How are you doing? - Kiwi Farms Wellness Check

My dad died suddenly a few weeks ago, I've been in this weird trance since varying between hunkering down and focusing on work to not sleeping and bumming around the house.
I'm fortunate to have supportive people around me, but every so often it hits. I made a really nice looking CV earlier for an art job and once I'd finished making it, because my dad was really business oriented and loved that kind of stuff, I thought "oh, I'll show dad this, he'll love it." Then realised, I can't. I still can't quite believe that I'll never see him again, I keep thinking about when our next meeting will be or what place we'll go to for food (because we'd always meet up for food and a chat). But, instead, he's just gone.
 
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Checkpoint 2/20/2023 @ 12:00AM:

Sometimes I feel like the only way is down. Like I've reached the top, like I've made it to the highest point that I can ever get to in my life. Recently I've been getting back into programming (codemonkey!) and building little projects to pass my free time. More than that, it's kinda taught me that I do have a purpose - one I haven't yet completed, one I don't even know. That purpose, vaguely, is to make something. Something that will benefit at least one fucking guy. That would make me happy. But it's more than that, I bet.

There's tons of people out there who've been told they're special and that they have a world-changing purpose (entire site of reddit). Maybe the people who told them that were telling the truth. But the difference between me and the rest of those people is that I'm actively working on my passion projects. As long as it makes me happy, be it shitposting on a fruit forum or writing mindless functions, I'll continue to do it.

~thebigjoel~
 
Chris Redfield said:
My dad died suddenly a few weeks ago, I've been in this weird trance since varying between hunkering down and focusing on work to not sleeping and bumming around the house.
I'm fortunate to have supportive people around me, but every so often it hits. I made a really nice looking CV earlier for an art job and once I'd finished making it, because my dad was really business oriented and loved that kind of stuff, I thought "oh, I'll show dad this, he'll love it." Then realised, I can't. I still can't quite believe that I'll never see him again, I keep thinking about when our next meeting will be or what place we'll go to for food (because we'd always meet up for food and a chat). But, instead, he's just gone.
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I lost my sister when I was a junior in high school and 8 months later buried my father.

It was a surreal feeling coming home and feeling that emptiness. For years I would pick up birthday cards, Father’s Day cards and think “oh dad would think this is funny” only to realize I didn’t have anyone to send them too.

You have my empathy, and pain fades and you become stronger and are able to bear the weight of your sorrow. Everything you do has a little of your father in it, you are a part of each other and always will be.

I try not to fag out too hard on after life shit but I think the ones you love are with you even if you can’t see them.
 
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Chris Redfield said:
My dad died suddenly a few weeks ago, I've been in this weird trance since varying between hunkering down and focusing on work to not sleeping and bumming around the house.
I'm fortunate to have supportive people around me, but every so often it hits. I made a really nice looking CV earlier for an art job and once I'd finished making it, because my dad was really business oriented and loved that kind of stuff, I thought "oh, I'll show dad this, he'll love it." Then realised, I can't. I still can't quite believe that I'll never see him again, I keep thinking about when our next meeting will be or what place we'll go to for food (because we'd always meet up for food and a chat). But, instead, he's just gone.
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My condolences. That's fucking rough.
 
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2 years of multiple family losses and I'm still grieving, but recently two of our elderly dogs pulled through some rough shit. It gave us a lot of hope, maybe things are finally looking up.

It's shit weather here but I'm curled up in bed with my kittens and a mountain of blankets, so life is actually pretty good today. My new furbabies love to watch the rain and hail.
 
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Had a filling today because my compacted teeth are more prone to them. They had to give me more anesthetic because I could still feel them digging into my tooth when they first started. However, the oral surgery was pretty quick once they got started, and I figured I'd stop by the Barnes and Noble nearby since I was right there in the area, and I picked up a biography on Vladimir Lenin by Victor Sebestyen. I like both Slavic history stuff and dictator biographies, so I hope I'll like it.
 
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Still feeling very skittish, anxious and depressed. But I'm still more clearheaded and relaxed than I was last week, when I had a mental breakdown in the bathroom at work. Burnout is real and I wish my siblings with far better pay, benefits, and work environments realized that. I'm off with no pay this week, and go back next week. I've been applying to other jobs but have only received rejection letters so far. Gonna try to take it easy this weekend.

tl;dr: not great but could be worse
 
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La Salpêtrière said:
I'm a bit overloaded with clown world content so I'm going to look for some harmless threads and inocent fun that isn't pozzed (impossible challenge i know)
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I always enjoy the deathfats and King Cobra JFS. They're benign enough in their own little worlds that you can shut off everything and just laugh. Definitely feels better to rage about a fat girl being a narcissist than about how insane and malicious all the cunts on twitter are.
 
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I’ve graduated from uni a month ago and today I’ve spoken to a recruiter for a job I’m interested in. The interview went well and I’m expecting to hear back soon. I’m anxious about this company’s reputation, however, I am a fresh graduate and I don’t have that experience so I gotta take what I can get. Still worried I’m gonna enter a work place that’s similar to a restaurant.
I calm myself by reminding myself that I’ve worked with hard, mean, people before and I’ve been able to survive and prosper working at liquor store.
 
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Well let's see the threat of a nuke going off is at the highest since I was born, my country is a shithole stuck with a moron that can't do shit right for another 2 years,my life everything I know and love are all in the hands of brain dead retards, and there's not a fucking thing I can do about.

So I'm just dancing on sunshine and singing showtunes, you?
 
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I'm doing good, I've got a few jobs going but nothing taxing just ticking over and interesting and varied. Myself and my Fiancee are just waiting for a report to come back on a property we like before putting down a offer, I'm just coming up to 5 years sober, and lifes been treating me good.

Lifes to short for you to worry about things you have no control over, just tackle the things you can control and take pleasure in the good things in life from a nice cup of coffee in the morning, satisfaction on a job well done, a dog wanting to play with you, a good book, a nice fire and chat with your family and friends etc that's what life is not worrying about the shit outside your control because it will drive you mad (explains a lot now that I think about it).
 
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Phalanges Mycologist said:
Lifes to short for you to worry about things you have no control over, just tackle the things you can control and take pleasure in the good things in life from a nice cup of coffee in the morning, satisfaction on a job well done, a dog wanting to play with you, a good book, a nice fire and chat with your family and friends etc that's what life is not worrying about the shit outside your control because it will drive you mad (explains a lot now that I think about it).
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If that was directed at me intentional or not thanks. I'm a little better ow, it's the damn news and happenings getting under my skin. Even here on the farms if you got to the autistic thunderdome you'll be bombarded with doom and gloom.
 
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A Grey Cat said:
If that was directed at me intentional or not thanks. I'm a little better ow, it's the damn news and happenings getting under my skin. Even here on the farms if you got to the autistic thunderdome you'll be bombarded with doom and gloom.
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It both was and wasn't you inspired it but I just feel that it's a message more people need to hear.
 
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