How are you doing? - Kiwi Farms Wellness Check

[HOMO FOR LIFE RETURNS]

I got 50k raise.

 

[(((I am NOT a jew)))]

Today was pretty dank.
Finished up my work halfway through the shift and walked outside and sat on a balcony in perfect sunny weather with just the right amount of wind and chill, drank some Dr. Pepper and listened to some city pop.
Came back in and the dude who pretends to be manager and reports everything to the actual one assailed me.
"So you've been outside for the past twenty minutes and you didn't clock out for break?"
I just nodded and had a big shit eating grin.
It was funny because this same man goes outside 5 times a night for 5-10 minutes at a time at least, and everyone else takes off for the same amount of time to go smoke blunts.
If I get confronted about it by the actual manager, I'm going to say as such and tell him I thought I should be able to enjoy the same liberties as everyone else.
I just didn't really care that much. It felt really damn nice.
Just feeling the wind on my face and watching the surroundings and not giving a shit about if somebody bitched about me felt really damn nice.

 

[56 others]

I have learned I walk weird today from zoomers

 

[Forsaken Wanderer]

@Friend of Dorothy Parker Are you seriously happy giving away so much of your life and sacrificing your health to work long hours? What is it all for? You must see some sort of light at the end of the tunnel that keeps you motivated?

Josh is not correct and you can't just find things to be happy about. If your life doesn't contain anything in it that gives you pleasant emotions then there is no way to fake them. Some people have things in their life that make it worth living, others have nothing but pain and misery. There is no universal pleasure in living and it's not a given that you will be able to find something that provides joy.

I don't think I am asking too much from life. If truly this is my lot in life then it's all entirely a waste. I wouldn't have made it far in the wild but in the cubicle space we are kept on life support as another soul to keep the tax farms running.

I can't think of a single thing other than the farms that isn't dead to me. I still enjoy things that were made in the past however, and year by year I grow more nostalgic. I'm watching through Retsupurae again and it's just as funny as it was in the 00s. Everything has been ruined, and it has been that way for a long time. I gave up watching new media 15 years ago and it looks like games and movies have only gotten worse since.

I don't know what the meaning to life is but it's certainly not living a groundhog day cycle of work chores work chores work chores until your psyche is utterly raped and stripped away and you end up nothing but a lobotomized zombie. How many of us actually get to have a personality during the week and be more than a mindless automaton. Take away the ability to earn wealth, take away ethnicity, country, culture, our future, a family, what the hell are are we working for now that all of it has been taken away from us?

@(((I am NOT a jew))) by trying to escape purgatory for a year and then failing did you not prove your point wrong? I'm not trying to be negative but it doesn't sound like you got to walk off into the sunset a changed man.

The big problem is that physically there is no chance to do anything with our lives and I'm sure this was ultimately your undoing as well. We have lost most of our time, most of our ticking clocks are wasted doing things we hate for a a pittance, there is no balance. I can't go and do anything I want to do because by the time work and chores are done for the day it's late and I'm tired and I'm already eating into my short sleep time. They have got us trapped not in a prison of concrete and metal bars but a hell with infinite boundaries.

The left are chasing phantoms. The Jew pied pipers told them they could consume more than ever if they just help fight the esoteric boogey men and this endless hunt for nothing has made them bitter and miserable. They have no idea what reality is. I know what the elites that occupy our countries have planned for us and it's not pretty. Ignoring what is happening around us doesn't do any good when the walls are closing in fast. We can no longer separate current events from our own little worlds.

And I am not in Canada but another hellhole, an island that has also got "anti conversion theory" laws snuck in a week or two after the leafs did.

 

[(((I am NOT a jew)))]

@(((I am NOT a jew))) by trying to escape purgatory for a year and then failing did you not prove your point wrong? I'm not trying to be negative but it doesn't sound like you got to walk off into the sunset a changed man.

No... you're just being a fuddy duddy faggot.
Yes, there are days that are unbearable and hard and I fear for the future.
But I also remember that a year or two ago I had absolutely NOTHING going for me.
And I also didn't really have a lot of help even getting here.

They have got us trapped not in a prison of concrete and metal bars but a hell with infinite boundaries.

You have a fucking house and probably even a car. Do you know how much I'd kill for having just a shitty car?
Do you know what it's like to have to live in a meth house because you can't even rely on your own family? Or to know your only means of transportation is a malignant tumor of a human being that actively enjoys abusing you?
Do you know the feeling to just desperately want a one bedroom apartment/tiny house/shitty trailer or even a goddamn car to sleep in
for yourself so you didn't have to deal with the psychopathy that is other people?

Here's a question. If you really hate the establishment and system that fucking much, why'd you buy into it? Nobody said you had to get that house with that fat mortgage. It's amazing to me the amount of people who don't have families who try to buy the same shit they know they can't afford. If you really hated that lifestyle and didn't have anyone to support, you could have saved your money and traveled the world for a couple of years.
If you hate your cubicle job, try kitchen work. Or landscaping. Or give up the house and become a monk.
But instead you did the same mistake most people do now, you tried to get shit you didn't need so you could larp as some tradcon like your parents or their grandparents. The ones with such strong christian values they willingly sold the future of their children and allowed their offspring to starve in the streets.

Ignoring what is happening around us doesn't do any good when the walls are closing in fast. We can no longer separate current events from our own little worlds.

That's cool. Are you going to do anything about that.
As in anything? At all?
Are you going to start a protest? Do some fedposting? Set yourself on fire as an act of defiance? Throw yourself on the line to stand up for something and possibly lose that job and house you hate?
Anything?

I can't think of a single thing other than the farms that isn't dead to me. I still enjoy things that were made in the past however, and year by year I grow more nostalgic. I'm watching through Retsupurae again and it's just as funny as it was in the 00s. Everything has been ruined, and it has been that way for a long time. I gave up watching new media 15 years ago and it looks like games and movies have only gotten worse since.

That's fine. The 2000s' were great and should be remembered fondly. But have you tried anything other than the newest capeshit?
Godzilla Minus One was phenomenal. The Iron Claw brought me to tears. Silent Night is a badass vigilante movie from John fucking Woo. An Elephant Sitting Still is one of the greatest films I've ever seen. The Holdovers is a really human drama. Thanksgiving is a fun slasher that isn't woke at all. Terrifier 2 is an amazing tribute to 80s' italian horror. The Worst Person in the World was profoundly moving. All this stuff and plenty more I've seen have come out in the last 4/5 years, mostly the last year.
There's amazing art everywhere if you look for it. And if you're nostalgic, there's rereleases happening everywhere for classics. I've seen so many great old films the past year on the big screen I can't even believe it.

The Jew pied pipers told them they could consume more than ever if they just help fight the esoteric boogey men and this endless hunt for nothing has made them bitter and miserable.

Are you doing that much better?

The big problem is that physically there is no chance to do anything with our lives and I'm sure this was ultimately your undoing as well.

My "undoing"?
Touch grass.
I didn't fail. I haven't floundered. I am doing better than any other time in my life. 90% of my issues aren't even things I'm experiencing right now, but from dealing with the pain of the past and knowing I could have been a lot happier much sooner if I had changed my perspective.
Yeah, I have moments of despair and deep isolation and pain. But I haven't lost or had my point proven wrong at all. Every day I get up and try to fight, try to make things a little easier for my fellow man, and improve from the person I was, I'm succeeding.

I know I'm being a dick but I get legitimately tired of seeing people with significantly more than me bitching about how there's no hope and nothing to be happy about. I have very little in terms of material possessions or even human connections going for me compared to me, but I find myself being grateful for the things I do have.
People have managed to be happy during times of absolute poverty, war and control. People have managed to make things better for themselves despite being in authoritarian shitholes. People have raised children and communities with strong ideals and faith in areas and times of oppression and censorship.
If you don't like your lot in life and what's going on around you, you have to fight really goddamn hard to change things for yourself.

View attachment enu5mt5j9ea51.webp

 

[Friend of Dorothy Parker]

Are you seriously happy giving away so much of your life and sacrificing your health to work long hours? What is it all for? You must see some sort of light at the end of the tunnel that keeps you motivated?

You're assuming quite a bit here. I am doing what I want to do. I'm not stressed or burdened by my work - I'm motivated, engaged, and energized, and ymmv, I guess, but feeling motivated, engaged, and energized is typically a great thing. So yes, I'm happy. Happy doesn't have to wait until perfect.

And I do have some specific goals, yes, that create motivation, and I'm focused on them. I've gotten into a position where that is available to me. So I'm on a steep curve that requires a lot of extra effort - driven by me, myself, because I want to master this area I'm going to be taking over. Professionally, I want to be excellent. I want to do excellent work. I want to make things, and make things better. I want to move up, sooner rather than later. And I want more money, and the only way that happens in large jumps is to move up.

As for time - there are a LOT of hours in a week. I do agree that pulling semi-frequent all-nighters or late, late nights is not healthy as a habit, so I'm aiming to develop some discipline around that. But I'll still do it when need be. It's not an expectation from the job, but I have high quality standards, so I go the extra mile rather than turning out "good enough" product. I aim to exceed, not just get by. I want more, so I do more.

This is my chosen focus right now. I've simplified my life. My kids are young adults in college; I'm down to one pet instead of several we once had; I have chosen not to date much in the last year and have no drama. I have more time on my hands than in the last 20+ years. I need to get my literal and metaphorical house in order, but otherwise, my efforts beyond my children are directed at work and my own personal interests, both practical and leisure. And there is plenty of time for leisure - I have a couple concerts coming up, and this weekend I'm starting to plan a vacation abroad to a place I've never been. This weekend I'll also be (finally) documenting out both my personal and my professional goals for the year. And watching the Superbowl, doing some cooking for that, and doing laundry (which I fucking hate, but can no longer avoid). You'll notice my plans are a balance of obligations and interests - there is time. And I waste a shit-ton of time, tbh, as my comment count and average length on KF will attest. There is time.

So what is it I'm sacrificing by pursuing my professional goals in a slightly OTT way? Who owns me but me? You see, if I'm driving, I'm not being driven.

Josh is not correct and you can't just find things to be happy about. If your life doesn't contain anything in it that gives you pleasant emotions then there is no way to fake them. Some people have things in their life that make it worth living, others have nothing but pain and misery. There is no universal pleasure in living and it's not a given that you will be able to find something that provides joy.

Sometimes finding joy, or enjoyment, requires effort, and learning to loosen up and take it where you find it. I can find joy in watching a toad hop around. I find joy and satisfaction in an excellent book, in actually reaching a minor exercise goal, in being awful at some new sport activity I'm learning, in listening to owls hoot at each other, in a weird conversation with a random stranger. I mean - small joys are everywhere. And trust, I've experienced periods so down that those things were as like to make me cry as to smile, but there was still joy in them. ...I am not suggesting someone is "wrong" for not feeling joy, just that it is there to be found. What I am saying is that life is not inherently empty or joyless. And I question what is the value of insisting it is.

until your psyche is utterly raped and stripped away and you end up nothing but a lobotomized zombie.

Come on, now. That's a bit hyperbolic. Especially when you're talking about the cubicle life.

How many of us actually get to have a personality during the week and be more than a mindless automaton.

I do! Yes, of course I have ridiculous bureaucratic requirements that are annoying af, and I have to calculate how I present myself or things I want to get done, but OK. That's the language of work. It doesn't mean I can't also have my own style or personality, or enjoy a laugh with a coworker.

What's keeping you - other than your position of decided dissatisfaction - from having a personality? And even if it's not really expressed at work, what about the other 120 hours of the week? Or 100 hours, taking out time for commute/getting ready for work. Or 50 hours, allowing for 8 hours of sleep/night? Or 40 hours, taking out the worst chores? That's the same amount of time as the number of standard work hours in a week. You say the work time crushes you, but why do those hours have more power than the ones you have for yourself? (One reason is the lack of choice about them, and another could be which hours they are, but I'm making a point about perception.)

Take away the ability to earn wealth, take away ethnicity, country, culture, our future, a family, what the hell are are we working for now that all of it has been taken away from us?

All of that is available. Maybe in different ways or formats than you think it ought to be, but humans are best when adaptable. Pretty sure Darwin had a few ideas on that concept.

As for the rest, @(((I am NOT a jew)))
said it well.

 

[Betonhaus]

Might have a good chance at an opportunity that would be game changing, but requires me to track down my high school and college transcripts and that's going to take a little while

 

[Harbinger of Kali Yuga]

A family member asked Alexa why Jews built tunnels under New York and Alexa answered some bullshit about how the tunnels stretched all the way across and under the Hudson river because the Jews were tired of paying the tolls.

We couldn't get her to repeat that response.

 

[(((I am NOT a jew)))]

I think I should post these pages again so I can better show my point I was trying to make yesterday.
That conversation made me pick up The Killing Joke and scan the ending again. Despite the fact that Alan Moore is a colossal faggot now, I think his earlier works have a very strong anti-nihilism message in them.
I think this dialogue is a good example of the kind of ways you can look at life.
There have always been people who are blackpilled and see everything as pointless and a big joke. That's not a new phenomenon. And the joke is, it's very easy to go down that road if you let yourself. But for all the people that go down this road, there's also plenty that look at how bleak and terrible the world is and see that as a sign to do something to actively make the world a better place.
It's up to you on which one you decide to be. But don't act like everyone has to be like you.

Forsaken Wanderer​

I'm not going to lie, I was little peeved last night at how you reacted to people actively trying to help you and saying I had failed or had an "undoing". But I understand because I get in that state a lot of times myself.
That conversation made me realize how ungrateful I've been for a lot of things lately. Even though I become a Shinji sometimes, I'm doing objectively pretty okay. I've done well for myself. Nobody on the autistic fruit forum had to give me advice or help but plenty have. I just watched Gurren Lagann in theaters a couple of nights ago, I'm going up to see my family soon and I'm about to get drunk and try to have a decent night because I'm off for the next couple days.
Yeah there's probably going to be some genderqueer non-binary black woman recast in some franchise I like soon, and there's awful people who run the world, but I can't do much about that right now. But if I kill myself or even worse, stop trying to have any engagement with life whatsoever, that's when they actually win.

The whole meme behind "We're All Gonna Make It" isn't that we're all going to be rockstars and overcome our neurosis completely. The joke, we're not all gonna make it by those standards. In fact, a good chunk of us won't. But that's not why we're all gonna make it. Making it is accepting that life is difficult, being dealt a rough hand, and still accepting that and fighting on regardless. Not making it is just swearing defeat to the corporate overlords and accepting your life will never advance beyond the stage it's been in.
We're all gonna make it if we fight the shitty thoughts and arguments for why it seems like we're in a losing battle (even if those thoughts seem almost overtly and truly logical). The active want to try to make your life better (as well as some others) is beautiful in and of itself, regardless of how fruitful the endeavor seems sometimes. Even if you're not returning complete material gains, the pursuit and absolute drive to fight on is "making it", even in spite (and more so, BECAUSE) of it all seeming pointless.

So I'm going to try to make a pledge that I'm not going to doompost or act as much like a faggot anymore unless something truly worthy of feeling fucked up about comes my way.
Anyone on here feel free to call me out if I go back on my word.

 

[Kilo Riley]

I’m going to be an uncle. My brother just called me and told me. I just don’t even have the words, it’s so amazing after all we’ve been through both together and apart to see him so happy and fulfilled.

 

[anustart76]

My boss chewed out my colleague for realizing there was a problem with something we were close to completing. When our seniormost guy (our old manager, who outranks the current manager) reminded her that we're doing something new and extremely complex, and that we expected to run into problems like this, she kept refusing to accept it with a vague "well still we should know about these things earlier." I'm really getting sick of her shit.

I think I should post these pages again so I can better show my point I was trying to make yesterday.
That conversation made me pick up The Killing Joke and scan the ending again. Despite the fact that Alan Moore is a colossal faggot now, I think his earlier works have a very strong anti-nihilism message in them.
I think this dialogue is a good example of the kind of ways you can look at life.

I do love that comic. And I love how after everything, Batman still wants to help Joker at the end.

A family member asked Alexa why Jews built tunnels under New York and Alexa answered some bullshit about how the tunnels stretched all the way across and under the Hudson river because the Jews were tired of paying the tolls.

We couldn't get her to repeat that response.

Best I could get:

 

[Coelacanth]

Well my week's been pretty shit.

Lost a family member who was extremely close. Parents decided to go to the funeral while I stayed behind to take care of the animals (though I sent the relatives a card to open on the day of the funeral). Had builders in next door (WITHOUT telling me) and it's been nothing but chaos, trembling floors and builders who're tone deaf. Lost three of my poor arachnids to bad molts, had to go back to doctors because my illnesses are worsening (to which they just shrugged their shoulders and did nothing), discovered the hospital has done literally nothing with my blood tests and my electricity bill has gone up by OVER £800 despite not using that much more electricity than usual.

I'm so fucking exhausted.

 

[Betonhaus]

Bit the bullet and talked to an armed forces recruitment officer and it does seem more promising then all of the months I've spent trying and failing to find a job. It'll be a slow process with lots of hoops but between the recruitment shortfall and me being flexible in which division I get into, I should get accepted.

There are likely negatives considering current world politics, but as long as I keep my head down money will not be an issue anymore.

 

[DavidS877]

Bit the bullet and talked to an armed forces recruitment officer and it does seem more promising then all of the months I've spent trying and failing to find a job. It'll be a slow process with lots of hoops but between the recruitment shortfall and me being flexible in which division I get into, I should get accepted.

There are likely negatives considering current world politics, but as long as I keep my head down money will not be an issue anymore.

It's all well and good until a senile old man orders you to bomb Texas.
Or, in your case, Alberta.
(As I recall you're not in the US)

 

[Betonhaus]

It's all well and good until a senile old man orders you to bomb Texas.
Or, in your case, Alberta.
(As I recall you're not in the US)

Not like I'll have much of a choice with the way the job market is going. I am placing my hopes on the chance that bu the time I deploy politics start shifting on the other direction and by the time I'm discharged veterans get rights and respect, but the chances of that are slim

 

[The Early 2000s]

I'm sick with the flu. Hopefully I stay this way tomorrow so I have an excuse not to go into the office.

Been thinking about actually getting into the dating scene now that I have my degree and career, but I don't have a car and I rent a room so I'm not really a catch atm lol. I'm desperate for an early spring season so I can get those things in order, and start improving my personal life rather than my work life. Just need to be patient...

 

[Shadfan666xxx000]

Bit the bullet and talked to an armed forces recruitment officer and it does seem more promising then all of the months I've spent trying and failing to find a job. It'll be a slow process with lots of hoops but between the recruitment shortfall and me being flexible in which division I get into, I should get accepted.

There are likely negatives considering current world politics, but as long as I keep my head down money will not be an issue anymore.

If you're really serious about this then go into the Air Force. The wait time will be longer but its worth it.

 

[DavidS877]

If you're really serious about this then go into the Air Force. The wait time will be longer but its worth it.

Better yet, if you have one, the Space Force, until your country has to go to war over Mars.

 

[Shadfan666xxx000]

Better yet, if you have one, the Space Force, until your country has to go to war over Mars.

Sounds nice but all the cute bitches are in the Air Force.

 

[ThisOldHaus]

Work was a shitshow. Nearly half of our trucks are at fleet for repairs due to overtime. We're in overtime due to losing 7 people in the past month: 5 fired, 1 retired, 1 quit. The thing that keeps me coming back is the stability of the work and the paycheck. It could always be worse, but damn if it ain't stressful.