How are you doing? - Kiwi Farms Wellness Check

Lots of transition and vague tension.

I ordered two books from a fairly niche literary era that I used to love a lot. I'm trying to rekindle the passion I used to have for hobbies/ leisure/interests/adventure. I miss old me.

I am also hoping this week brings some news I would really like to hear, but I think I'm prepared that if it's not what I want, I just make my other moves. Have some concern I won't kick into action as much as I need to if I need to pivot, though that's entirely within my control, of course.

Also vaguely anxious about a logistical thing this week for one of my kids. Said child is running this project, and I am just a consultant/ helper. If it blows up it's going to be a big and expensive stress, on all fronts, and I really, really want my child to know they can manage stuff like this. 🤞 And tbh I also don't want to have to take additional unplanned time from work to get it over the finish line, so the question mark is kind of nagging at me.

Annnnnnd I've just discovered I've got wasps nesting in a rain gutter (which also need cleaning) and squirrels setting up shop in my walls, so add those to my mile-long list of critical house things to handle. Ugh. I love my home/property, but the upkeep and size might be something I should let go. Not quite there yet.

Working hard to keep pushing.
 
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A bit of meh and a bit of good.

My husband's work continues to pick up, so we'll be better than we were for a bit, especially since he was jobless (no fault of his own, asshole noss was an asshole) for a bit. I'm potentially looking at trying to find a work-at-home job or some contracts I can do that aren't too rough on me (fibro sucks), since I want to contribute and also need something to keep busy.

In the meantime, I'm trying to figure out stuff to do to keep busy and branch out a bit. My anxiety keeps butting in, as does some of my ADHD, but I want to do something creative. Really, I want to start writing again, but...see above about anxiety and ADHD.

Our dog has to go to the vet to get his eye checked tomorrow, he's got an infection and a bad mat in front of the eye that showed up while he was with my folks for a few weeks while we were on vacation. Didn't know he had anything wrong until he started bumping into things, because he looks like a small sheepdog and has hair in his eyes all the time. He's older (15), so my anxiety has been particularly bad at points regarding his health. But he went to a clinic Friday and aside from the infection he seems to be ok. They think he'll need to be sedated to fix the mat because of its proximity to the eye...

Just praying he'll be ok. God has been providing for us during a really tough year, so I have to think it will be. Emotionally I think I'm too tired from panicking about it earlier last week to be keyed up too much at the moment. Keep the fluffball in prayer, please. He's not the brightest dog, but he's a good dog.

And yes, after he gets better, he's getting groomed. We're kinda at the point that, while he's freaking adorable looking like a mini sheepdog, the hair is a PITA. So gotta figure if we can emphasize the westie part of westie/lhasa, I guess.

Oh, and I'm dealing with neck and back pain, and trying to lose weight, which sucks too. Hoping that some exercises will help for the neck, and the doctor's referring me to a local place that has a lot of resources for working on weight loss (gym, nutritionists, etc).

But other than all that, it's not too bad. I'm married to a great guy and we have a roof over our heads and food in our bellies, and I have friends I can hang out with online and off. Better than it could be!
 
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I'm getting really bad Tetris effect from my job. I'm renovating rooms and I come home and see all the repairs I could do in my house. How long has it been since this carpet has been shampooed! Oh, it'll take not five minutes to spackle that nail hole! This room could really do with an accent wall, and it'd add value to the house to take down that awful popcorn ceiling, and I could repaint that too!

Okay, back to aggressively using online visualizers to think about what paint I want, to make my plant collection stand out.
 
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I feel better than I have in weeks. I got a new drawing tablet, not that you people will ever deserve to see my work again. If you see it on DeviantArt then you see it.
Other than my tablet, not much has changed. Folks were worried about me for a couple days but it just took explaining and autistically info dumping to get them to cool out.
 
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went through some stressful stuff on an empty stomach (which i thought was full enough because i ate something earlier!!!!!) and am resting from that now. i've had surprisingly capable levels of energy recently but i know it's just a matter of time before i crash. #justspooniethings :(
 
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Seanut Arbuckle said:
my cat only has a few days left most likely and I'm really bent out of shape, like it finally hit me how little time she has and I'm crying please anyone who is of a praying bent please pray she goes peacefully with no further suffering thanks.
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We had to put her down. Hardest thing I've had to endure in my 27 years of life. I felt less grief at the passing of my very much beloved grandma... every house creek or moving object in the much emptier house tricks me into thinking she's around the corner.

I'll be ok in the long run, but in the short run the grief is strong. Eventually will get new cats to try and fill the hole in my heart (and to get those dang mice under control) but don't think that will be until much farther down the line...
 
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Seanut Arbuckle said:
We had to put her down. Hardest thing I've had to endure in my 27 years of life. I felt less grief at the passing of my very much beloved grandma... every house creek or moving object in the much emptier house tricks me into thinking she's around the corner.

I'll be ok in the long run, but in the short run the grief is strong. Eventually will get new cats to try and fill the hole in my heart (and to get those dang mice under control) but don't think that will be until much farther down the line...
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Man, I'll never forget the last bit of time I got to spend with my life-long pup. 100% pit. Sweet as could be. Suffered from grandmal seizures towards the end.

Some folk might say it's fucked, but man, we spent more time with our animals than our grandma in some cases. Of course we feel it harder when they finally pass on. They fucking lived with us and slept in the same bed. It's no joke when you hear "they were like family".

Some of my last moments with my boy were laying on the floor swaddling him in is favorite balnkies and just letting him know how much I loved him until we fell asleep.
 
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I fucking hate potty training, only one kid left to go after this gauntlet and thankfully it won't be for another few years.

Husband is thinking about taking a leisure day off so we can have an extra long weekend and I really hope he puts in for it. Had I known in advance, I would have scheduled a well visit since the insurance pays 100% for them and since our sick day bank is stupidly high whereas the annual leave one is rapidly dwindling. I love spending time with him and it's always so special when he takes off a random weekday, it makes the kids' month.

My MIL's relatives are a bunch of fuckers who, for the second time in as many years, chimped out at her because they decided amongst themselves that she should pay for their kids' and husbands' funerals as though they aren't retired and living off a much stricter budget than before. Apparently a $1000 gift towards funeral costs for someone she hasn't seen in years, money that they could use for the retirement they worked hard to enjoy, wasn't enough and now she's made to feel like a pariah. This would be enough for me to cut off distant relatives, but she's a more forgiving person than I am. She's paid off people's houses multiple times and this is how they treat her? It's infuriating.
 
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speaking of free money and the 6th, i got baby's first jury duty :) my life is so utterly mundane and boring until the job slot i'm looking for opens up that i'm fine with arriving at 8 am and sitting around until i eventually am not needed
 
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Neurotypical Mantis said:
speaking of free money and the 6th, i got baby's first jury duty :) my life is so utterly mundane and boring until the job slot i'm looking for opens up that i'm fine with arriving at 8 am and sitting around until i eventually am not needed
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You get free food and hopefully you're not on the other side of that jury booth.
 
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I just finished recording a bunch of songs. All of which are barely a minute long and gag pieces that I'm not really taking seriously. I only record guitar and drums because I'm too much of a lazy fuckhead to record any bass tracks. 😅
 
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I was visiting my grandma Yamamura with my mother recently and I saw the old TV I used to watch while I was there as a child.

Now grandma never had cable so the only two channels I could watch were PBS kids or Fox. I just remembered how I would usually watch episodes of the Jerry Springer show and Maury, which honestly explains a lot about my propensity to enjoy trashy drama and discovering this site.

Honestly I'm not sure which would have been worse. I feel like if I watched PBS I would have become a redditor.
 
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Seanut Arbuckle said:
We had to put her down. Hardest thing I've had to endure in my 27 years of life. I felt less grief at the passing of my very much beloved grandma...
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I understand that. It sounds weird. But when I've had closer family members die and they've talked to me, they not only let me know they were ready for it, but gave me advice on how to deal with it myself.

I've been a pallbearer so many goddamn times this last few years. Death and I are on speaking terms. I now consider him a friend.
 
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