How are you doing? - Kiwi Farms Wellness Check

They stopped being entertaining, that's why the masses stopped going. For a while they still churned out things that were entertaining to the masses even if they were disrespectful to longtime fans.
This stuff doesn't even qualify as goyslop because that actually has mass appeal, which is its point. It appeals to a tiny contingent of weird freaks who care more about "muh representation" than entertainment. Goyslop is better than this shit. It may pander to the lowest common denominator, but at least that's most normies, not a gaggle of degenerate freaks who should by and large be against a wall.
 
I slept throughout the day. As in waking up after it looks like midnight outside. I did stay up all night, so some might not say this is a big deal but really this was that moment where I woke up and asked "What the fuck am I doing?".
I'm trying to stay strong, but this season makes things really damn hard. I just want the will to change anything in my life.
I think at the end of the day that's the closest thing to what depression could be summed up as. It's not being sad all of the time.
It's knowing you're fucking up or not taking agency over your life, knowing that it's wrong, and not having the will to change it.
I'm not lazy. I can bust my ass at my job, I can set goals for a day and usually have them accomplished. But all the main big things in my life are such a hurdle. Sleep, food, habits, being creative. I just feel like an observer in my own life.
I don't know a way out of myself. I think it's possible, but I'm just at a loss.
I know I never want this to happen again. And I know I'll tell myself "Never again". But I can still see myself doing the same dumb shit or not doing the shit I need to avoid being in this situation again. Roads are open to me. Paths are available. I just can't walk down any single one of them for more than a couple of days before I get scared.
 
Met up with my mom.
It was fine I guess? We updated each other and it's clear she's trying her best, despite having the mental maturity of a teenager.

She very awkwardly asked if she could do Christmas with us, I said probably yes but to hold her horses because I had to ask to spouse, SIL and stepmom (
They all said yes
) before giving the okay.

She's not a bad person, just a troubled teenager in the body of a 44 years old.
 
Met a nice girl at church we hit it off going for sushi on tuesdsay. Think my priest was trying to set us up but I have no solid proof haha so far seems we like each other hopefully things work out.
I feel like the trick is to find excuses to spend time in the company of each other. Is there a Christmas market that you need to go to to find last minute presents?
 
Milk Mage circa 2019 said:
Tell me about your day. Did anything happen recently?
Oh shit it's really been 4 years?
Things aren't great. They aren't bad either. They aren't much of anything, really. Just finished fall semester and I'm on leave from work until late January, so all I've been up to recently is watching television and weeknight drinking. The latter gets me out of the house at least, so that's kinda cool. Overall, I'm not doing too well, but it's not bad enough to where I can't reasonably fix it, might just take a bit more effort is all.
 
I'm also dealing with my faggot roommate. Sending me condescending emails about taking care of the place and accusing me of shit I haven't even done.
I can't afford to move right now, but I still want to tell him to fuck off. Being homeless in January though is kind of not the sort of thing I want to deal with.
Just fucking exhausting and annoying.
 
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I have to go look after my mom again so my dad can go visit his parents. Apparently my grandpa's sick, though he was light on the details. It's not that I mind seeing my mom or helping out, but visiting my parents' house is incredibly boring. And then I get to go right back to working the day I come back, so no real time off for me. And the worst part is how they keep guilting me into it, and make me feel guilty for even thinking they're guilting me into it.

Met a nice girl at church we hit it off going for sushi on tuesdsay. Think my priest was trying to set us up but I have no solid proof haha so far seems we like each other hopefully things work out.
Good luck!
 
Good news: Xrays came back okay and I do not have a worn out artificial joint. So all the hyperventilating I was doing about going through a second knee replacement is making me feel really stupid just now.
I still have a stiff and sore knee, but not to the point where it's hindering getting around. MD tells me it might be tendonitis. Will find out what to do about that, and will quit acting like a hysterical ninny because something hurts.
Also, much love to people who have lost pets lately. It's devastating, and it's ok to be sad.
 
ood news: Xrays came back okay and I do not have a worn out artificial joint.
I'm going through the same with my knee right now. My doc thinks I've torn my meniscus but I'm waiting on insurance to approve an MRI to figure out what is going on. I've had the joint aspirated twice now, which helps for a few days but then it gets really bad again. I've been limping around for almost a month now. It takes so much energy just to walk around the house. At this point, I'm ready to just have surgery so I can walk normally again. Getting old sucks, kids.
 
Getting the apartment tomorrow, lads.

Not gonna move in proper until next week, I'm thinking Wednesday.

But I'll start bringing some stuff in the meantime.

First thing I'll do, I think, is get a Christmas Tree. I don't care much about this kind of thing but the kid wants one. I haven't had one here because of space (aside from a small 3D printed one I made).

Well, still no update on the apartment; I'll bother the minger tomorrow about it. Work is going great; I'm hoping to foster some friendships there outside of work. One step at a time bros. Hell, maybe I'll find a church to go to for Christmas.
Hope it works out, bröther. The whole process is unnerving, but sooner than we know, it'll be behind us.
 
Getting the apartment tomorrow, lads.

Not gonna move in proper until next week, I'm thinking Wednesday.

But I'll start bringing some stuff in the meantime.

First thing I'll do, I think, is get a Christmas Tree. I don't care much about this kind of thing but the kid wants one. I haven't had one here because of space (aside from a small 3D printed one I made).
APARTMENT OBTAINED
 
As much as I enjoy the holidays, I've never had anything good happen in them that was major. My closest childhood dog died on New Years, my situation girl cut me off on Christmas, I got fired just before the next christmas and I got off easy by just being bitched out on the christmas after that. But, through it all, I feel oddly hopeful this christmas. I'll plan my week out carefully and stay chill. I hope these holidays work out.
 
Amazing how big a difference a few months can make.

I quit my shitty ass job, moved countries, and married my long term partner. I may experience anxiety from time to time, but for the most part I feel calmer. It feels more manageable? Things are slowly but surely coming together. Anticipating some big things in January. 2024 already feels bright to me.
 
Taking it easy over December, largely because my core friend group is vacationing (started a new job a few months back so I'm saving up my leave for AfrikaBurn 2024) So pretty good despite still working during the holidays (work is going to be super quiet so not expecting issues). Still got that anxiety from time to time that I'm just sitting around doing nothing so I've been focussing on healthy eating (need to start gym-ing again), doing some work around my place and growing a beard.
 
I need to stop talking to men. This shit is so confusing. They will send me all kinds of PL shit and I will send it back and they are like awesome and still keep talking to me constantly but if I try to make another move they ignore me but still constantly text me.

It is what makes my eyes roll so hard when men here claim it is just women are the problem.
Be direct.

Maybe I'm wrong but when you say "you make a move and they ignore you", that sounds to me you're hinting at things, giving signals, being vague.

Don't.

A large fraction of the signals we don't get, because we're retarded when it comes to your estrogenous social games. The rest of the signals, most of us, are wired for a variety of reasons to assume the signals are just us misreading you. So we act like it's nothing. Only some will catch them and act on them.

So make it clear and direct. Let us know you're interested in something more. If we don't want to reciprocate, we'll tell you, or at worst will stop talking to you (which by the same token of directness, I don't endorse). Point is, if they had caught the signals and deemed them real and not just "I'm imagining things", they probably wouldn't be still talking to you like nothing happened.
 
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Maybe I'm wrong but when you say "you make a move and they ignore you", that sounds to me you're hinting at things, giving signals, being vague.
I need to figure out what clue X 4 I need to use because I don't think I am being indirect. I straight up tell him I find him attractive. I don't know if he thinks I am lying or something because he is unconventionally attractive. I actually do like him for a lot of reasons that drive me insane. If I try to tell him, he'll sort of laugh it off but won't stop doing things that clearly indicate interest to me.

In other news, down another 4lbs...Someone noticed my weight loss and asked me if something was going on. I am not entirely sure.
 
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