a lot of self confidence and self respect and I hope things work out for me if I work hard and focus on my goals.
 
Last edited:
  • Feels
  • Winner
Reactions: Yamamura, Reluctant MC, JosephStalin and 3 others
Shringlecrink said:
Trying to be less of an awkward bastard and less retarded day by day. Though I am having a lot of trouble finding any reason to care about anything. But the therapist is helping I think, at least I'm trying to get back into my hobbies now
Click to expand...
The most well functioning person I know, and that person is stellar, said to me recently (paraphrased and translated) "in times like these[ukraine/russia] I would have hoped for nuclear war to see what happens. But we have kids now and the thought of war is terrifying." What I'm saying is that if you live in the US, give your life some meaning and poke a hole in the condom.
 
  • Feels
  • Horrifying
Reactions: Reluctant MC, WhoBusTank69, Judas Connor Moon and 1 other person
My girlfriend told me she loved me for the first time last week. It took me 25 years to actually start a relationship with someone and for the longest time I never thought it would happen. This is all extremely new to me and I really never knew what truly,, really being in "love" was like before- but I'm pretty sure that is the case now. It feels really good to hear someone say they love me. I hope we can continue and eventually start a family together.
 
  • Feels
  • Optimistic
  • Winner
Reactions: Certified_Autist, Tomboy Respecter, Reluctant MC and 8 others
I wasn't joking about that round. Bought it for the guys at the bar they bought me two free drinks to thank me. (have to save them for after my shift though)

I love this job, I've had a string of bad luck in terms of employment but now it finally looks like things are looking up for me.


Also collected my last paycheck from my old job at Johnny rockets today. it was paltry even compared to what I made before but it's something. Goodbye and good riddance to them.
 
  • Feels
  • Like
Reactions: Yamamura, Reluctant MC, WhoBusTank69 and 6 others
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back