I have been enjoying this discourse more than I've ever enjoyed dating. I appreciate everyone's contributions.
From what you've been saying you seem to have something that's both a great thing and can be a serious problem. You know your worth. Nothing wrong with that per se. It's honestly one of the best traits to have as an adult. But you talk about young men not having things in place. And honestly that's a bit of rough cycle. A lot of people don't have their shit together because they have nothing to live for that would make even think that's a choice. Young men aren't really valued anymore, so they fall by the wayside and let people go on because they don't think there's a point. I'm one of those young men you could be talking about that hasn't got a lot going for them.
I'm not saying to date them out of pity, but I do think that people usually can strive for better when there's someone that gives them the initiative to. It's a really fucked up cycle because as much as people say "value yourself", it's very hard to do for people who have no one who values them anyways. Literal ubermenschs' are pretty rare. Most people who found a way out of hell had some sort of support system or something to work for in the first place.
Based on my experience, people who don't have their shit together by a reasonable age (say, 30-ish), they aren't going to for a woman. For themselves maybe, but not a woman. For instance, I work out. If I date a guy that doesn't, he doesn't appreciate how much time I spend on it and why, but let's focus on the ones that have good intentions to do so: they want me to provide them the workout. They don't want to find their own. That's not a recipe for long-term success on a number of fronts.
Basically, my experience of men who want to self-improve is that they don't even want to self-improve. They think they have to, but if they didn't have the drive to start with, they're not going to do it because they think someone else wants them to and then they'll burn themselves out on disappointment.
I get that, I don't know what you look like or what you're like to be around and already I'd like to be sugared.
I don't think that hiding the trials and tribulations on your dating profile is the best thing, as any hints that something went on that isn't sufficiently nuanced is going to come off as a red flag. Maybe there are sites or connections you can explore, like eHarmony or matchmaking services or something else in the area that normal people would be aware of?
If your job allows you, it might be time to look elsewhere on the country or other countries for a husband. Or of you want something shorter then have very clearly defined boundaries about sugaring or whatever where you will boot them immediately when that line is crossed.
Would you consider a lower income partner that can stay at home to cook and clean and keep the house together, with maybe a part time job that allows him spending money for his things?
There's a difference between getting sugared and putting in your fair share. I wouldn't give a damn less about paying for the "extras" that said man couldn't afford if he was god damn willing to do what you're saying...and I have proposed that to at least one guy. Do the cooking and cleaning and errands, have the home ready, take care of any pets. I would be so down for that.
But you know what that guy told me? Despite making substantially less than me, he felt he would be hampering his own potential. He even asked me to move if he found another job elsewhere. Bitch, I should hamper my own ability to earn a paycheck to save your fucking pride? (Which answers another one of your questions: I make a healthy salary that funds a decent lifestyle and retirement...I'm not going anywhere for a vague man that may or may not exist and hamper my earning potential so that I can live my life in reasonable comfort, especially if the chronic genetic conditions in my family finally catch up with me.)
Women don't care why a man has low social status, only that he has low social status and therefore, he's someone to pass over.
*Shrug* If I may say so, there's a good reason, and I've already said it: men make no secret of resenting you when you're the better version of him.
Believe me I know that I'm a strange bird in all of this. I learned early that nobody was going to rescue me and I've fielded many a joke over the years (and one very cutting comment from my father) that I'm a bigger man than a lot of men out there. There are days I might have given it all up if the right guy came along and offered me the security that I earn for myself. But reality being what it is: I can choose a theoretical man or a better than decent salary. If I have to choose one, I think most people would choose what I did.
I'm going to put a cap on my replies because I feel like I'm monopolizing the thread. Again, thanks everyone for the conversation.
