How are you doing? - Kiwi Farms Wellness Check

[Blobby's Murder Knife]

Nah, it is for whatever. I mean this thread has gone off on other tangents. It is cool.

 

[Betonhaus]

I definitely wish that finding a partner could be a much more strightforward process, like this silly example from a sitcom

 

[dick brain]

I may or may not have secured a position with a six figure salary and it's entirely dependent on whether the company can find somebody to train me. I'm so anxious. I hate not being able to do anything but wait.

I hate this shit so much because in the end it means women like me have to be the aggressors at the very least and it sucks so much.

Ask him out you fucking coward.

 

[Ultrapenguin]

Idk, I see this as a thread for telling how you're doing and maybe offering some words of encouragement or a few chit chatty posts, not a thread to like, debate a hot button topic, but maybe I'm wrong. Either way, I brought the topic up on the femoid advice thread if anyone wants to continue it.

Well some of us are permabanned from the salon and have been for years, so we can't post in your dumb women-only thread.

Anyways, you sound a little r/femaledatingstrategies about the whole thing.
Believe it or not sometimes between all the pressures involved in modern life men can wind up touchy about connecting with others. When you're taught to rein in or hide 99% of your aggressive impulse, it's easy to carry that through to your relationships romantic and otherwise.

Again, there seems to be some perception that males have an unalterable will to pursue, no matter how many stressors they're subjected to, but that isn't the case. You aren't expected to (and shouldn't) whine about it, but it's still a challenge a lot of guys quietly, actively work through on a day to day basis. It doesn't come naturally.

Whether someone's willing to tolerate that is up to them, but if not I'd expect to wind up with a lot of asshole archetypes who are simply too egotistical to introspect.

Because woman moment, I wonder if I am not being to hard on him.

You haven't given up on this person even though he isn't taking the hint, so no you aren't being too hard I don't think.

It does suck but that's the world. If you want to connect with people you have to be willing to step outside your comfort zone to meet them.

 

[Harbinger of Kali Yuga]

I think you know that I think you are a faggot, but let's look at this a moment.

I absoutely do find him sexually and extremely emotionally attractive and he is not some chad meme type, He is just my type. I am not sure how to be more clear without being creepy or doing some bix noods shit. He tells me so much about himself and yet whenever I reassure him he is fine and I want him, he won't accept it.

You can think what you want; you are the one giving men "how to get friend zoned" dating advice when you can't even ask out a dude yourself. Just ask him out on a date. At this point any woman who leans on "tradition" for asking men is just making excuses for anxiety; the norms have changed to the point where that's Bumble's selling point, the woman messaging first. What are you actually saying? You sound way too anxious about how he feels to make me think you've been anything like actually direct. Literally just be the first one to ask him out.

If this guy is a co-worker, consider that he's also being extra cautious. A woman will be flirty with a guy one second and then turn on him the next if one of her friends disapproves of him, or something.

Hell, I don't even ask women out anymore. I sit around in dilapidated shopping malls with a sign soliciting all boyfriend-free girls looking for a girlfriend-free boy.

 

[CoolFool]

Well some of us are permabanned from the salon and have been for years, so we can't post in your dumb women-only thread.

Eh? What did you do to get banned?

Anyways, you sound a little r/femaledatingstrategies about the whole thing.

Nah. Some things they say might have some truths, but you can say the same about most extreme ideologies. I think most of their advice is trash and meant to keep women single.

Believe it or not sometimes between all the pressures involved in modern life men can wind up touchy about connecting with others. When you're taught to rein in or hide 99% of your aggressive impulse, it's easy to carry that through to your relationships romantic and otherwise.

I get what you're saying but where I disagree is that it's as big of an issue as men online make it out to be. I know there are "normie" kiwis on here but there's also a lot of terminally online kiwis, many of which haven't ever been on a date. All their opinions about women and the dating come from doom posting threads and YouTube commentaries. Does that mean that there isn't some truth to these things? No, but I do think it's wildly overblown, and men having these "black pilled" beliefs is only creating negative feedback loop that will ultimately keep them single, much like how the /r/FDS mindset keeps women single.

I also feel like even if this stuff was true, then the worst thing for men to do would be to give up and just accept this bullshit redditor nu male behavior.

 

[DavidS877]

If this guy is a co-worker

If he's a coworker he would be absolutely insane for him to say anything remotely flirty or show any interest. At least if he wants to keep his job. We've had that beaten into us with many, many, many years of sexual harassment training.

 

[Betonhaus]

If he's a coworker he would be absolutely insane for him to say anything remotely flirty or show any interest. At least if he wants to keep his job. We've had that beaten into us with many, many, many years of sexual harassment training.

You'd basically have to give him a notarized letter of sexual intent. And even that might not be enough.

 

[DavidS877]

You'd basically have to give him a notarized letter of sexual intent. And even that might not be enough.

If it works out the problem isn't the guy and the girl. It's when one of the bitter single/divorced women in the company get wind of it and complain to HR even if the couple hasn't done anything actionable at work.

 

[Blobby's Murder Knife]

If he's a coworker he would be absolutely insane for him to say anything remotely flirty or show any interest. At least if he wants to keep his job. We've had that beaten into us with many, many, many years of sexual harassment training.

He's not. I met him off a firearms forum.

 

[Friend of Dorothy Parker]

I slept throughout the day. As in waking up after it looks like midnight outside. I did stay up all night, so some might not say this is a big deal but really this was that moment where I woke up and asked "What the fuck am I doing?".
I'm trying to stay strong, but this season makes things really damn hard. I just want the will to change anything in my life.
I think at the end of the day that's the closest thing to what depression could be summed up as. It's not being sad all of the time.
It's knowing you're fucking up or not taking agency over your life, knowing that it's wrong, and not having the will to change it.
I'm not lazy. I can bust my ass at my job, I can set goals for a day and usually have them accomplished. But all the main big things in my life are such a hurdle. Sleep, food, habits, being creative. I just feel like an observer in my own life.
I don't know a way out of myself. I think it's possible, but I'm just at a loss.
I know I never want this to happen again. And I know I'll tell myself "Never again". But I can still see myself doing the same dumb shit or not doing the shit I need to avoid being in this situation again. Roads are open to me. Paths are available. I just can't walk down any single one of them for more than a couple of days before I get scared.

There's a book I read once - it may or may not be applicable to you, but I would say that the title does relate: "Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway."

Being scared - terrified, even - can feel like hell. But sometimes you can get to the place where you can say, yep, I'm fucking terrified...but I'm going ahead.

Absolutely true that getting sleep, right food, routines, etc., is very important, and each can be a gamechanger in both directions. But if you can refrain from (or tamp down) dwelling on what you didn't get or do or practice or try (yet), and just focus on putting one foot after the next, it can slowly elevate. Not straight-line; there will be setbacks. But what if instead of running back the path you just trod when you get scared, you take a beat and then continue pulling together that next step?

I know what it feels like to feel you're drowning (maybe not same as you, but at least somewhat in the area). And one thing I learned was to shut off the rumination and thoughts of the losses, the difficulty, the failures both past and feared. Sometimes a combo of turning off the thoughts and forgiving yourself for the loss of nerve is enough to bring the other foot forward...and then even if you're not far, you're a step further.

It fucking sucks to know you/your will (or lack) is (at least part of) what is keeping you down. But the more you return to those things and berate yourself for shit you already know has been a negative and is rearing again, the more time you spend spinning.

Look - if your actions/ thoughts/ behaviors/ perspectives/ circumstances have contributed to your feelings of powerlessness, then moving forward is going to mean disregarding all of that history/ habit and semi-blindly forging ahead. You may feel in the dark, but it won't be forever. And if you're not using everything at your disposal, both internal and external, to go forward, you're missing some real power sources. And that's okay...for now, and so long as you don't cross anything off as possibly helpful to you. Take a look at maslow's hierarchy. The lowest thing there that is unhealthy or unfulfilled is where to put 80+% of your energy after continuing to fulfill the things below it. The other things can wait, and ime come naturally as you build the foundation. A couple formulations of the hierarchy:

It doesn't matter if a guy isn't a feminist, we're scared to death of having our names dragged through the mud, and all it takes is one angry woman to get a whole bunch of other women to believe a load of lies and bullshit.

Staaaaahhhhpppp.

I think you know that I think you are a faggot, but let's look at this a moment.

I absoutely do find him sexually and extremely emotionally attractive and he is not some chad meme type, He is just my type. I am not sure how to be more clear without being creepy or doing some bix noods shit. He tells me so much about himself and yet whenever I reassure him he is fine and I want him, he won't accept it.

I wish you the best, but honestly, when you're doing this much work to convince someone of...something, it doesn't sound good.

I admit I'm not well-versed in the ways of the autism or the super-socially uncomfortable, but I certainly made a fool of myself enough times in my youth (and later) to have learned that some things are just better taken at face value. But if you are set on it, then I hope I'm wrong and he just needs time to see the light. It would be fairly unusual, but maybe? Just don't get really invested or be "everything girl" for someone who can't or doesn't want to reciprocate.

Why would women in general create a social situation where a man just asking a woman out could lead to him losing his job and being completely destroyed for incomprehensible cancel culture bullshit?

From you?? I am disappoint.

 

[Harbinger of Kali Yuga]

From you?? I am disappoint.

Staaaaahhhhpppp

The fact that you spent a lot of time on stuff like Maslow's hierarchy but then only try poisoning the well here tells me you know full well of what men worry about and why, you just don't want us to think or talk about it because women like having that kind of power. It's like claiming false rape accusations never happen--every feminist woman on the internet claims that yet every guy knows at least someone it happened to because a woman got spurned or embarrassed, and we know exactly why they pretend it doesn't happen (right up to defending mattress girl even after the truth got out).

 

[Friend of Dorothy Parker]

The fact that you spent a lot of time on stuff like Maslow's hierarchy but then only try poisoning the well here tells me you know full well of what men worry about and why, you just don't want us to think about it because women like having that kind of power.

Darlin'. I thought we had a regard. Oh, well.

I'm not poisoning any well. I more offered a bromide to your acid. If you think what you said wasn't poison...girl, I don't even know what to say. Literally stymied. And on the merits - pfft. The ratio of actionable events I've experienced (even going by the ancient pre-2017 times (lol) standards) vs the reports I've made is approximately 500:0. When you've been reported 500 times for 0 blame worthy actions, then come talk to me. Until then, gtfoh with that bullshit.

But this is not the thread for that. I mentioned maslow's hierarchy for a reasonable and potentially useful reason: prioritization when everything is hitting. So back up and don't go after things that don't concern you.

And my response to you was lighthearted (do you know anyone who says "stahp," much less dragged out, in any way other than in a humorous vein? Hope not.). Now take your cold pricklies* to a place not about people's health & well-being.


*in case you're unfamiliar, Francis, the below is some late-year bastardization of the classic T.A. For Tots book we were fed in the 70s (that, though goofy, did teach kids the beginnings of understanding emotion, impact, etc.,...and transactional analysis. It was a weird yet great time.). You can probably find the original wacky book by searching (just make sure it's TA for Tots, not...for kids.)

 

[Blobby's Murder Knife]

I wish you the best, but honestly, when you're doing this much work to convince someone of...something, it doesn't sound good.

I am just, hmm. Why would a guy go through all this work for nothing, I suppose. I am fine cutting him loose, but I guess I want to understand what went wrong here for future interactions.

 

[Johann Gambolputty...]

Payday: "I'm rich BITCH!
Three days before payday: "Spare a quarter?"

Me, basically.

 

[DavidS877]

I am just, hmm. Why would a guy go through all this work for nothing, I suppose. I am fine cutting him loose, but I guess I want to understand what went wrong here for future interactions.

Maybe he's just waiting for the other shoe to drop.

Hey, she likes me, I should ask her out.

"Oh, when I said attractive. I meant like a brother." or. the ever popular "I don't think my boyfriend would like that."

 

[Doctor John B. Zyklon]

I hate this shit so much because in the end it means women like me have to be the aggressors at the very least and it sucks so much.

Situation caused by women. Women most affected, blame men.

Again, not all guys are super into doing this either; but someone has to. So take the fucking lead if you're actually interested and see what happens. Or squaller, I don't care.

Bumble's selling point, the woman messaging first.

Which is hilarious, because they're still bad at it. "Hey", one-sided conversations.

If this guy is a co-worker, consider that he's also being extra cautious.

This. I'd really like to ask a girl out at work, but holy fuck.

We've had that beaten into us with many, many, many years of sexual harassment training.

FWIW this isn't entirely true. You're fine to ask them out, but don't "cross the line". You're still opening yourself up to trouble though. Whether it's within the rules or not, you know how things go.

You'd basically have to give him a notarized letter of sexual intent. And even that might not be enough.

Agreed. Also I fucking hate pugs; but your avatars always make me smile. I think the best was the pug in a snow suit blowing snow or w/e. When are we getting a calendar?

"I don't think my boyfriend would like that."

Asked someone to go to an event. "I don't think my boyfriend would like it if I went on a date with you"...it was to go to a thing, not a date; but ok.

 

[Friend of Dorothy Parker]

I am just, hmm. Why would a guy go through all this work for nothing, I suppose. I am fine cutting him loose, but I guess I want to understand what went wrong here for future interactions.

Well...what work has he "gone through"?

Asked someone to go to an event. "I don't think my boyfriend would like it if I went on a date with you"...it was to go to a thing, not a date; but ok.

Going to an event with someone isn't a date? I mean, a date is not a betrothal, but there's a difference between, "hey, lifelong pal, I have to go to this thing, can you just be there as my bud so people don't think I can't get a date" and "hey, lady, wanna go to this thing.". The second thing is a date.

 

[Doctor John B. Zyklon]

Going to an event with someone isn't a date? I mean, a date is not a betrothal, but there's a difference between, "hey, lifelong pal, I have to go to this thing, can you just be there as my bud so people don't think I can't get a date" and "hey, lady, wanna go to this thing.". The second thing is a date.

Going to a see a speaker is not a date. An event does not mean a date-worthy event.
Because it's evident I have to make it clear; no one gives a damn if you are single or not at a lecture.

 

[LonesomeDud]

It has been something of a burden. I am having back pain that is getting progressively worse. I should go to the doctor. I know. I am not old. (Well-south of 50, in fact.) When I wake up, I cannot fully straighten my back for about 15 minutes and am stuck in a C shape. It is very unpleasant. I would rate it 4/10 pain, unignorable, and I can't immediately go running or easily get down on the floor.

My first thought is I should change my diet and increase exercise. Did both, and have given it three months. Have tried ibuprofen until it started bothering my stomach, and acetaminophen before bed does seem to help, but does not eliminate that this happens in the morning. I use cold and hot packs for the extremely minor day pain when it is "bad" (3/10) and it is 100% effective 100% of the time. It is only the morning pain. I bought a new mattress... Twice. I changed pillows a multitude of times in a number of ways, but still it continues.

I am interested in any solution that does not involve visiting a doctor or involve really far-reaching woo.