How are you doing? - Kiwi Farms Wellness Check

Was having terrible heart palpitations all night on Tuesday, like I was on the precipice of a panic attack for like 13 hours straight. Didn't sleep at all. Went home yesterday afternoon and crashed. Woke up around 8:00 with one of the worst headaches of my life. Finally managed to fall back asleep around 3:00 a.m. Woke up this morning with a nagging headache and have been terribly fatigued all day, the kind of fatigue that comes with the flu but I don't have any other flu symptoms.

tl;dr want to die
 
I'm feeling better and I'll try not to powerlevel too much. For about half a year I pooled money together to get a private therapist to find out if I have ADHD (if I'd gone through the NHS I'd be waiting for years so fuck that) and got the diagnosis earlier this week.
So, do you got it or no?
 
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I never use the word ”woke“ because I do not want to play mind games with people that use that word in a casual way, but I’m really noticing that American TV is slowly showing more of the “wokeness” that gets ridiculed online, but praised by the mainstream.

So, now, I’m thinking about just watching/downloading (a.k.a pirating) foreign media dating back from the 90’s and 00’s currently, because I can’t watch anything from the things that are being filled with agendas that are barely recognizable with the youth.

Music will be up next at some point.
 
I never use the word ”woke“ because I do not want to play mind games with people that use that word in a casual way, but I’m really noticing that American TV is slowly showing more of the “wokeness” that gets ridiculed online, but praised by the mainstream.

So, now, I’m thinking about just watching/downloading (a.k.a pirating) foreign media dating back from the 90’s and 00’s currently, because I can’t watch anything from the things that are being filled with agendas that are barely recognizable with the youth.

Music will be up next at some point.

Hoard now my friend. I'm not a fan but when something as mainstream or braindead as office space be to have censorship and episode removal of...you are already too late. Aim for H265 stuff even if it doesn't play well (yet) on your stuff. It does on mine, value file space over quality except that what you are really attached to. gl
 
My life continues to suck hard and I am still battling with depression. I haven't seen the sun since September.

But I'm still here.
We're here for you man.
No joke when I say that you have us.

Might have flubbed the interview for the new job prospect I went to. They were more concerned about non-questions they were asking me (what even) and didn't even introduce themselves, only asked me about what I know about the job I'm applying for (it was vague, and the more I asked about what I need to know or do, they were very... not helpful, and the air was kind of hostile.)

I won't say cliche stuff like everything will be alright.
(That's Prey's awesome theme by Mick Gordon)

But yes, we are still here.
We are.
And that is what matters!
 
I got a lot of family shit going on behind the screen. At this point I’m going to tell them to go fuck themselves, move as far away as I can, and just go with my original plan on going into the marine core. It’s pretty shitty especially with how the government and military is, but at this point I don’t care.
 
My ma saw the conditions I was living in and had enough. She took me in even though she really didn't need too. It's only temporary I might be staying with other relatives who have more space, and even that's temporary. Since we're waiting on some kinda housing assistance. Honestly it beats sleeping next to water heaters in a laundry room.

My stuff had to stay in storage not that there's much of it. But it's just things, things can be replaced caring family can't.
 
I finally heard back from that fast food place I tried to start working at. By "heard back", I mean I got an email today around 3:30PM asking me to sign up for Paycor. Still haven't gotten a proper call, of course no other emails either that weren't an automated response. Even after signing up for Paycor and checking what that is all about, there's no information for me to go off of (aside from the fact that my paycheck, if I even had one, should get to me in four days!). I'm still holding out though, sorry fuckers, if you actually want me to work and think I have a proper job, maybe it's time to pick up the phone and talk to me properly like human beings should. Otherwise I'm holding out until I get another job, I actually get scheduled for this current job, or until I can weasel these assholes out of some unemployment.

On the positive, a friend of mine told me about how some local Statefarm offices are hiring, and this friend was just your average server before getting hired and trained to become an insurance representative. Busted out a few applications for that and used her name as my referral. I'm really, really hoping I hear back from Statefarm in any way. I should've already been working bros. I should've already done enough hours to actually get a paycheck in the next upcoming days, but nope. I get the shit end of the stick for whatever reason.
 
Pros: I have a decent place to sleep and a clean toilet and shower again. I have a full time job that pays decentlyevery friday, offers two meals a day, I recently signed my union contract so I'm now in for what that's worth, I have health benefits including dental, medical, prescription, and vision (still aven't gotten said vision insurance card though) I should be getting some kind of a hosuing assistance from dfs soon. Payday comes early this week with the holiday, I'm getting paid vacation days.

Cons: it's with my ma and brother, almost all my non essential stuff is either in storage or can't be used right now, I don't have a proper bedroom I'm staying in what is essentially the kitchen. I still have to get a new wallet, I still need a new state ID card and social security card, i had to take the 30th off from work to book an appointment at the dmv, I have about a hundred bucks saved for a new place with is nothing in the current housing market.



Soo...it could always be worse the holidays are coming up...i haven't lost my belief in miracles yet.
 
Soo...it could always be worse the holidays are coming up...i haven't lost my belief in miracles yet.
I hope you a very merry holiday grey cat.


Last I wrote here I said that I lost the bulk of my project with my harddrive, sadly yes, I'm retarded and my latest backup was like a month old. I lack the motivation to rebuild what I lost, though I know how important it is for my personal growth and future, someone slap me hard!!!
 
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I hope you a very merry holiday grey cat.


Last I wrote here I said that I lost the bulk of my project with my harddrive, sadly yes, I'm retarded and my latest backup was like a month old. I lack the motivation to rebuild what I lost, though I know how important it is for my personal growth and future, someone slap me hard!!!
At least I won't be spending them in a laundry room sleeping next to a set of water heaters. All I want for Christmas is a room to stay in that I can call my own...well even if it's part of a room share it'd be nice to have a place to call a home of my own.
 
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