How are you doing? - Kiwi Farms Wellness Check

I was about to make some really whiny, vent-y, powerlevel-y doomer post for asspats and attention but then I took a nap and decided against it. That was a good choice and I feel good about it. Trying to make more of those good choices.
naps are good. I wish i had a nap today, I'd probably be more productive then.
 
What's wrong with Illinois? I just stopped at a pilot here and it smells like one of the skeeviest pits in memphis and it looks like West Memphis. I've been to rest stops in Mississippi, Virginia, Georgia, and South Carolina but I never had a place this small fuck with my nose like this before. Even the Pilot itself smells like wet ass when those usually smell pretty nice. Did God beat this whole state with the ugly stick?
Are you in south Illinois (Little Egypt)? It's the Appalachia of the Great Lakes (not counting the literal Appalachian foothills of Ohio), so if I'm taking your comparison the way I think you mean, it is entirely reasonable a Little Egypt station would have the deep musk of rural industrial decay that outsiders claim places like that have.
 
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Walking back from the shops in the sunshine this morning before breakfast. A gorgeous girl in soft grey leggings and running top just passed me in the other direction. Really big breasts but in good shape, curvy-toned. Had her hair back in a pony-tail which I always like. I'd guess she was probably 20-24 sort of age. Tried to be a gentleman and not stare, looked at cars going by and fixed gaze forward. Didn't quite succeed.

Feeling good!

@Betonhaus Hang in there - you'll get through this. You're a sensible person who will find ways to cope.
 
Pretty good, actually. I applied for a lot of jobs, but only one got back to me so I took it because I needed the money. After them warning me how hard the job was, compared to my previous years as a chef, it's easy - It's basically processing and packing orders. Physically demanding and it's night shifts, but it's a small, family-run place, I have weekends off for the first time in about ten years, I'm paid weekly, and I'm in my third week and don't have the constant impending sense of doom I grew used to. Glad to find out I'm not actually an alcoholic either, I put my feet up and have a beer when I get home some nights, but I'm not craving booze the way I did a couple of months ago.

I said it before in the thread, but I'll repeat it here. Don't be a chef, kids. If cooking is your thing, learn it in your spare time as a hobby and dazzle your guests. but for the love of god - don't do it professionally. The industry'll just chew you up, spit you out, and demand your gratitude for it.
 
Got told it'll be at least another year until I can get any help with my ADHD. probably closer to two years with all the rapefugees getting NHS priority. At least I can continue importing pills and self medicating for now, but I hate that it digs into my finances when I should be getting something much cheaper on prescription. Getting a private assessment costs more than a years worth of pills and they might just say "well it sucks but it's not bad enough for us to give you the stamp." Fuck doctors, I can do it myself.

Finally hit my weight loss goal, the only new years resolution I'd made. It probably shouldn't have taken me 8 months to lose 20lbs, but I'll blame that on the weightlifting rather than me being a lazy asshole.

I've been thinking about trying to write books again. Feels like something I've always wanted to do, along with comics. Hard to get over having an overly critical faggot for an English teacher when I was a kid; I wish I could just shit out novels as effortlessly as my shitposts. Watched a bunch of videos and lectures while taking notes and wrote an outline. Now to force myself over the mental hurdles.
 
Last few days have been a mix of me being informative and overwhelmed by the amount of knowledge I’ve received in subjects that I’m learning about.
One example being that I‘m learning and taking free courses about Plumbing Studies, while on top of still learning and doing coursework surrounding my Electronics/Electrical Studies subjects in the time being. I never learned how to be an effective plumber for the life of me, but if I keep going, I could get a diploma just for learning and doing all the work about it. So hilariously, I’m wondering how far will I go with it.
 
Last few days have been a mix of me being informative and overwhelmed by the amount of knowledge I’ve received in subjects that I’m learning about.
One example being that I‘m learning and taking free courses about Plumbing Studies, while on top of still learning and doing coursework surrounding my Electronics/Electrical Studies subjects in the time being. I never learned how to be an effective plumber for the life of me, but if I keep going, I could get a diploma just for learning and doing all the work about it. So hilariously, I’m wondering how far will I go with it.
This is how you make bank
 
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Don't be a chef, kids. If cooking is your thing, learn it in your spare time as a hobby and dazzle your guests. but for the love of god - don't do it professionally. The industry'll just chew you up, spit you out, and demand your gratitude for it.
I feel like that's the case with getting into any profession because you love the thing. The saying "do what you love and you'll never work a day in your life" is bullshit. Do what you love as a job and you'll slowly grow to hate it overtime because of having to associate it dealing with shitty people.

The older I get the more I realize the real way to never work a day in your life is to get into a high up administrative role that requires you to do physically very little, but rely on your credentials so you're one of the only few people qualified to do that thing.
 
For some time I've felt like I crossed some sort of threshold where I don't have the finances or capability to improve my situation. I can't get work in my field as I have glaring gaps in the resume that seem to turn off every employer, I don't have the funding to re-educate myself, and I don't have the physical health for dumb physical labor jobs, or the sociability or charisma for shitty sales jobs or retail. I put too much faith into the hope that I could ride it out and something good will fall into my lap - or I will win the lottery and can escape this situation all at once. And there's no one I can really turn to for help, or at least help that doesn't just stave off everything falling apart for a few weeks. For the longest time I would always find a measure of stability at the point where i thought I hit rock bottom, where I just had to sacrifice something important to me at the time only to realize it was meaningless. I feel like this time it may actually be rock bottom. Based on history that's probably not the case, but I don't see how.
 
I was just in an online meeting with the team for work and the lady hosting the meeting closed by saying

"Bye everyone, have a nice gay.

d... day.

Have a nice day, bye!"

Heh.
 
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I'm worried about my cat. Yesterday morning he had picked up a toothpick by my chair. One that I had chewed both ends of (so I think it was soft at both ends, at least not totally spear-like) and didn't realize was laying around, but had gotten swept up in other crap. I see him pick the thing up and I dart my hand out to snatch it away, and I swear it looked like it disappeared down his gullet and he smacked his lips. I wrested his jaws open, but it's not like you can induce vomiting in a cat. I called up the emergency vet and it was basically suggested that there's nothing you can do at all except surgery if the cat gets sick.

Then, I find a toothpick on the floor right nearby, similar (chewed at ends), but I couldn't tell if it was the same toothpick or not. You ever have one of those situations where you think you see something go one direction, but it went somewhere else? Especially when you're agitated and it's a tiny object being dropped. So now I'm not even sure that he ate it, as opposed to him having dropped it and me not noticing.

He made poop last night around midnight, but it seemed like less (nuggets, thinner, less frequent trips), and he's been eating a fair bit. I wish he'd poop more so I could be sure. Toothpicks kill in two ways (happens to humans), they embed themselves in the gut and cause pain and poisoning, or they block the gut and cause bowel obstruction.
 
Day two of tapering off my antidepressants. I have SO MUCH MORE range of feelings already. I feel hungover as fuck but I'm listening to music and enjoying myself. I love being less numb.

Can't wait until I'm fully off my meds. As a bonus, I'll be able to have a whiskey shot every now and then and not worry about it-- not every day obviously but like once a week for fun.
 
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