How are you doing? - Kiwi Farms Wellness Check

[Disgruntled Pupper]

I am very sorry for the loss/losses you are experiencing, and however you got to a place you don't feel good about, I truly hope you find your way through that, and the job or education challenges as well, and to a good place. Loss can be a raw, terrible feeling.

Thank you for being kind

 

[Swine Schwein]

my future is literally nothing but a sitting in a shitty apartment and living alone while working a job I'm apathetic towards. I'm fucked, short and simple, and I got here through my own choices so don't feel too bad for me.

"Blessed are you who are poor, for yours is the kingdom of God.

Blessed are you who are hungry now, for you shall be satisfied.

Blessed are you who weep now, for you shall laugh."


God bless you and your loved ones.

 

[Guntanator]

One of my oldest friends told me that they think all these lolcows I follow make me depressed. I don't think so but all the normies seem to think it's a problem to observe and laugh. Was she right? Idk. Kinda questioning everything right now. Ofc I have hobbies. I have a zillion hobbies, but nothing hits like reading lolcow drama. Is it really that bad and unhealthy?

 

[Brain Power]

Someone had the excellent idea of not turning off their car after parking it outside. It's almost 4 AM, I'm out of earplugs and I can't sleep from the "BRRRRRRRRRRRRRR" noise.

 

[Betonhaus]

I think I might aim for my next job being part time. I can budget for that and I'm getting concerned that I'm not able to handle most full time jobs at the moment

 

[(((I am NOT a jew)))]

Well, guys... here's some random thoughts.

Spoiler: You know it's amazing the legwork I can do when I actually just commit and don't let motherfuckers get in my way

I'm overall happier than I've probably ever been in my life. As pretentious as it sounds, sometimes I wonder if it's real. Like... this is a dream, right? I'm not religious or into any supernatural beliefs, but the one really absurdist idea I had was I used to think I was having a nightmare I couldn't wake up from, or that I died and was in hell. I truly believed this. What happened? Did the dreamer have a dream within the nightmare? Did I wake up? Is this heaven? I just look around and things are overall better. I've gone from complete incel doomer loser to being around cool people, doing things I've wanted for a long time. There's just been a couple nights where I'm like... Well here I am, somehow. This is happening. It's like the fastest powercreep ever, but in reality. Countless lonely nights and toiling and busting my ass, climbing a mountain with no sign of a peak, to just randomly find myself at the top, the rock I chipped away at constantly with no give just pulverized in a second it seems. It's so fucking weird. The joke is I know it's not random and I can pinpoint the exact moment things shifted.

It's really a depressing thought to know giving up on your parents is the best thing you ever did for yourself. It breaks me a bit to know there's a hole that will never be filled. It's painful to know giving up on the one thing you wanted more than anything is the most integral part to making your life better. I like to believe that I can force my way through anything through willpower or just having the right mindset; so knowing there's literally nothing I could do to have the relationship I want with my family destroys me a lot. At least now that I know the reaction will be the same no matter what, I can make the right choices to avoid the pain. It just feels so wrong, though. My life is better now. But I know deep down that I could be a millionaire, be in my dream career, be living in a beautiful house and have a harem of women around me... and that I would still trade it all away in a second to be able to spend one day with my mom the way I knew her as a boy. I would trade every day of the rest of my life to feel that warmth just one more time....
I miss my momma.

... Everything's moving too fast. Not just in the typical "It's almost May already?" way. The time for the move is approaching and everything is going just fine now. Because of course it has to be going perfectly, now. Maybe I could postpone it yet again but do I really want to be the guy who's life becomes a running gag of "Will he move on with his life this episode?". Just hate how this shit works. Everything starts working out for me the second I have a drive to change my life, knowing all that positive change ultimately came from wanting to change things. I lowkey hate this weirdly semi-peaceful purgatory I've made for myself. Knowing I could cash in the chips and live a somewhat okay life for the first time ever or I could go all in and reach for more. I know most people don't even get that luxury of choosing risk. I should be so lucky.

Generally really exhausted. I get up in the morning and hear my body and just say "Hey, that shouldn't be making that sound just yet." Generally I feel like I'm drowning. I love actually having people in my life but I didn't realize how tiring being around everyone can be. Sometimes I just want to lay down and just have a day to myself. I kind of like the frenetic, hustling vibe. I feel like I'm on a really high level in an arcade game or I somehow started doing a really awesome endless combo on someone and people are rooting me on and I can't afford to lose steam right now. I kind of love the results but oh my god does the exhaustion hit sometimes.

I think I haven't figured out the conundrums and difficult questions of life or our times, probably because I don't think there's any actual decent answers for them anymore. However, I'm keeping myself distracted, which seems to be the one thing that helps. There's times I look at the price of houses or I think about the future left to my generation or hear the news and really despair... but for the most part I try to do the "live my best life" routine and not think too hard about it. Sometimes I feel selfish for not caring so much. Maybe I should be pulling some Che Guevera shit, running a revolution, but for the most part I can't really care too much right now.

However, I have solidified my thoughts about moving out of country in the next few years. Not just because of whatever culture war shit is happening in the week, but I just am generally exhausted by a lot of american society anymore. People seem more vapid and boring outside of my immediate circle and I just think I'd feel more at home in a different culture. Don't know where, but I think my major plans for the next couple years would be traveling and finding a place I'd feel comfortable moving to. Maybe I just haven't found the right place in the states, but it's worth looking.

So overall, things are quite good. I'd say the best they've been in probably... half a decade. I've made ridiculously strong strides in a short while. I've somehow started meeting the standards I've had for myself. I'm proud of myself.

Also, this song hits quite different when you play it on repeat at the lowest point in your life and then keep playing it when things start looking up.

 

[melty]

One of my oldest friends told me that they think all these lolcows I follow make me depressed. I don't think so but all the normies seem to think it's a problem to observe and laugh. Was she right? Idk. Kinda questioning everything right now. Ofc I have hobbies. I have a zillion hobbies, but nothing hits like reading lolcow drama. Is it really that bad and unhealthy?

Sometimes I take a break from here if it's bringing me down or someone says something like that. Some threads do have a negative effect.

 

[(((I am NOT a jew)))]

Sometimes I take a break from here if it's bringing me down or someone says something like that. Some threads do have a negative effect.

Agreed, I think taking a break from here was a big part in the glow-up that's happened recently. Even reading over the last couple pages of stuff going on in people's lives kind of brings me down a bit, if only if it's because the empathy is strong.

Again, I wonder sometimes if it's just ignorance and selfishness to go about your day without paying attention to the news. It does disturb me some of the shit going on right now, but I don't know what me caring about it can really do to solve it. I think the best thing that helps is circumventing it for me. Moving to a different country or being in a job/place where I can feel free I feel gives me some peace of mind even if the rest of the world is burning down. Probably not the best thing to do in the long run but again, I think sometimes it's just about keeping yourself afloat.

The man who troubles himself with the world's ills usually is the type to try to run a marathon before walking a mile.

 

[Juan But Not Forgotten]

Tried some advice from a youtube therapist and surprisingly my mood went up in the sky. If keeping my skull jelly has actually been so easy all this time then I am in a loss for words. So much time wasted, but at least I can enjoy my hard earned weekend. Take care, people.

 

[Dieter Laser]

Things are going fairly well and my MRB is starting to take off a bit.

My doctor switched up my meds a bit and it’s still feeling kinda weird, but I think it’s helping.

Wishing all of you an amazing weekend. Going to play D&D later today and spend Sunday with my pets.

 

[bliblblblbbllb]

I think I might aim for my next job being part time. I can budget for that and I'm getting concerned that I'm not able to handle most full time jobs at the moment

I used to work just two back to back 12hr shifts per week and it was glorious. I tended to pick up some extra hours so my average was about 30, and to me the extra days off was worth the difference between 30 and 40. I could basically forget that I had a job.

I also highly recommend a 7am-3pm or otherwise a shift earlier rather than later. To me, a 9-5 just takes away your entire day. Very few people can work 9-5 and actually wake up even earlier to go grocery shopping or whatever at 7AM. But when you get off at 5pm, the only thing you'll want to do is go buy dinner instead of cooking yourself. But when you get off work at 3pm and still have hours of sunshine, you'll feel up to running your errands and going places and doing things after work.

I am in a good circumstance to quit my job soon. I kinda have to resist doing it in a mean way. It's hard to go to work with that in your back pocket. "I can just quit.... I can just quit....."

 

[Guntanator]

Sometimes I take a break from here if it's bringing me down or someone says something like that. Some threads do have a negative effect.

I don't "feel" like these threads bring me down tho. I'm not walking around mad as hell about gorlworld characters I'm just waiting for the drama to unfold. That's why I'm confused about the comment.

Agreed, I think taking a break from here was a big part in the glow-up that's happened recently. Even reading over the last couple pages of stuff going on in people's lives kind of brings me down a bit, if only if it's because the empathy is strong.

Again, I wonder sometimes if it's just ignorance and selfishness to go about your day without paying attention to the news. It does disturb me some of the shit going on right now, but I don't know what me caring about it can really do to solve it. I think the best thing that helps is circumventing it for me. Moving to a different country or being in a job/place where I can feel free I feel gives me some peace of mind even if the rest of the world is burning down. Probably not the best thing to do in the long run but again, I think sometimes it's just about keeping yourself afloat.

The man who troubles himself with the world's ills usually is the type to try to run a marathon before walking a mile.

Thank you both. The person further clarified and said they thought that one particular cow was depressing. Im thinking it was more of a projection now. I appreciate your genuine responses.

 

[Friend of Dorothy Parker]

I worked like a dog this week (including working Wednesday 6 am - Friday 9 pm with 3 hours' sleep total), which is nuts, but I completed everything I had to, leaving me with a clear conscience for the weekend. Some frustrations in the week/work, but I executed, and I slept like a baby last night. Today I get to see my parents and one of my kids . And tomorrow I will work, but more planning and development than grind.

Also good this week - my dreadful ex-husband and I have actually had a decent couple of conversations about proper and for once coordinated parenting things. And I will cautiously compliment him on actually participating, and doing so in a calm and productive way, which is a literal first. Not holding my breath it will last, but just being able to align when it matters and for the benefit of our children was a relief.

 

[Triple Flutz]

We were saying goodbye to the kids for a sleepover at my in-laws' house, I went to put in the middle kid in the car and my husband took the eldest child whilst my MIL put the baby in his car seat in the house, and she went out for a quick second to check on our progress to figure out when to bring out the baby, and our stupid fucking front door decided to stop functioning, with the baby in his bucket seat. I guess the deadbolt stopped retracting? Anyway, we're retards and didn't bring the key because hello, the front door was unlocked, so I go around and check all windows and other house doors which are, naturally, locked thinking about my poor baby all alone wondering where tf his family went, my FIL checks for his spare key and realizes it's on his truck keyset and they're using my MIL's car, he starts driving back whilst I test out the garage door and find it unlocked.
The door from the garage to inside the house is also locked, but we figure it's the less annoying one to beat down if need be. My husband picks up a chisel and a hammer to play inner city youth simulator on our front door just in case it works so we don't have to buy a whole-ass door and because he really wants a day together alone, whilst I rummage through the garage in case there's a spare key. I start getting a bit worried about the baby since it's been almost 10 minutes and he's still developmentally appropriately clingy, and just as I start thinking about what door would be cheapest to replace, my husband opens the inside door to the garage with a well-earned shit-eating grin because his plan worked with no damage to the door. Baby didn't even notice we were gone and is still kicking his feet and laughing, thank God.
Enough excitement for the weekend, lmao. Definitely replacing that stupid fucking thing today.

 

[Catgirl Fornicator]

Trying to write a science fiction story to turn into a game and start by throwing out short blurbs into a timeline to give context to the story.

Google docs cant do a bulletin list right.
Microsoft word cant do a bulletin list right.
Libreoffice is terrible to use in general.
Kiwifarms can't do a bulletin list right.

I am forced to use fucking notepad of all things because it doesn't try to autoformat everything and it makes me MATI.

All I want is "highlight text"
"press bullet list button"
*BOOM*
• That's a bulletin item just like it used to work in older versions of Office.

• None of this "Highlight text"
"press bullet list button"
*BOOM*
Bulletins the last several paragraphs/bulletin items together and the number is at the top of the fucking page
This includes the title of the document for some reason. Autism.

 

[Harvey Danger]

I'm super, thanks for asking!

 

[eatler]

Google docs cant do a bulletin list right.
Microsoft word cant do a bulletin list right.
Libreoffice is terrible to use in general.
Kiwifarms can't do a bulletin list right.

Word and other typing apps went to shit after the became apps instead of something you downloaded from a disk. Half of the time I can’t get the files to save right either. Cometh the day of the great EMP, return to typewriter.

 

[Peewee Herman]

One of my oldest friends told me that they think all these lolcows I follow make me depressed. I don't think so but all the normies seem to think it's a problem to observe and laugh. Was she right? Idk. Kinda questioning everything right now. Ofc I have hobbies. I have a zillion hobbies, but nothing hits like reading lolcow drama. Is it really that bad and unhealthy?

I think that whether observing and documenting different lolcows is healthy or not. Depends a lot on how invested you are in them and why the cow is on Kiwifarms. I personally try to follow light hearted lolcows who are just weird people posting too much about their lives on the web rather than focus on the horrorcows or the really disturbing shit. Because getting too invested in someone gloating about hurting children or animals will absolutely fuck you up mentally.

If you just keep things positive and not take any of it too seriously then it's just like reality TV for internet people.

 

[Mayor Cody Travers]

I was doing my usual volunteering at the shelter. The big friendly orange spotted-and-white cat that was stuck there before I started in early January, who reminded me a ton of one in my childhood with his size and laid back attitude, finally got adopted because I was hyping him up like I always do. He’ll go to a nice home with two other younger cats to hang with. I'm really happy for him and saw him off with a goodbye.

I'm going to need to post and ask for serious perspectives on a completely different front sometime soon. Like, really, I will have to probably powerlevel there and ask for some brutal, ugly honesty both for and against me. But for now.... I'll say re-focusing myself on my fitness, the shelter, my own pets, beginning to work on a nucleus of a storybook idea that's gnawed inside my head for a bit, and a couple good friends (including one from the Farms. God forbid) is helping my attitude and moving on a lot from a couple months back when I broke down over "Overwhelming-presence-in-my-life ex-Best Friend/ex Girlfriend" tossing me aside like garbage. I wish she'd realize how fucked up that was, but eh, we all know odds are low there.

 

[Aljam]

Do not ever cut SNRIs cold turkey or you'll end up having seizures and be in a coma for a week and wonder "what happened? How did I get tard wrangled again?"